Title: Dear Diary, Part 7/?
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feedback: Please! It's so inspiring and helps me write better. It also lets me know if you're still interested in the story.
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Category: Jake and Hamilton
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I owned Hamilton, we'd be alone on a tropical island.
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventure at Rawley?
Spoilers: This part takes us through "Free Will".
Thanks: To Ev, as always. This part was really hard to finish up, life intervened and derailed me, without Ev's help and patience - it still wouldn't be finished!
Sunday, August 27, 2000
Running in the morning with Hamilton is turning out to be a lot of fun. I was really sore from yesterday's run, but he slowed down a bit and I was able to keep up. Actually, I intentionally kept a step or two behind him. The view from back there is really pretty nice, especially when he takes his shirt off! I never knew a guy's back could be so incredibly sexy. Watching all those muscles flex and move is rather breathtaking and he has a habit of wearing his shorts low on his hips, which shows off just a little more.... I find my mind wandering to those shorts quite a bit lately. Sounds terrible, but I do. I'm used to thinking about his incredible chest, after all I see it practically every day at crew practice. In fact, one of these days at practice, my mouth will engage before my brain has the chance to edit my thoughts and the "coxswain" and the "first seat" will be in big trouble... It's just that lately my thoughts are of a much more "private" nature. It's almost unsettling to be having these thoughts. I don't think I'm ready for sex yet, but still, I can't seem to stop my mind from wandering into that zone. You know...what would it be like?
Anyway, back to my day before I need a cold shower. After breakfast we were trying to decide what to do for the day when Will and Scout joined us. We all hung out for a while and then ended up playing football with some of the other guys from the dorm. I don't think Hamilton realized I could play and he was a bit surprised the first time I got past him with the ball. He then took to tackling me every chance he got. All in all, it was a lot of fun and a nice way to spend the day.
I was bummed when Hamilton had to leave. But it's Sunday night and he had to be home in time for an early dinner. His father makes a big deal out of Sunday dinners and they sometimes do stuff together after dinner. It's one of the few times that Dean Fleming puts his family first and lets the rest of the staff worry about the school. Hamilton tried to down play going home for the night, but I know it's important to him. I wasn't mad, if anything, I'm jealous. It may only be one night of the week, but it's still more than I get from my mother. Even though she's still in New York, I've only heard from her once since Parent's Weekend. During that call she informed me that she would be leaving again in a few weeks. She didn't even seem to notice the timing. This means she'll only be home for a few days after school gets out. So I'll be spending most of the break between Summer Session and Fall Semester home alone. Again.
If I had a place to stay, I wouldn't even bother going home. The trip home is a real pain in the butt (literally) and I'm going to miss Hamilton like crazy.
Monday, August 28, 2000
We had a very interesting discussion during crew practice today. Finn will often get us out into the lake and then stop to discuss literature. I guess he feels that he can mix English Lit with crew practice since he's in charge... Anyway, we were talking about fate, destiny and the things that you can and can't change in life. Scout made the point that you can't change your parents. It made me wonder if I would change parents given the opportunity. Would I leave Mom to her career and go be someone else's daughter? I still haven't come up with an answer. I've totally changed my life, my school, my appearance, even my voice to make people think I'm a boy and yet, my own mother still hasn't noticed something was amiss. So, would I ditch her and go be with someone else? I don't know.
Tuesday, August 29, 2000
God what a terrible day! Ryder caught us in a private moment today. It was awful. We usually try not to touch each other at all unless we're in my room. But we have to be really careful about spending too much time alone in my room or who sees us going into my room. Most of the guys here don't keep their doors closed when they're in their rooms and only a few keep the door locked. If Hamilton and I go into the room together and close the door when someone else is around, it looks bad. There have been a lot of people hanging around lately and the lack of private time is getting to both of us. Hamilton found me alone by the Common Room this morning, so we ducked behind one of the bookshelves in the corner for a kiss. We were just saying that we needed a better way to be together when Ryder appeared out of nowhere. We were nose to nose and had our hands on the others chest. Not a good thing for anyone to see, least of all Ryder. Now the question is - what is Ryder going to do about what he saw?
