A/N: Welp, I decided to keep going......much to many of your guys' pleasure! Oh yeah and I know that on the other 2 chapters I keep writing "this is like a totally worthless story" but now I *actually* like it, since I've had so many kind reviews
Disclaimer: Uh...........who writes Harry Potter again?........................hehe :P
Q: What If HP Was American?
A: The world would be messed up.
Scene 1
Hogwarts is having a huge rock concert. I swear, it looks like Woodstock '68 out there. All the girls are running around screaming in bikinis or bra tops. The guys are cheering for the band and hitting on girls.
Above the stage is a huge banner reading "WAND UP THE ASS." That is the name of the band. The guys up there are:
Fred and George on electric guitars and lead vocals,
Lee Jordan on bass,
Alicia Spinnet on keyboards
and Katie Bell on drums (girl drummers kick ass!)
They are doing a song that goes like this:
"AS YOU SEE, OUR BAND NAME
IMPLIES SOMETHING VERY INHUMANE
BUT OUR MUSIC KICKS BUTT, AND WE LIKE CRACK
WHICH IS WHY WE ALL HAVE WANDS UP OUR ASS"
The whole crowd likes the song! (whether Dumbledore likes it is up to you)
They leave and the next band comes on. They are called "PIXIE DUST"
And their nauseatingly soft, nostalgic song goes........
"Through the wind, blows the fairy dust.
Of pixies and droxies alike [NOTE: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT A DROXY IS, CONSULT 'FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM' LOCATED In FINE BOOKSTORES]
They spread sweet honey all around
Much to the delight of the fairy......"
They are booed out and forced to leave the stage. WAND UP OUR ASS comes back on and keeps rocking it out.
THE END AND READ THE BETA READING NOTICE
*********************BETA READING NOTICE********************
READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ
Hello! And thank you for reading my story! I am taking this oppurtunity to offer YOU the chance to have ME as your Beta Reader! To add to my fanfiction projects, I would simply love to become YOUR next Beta Reader! As a Beta Reader, I would read your stories and check them for spelling, grammar, acurracy, clarity, and its overall plot.
HERE ARE SOME REASONS THAT WILL CONTRIBUTE TO ME BEING A GOOD BETA READER:
1. I am very inclined towards English, literature, and spelling. I have always received excellent marks in these fields (although not so much for math and science!! :) I would proofread your stories with tactics that have never failed me in checking my OWN stories (and those of others), and I would be armed with a dictionary, thesaurus, and rhyming dictionary (for songfics and filks).
2. I would make sure to simply SUGGEST ideas and plot twists to you before putting them in your story and sending it back to you. I tend to listen rather than talk, so I would make sure you get as much input as you like.
3. I have utterly DEVOURED the Harry Potter books, and I think that, because I have read them all a minimum of 5 times, I would be able to make sure your HP stories are accurate in terms of things like spells, incantations, props, characters, etc.
4. I would'nt just Beta Read Harry Potter stories, like some Beta Readers I have talked to. No, I will accept nearly anything! However, there are a few things that would not work too well, such as Digimon and other popular games and movies authors base their stories on. This is not because I don't like them; it is because I am not familiar with them and would not be good at all in Beta Reading them. I would, of course, still do all the literature checking for them, but I would not be able to check their plot accuracy. But I'll still do the spelling and such :)
I hope this does not happen, but I would not under any circumstances review any stories that are potentially NC-17 rated. Potential R stories will be first talked over before I choose to proceed with them. I am not trying to be mean in this way; I simply want to clarify the fact that I won't tolerate being emailed vulgar or obscene stories. I am looking to read clean, cute, well-plotted stories, not ones that mutilate Harry Potter :)
5. I can also write summaries. I know several authors who say they cannot write them at all, but I'm well adept to it. I can also help you decide censors (ratings), categories, genres, and titles.
6. I am a very organized person, and I put a lot into my schooling. I think I would be good as a Beta Reader because of my organizational skills, logic, common sense, and everything I do for you will be with a smile on my face!
So, if you are interested, please email me at
fleurdelacour@teen.com
I will talk with you about what you are trying to accomplish with your stories, and what we can do to make them better.
After that, I would have you email me your story, and I would check over the grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. If necessary, I will also make a couple suggestions, but I will never be overbearing or in anyway obliging you to go through with them. I'm a one-for-one, one-for-all kind of gal, and I will accept stories from any of you, young or old, guy or girl.
But FIRST, you need to email me so that we can set it all up! Please do not send me a fic, saying "please beta read this." I would first like to talk with the author and really figure out what we are trying to accomplish.
