Title: Dear Diary, Part 8/?
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feedback: Please! It's incredibly helpful when writing the next part to know what you thought of the last part.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Jake and Hamilton
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I owned Hamilton, we'd be alone on a tropical island.
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventures at Rawley?
Spoilers: This part takes us through the finale.
Thanks: To Ev, as always!
Sunday, September 3, 2000
Finals start tomorrow. Hamilton and I spent the day "studying". I insisted that we study in the common room this morning so we would really get some work done. But by lunchtime, I couldn't stand being that close to him without touching him, so we went back to my room. For the most part, we studied. The rest of the time was spent kissing, touching and trying not to think about me going home in 2 days.
We did talk about next semester, though. Obviously, we don't want to be apart, but keeping up this charade is going to be much harder next semester. Summer session at boarding school is really just an elaborate babysitting service. With the Fall semester comes more students, more classes, more teachers, more risks, more everything! I know I want to be with Hamilton, but can I really keep this up for an entire semester?
And that brings up the "really big" question - when does this end? I can't be Jake Pratt forever, can I? What about graduation or my diploma or my transcripts for college? It would be easy enough to hack in and alter my records for one semester, but 75% of my high school career? And then there is always the possibility that my mother could find out and yank me out of here. Or that Hamilton's dad could find out and expel me. God, the list of complications goes on and on! All this leaves me with the question; should I come back to Rawley Academy for Boys?
I don't have the answer for that one yet.
Monday, September 4, 2000
One day down, one test to go. The first day of finals is over and I only have one test tomorrow. Then I'm leaving for home on Wednesday. Mom will be home tomorrow morning and we're supposed to spend time together before she leaves again Friday morning.
It drives me nuts that she doesn't even think about my school schedule when she makes commitments. I know there are things she has little control over, but even when she could say something, she doesn't. She goes along with whatever everyone else wants and totally forgets about me and what I want. What am I supposed to do for 2 weeks alone? I know I've done it many times before, but it's different this time. I know what it's like to have good friends now and I can't stand the idea of not seeing Hamilton every day. This is going to be the worst two weeks of my life.
Maybe Hamilton can come visit me. That would be heavenly, having him all to myself with no one to bother us and not have to hide who I really am. God that sounds so nice...
It's also little scary. I mean we'd be totally alone. No parents, no students, no interruptions and while that sounds like a very nice idea, I'm worried about what that would really be like. What would we "do"? And do I want to right now? I know I love him and god, it's hard to keep my hands off him, but how much are we really ready for? I admit that one minute I'm ready to tear his clothes off and throw him on the bed. Then the next minute there is a little voice inside my head telling me that I've only know him for a few months and to calm down. Thoughts like this are new to me. I've never felt this way before. No one has ever affected me like Hamilton. No one has ever made me feel so loved and secure - and wanted.
Ok, enough already. If I keep thinking like this, I'll never get to sleep and I'll flunk my test tomorrow. I have the long ride home Wednesday to think about all this stuff.
Tuesday, September 5, 2000
Yeah! Finals are over! No more of that pesky schoolwork...
This is my last entry for a few days, I'm heading home tomorrow and I'm packing everything up today. I don't want to drag out leaving any more than I have to. It's going to be hard enough to walk away from Hamilton, as it is. No sense in complicating things more.
I do need to go find Bella, my bike's acting funny and breaking down on the turnpike is not my idea of a good time. Hopefully, she can fix it for me today while I finish packing.
Back in a few days...
Friday, September 8, 2000
Well, I'm home and you won't believe all the things that have happened in the last few days.
Let's see, I almost took a shower with Hamilton. Finn caught us. I ran away and ended up with Bella, Hamilton and Will on the road trip from hell. We had an accident. Sean and Scout caught up with us. We walked the rest of the way to Carson. Bella saw her Mom for the first time in 10 years. We hitchhiked back to New Rawley. And oh yeah, how could I forget? They all found out I'm really a girl.