We've spent all day wondering what he was going to do. He could easily go running to Hamilton's father. Figuring we were pushing our luck around campus with Ryder on the loose, we took my bike and went for a long ride after class and practice. It's so nice when we can get away. But even then we are still in public and it's just not the same as when we get to be alone in my room. I really want to spend some "quality" time with him. I love when I can take off the corset. When I can touch him, hold him and kiss him without worry. I think about touching and kissing him way too much and I think it's just because I can't actually touch and kiss him whenever I want. I dream about Hamilton and all the wonderful things we could do as a real couple and not this screwed up mess I've created.
It means a lot to me that Hamilton has been willing to put up with all the extra crap to be in this relationship. Most people would have backed out long ago. I know he means it when he says he loves me, no one would put up with the situation if they weren't really in love. It just wouldn't be worth the effort, which makes Hamilton Fleming that much more special. And makes me love him even more...
Wednesday, August 30, 2000
God Ryder is a pain! He just lives to torment other people. I was having a perfectly nice moment with Hamilton (who was wearing nothing but swim trunks at the time, hence the perfectly nice part) and Ryder had to come along and ruin it. Everyone was on the docks this afternoon, swimming or just enjoying the water. I was totally jealous, I wanted to put on a bathing suit and jump in with them. Of course, I couldn't, so I settled for talking to Hamilton and enjoying the view. Ryder comes along and makes some snide comment about the "Dean's daughter" being pretty. Hamilton was not happy. Neither was I, but my "manhood" is not really in question here, now is it?
I also think he said something to Will and Scout about us. Right before Ryder came up to us, he had been talking to Will and Scout who were at the other end of the dock. Right after Ryder left us, Will and Scout were giving us some very strange looks. I think Ryder may have said something about yesterday's incident. Not good at all.
I think this was the first moment Hamilton truly believed that people were talking about us. I know we worry about it all the time and we talk about it, but I think this was the first "proof" for Hamilton. He was way too quiet after that incident. I know something was bugging him. I just have to wait for him to tell me what exactly it was.
I wanted to get him alone tonight, but he said he needed to talk to his mom about something first and then before he could get to my room he ran into his dad. I had to settle for a good night phone call. I'm totally bummed because I've been thinking about Hamilton in those swim trunks all day. I swear he must lower that waistband down a few inches on purpose! Those extra few inches of eye candy drive me wild. I almost begin to understand what a teenage boy thinks like for real. I never thought I was capable of thoughts this impure.
Thursday, August 31, 2000
I swear guys can be so incredibly clueless at times!!
Hamilton is making decisions for me again and this time on a much larger scale than what to eat for dinner. He "decided" that he should move into the dorms, into MY room, with ME. He didn't ask me, he didn't talk to me. He just went to his mom and asked her if he could move into the dorms "with Jake". Boy would I like to see his mother's reaction if she knew who I really was...
Anyway, he comes in today while I was working on my final paper for Finn's class and tells me his 3EB poster would look great on the wall by the window and that his stereo is better than mine (it's not by the way). I ask him what he's talking about and he informs me that he's moving in like it's no big deal.
Needless to say, I freaked.
He didn't talk to me about this first. I think I would have handled it much better if he had. But he didn't, and he hit that nerve again by assuming and trying to make decisions for me. I've been making my own decisions for a long time now and I don't react well to someone trying to make them for me. Call me overly independent, but that's who I am.
Then I realized under his plan we'd be sleeping and living together...in the same room...all the time.
Again, I freaked.
My mind was trying to process way too many thoughts all at once. I was mad about not being asked first, thinking about how this situation would look and making a mental list of pros and cons about living with Hamilton. I was really confused, but when I told him he better think of another solution, he must have taken that as me rejecting him because he stormed out of the room.
I've been sitting here thinking about it since. Not one more word of my paper has been written. I keep replaying things over and over in my mind. I'm still angry about not being asked first. Hamilton has got to realize that it really bugs me when he tries to think for me. I'm used to being alone. I love having him in my life, but that's still new. I've been basically alone for a long time. I can't forget that overnight just because of him.
I also realized that part of the reason I freaked out so much was that I like the idea of him living here. I like the thought of being able to spend time alone with him every night, maybe sleeping with his arms wrapped around me and waking up to that beautiful face every morning. I like the idea of getting closer to him. I like it so much that it scares the hell out of me. And that was why I told him to go find another solution.
Friday, September 1, 2000
Now I know why Bella was looking at me so funny that night at the diner. She guessed my secret right away. Apparently, she saw right through the act and figured I was a girl. Lucky for me, she kept quiet about it and only just told me today that she knew.