Email me for more details....
So, this is Fleur Delacour, who wants to become YOUR next Beta Reader!
Disclaimer: Uh...........who writes Harry Potter again?........................hehe :P
Q: What If HP Was American?
A: The world would be messed up.
Scene 1
Hogwarts is having a huge rock concert. I swear, it looks like Woodstock '68 out there. All the girls are running around screaming in bikinis or bra tops. The guys are cheering for the band and hitting on girls.
Above the stage is a huge banner reading "WAND UP THE ASS." That is the name of the band. The guys up there are:
Fred and George on electric guitars and lead vocals,
Lee Jordan on bass,
Alicia Spinnet on keyboards
and Katie Bell on drums (girl drummers kick ass!)
They are doing a song that goes like this:
"AS YOU SEE, OUR BAND NAME
IMPLIES SOMETHING VERY INHUMANE
BUT OUR MUSIC KICKS BUTT, AND WE LIKE CRACK
WHICH IS WHY WE ALL HAVE WANDS UP OUR ASS"
The whole crowd likes the song! (whether Dumbledore likes it is up to you)
They leave and the next band comes on. They are called "PIXIE DUST"
And their nauseatingly soft, nostalgic song goes........
"Through the wind, blows the fairy dust.
Of pixies and droxies alike [NOTE: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT A DROXY IS, CONSULT 'FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM' LOCATED In FINE BOOKSTORES]
They spread sweet honey all around
Much to the delight of the fairy......"
They are booed out and forced to leave the stage. WAND UP OUR ASS comes back on and keeps rocking it out.
THE END AND READ THE BETA READING NOTICE
*********************BETA READING NOTICE********************
READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ
Hello! And thank you for reading my story! I am taking this oppurtunity to offer YOU the chance to have ME as your Beta Reader! To add to my fanfiction projects, I would simply love to become YOUR next Beta Reader! As a Beta Reader, I would read your stories and check them for spelling, grammar, acurracy, clarity, and its overall plot.
HERE ARE SOME REASONS THAT WILL CONTRIBUTE TO ME BEING A GOOD BETA READER:
1. I am very inclined towards English, literature, and spelling. I have always received excellent marks in these fields (although not so much for math and science!! :) I would proofread your stories with tactics that have never failed me in checking my OWN stories (and those of others), and I would be armed with a dictionary, thesaurus, and rhyming dictionary (for songfics and filks).
2. I would make sure to simply SUGGEST ideas and plot twists to you before putting them in your story and sending it back to you. I tend to listen rather than talk, so I would make sure you get as much input as you like.
3. I have utterly DEVOURED the Harry Potter books, and I think that, because I have read them all a minimum of 5 times, I would be able to make sure your HP stories are accurate in terms of things like spells, incantations, props, characters, etc.
4. I would'nt just Beta Read Harry Potter stories, like some Beta Readers I have talked to. No, I will accept nearly anything! However, there are a few things that would not work too well, such as Digimon and other popular games and movies authors base their stories on. This is not because I don't like them; it is because I am not familiar with them and would not be good at all in Beta Reading them. I would, of course, still do all the literature checking for them, but I would not be able to check their plot accuracy. But I'll still do the spelling and such :)
I hope this does not happen, but I would not under any circumstances review any stories that are potentially NC-17 rated. Potential R stories will be first talked over before I choose to proceed with them. I am not trying to be mean in this way; I simply want to clarify the fact that I won't tolerate being emailed vulgar or obscene stories. I am looking to read clean, cute, well-plotted stories, not ones that mutilate Harry Potter :)
5. I can also write summaries. I know several authors who say they cannot write them at all, but I'm well adept to it. I can also help you decide censors (ratings), categories, genres, and titles.
6. I am a very organized person, and I put a lot into my schooling. I think I would be good as a Beta Reader because of my organizational skills, logic, common sense, and everything I do for you will be with a smile on my face!
So, if you are interested, please email me at
fleurdelacour@teen.com
I will talk with you about what you are trying to accomplish with your stories, and what we can do to make them better.
After that, I would have you email me your story, and I would check over the grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. If necessary, I will also make a couple suggestions, but I will never be overbearing or in anyway obliging you to go through with them. I'm a one-for-one, one-for-all kind of gal, and I will accept stories from any of you, young or old, guy or girl.
But FIRST, you need to email me so that we can set it all up! Please do not send me a fic, saying "please beta read this." I would first like to talk with the author and really figure out what we are trying to accomplish.
Email me for more details....
So, this is Fleur Delacour, who wants to become YOUR next Beta Reader!