Lady Reena's Challenge
By Lady of the Wolves
Dedicated to Jack
Harry Potter walked to Transfiguration with his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. It seemed like a perfectly normal day until the three reached the classroom and found a large sign on the door stating that exams would be taken today instead of in a week, when they had originally been scheduled.
"Oh no!" Hermione cried, dropping everything in search of her Transfiguration notes. "I haven't studied enough! What if I fail?!"
Harry sighed, helping her pick up her things. "It's OK," he assureed her. "I haven't studied half as much as you; I'm the one who's going to fail!" Suddenly Harry became worried. Would he have to repeat a year?
Ron began to whistle with his hands in his pockets. Harry and Hermione both gave him a strange look. "Aren't you the LEAST BIT WORRIED?!" Hermione asked, seriously freaking out. "You haven't studied at all!!"
Ron shrugged. "You know what they say," he commented. " 'Birds of a feather keep the doctor away!'" Harry stared at him while Hermione shrugged and picked up her books.
"That was most disturbing," Hermione whispered to Harry as they entered the classroom. Harry nodded fervently. They took their usual seats in the back.
"BLEH!" said Professor McGonagall as she entered the room and noticed a large green blob of something stuck to her left shoe. She bent over to remove it when-"I'm a witch! I'll use my wand!" she said suddenly, straightening up and smiling. Then she used her wand to remove it and then threw it away.
"Class, COME TO ATTENTION now," she said, rapping her wand on Lavendar Brown's desk. When everyone was paying attention, she cleared her throat again. "Today we will have a written exam for an important reason!"
"What's the important reason?" asked Dean, standing up.
"Because I felt like it!" she barked, using her wand to turn him into a dog. The dog/Dean looked around then attempted to climb back into his chair.
By then, everyone is a little afraid of her, as she seemed to be wand-happy. With a flick of her wand, she sent exams to every student. "You may write on the test," she informs everyone. Suddenly Seamus raised his hand.
"Can we write on it?" he asked.
"Yes, you may," she replied, looking irritated. "Do not begin, however."
He raiseed his hand again. "Can we start?"
Professor McGonagall became angry at this and glared at him. Several students giggled, except for Harry, who was confused (like the rest of us!) , Hermione, who was studying, and Ron, who was muttering under his breath. "NO!"
She went back to her desk and sat down. "Now you may begin," she said, glaring at Seamus, who tried to look innocent. As he opened his mouth to say something, she snapped, "You can start!"
Seamus continued to try and look innocent. "I was gonna ask if I could go to the bathroom," he said, causing the class to burst into laughter.
Professor McGonagall stood up and walked over to his desk. Grabbing his ear, she dragged him to the front of the room and let go. "Drop and give me twenty," she ordered, crossing her arms in front of her. Seamus looked at her in disbelief.
"I can't. It's against my religion!" he said, and the class laughed again.
"Fifty, then," the Professor said, growing angrier.
"I can't! It's against my religion!" he persisted.
Finally Professor McGonagall sighed and grabbed his ear again, this time pulling him
over to the window. Opening it, she threw him out. She returned to her desk and dusted her hands off. Smiling sweetly at her class, she said, "Now, please begin."
Everyone started their tests. Dean was still a dog and Seamus had not returned. Hermione raised her hand. "Professor McGonagall? This test has NOTHING to do with transfiguration, or even witchcraft in general!" Many people murmured their agreement.
McGonagall stood up and walked to Hermione's desk. Hermione cringed, afraid of being thrown out the window. Instead, Professor McGonagall handed her a piece of chalk. "Hermione, please go up to the board and write 'I will not ask stupid questions' 500,000 times," she said. Hermione gave her a confused look.
"But-but I didn't ASK a question!" she protested, but went up to the board in a hurry when the professor glared at her.
After about five minutes, Parvati Patil raised her hand.
McGonagall sighed. "What now?" she snapped. Parvati gulped.
"Er-um, Professor McGonagall, this-it says, 'On what day was *NSync's song "Oops...I Did It Again" released?'"
"And?" the professor snapped.
"*NSync didn't sing that! Britney Spears did!"
At this, Professor McGonagall started to sob into her arms. "I should be singing that!" she cried. "Not some American wench!" Parvati went up to comfort her.
Dean, still a dog (a chocolate lab, in case you were wondering), barked in protest.
The test continues, with ridiculously impossible questions...
Harry Potter was in despair. What had happened to Professor McGonagall? And why was did the test cosist of COMPLETELY insane mateiral?
Finally, Lavendar Brown raised her hand. Professor McGonagall came over to her and glared at her through her her square spectacles. "What?"
Lavendar gulped. "This question-number thirty-four-it's in another language!"
The professor sighed and snatched up the test. "Yes, it is," the professor agreed.