I took my bike and went for a very long ride this afternoon. I needed to think and the walls of my room were making me crazy. Hamilton didn't show up this morning like he normally does and avoided me all day. I was in a perfectly rotten mood and figured a nice long ride away from Rawley would help. I stopped for gas in town on my way back and Bella was working. One thing led to another and she told me she knew. Before long we were talking about all kinds of girl stuff. It was so nice to get to talk to someone about my feelings for Hamilton finally. But then she informed me that all the guys at Rawley think Hamilton and I are gay. I pretty much already knew this, but hearing her say it was unsettling.
Anyway, after I left Bella, I came back to school and wanted to try and talk to Hamilton. He wasn't in any of the usual places, so I went down to the docks. He wasn't there, either. Normally, I would have just left and gone back to my room. I don't like hanging out by the docks unless it's for crew practice. Being there just rubs it in that I can't go in the water and I don't want to risk getting thrown in or something silly like that. But today, I was feeling angry enough to say to hell with careful. I even went so far as to go out with only one shirt on instead of the usual two. I sat down at the end of the dock to think.
I should have left as soon as I realized Hamilton wasn't there.
But I didn't leave and only a few seconds after I sat down, Hamilton did show up. Ryder must have said something to Hamilton as he walked past, because the first words out of Hamilton's mouth were "god, that guy is such an ass". The first words out of my mouth however, were "I'm sorry about everything". Before we could get any further Ryder chimed in again with another rude comment. Next thing I knew Hamilton was racing toward Ryder with his fist ready. He got in one solid punch before I stepped between them. I was trying to stop Hamilton thinking that he probably didn't want to explain all this to his father. I tried to tell him it wasn't worth it, meaning 'fight with Ryder - explain to Daddy'. Hamilton informed me that we weren't worth it and took off.
I came back here stunned. I still am not sure what to think about all this. I'm hurt, confused and shocked. I thought he and I were closer than this. Summer session is over next week and this is not how I envisioned our last week together. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and we need to talk about what happens next. There are a lot of questions to answer. I wasn't supposed to be here all session. My mom was supposed to find out and yank me out of here. That didn't happen, obviously, so now I'm stuck with what to do for next semester. I like it here, but can I keep up the charade for a full semester? Should I even try? I thought I wanted to, but if Hamilton isn't even speaking to me - why bother coming back?
I guess you could say the ball is in his court. What I do next depends a lot on what he does next.
Saturday, September 2, 2000
Well, I guess that's it, I'm leaving Rawley. Hamilton didn't call or come by last night and he didn't show up this morning either. I can't believe I was so wrong about us. So, I'm out of here...now...this weekend. I don't care about anything except getting out of here. I spent the entire night pacing and waiting for Hamilton to no avail. I have no desire to be here if I'm not with him. My original plan was a huge failure and my only salvation has been Hamilton and now that's a failure, too.
I'm going to tell Bella and then I'm coming back to pack.
Saturday, September 2, 2000
OK. Plan B. I've changed my mind (actually, Hamilton changed my mind). I'm staying for the last week and I will probably be coming back next semester, too.
When I came back I saw Hamilton sitting in the Common Room. I wasn't ready to deal with him yet, but decided to get it over with. I informed him that I was leaving. He just stared at me and said nothing. I took that as acceptance and headed for my room to pack. He showed up at my door a few minutes later and told me I didn't have to leave. I reminded him that he said it wasn't worth it. He said he was an idiot (no argument there), but I didn't stop packing until he came in and closed the door. He held my face and looked at me with such intensity and emotion, I was truly surprised. He assured me he wasn't moving in and apologized for trying to push things. Then he told me that he loved me. He's said that before, but this was different, it was so intense. He kissed me and it was so amazing. It made my head swim. I couldn't get enough of him. I kept trying to get closer to him, but there wasn't even room for air between us. We stayed in my room for a very long time. We probably would have stayed in until Hamilton had to go home for the night, except Will came by to invite me to a surprise party for Bella tonight. He asked me to tell Hamilton if I saw him, but he had this silly look on his face like he knew Hamilton was in the room with me. The idea of a party sounded cool and eventually we left to get Bella a present and go to the party.
The party was nice. Bella was really surprised, but I have to admit to being a little jealous. It stung to watch her and Sean together and know that I couldn't act the same with Hamilton.