How's that for a fun filled couple of days? I was looking to un-complicate things just a few short days ago and now things are more complicated then ever! I have no idea what I'm going to do about school now.
I guess the thing to start with would be the shower. That's what started this whole new mess I'm in. Hamilton asked me to keep him company while he took a quick shower. This was our last full day together and didn't really want to be apart even for a few minutes. Sounds harmless, right? Stand there and talk to him while he gets cleaned up. Get some eye candy while he's wearing nothing but a towel. No big deal, right? That is until he asks me to join him...and I agree. Then just as I'm about to get into that shower, Finn comes in. And sees me standing there wearing only my underwear - right in front of Hamilton - who is already in the shower. Can you say "busted"? Not only did he see a couple of a body parts I did NOT want him to see, now he knows Hamilton and I were about to jump into a shower together.
So, I did the only thing I could think of - run away. I grabbed my clothes and ran like a bat out of hell. I ran all the way to Bella's thinking I could jump on my bike and be out of town before Finn could find me. Wrong! Turns out that Bella was having a crisis of her own and my bike was still in pieces.
Bella was headed for Carson and that sounded far enough away for me. I asked her to take me with her. Like an idiot, I changed clothes and decided to leave as a girl. I should have known better. Enough things had gone wrong already that I was just plain stupid to think this was a good idea. Hamilton ended up joining us and we headed out. But not before Bella sees Will at the bus stop and convinces him to come along, too. The look on his face when he saw me in a skirt and tank top was priceless. I would love to have a picture of that moment. I have to say he took it pretty well, though. And I know Hamilton was secretly relieved to have him know the truth and not think we're gay.
Even running away didn't go right. A deer in the road caused Bella to crash into a tree. We were ok, but the truck certainly wasn't. We were stuck overnight in this creepy old abandoned cabin. No indoor plumbing, no beds, and lots of dust and dirt, not exactly the way I envisioned spending the night with Hamilton...
To add to the fun, Scout and Will's friend Sean showed up. Apparently, they followed Bella when she left town. Something really weird is going on with those three, but I don't know exactly what. I'll have to ask Bella about it sometime. Anyway, so now Scout and Sean know I'm a girl, too. And all I can do is hope and pray they're willing to keep my secret. Assuming, of course, that I'm even allowed to come back to school.
Eventually we made it to Carson. I have to say, even though it was a very long, hot walk, it was kinda of fun. Everyone knew the truth, so Hamilton and I didn't have to hide. We got to kiss, hold hands and be playful with each other without worrying about who saw us or what they thought. It was fun messing with their heads a little, too. Scout was more freaked out than Will and I know they'll have a ton of questions for us when school starts.
While we were waiting for Bella at her Mom's house, I got to thinking about what it would be like to meet my Dad. Most of the time, I don't even think about my father, but this really got me started. Why won't Mom talk about him? What happened between them? Does he know about me? What's he like? If I could get Mom to sit down and have a real conversation, I'd like to ask her about him, but when will that ever happen?
After we hitched back to Rawley, I headed home. Bella's Dad had finished fixing my bike and I was already way behind schedule. It sucked having to walk away from Hamilton. I really didn't want to leave and we hadn't had any time alone to say goodbye properly or talk about Finn. And I was surprised that he just stood there and watched me go. After everything we've been through this summer, I almost expected him to put up more of a fight when it came time for me to actually leave.
But I did, so here I sit, alone in this big, empty apartment. Mom was upset that I got home so late Wednesday and we didn't do much that night. I needed a long shower and some real sleep more than shopping or dinner out. Yesterday was ok, though. We went shopping and had lunch together, but all she wanted to talk about was her new role and Hamilton. I'm still not completely comfortable talking to her about him. It's nice that she's interested in some part of my life, but why the part that involves another person? Can't she ever just be interested in me? And after what almost happened in the shower, I really needed time to think about things before I tried to talk about our relationship.
