Title: Dear Diary, Part 5/?
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feeback: Pretty please? It's so good to hear what you think!
Rating: PG-13 (still)
Category: Jake and Hamilton (forever...)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I only get to own Hamilton in my wildest fantasies!
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventure at Rawley?
Spoilers: Kinda pointless now...
Thanks: To everyone who provided me with such great feedback from Parts 1 & 2.
Friday, August 18, 2000
God only knows if this is going to work or not, but Hamilton and I have figured out how to get through the next two days without getting caught. Yes, I decided I don't want to get caught. I like it here, I really do. For the first time in two years, I'm not planning my next move before midterms. This is the last place I thought I'd feel comfortable, but I do. Hamilton is a huge part of why I'm comfortable. He accepts me, as I am, crazy charade and all.
Anyway, I'm going to meet Mom over at Rawley Girls and then take her into town and keep her busy doing the 'tourist' thing. I'm sure she's going to want to leave early Sunday to get back to the city, so I should only have to keep her busy tomorrow and Sunday morning. Hamilton said he'd be around to help if needed. I'd love to have him there, but I'm not sure I want to explain him to her just yet. I'm dying to tell someone about how wonderful he is, just not Mom. There are too many questions that would have to be answered and I'm not ready to have that conversation with her. I'm still mad that she totally missed the fact that I changed schools again and that it's an all boy's school to boot. I can't handle her playing 'interested parent' just because there is a guy in my life.
One fun thing did happen today; I got to go shopping and buy dresses. I couldn't very well meet Mom dressed like Jake, so I had to get something to wear. There isn't much in the way of shopping in New Rawley, but I did manage to find 2 sundresses that should suit Mom's taste. They're both pink. I'm really not into pink, but she is, so they'll do. She's going to freak about my hair though. She doesn't know I cut my hair off and we all know how important the right appearance is to her.
Hamilton wanted to go shopping with me, but his mom had more things for him to do and I wanted to go alone anyway. It would look pretty weird having 2 teenage guys shopping for dresses. He seemed disappointed that I wanted to go alone, but I promised him he could see what I bought when I got back. He was waiting for me in the spot where I hide my bike. It was so cute, he kept trying to peek into the bags, but I wouldn't let him. I told him he'd have to wait until we got to my room. I was so nervous getting changed. I mean, he wasn't watching or anything, it's just that this was the first time he was going to see me as Jacqueline and not as Jake. What if he didn't like what he saw?
Turns out I didn't have to worry. The look on his face was priceless when he opened his eyes! It made me feel so good. He seemed pretty happy and liked the dress. Since he was finally able to get away from his parents, we were going to hang out together. I started to change back into jeans and he asked me not to. He said he wanted to enjoy the dress a little longer. I just about melted into a puddle right then. It was so sweet and the way he was looking at me was incredible. It was heavenly to have him hold me, kiss me and touch me without all the usual layers of clothing in the way. The skin to skin contact alone was enough to make me dizzy. I could get used to the way that felt...
Saturday, August 19, 2000
Just a quick note before I run over to the girl's campus:
I'm terrified! What if this doesn't work? What if I get caught over at Rawley Girls? Hamilton swears that if I just act like I belong there, no one will notice. But jeez, how can he be so sure? And what if Mom asks me something I can't answer? I'm supposed to get her away from campus as quickly as possible, but what if she insists on meeting my teachers or something? God, I'm making myself crazy here. OK, deep breath, I'm leaving now.
This could be my last weekend at Rawley...
Saturday, August 19, 2000
Just when I thought we had averted a crisis, another one comes along. We got through today, thanks to Hamilton, but now we have a big problem for tomorrow. Rawley Girls is having a luncheon at the exact same time as Rawley Boys has the Regatta. How am I supposed to be in two places at the same time? Since I don't go to Rawley Girls I had no idea that there even was a luncheon, much less made plans to attend it! Besides, shouldn't the girl's school be out there cheering for the boy's school at the race instead of stuffing their faces? Whose idea was this anyway?
Hamilton is on his way over here now to help me figure out what do with this latest mess. I swear he is so special. Most guys would have run away screaming by now. Instead, he just gets more sweet, thoughtful and incredible every day. I can't think of anyone who would go through what I've put him through and still care about me. Today, just as I was about to lose control of Mom - all of 5 minutes after she got here - he shows up out of nowhere and takes control of the situation. He took us on a tour of the entire campus and let her talk like crazy for hours! She was so occupied with him, she totally forgot about wanting to meet my "roommate". We did make one mistake, since we didn't get to talk much this past week, I hadn't told him my real name yet and he called me Jake. Mom didn't seem to notice, though. She even 'informed' me that he likes me! We didn't tell her we were together, so, are we that obvious? We could get into some serious trouble if we are. It's one thing to have my mom pick up on our feelings for each other, she knows I'm a girl and will be gone tomorrow. But if the guys at school are picking up the same thing....we could have major problems.