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feedback: Please! It's so inspiring and helps me write better. It also lets me know if you're still interested in the story.
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Category: Jake and Hamilton
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I owned Hamilton, we'd be alone on a tropical island.
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventure at Rawley?
Spoilers: This part takes us through "Free Will".
Thanks: To Ev, as always. This part was really hard to finish up, life intervened and derailed me, without Ev's help and patience - it still wouldn't be finished!
Sunday, August 27, 2000
Running in the morning with Hamilton is turning out to be a lot of fun. I was really sore from yesterday's run, but he slowed down a bit and I was able to keep up. Actually, I intentionally kept a step or two behind him. The view from back there is really pretty nice, especially when he takes his shirt off! I never knew a guy's back could be so incredibly sexy. Watching all those muscles flex and move is rather breathtaking and he has a habit of wearing his shorts low on his hips, which shows off just a little more.... I find my mind wandering to those shorts quite a bit lately. Sounds terrible, but I do. I'm used to thinking about his incredible chest, after all I see it practically every day at crew practice. In fact, one of these days at practice, my mouth will engage before my brain has the chance to edit my thoughts and the "coxswain" and the "first seat" will be in big trouble... It's just that lately my thoughts are of a much more "private" nature. It's almost unsettling to be having these thoughts. I don't think I'm ready for sex yet, but still, I can't seem to stop my mind from wandering into that zone. You know...what would it be like?
Anyway, back to my day before I need a cold shower. After breakfast we were trying to decide what to do for the day when Will and Scout joined us. We all hung out for a while and then ended up playing football with some of the other guys from the dorm. I don't think Hamilton realized I could play and he was a bit surprised the first time I got past him with the ball. He then took to tackling me every chance he got. All in all, it was a lot of fun and a nice way to spend the day.
I was bummed when Hamilton had to leave. But it's Sunday night and he had to be home in time for an early dinner. His father makes a big deal out of Sunday dinners and they sometimes do stuff together after dinner. It's one of the few times that Dean Fleming puts his family first and lets the rest of the staff worry about the school. Hamilton tried to down play going home for the night, but I know it's important to him. I wasn't mad, if anything, I'm jealous. It may only be one night of the week, but it's still more than I get from my mother. Even though she's still in New York, I've only heard from her once since Parent's Weekend. During that call she informed me that she would be leaving again in a few weeks. She didn't even seem to notice the timing. This means she'll only be home for a few days after school gets out. So I'll be spending most of the break between Summer Session and Fall Semester home alone. Again.
If I had a place to stay, I wouldn't even bother going home. The trip home is a real pain in the butt (literally) and I'm going to miss Hamilton like crazy.
Monday, August 28, 2000
We had a very interesting discussion during crew practice today. Finn will often get us out into the lake and then stop to discuss literature. I guess he feels that he can mix English Lit with crew practice since he's in charge... Anyway, we were talking about fate, destiny and the things that you can and can't change in life. Scout made the point that you can't change your parents. It made me wonder if I would change parents given the opportunity. Would I leave Mom to her career and go be someone else's daughter? I still haven't come up with an answer. I've totally changed my life, my school, my appearance, even my voice to make people think I'm a boy and yet, my own mother still hasn't noticed something was amiss. So, would I ditch her and go be with someone else? I don't know.
Tuesday, August 29, 2000
God what a terrible day! Ryder caught us in a private moment today. It was awful. We usually try not to touch each other at all unless we're in my room. But we have to be really careful about spending too much time alone in my room or who sees us going into my room. Most of the guys here don't keep their doors closed when they're in their rooms and only a few keep the door locked. If Hamilton and I go into the room together and close the door when someone else is around, it looks bad. There have been a lot of people hanging around lately and the lack of private time is getting to both of us. Hamilton found me alone by the Common Room this morning, so we ducked behind one of the bookshelves in the corner for a kiss. We were just saying that we needed a better way to be together when Ryder appeared out of nowhere. We were nose to nose and had our hands on the others chest. Not a good thing for anyone to see, least of all Ryder. Now the question is - what is Ryder going to do about what he saw?