The shower...I can't get that out of my head. I have every detail of those few minutes burned into my brain. How he looked in that towel. The hopeful expression on his face when he asked me to join him. The absolute shock when I said ok. The look in his eyes while I was getting undressed. I keep wondering what would have happened if Finn hadn't walked in. The two of us...in the shower...wet, naked...what would that have been like? As much as I've seen of Hamilton's body, I can't picture what he looks like completely undressed. The thought scares me as much as it turns me on.
I also keep asking myself what the hell I was thinking to agree in the first place! Jumping into the shower with him? Was I insane? We never even got completely undressed in the privacy of my room with a locked door and yet, here I was stripping down in the dorm bathroom? The only answer I can come up with is that I wasn't thinking; I was reacting. Reacting to the thought of not seeing him everyday, reacting to the idea being alone for two weeks, reacting to the sight of him in nothing but a towel. I totally wasn't thinking and now our entire future may be in jeopardy because of it.
There is no way that Finn didn't see that I'm a girl. Even if he didn't get a clear view of my chest, I was only wearing my underwear and it was obvious that this wasn't a male body. Now the question is, what will Finn do about it? I guess it's too much to hope for that he'll forget about the whole thing. Finn's a pretty unconventional guy, but this is probably asking way too much even for him.
Hamilton is going to try and talk to him and find out what he plans to do, but he hasn't seen Finn, yet. Ham's parents freaked when he didn't come home Tuesday night. Even though they calmed down once he explained about the accident and being stranded, he still got in trouble for leaving without telling them what he was doing. He couldn't really explain why he left in such a hurry without getting into more trouble, so he had to keep quiet and take the extra work at the school his Dad gave him as punishment. But that pretty much kills any chance we had of him coming to visit me here. Phone calls and email will have to do. Of course, if Finn turns me in, phone calls and email will be all there is!
All I can do now is wait. Basically, my future is in Finn's hands and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I hate this...
Author: Debi
Email: IanFan9@aol.com
Feedback: Please! It's incredibly helpful when writing the next part to know what you thought of the last part.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Jake and Hamilton
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I owned Hamilton, we'd be alone on a tropical island.
Summary: What if Jake had kept a journal of her adventures at Rawley?
Spoilers: This part takes us through the finale.
Thanks: To Ev, as always!
Sunday, September 3, 2000
Finals start tomorrow. Hamilton and I spent the day "studying". I insisted that we study in the common room this morning so we would really get some work done. But by lunchtime, I couldn't stand being that close to him without touching him, so we went back to my room. For the most part, we studied. The rest of the time was spent kissing, touching and trying not to think about me going home in 2 days.
We did talk about next semester, though. Obviously, we don't want to be apart, but keeping up this charade is going to be much harder next semester. Summer session at boarding school is really just an elaborate babysitting service. With the Fall semester comes more students, more classes, more teachers, more risks, more everything! I know I want to be with Hamilton, but can I really keep this up for an entire semester?
And that brings up the "really big" question - when does this end? I can't be Jake Pratt forever, can I? What about graduation or my diploma or my transcripts for college? It would be easy enough to hack in and alter my records for one semester, but 75% of my high school career? And then there is always the possibility that my mother could find out and yank me out of here. Or that Hamilton's dad could find out and expel me. God, the list of complications goes on and on! All this leaves me with the question; should I come back to Rawley Academy for Boys?
I don't have the answer for that one yet.
Monday, September 4, 2000
One day down, one test to go. The first day of finals is over and I only have one test tomorrow. Then I'm leaving for home on Wednesday. Mom will be home tomorrow morning and we're supposed to spend time together before she leaves again Friday morning.
It drives me nuts that she doesn't even think about my school schedule when she makes commitments. I know there are things she has little control over, but even when she could say something, she doesn't. She goes along with whatever everyone else wants and totally forgets about me and what I want. What am I supposed to do for 2 weeks alone? I know I've done it many times before, but it's different this time. I know what it's like to have good friends now and I can't stand the idea of not seeing Hamilton every day. This is going to be the worst two weeks of my life.