After we figure out what to do about the Regatta, I'm going to have to properly 'thank' Hamilton. I never would have gotten through today without him. I have got to be the luckiest girl in the world to have him in my life.
Sunday, August 20, 2000
Wow, what a day this has been. We got through the luncheon and the Regatta and Mom left without figuring out that I don't really go to Rawley Girls. The luncheon was just plain weird! I hate all these stupid 'ladies luncheon' things in the first place and then Mom starts asking me all these questions about Hamilton and wants to talk about SEX! This is exactly why I didn't want her to know about him, yet. She's all interested in our relationship, but she couldn't tell you where I was going to school last semester. Yesterday, she said she missed me, but how do you 'miss' someone and yet be so clueless about that person's life, especially when it's your own daughter?
The Regatta was cool, even though I had to keep ditching Mom and cut it close a few times. We won and that felt really good. On a sour note, Scout Calhoun called us "lovebirds" on the dock in front of the whole team. We're going to have to be a lot more careful in public. I hadn't thought about what other people thought until this weekend and that was a big mistake on my part. I've been so wrapped up in Hamilton and my own problems, that I didn't consider that there is a whole school full of guys that still think I'm a guy. I can just imagine what would happen if Hamilton's father got wind of his son being involved with another guy instead of one of the little princesses from across the lake. I'm quite certain I'm not what his father has in mind for him.
Again, I would not have made it through the day without Hamilton. He got me back and forth between the two events and generally kept me calm when I was ready to lose it. And I learned something VERY interesting about him today. He's a virgin, too. That little detail makes me very happy. Our relationship is still new, and I'm not ready for sex yet, but I like knowing that there hasn't been anyone else for him. When I am ready, I want it to be with Hamilton and knowing that it would be his first time, too, makes it more special. I will admit that it's a little hard to imagine how a guy like him - intelligent, funny, sweet AND drop dead gorgeous - is still a virgin. Especially given his proximity to a whole school full of girls. But I guess that's just another part of what makes Hamilton Fleming so special.
He supposed to come over later if he can get away from his parents. I really hope he can. More than anything, right now I just want to have his arms wrapped around me so I can forget about the rest of the world and the ridiculous mess I call my life.
Monday, August 21, 2000
Today felt strange. All the pomp and circumstance of Parent's Weekend and the Regatta was reduced to one clean up crew. It left me feeling almost melancholy. I should have been celebrating that we got through the weekend without getting caught, but that wasn't what I kept thinking about. As my mom left, she said I was 'happy' and that whatever I was doing - I should keep doing it. She also said I'd never needed her to tell me what to do, so she wasn't going to start now. How does she always manage to miss the point? I've done everything on my own because she's always left me alone. She was never around to tell me what to do! As for being happy - that's all Hamilton. No one has ever treated me the way he has. He cares about me, he pays attention to me and he is willing to throw everything else out the window for me. I'll never forget that he kissed me when he thought I was a guy. He was willing to set aside everything he believed about himself and kiss another guy because his heart told him to. I will love him forever for doing that.
Hamilton was able to come over last night and we stayed up late talking about everything that happened this weekend. I finally got to explain why I did all of this in the first place. He was a bit shocked to say the least when he heard the whole story. He told me that it's obvious that Mom cares about me, so why didn't I just try to talk to her instead? It's hard to make him understand, he may have his own parental issues, but the fact remains that he grew up in the same house with both of his parents. Whatever kind of workaholic his father may be, he was still around. I don't even know my father. Hamilton's mother obviously adores her son and they have a pretty great relationship. So Hamilton may understand loneliness, but he doesn't understand what it's like to spend a holiday with your housekeeper or have your mother in another country on your birthday.
We also talked about Scout's comment on the docks. We agreed that we're going to have to be much more careful around other people. Students gossip like crazy and that would really complicate things. He doesn't want word getting back to his parents that he's involved with a male student, if for no other reason then they would start asking a lot of questions and I would get caught for sure. He said something really sweet, too, he said he wouldn't even want to think of me having to leave Rawley.
Maybe Hamilton is fate's way of balancing out my mother?
Who knows... I'm just glad this whole Parent's Weekend thing is over! I knew I should have just left Thursday night and not come back until today...
