Title: Dear Diary, Part 2/?
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feeback: Pretty please? It's so good to hear what you think! (good or bad)
Rating: PG-13 (for now anyway)
Category: Jake and Hamilton (for ever...)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I only get to own Hamilton in my wildest fantasies!
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventure at Rawley?
Spoilers: Kinda pointless now...
Thanks: As always to Ev for being a great sounding board. And to my husband who still has not divorced me as a result of my YA obsession. (He is, however, trying to convince the folks at Betty Ford that I belong there...)
Wednesday, July 26, 2000
I should be happy that the letter got mailed, but yesterday started out weird and only went downhill. When I went to get my bike, it was gone! Yep, that perfect hiding spot that Mr. I-Know-Everything-Here showed me wasn't so perfect. I found him out on the lawn reading. If I hadn't been in such a panic, I would have had a hard time getting past how he looked. But after a rough start (he has no idea how to act around me now), he agreed to help me get it back. He thinks the groundskeeper has it. We're going after it tomorrow night.
Note to self, he looks amazing in dark blue. If it were possible, it makes his eyes even more beautiful and more blue. And the beaded choker he was wearing made me want to kiss and suck on every inch of his neck. I guess this is what raging, teenage hormones feel like...
Thursday July 27, 2000
I have my bike back!
I think I smoothed things over with Hamilton, too. We had such a fun time getting the bike out of the grounds shop and into a new hiding place. We talked about a lot of things, and in an effort to make things 'normal' (god, were they ever?) between us again. I promised him I was not gay. Hey, it wasn't a lie! I just really want him to feel comfortable around me again. I love being with him, even if it's as Jake. I guess for now that's got to be enough. It's really up to Mom now. I wonder when she'll get the letter?
Friday, July 28, 2000
Okay, so maybe I didn't smooth things over with Hamilton as well as I thought. I wanted to go for a bike ride after class. I thought it was only fair to invite Hamilton along, since he helped me get it back. I found him watching (ugh) a boxing match in the common room with a bunch of guys from the dorm. He wasn't paying much attention to me and when I invited him for the ride, he completely ignored me. Didn't answer, didn't even look at me. I have to admit, that hurt.
Sunday, July 30, 2000
I ran into Hamilton today. I had gone down to the lake to think and avoid the guys at the dorm. God, can they be childish or what? He actually came up and said hi. I couldn't help but be sarcastic. He apologized for ignoring me and we talked for a while. It was nice. He seems to be a lot more comfortable with me when no one else is around.
Mom should be getting the letter tomorrow, if she didn't get it yesterday. I'm dying to know if she'll call, come up here or just have the administration "handle" me.
Tuesday, August 1, 2000
Hamilton is handling things a little better. I remind myself constantly to act like Jake when I'm with him. Still haven't heard from Mom. I know through Consuela that's she's home right now and the letter did get there. Why hasn't she called? Did she even read my letter? I absolutely despise this feeling, waiting....wondering....not knowing.
Thursday, August 3, 2000
I give up. I caved in and called home, even though I swore I wouldn't. Get this, she's gone! Yep, she got the role she's been hoping for and she's off to Hollywood again. She left without even telling me. Hell, she left without even talking to me! She never did return any of my calls. This is just the icing on the cake... I'm so ticked right now, I'm not sure which way is up. I should leave Rawley right now, but I'm not sure that's what I really want to do. I'm confused, I'm going for a walk.
Friday, August 4, 2000
Well, going for a walk yesterday turned out to be a mistake. I was barely out of the dorms when I saw Hamilton.....walking with this red headed chick (bottle red). I couldn't resist finding out what was going on, so I jumped into their conversation (literally). He had just asked this girl (Lena) out to the drive in tomorrow tonight. She looked at me like a cat staring at a goldfish bowl and invited "Jake" to come along. Like an idiot, I agreed to go! Then she tells me I look like her ex-boyfriend. Hamilton did not look happy. I swear this situation cannot get any more screwed up.
And I still have no idea what to do about Mom. How do leave your home and travel over 3,000 miles without thinking that you might want to call your daughter and let her know? This is bad, even for her...
Saturday, August 5, 2000
I'm trying to figure out what I want to do here. Obviously, my plan did not work. Mom didn't catch on and she seems to care even less than usual. I came here to make her notice me and that has proved to be a total failure. I could pack up and leave Rawley right now and no one would notice, right? I wouldn't have to pretend to be Jake and I wouldn't have to hide and lie and suffer through corsets and boxers. I could just leave and be Jacqueline again, right? So why is it that I'm not packing, yet? What is it that makes me want to be here?
Hamilton
And tonight is the drive in with Hamilton and Lena. Oh god!
Sunday, August 6, 2000
Last night was plain weird. Hamilton, Lena and I went to the drive in. It was awful, for the first half of the movie, she's fawning all over me. Leaning in close to me...staring....all of that stuff. Talk about uncomfortable! And Hamilton was silently fuming in his lawn chair the whole time. I'm not sure if he was mad at me for moving in on Lena or Lena for flirting with me, but he was not happy. For the second half, I ended up stuck between them and caught them both staring at me. Easily the weirdest day of my life. (Pretty tall order considering my current situation!) I was so happy when the movie was over. Thank god Lena goes back to LA tomorrow.
I'm trying to convince myself to leave. Life would be a lot less complicated. I just haven't succeeded, yet.