Maybe Hamilton can come visit me. That would be heavenly, having him all to myself with no one to bother us and not have to hide who I really am. God that sounds so nice...
It's also little scary. I mean we'd be totally alone. No parents, no students, no interruptions and while that sounds like a very nice idea, I'm worried about what that would really be like. What would we "do"? And do I want to right now? I know I love him and god, it's hard to keep my hands off him, but how much are we really ready for? I admit that one minute I'm ready to tear his clothes off and throw him on the bed. Then the next minute there is a little voice inside my head telling me that I've only know him for a few months and to calm down. Thoughts like this are new to me. I've never felt this way before. No one has ever affected me like Hamilton. No one has ever made me feel so loved and secure - and wanted.
Ok, enough already. If I keep thinking like this, I'll never get to sleep and I'll flunk my test tomorrow. I have the long ride home Wednesday to think about all this stuff.
Tuesday, September 5, 2000
Yeah! Finals are over! No more of that pesky schoolwork...
This is my last entry for a few days, I'm heading home tomorrow and I'm packing everything up today. I don't want to drag out leaving any more than I have to. It's going to be hard enough to walk away from Hamilton, as it is. No sense in complicating things more.
I do need to go find Bella, my bike's acting funny and breaking down on the turnpike is not my idea of a good time. Hopefully, she can fix it for me today while I finish packing.
Back in a few days...
Friday, September 8, 2000
Well, I'm home and you won't believe all the things that have happened in the last few days.
Let's see, I almost took a shower with Hamilton. Finn caught us. I ran away and ended up with Bella, Hamilton and Will on the road trip from hell. We had an accident. Sean and Scout caught up with us. We walked the rest of the way to Carson. Bella saw her Mom for the first time in 10 years. We hitchhiked back to New Rawley. And oh yeah, how could I forget? They all found out I'm really a girl.
How's that for a fun filled couple of days? I was looking to un-complicate things just a few short days ago and now things are more complicated then ever! I have no idea what I'm going to do about school now.
I guess the thing to start with would be the shower. That's what started this whole new mess I'm in. Hamilton asked me to keep him company while he took a quick shower. This was our last full day together and didn't really want to be apart even for a few minutes. Sounds harmless, right? Stand there and talk to him while he gets cleaned up. Get some eye candy while he's wearing nothing but a towel. No big deal, right? That is until he asks me to join him...and I agree. Then just as I'm about to get into that shower, Finn comes in. And sees me standing there wearing only my underwear - right in front of Hamilton - who is already in the shower. Can you say "busted"? Not only did he see a couple of a body parts I did NOT want him to see, now he knows Hamilton and I were about to jump into a shower together.
So, I did the only thing I could think of - run away. I grabbed my clothes and ran like a bat out of hell. I ran all the way to Bella's thinking I could jump on my bike and be out of town before Finn could find me. Wrong! Turns out that Bella was having a crisis of her own and my bike was still in pieces.
Bella was headed for Carson and that sounded far enough away for me. I asked her to take me with her. Like an idiot, I changed clothes and decided to leave as a girl. I should have known better. Enough things had gone wrong already that I was just plain stupid to think this was a good idea. Hamilton ended up joining us and we headed out. But not before Bella sees Will at the bus stop and convinces him to come along, too. The look on his face when he saw me in a skirt and tank top was priceless. I would love to have a picture of that moment. I have to say he took it pretty well, though. And I know Hamilton was secretly relieved to have him know the truth and not think we're gay.
Even running away didn't go right. A deer in the road caused Bella to crash into a tree. We were ok, but the truck certainly wasn't. We were stuck overnight in this creepy old abandoned cabin. No indoor plumbing, no beds, and lots of dust and dirt, not exactly the way I envisioned spending the night with Hamilton...