"But-I don't knwo how to speak-or read-whatever!" she protested.
Professor McGonagall sighed. "It's in Swahili. We learned how to decipher Swahili on the day that you were sick and missed class." The professor handed Lavendar's paper back to the dumbfounded girl as she returns to her desk.
Harry began to beat his head against his desk. He was going to fail! In a bout of desperation, he leaned over to Ron and whispered, "What did you get for-for all of them?"
Ron shook his head. "I've no idea," he said sadly. "But you know what they say: 'Never trust a monkey to take your apple."
Harry stared at Ron, then turned back. Now his best friend was going insane!
Suddenly, the smell of burning clothing filled the air as Professor McGonagall transfigured her chair into an iron and began to iron several robes in wild colors that she had produced from beneath her desk.
Dean/the dog began to bark loudly and jumped from his chair to run over to the professor. He jumped up and grabbed the one of the robes in hsi jaws. "Give it to me, you nasty beast!" she cried, putting the iron on a pile of papers to try and wrestle the robe back with both hands.
Dean/the dog raced around the room, leading Professor McGonagall on a wild chase. The lime-green robe in his jaws waved proudly like a banner. "Give that back, you stupid animal!" she cried. Dean/the dog ignored her. Finally, the professor pulled out her wand and turned Dean/the dog back into Dean. However, there was one problem:he wasn't wearing anything.
Dean blushed furiously and pulled the green robe over himself. He ran out of the room. Professor McGonagall chased him. "Give me back my robe!" she shrieked. "It cost a lot of money!" The rest of the class laughed, hearing her heavy footsteps chase after Dean's. Finally she returned to the classroom, panting.
Ron stood up. "You know what they always say," he mentioned. "'Athens.'" Professor McGonagall stared at him in shock, then broke into a huge smile.
"That's what I always say," she said cheerfully. "Now, please return to your desks."
Harry wondered if he was losing it.
"Professor, your desk!" shrieked Neville Longbottom. "It's on fire!" McGonagall found that he was right. The papers under the iron had burst into flame. She pulled out her wand and waved it, causing the fire to disappear. Everyone took their seats.
"I'm confused," Neville whispered to Harry. "This test makes no sense!" Harry nodded his agreement.
Now Professor McGonagall was sitting on her desk. She reached into one of the drawers and pulled out a box of cornflakes. Noisly opening the package, she began to toss them absentmindedly into her mouth.
"Eeewww!" shrieked Parvati as she jumped up from her desk. "I HATE cornflakes!" She ran over to the window and clutched her stomach.
McGonagall gave her a dirty look. "You'd better not barf in my classroom, missy," she warned. Just then, Parvati leaned out the window and threw up.
"Yuck!" the everyone said simultaneously.
About five seconds later, everyone heard a faint, "Gross! Someone puked all over me! What a day, I get thrown out o' a window, and I'm lying here with me back broken and all, when someone goes an'-"
Professor McGonagall ran over and slammed the window shut. "Now remember, class," she said sharply. "'Never set your CD on fire!'"
Harry decided that he WAS insane, or that he was definitely having a dream. Just then, a large knock sounded from the door. Professor McGonagall sighed heavily and opened it.
In rushed Lord Voldemort. Everyone screamed and ran to a corner of the room except the professor. "Yes?" she snapped.
Lord Voldemort snorted. "Where's Harry Potter?" he asked evilly. Then he laughed evilly.
Professor McGonagall glared at him. "Harry Potter is taking a test," she informed him.
Voldemort laughed evilly. Again. "I don't care! I am Lord Voldemort!"
Professor McGonagall batted her eyelashes at him form over her glasses. "I am Minerva, you hottie," she whispered, putting her hands on her waist.
Harry began to whack his head against the nearest wall as Neville fainted in terror.
Voldemort took a step back, giving the professor a strange look. "I am a lethal Dark wizard," he said. Then he laughed evilly.
Lavendar Brown got out from under the desk where she was hiding. "Excuse me, but will you please STOP THAT?! It's really getting annoying!" Voldemort stared at her evilly until she ran back under the desk. Harry tried to shrink out of view.
Professor McGonagall pushed Voldemort out of the room. "Harry Potter is taking a test, so you CANNOT speak to him now! Now go back to class, young man!" She slammed the door in his face. Everyone in the class cheered, and she took a bow. "Now get back to your exams!" she roared, causing everyone to run back to their desks.
By now, Harry Potter felt that he was truly insane. "Professor McGonagall?" he asked.
"What?" she snarled, now eating a Big Mac.
"Can I borrow you laptop?" He figured that it was OK to be insane. If you can't beat them, join them, he decided.
"Sure!" she said happily, making it appear on his desk.
Harry logged onto the Internet and went to FanFiction.Net, where he looked up this story and decided to see how it ended....