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feeback: Pretty please? It's so good to hear what you think!
Rating: PG-13 (still)
Category: Jake and Hamilton (forever...)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I only get to own Hamilton in my wildest fantasies!
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventure at Rawley?
Spoilers: Kinda pointless now...
Thanks: To everyone who provided me with such great feedback from Parts 1 & 2.
Friday, August 18, 2000
God only knows if this is going to work or not, but Hamilton and I have figured out how to get through the next two days without getting caught. Yes, I decided I don't want to get caught. I like it here, I really do. For the first time in two years, I'm not planning my next move before midterms. This is the last place I thought I'd feel comfortable, but I do. Hamilton is a huge part of why I'm comfortable. He accepts me, as I am, crazy charade and all.
Anyway, I'm going to meet Mom over at Rawley Girls and then take her into town and keep her busy doing the 'tourist' thing. I'm sure she's going to want to leave early Sunday to get back to the city, so I should only have to keep her busy tomorrow and Sunday morning. Hamilton said he'd be around to help if needed. I'd love to have him there, but I'm not sure I want to explain him to her just yet. I'm dying to tell someone about how wonderful he is, just not Mom. There are too many questions that would have to be answered and I'm not ready to have that conversation with her. I'm still mad that she totally missed the fact that I changed schools again and that it's an all boy's school to boot. I can't handle her playing 'interested parent' just because there is a guy in my life.
One fun thing did happen today; I got to go shopping and buy dresses. I couldn't very well meet Mom dressed like Jake, so I had to get something to wear. There isn't much in the way of shopping in New Rawley, but I did manage to find 2 sundresses that should suit Mom's taste. They're both pink. I'm really not into pink, but she is, so they'll do. She's going to freak about my hair though. She doesn't know I cut my hair off and we all know how important the right appearance is to her.
Hamilton wanted to go shopping with me, but his mom had more things for him to do and I wanted to go alone anyway. It would look pretty weird having 2 teenage guys shopping for dresses. He seemed disappointed that I wanted to go alone, but I promised him he could see what I bought when I got back. He was waiting for me in the spot where I hide my bike. It was so cute, he kept trying to peek into the bags, but I wouldn't let him. I told him he'd have to wait until we got to my room. I was so nervous getting changed. I mean, he wasn't watching or anything, it's just that this was the first time he was going to see me as Jacqueline and not as Jake. What if he didn't like what he saw?
Turns out I didn't have to worry. The look on his face was priceless when he opened his eyes! It made me feel so good. He seemed pretty happy and liked the dress. Since he was finally able to get away from his parents, we were going to hang out together. I started to change back into jeans and he asked me not to. He said he wanted to enjoy the dress a little longer. I just about melted into a puddle right then. It was so sweet and the way he was looking at me was incredible. It was heavenly to have him hold me, kiss me and touch me without all the usual layers of clothing in the way. The skin to skin contact alone was enough to make me dizzy. I could get used to the way that felt...
Saturday, August 19, 2000
Just a quick note before I run over to the girl's campus:
I'm terrified! What if this doesn't work? What if I get caught over at Rawley Girls? Hamilton swears that if I just act like I belong there, no one will notice. But jeez, how can he be so sure? And what if Mom asks me something I can't answer? I'm supposed to get her away from campus as quickly as possible, but what if she insists on meeting my teachers or something? God, I'm making myself crazy here. OK, deep breath, I'm leaving now.
This could be my last weekend at Rawley...
Saturday, August 19, 2000
Just when I thought we had averted a crisis, another one comes along. We got through today, thanks to Hamilton, but now we have a big problem for tomorrow. Rawley Girls is having a luncheon at the exact same time as Rawley Boys has the Regatta. How am I supposed to be in two places at the same time? Since I don't go to Rawley Girls I had no idea that there even was a luncheon, much less made plans to attend it! Besides, shouldn't the girl's school be out there cheering for the boy's school at the race instead of stuffing their faces? Whose idea was this anyway?
Hamilton is on his way over here now to help me figure out what do with this latest mess. I swear he is so special. Most guys would have run away screaming by now. Instead, he just gets more sweet, thoughtful and incredible every day. I can't think of anyone who would go through what I've put him through and still care about me. Today, just as I was about to lose control of Mom - all of 5 minutes after she got here - he shows up out of nowhere and takes control of the situation. He took us on a tour of the entire campus and let her talk like crazy for hours! She was so occupied with him, she totally forgot about wanting to meet my "roommate". We did make one mistake, since we didn't get to talk much this past week, I hadn't told him my real name yet and he called me Jake. Mom didn't seem to notice, though. She even 'informed' me that he likes me! We didn't tell her we were together, so, are we that obvious? We could get into some serious trouble if we are. It's one thing to have my mom pick up on our feelings for each other, she knows I'm a girl and will be gone tomorrow. But if the guys at school are picking up the same thing....we could have major problems.