To add to the fun, Scout and Will's friend Sean showed up. Apparently, they followed Bella when she left town. Something really weird is going on with those three, but I don't know exactly what. I'll have to ask Bella about it sometime. Anyway, so now Scout and Sean know I'm a girl, too. And all I can do is hope and pray they're willing to keep my secret. Assuming, of course, that I'm even allowed to come back to school.
Eventually we made it to Carson. I have to say, even though it was a very long, hot walk, it was kinda of fun. Everyone knew the truth, so Hamilton and I didn't have to hide. We got to kiss, hold hands and be playful with each other without worrying about who saw us or what they thought. It was fun messing with their heads a little, too. Scout was more freaked out than Will and I know they'll have a ton of questions for us when school starts.
While we were waiting for Bella at her Mom's house, I got to thinking about what it would be like to meet my Dad. Most of the time, I don't even think about my father, but this really got me started. Why won't Mom talk about him? What happened between them? Does he know about me? What's he like? If I could get Mom to sit down and have a real conversation, I'd like to ask her about him, but when will that ever happen?
After we hitched back to Rawley, I headed home. Bella's Dad had finished fixing my bike and I was already way behind schedule. It sucked having to walk away from Hamilton. I really didn't want to leave and we hadn't had any time alone to say goodbye properly or talk about Finn. And I was surprised that he just stood there and watched me go. After everything we've been through this summer, I almost expected him to put up more of a fight when it came time for me to actually leave.
But I did, so here I sit, alone in this big, empty apartment. Mom was upset that I got home so late Wednesday and we didn't do much that night. I needed a long shower and some real sleep more than shopping or dinner out. Yesterday was ok, though. We went shopping and had lunch together, but all she wanted to talk about was her new role and Hamilton. I'm still not completely comfortable talking to her about him. It's nice that she's interested in some part of my life, but why the part that involves another person? Can't she ever just be interested in me? And after what almost happened in the shower, I really needed time to think about things before I tried to talk about our relationship.
The shower...I can't get that out of my head. I have every detail of those few minutes burned into my brain. How he looked in that towel. The hopeful expression on his face when he asked me to join him. The absolute shock when I said ok. The look in his eyes while I was getting undressed. I keep wondering what would have happened if Finn hadn't walked in. The two of us...in the shower...wet, naked...what would that have been like? As much as I've seen of Hamilton's body, I can't picture what he looks like completely undressed. The thought scares me as much as it turns me on.
I also keep asking myself what the hell I was thinking to agree in the first place! Jumping into the shower with him? Was I insane? We never even got completely undressed in the privacy of my room with a locked door and yet, here I was stripping down in the dorm bathroom? The only answer I can come up with is that I wasn't thinking; I was reacting. Reacting to the thought of not seeing him everyday, reacting to the idea being alone for two weeks, reacting to the sight of him in nothing but a towel. I totally wasn't thinking and now our entire future may be in jeopardy because of it.
There is no way that Finn didn't see that I'm a girl. Even if he didn't get a clear view of my chest, I was only wearing my underwear and it was obvious that this wasn't a male body. Now the question is, what will Finn do about it? I guess it's too much to hope for that he'll forget about the whole thing. Finn's a pretty unconventional guy, but this is probably asking way too much even for him.
Hamilton is going to try and talk to him and find out what he plans to do, but he hasn't seen Finn, yet. Ham's parents freaked when he didn't come home Tuesday night. Even though they calmed down once he explained about the accident and being stranded, he still got in trouble for leaving without telling them what he was doing. He couldn't really explain why he left in such a hurry without getting into more trouble, so he had to keep quiet and take the extra work at the school his Dad gave him as punishment. But that pretty much kills any chance we had of him coming to visit me here. Phone calls and email will have to do. Of course, if Finn turns me in, phone calls and email will be all there is!
All I can do now is wait. Basically, my future is in Finn's hands and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I hate this...