We've spent all day wondering what he was going to do. He could easily go running to Hamilton's father. Figuring we were pushing our luck around campus with Ryder on the loose, we took my bike and went for a long ride after class and practice. It's so nice when we can get away. But even then we are still in public and it's just not the same as when we get to be alone in my room. I really want to spend some "quality" time with him. I love when I can take off the corset. When I can touch him, hold him and kiss him without worry. I think about touching and kissing him way too much and I think it's just because I can't actually touch and kiss him whenever I want. I dream about Hamilton and all the wonderful things we could do as a real couple and not this screwed up mess I've created.
It means a lot to me that Hamilton has been willing to put up with all the extra crap to be in this relationship. Most people would have backed out long ago. I know he means it when he says he loves me, no one would put up with the situation if they weren't really in love. It just wouldn't be worth the effort, which makes Hamilton Fleming that much more special. And makes me love him even more...
Wednesday, August 30, 2000
God Ryder is a pain! He just lives to torment other people. I was having a perfectly nice moment with Hamilton (who was wearing nothing but swim trunks at the time, hence the perfectly nice part) and Ryder had to come along and ruin it. Everyone was on the docks this afternoon, swimming or just enjoying the water. I was totally jealous, I wanted to put on a bathing suit and jump in with them. Of course, I couldn't, so I settled for talking to Hamilton and enjoying the view. Ryder comes along and makes some snide comment about the "Dean's daughter" being pretty. Hamilton was not happy. Neither was I, but my "manhood" is not really in question here, now is it?
I also think he said something to Will and Scout about us. Right before Ryder came up to us, he had been talking to Will and Scout who were at the other end of the dock. Right after Ryder left us, Will and Scout were giving us some very strange looks. I think Ryder may have said something about yesterday's incident. Not good at all.
I think this was the first moment Hamilton truly believed that people were talking about us. I know we worry about it all the time and we talk about it, but I think this was the first "proof" for Hamilton. He was way too quiet after that incident. I know something was bugging him. I just have to wait for him to tell me what exactly it was.
I wanted to get him alone tonight, but he said he needed to talk to his mom about something first and then before he could get to my room he ran into his dad. I had to settle for a good night phone call. I'm totally bummed because I've been thinking about Hamilton in those swim trunks all day. I swear he must lower that waistband down a few inches on purpose! Those extra few inches of eye candy drive me wild. I almost begin to understand what a teenage boy thinks like for real. I never thought I was capable of thoughts this impure.
Thursday, August 31, 2000
I swear guys can be so incredibly clueless at times!!
Hamilton is making decisions for me again and this time on a much larger scale than what to eat for dinner. He "decided" that he should move into the dorms, into MY room, with ME. He didn't ask me, he didn't talk to me. He just went to his mom and asked her if he could move into the dorms "with Jake". Boy would I like to see his mother's reaction if she knew who I really was...
Anyway, he comes in today while I was working on my final paper for Finn's class and tells me his 3EB poster would look great on the wall by the window and that his stereo is better than mine (it's not by the way). I ask him what he's talking about and he informs me that he's moving in like it's no big deal.
Needless to say, I freaked.
He didn't talk to me about this first. I think I would have handled it much better if he had. But he didn't, and he hit that nerve again by assuming and trying to make decisions for me. I've been making my own decisions for a long time now and I don't react well to someone trying to make them for me. Call me overly independent, but that's who I am.
Then I realized under his plan we'd be sleeping and living together...in the same room...all the time.
Again, I freaked.
My mind was trying to process way too many thoughts all at once. I was mad about not being asked first, thinking about how this situation would look and making a mental list of pros and cons about living with Hamilton. I was really confused, but when I told him he better think of another solution, he must have taken that as me rejecting him because he stormed out of the room.
I've been sitting here thinking about it since. Not one more word of my paper has been written. I keep replaying things over and over in my mind. I'm still angry about not being asked first. Hamilton has got to realize that it really bugs me when he tries to think for me. I'm used to being alone. I love having him in my life, but that's still new. I've been basically alone for a long time. I can't forget that overnight just because of him.
I also realized that part of the reason I freaked out so much was that I like the idea of him living here. I like the thought of being able to spend time alone with him every night, maybe sleeping with his arms wrapped around me and waking up to that beautiful face every morning. I like the idea of getting closer to him. I like it so much that it scares the hell out of me. And that was why I told him to go find another solution.
Friday, September 1, 2000
Now I know why Bella was looking at me so funny that night at the diner. She guessed my secret right away. Apparently, she saw right through the act and figured I was a girl. Lucky for me, she kept quiet about it and only just told me today that she knew.