After we figure out what to do about the Regatta, I'm going to have to properly 'thank' Hamilton. I never would have gotten through today without him. I have got to be the luckiest girl in the world to have him in my life.
Sunday, August 20, 2000
Wow, what a day this has been. We got through the luncheon and the Regatta and Mom left without figuring out that I don't really go to Rawley Girls. The luncheon was just plain weird! I hate all these stupid 'ladies luncheon' things in the first place and then Mom starts asking me all these questions about Hamilton and wants to talk about SEX! This is exactly why I didn't want her to know about him, yet. She's all interested in our relationship, but she couldn't tell you where I was going to school last semester. Yesterday, she said she missed me, but how do you 'miss' someone and yet be so clueless about that person's life, especially when it's your own daughter?
The Regatta was cool, even though I had to keep ditching Mom and cut it close a few times. We won and that felt really good. On a sour note, Scout Calhoun called us "lovebirds" on the dock in front of the whole team. We're going to have to be a lot more careful in public. I hadn't thought about what other people thought until this weekend and that was a big mistake on my part. I've been so wrapped up in Hamilton and my own problems, that I didn't consider that there is a whole school full of guys that still think I'm a guy. I can just imagine what would happen if Hamilton's father got wind of his son being involved with another guy instead of one of the little princesses from across the lake. I'm quite certain I'm not what his father has in mind for him.
Again, I would not have made it through the day without Hamilton. He got me back and forth between the two events and generally kept me calm when I was ready to lose it. And I learned something VERY interesting about him today. He's a virgin, too. That little detail makes me very happy. Our relationship is still new, and I'm not ready for sex yet, but I like knowing that there hasn't been anyone else for him. When I am ready, I want it to be with Hamilton and knowing that it would be his first time, too, makes it more special. I will admit that it's a little hard to imagine how a guy like him - intelligent, funny, sweet AND drop dead gorgeous - is still a virgin. Especially given his proximity to a whole school full of girls. But I guess that's just another part of what makes Hamilton Fleming so special.
He supposed to come over later if he can get away from his parents. I really hope he can. More than anything, right now I just want to have his arms wrapped around me so I can forget about the rest of the world and the ridiculous mess I call my life.
Monday, August 21, 2000
Today felt strange. All the pomp and circumstance of Parent's Weekend and the Regatta was reduced to one clean up crew. It left me feeling almost melancholy. I should have been celebrating that we got through the weekend without getting caught, but that wasn't what I kept thinking about. As my mom left, she said I was 'happy' and that whatever I was doing - I should keep doing it. She also said I'd never needed her to tell me what to do, so she wasn't going to start now. How does she always manage to miss the point? I've done everything on my own because she's always left me alone. She was never around to tell me what to do! As for being happy - that's all Hamilton. No one has ever treated me the way he has. He cares about me, he pays attention to me and he is willing to throw everything else out the window for me. I'll never forget that he kissed me when he thought I was a guy. He was willing to set aside everything he believed about himself and kiss another guy because his heart told him to. I will love him forever for doing that.
Hamilton was able to come over last night and we stayed up late talking about everything that happened this weekend. I finally got to explain why I did all of this in the first place. He was a bit shocked to say the least when he heard the whole story. He told me that it's obvious that Mom cares about me, so why didn't I just try to talk to her instead? It's hard to make him understand, he may have his own parental issues, but the fact remains that he grew up in the same house with both of his parents. Whatever kind of workaholic his father may be, he was still around. I don't even know my father. Hamilton's mother obviously adores her son and they have a pretty great relationship. So Hamilton may understand loneliness, but he doesn't understand what it's like to spend a holiday with your housekeeper or have your mother in another country on your birthday.
We also talked about Scout's comment on the docks. We agreed that we're going to have to be much more careful around other people. Students gossip like crazy and that would really complicate things. He doesn't want word getting back to his parents that he's involved with a male student, if for no other reason then they would start asking a lot of questions and I would get caught for sure. He said something really sweet, too, he said he wouldn't even want to think of me having to leave Rawley.
Maybe Hamilton is fate's way of balancing out my mother?
Who knows... I'm just glad this whole Parent's Weekend thing is over! I knew I should have just left Thursday night and not come back until today...