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feeback: Pretty please? It's so good to hear what you think! (good or bad)
Rating: PG-13 (for now anyway)
Category: Jake and Hamilton (for ever...)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I only get to own Hamilton in my wildest fantasies!
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventure at Rawley?
Spoilers: Kinda pointless now...
Thanks: As always to Ev for being a great sounding board. And to my husband who still has not divorced me as a result of my YA obsession. (He is, however, trying to convince the folks at Betty Ford that I belong there...)
Wednesday, July 26, 2000
I should be happy that the letter got mailed, but yesterday started out weird and only went downhill. When I went to get my bike, it was gone! Yep, that perfect hiding spot that Mr. I-Know-Everything-Here showed me wasn't so perfect. I found him out on the lawn reading. If I hadn't been in such a panic, I would have had a hard time getting past how he looked. But after a rough start (he has no idea how to act around me now), he agreed to help me get it back. He thinks the groundskeeper has it. We're going after it tomorrow night.
Note to self, he looks amazing in dark blue. If it were possible, it makes his eyes even more beautiful and more blue. And the beaded choker he was wearing made me want to kiss and suck on every inch of his neck. I guess this is what raging, teenage hormones feel like...
Thursday July 27, 2000
I have my bike back!
I think I smoothed things over with Hamilton, too. We had such a fun time getting the bike out of the grounds shop and into a new hiding place. We talked about a lot of things, and in an effort to make things 'normal' (god, were they ever?) between us again. I promised him I was not gay. Hey, it wasn't a lie! I just really want him to feel comfortable around me again. I love being with him, even if it's as Jake. I guess for now that's got to be enough. It's really up to Mom now. I wonder when she'll get the letter?
Friday, July 28, 2000
Okay, so maybe I didn't smooth things over with Hamilton as well as I thought. I wanted to go for a bike ride after class. I thought it was only fair to invite Hamilton along, since he helped me get it back. I found him watching (ugh) a boxing match in the common room with a bunch of guys from the dorm. He wasn't paying much attention to me and when I invited him for the ride, he completely ignored me. Didn't answer, didn't even look at me. I have to admit, that hurt.
Sunday, July 30, 2000
I ran into Hamilton today. I had gone down to the lake to think and avoid the guys at the dorm. God, can they be childish or what? He actually came up and said hi. I couldn't help but be sarcastic. He apologized for ignoring me and we talked for a while. It was nice. He seems to be a lot more comfortable with me when no one else is around.
Mom should be getting the letter tomorrow, if she didn't get it yesterday. I'm dying to know if she'll call, come up here or just have the administration "handle" me.
Tuesday, August 1, 2000
Hamilton is handling things a little better. I remind myself constantly to act like Jake when I'm with him. Still haven't heard from Mom. I know through Consuela that's she's home right now and the letter did get there. Why hasn't she called? Did she even read my letter? I absolutely despise this feeling, waiting....wondering....not knowing.
Thursday, August 3, 2000
I give up. I caved in and called home, even though I swore I wouldn't. Get this, she's gone! Yep, she got the role she's been hoping for and she's off to Hollywood again. She left without even telling me. Hell, she left without even talking to me! She never did return any of my calls. This is just the icing on the cake... I'm so ticked right now, I'm not sure which way is up. I should leave Rawley right now, but I'm not sure that's what I really want to do. I'm confused, I'm going for a walk.
Friday, August 4, 2000
Well, going for a walk yesterday turned out to be a mistake. I was barely out of the dorms when I saw Hamilton.....walking with this red headed chick (bottle red). I couldn't resist finding out what was going on, so I jumped into their conversation (literally). He had just asked this girl (Lena) out to the drive in tomorrow tonight. She looked at me like a cat staring at a goldfish bowl and invited "Jake" to come along. Like an idiot, I agreed to go! Then she tells me I look like her ex-boyfriend. Hamilton did not look happy. I swear this situation cannot get any more screwed up.
And I still have no idea what to do about Mom. How do leave your home and travel over 3,000 miles without thinking that you might want to call your daughter and let her know? This is bad, even for her...
Saturday, August 5, 2000
I'm trying to figure out what I want to do here. Obviously, my plan did not work. Mom didn't catch on and she seems to care even less than usual. I came here to make her notice me and that has proved to be a total failure. I could pack up and leave Rawley right now and no one would notice, right? I wouldn't have to pretend to be Jake and I wouldn't have to hide and lie and suffer through corsets and boxers. I could just leave and be Jacqueline again, right? So why is it that I'm not packing, yet? What is it that makes me want to be here?
Hamilton
And tonight is the drive in with Hamilton and Lena. Oh god!
Sunday, August 6, 2000
Last night was plain weird. Hamilton, Lena and I went to the drive in. It was awful, for the first half of the movie, she's fawning all over me. Leaning in close to me...staring....all of that stuff. Talk about uncomfortable! And Hamilton was silently fuming in his lawn chair the whole time. I'm not sure if he was mad at me for moving in on Lena or Lena for flirting with me, but he was not happy. For the second half, I ended up stuck between them and caught them both staring at me. Easily the weirdest day of my life. (Pretty tall order considering my current situation!) I was so happy when the movie was over. Thank god Lena goes back to LA tomorrow.
I'm trying to convince myself to leave. Life would be a lot less complicated. I just haven't succeeded, yet.