I took my bike and went for a very long ride this afternoon. I needed to think and the walls of my room were making me crazy. Hamilton didn't show up this morning like he normally does and avoided me all day. I was in a perfectly rotten mood and figured a nice long ride away from Rawley would help. I stopped for gas in town on my way back and Bella was working. One thing led to another and she told me she knew. Before long we were talking about all kinds of girl stuff. It was so nice to get to talk to someone about my feelings for Hamilton finally. But then she informed me that all the guys at Rawley think Hamilton and I are gay. I pretty much already knew this, but hearing her say it was unsettling.
Anyway, after I left Bella, I came back to school and wanted to try and talk to Hamilton. He wasn't in any of the usual places, so I went down to the docks. He wasn't there, either. Normally, I would have just left and gone back to my room. I don't like hanging out by the docks unless it's for crew practice. Being there just rubs it in that I can't go in the water and I don't want to risk getting thrown in or something silly like that. But today, I was feeling angry enough to say to hell with careful. I even went so far as to go out with only one shirt on instead of the usual two. I sat down at the end of the dock to think.
I should have left as soon as I realized Hamilton wasn't there.
But I didn't leave and only a few seconds after I sat down, Hamilton did show up. Ryder must have said something to Hamilton as he walked past, because the first words out of Hamilton's mouth were "god, that guy is such an ass". The first words out of my mouth however, were "I'm sorry about everything". Before we could get any further Ryder chimed in again with another rude comment. Next thing I knew Hamilton was racing toward Ryder with his fist ready. He got in one solid punch before I stepped between them. I was trying to stop Hamilton thinking that he probably didn't want to explain all this to his father. I tried to tell him it wasn't worth it, meaning 'fight with Ryder - explain to Daddy'. Hamilton informed me that we weren't worth it and took off.
I came back here stunned. I still am not sure what to think about all this. I'm hurt, confused and shocked. I thought he and I were closer than this. Summer session is over next week and this is not how I envisioned our last week together. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and we need to talk about what happens next. There are a lot of questions to answer. I wasn't supposed to be here all session. My mom was supposed to find out and yank me out of here. That didn't happen, obviously, so now I'm stuck with what to do for next semester. I like it here, but can I keep up the charade for a full semester? Should I even try? I thought I wanted to, but if Hamilton isn't even speaking to me - why bother coming back?
I guess you could say the ball is in his court. What I do next depends a lot on what he does next.
Saturday, September 2, 2000
Well, I guess that's it, I'm leaving Rawley. Hamilton didn't call or come by last night and he didn't show up this morning either. I can't believe I was so wrong about us. So, I'm out of here...now...this weekend. I don't care about anything except getting out of here. I spent the entire night pacing and waiting for Hamilton to no avail. I have no desire to be here if I'm not with him. My original plan was a huge failure and my only salvation has been Hamilton and now that's a failure, too.
I'm going to tell Bella and then I'm coming back to pack.
Saturday, September 2, 2000
OK. Plan B. I've changed my mind (actually, Hamilton changed my mind). I'm staying for the last week and I will probably be coming back next semester, too.
When I came back I saw Hamilton sitting in the Common Room. I wasn't ready to deal with him yet, but decided to get it over with. I informed him that I was leaving. He just stared at me and said nothing. I took that as acceptance and headed for my room to pack. He showed up at my door a few minutes later and told me I didn't have to leave. I reminded him that he said it wasn't worth it. He said he was an idiot (no argument there), but I didn't stop packing until he came in and closed the door. He held my face and looked at me with such intensity and emotion, I was truly surprised. He assured me he wasn't moving in and apologized for trying to push things. Then he told me that he loved me. He's said that before, but this was different, it was so intense. He kissed me and it was so amazing. It made my head swim. I couldn't get enough of him. I kept trying to get closer to him, but there wasn't even room for air between us. We stayed in my room for a very long time. We probably would have stayed in until Hamilton had to go home for the night, except Will came by to invite me to a surprise party for Bella tonight. He asked me to tell Hamilton if I saw him, but he had this silly look on his face like he knew Hamilton was in the room with me. The idea of a party sounded cool and eventually we left to get Bella a present and go to the party.
The party was nice. Bella was really surprised, but I have to admit to being a little jealous. It stung to watch her and Sean together and know that I couldn't act the same with Hamilton.