For the second time in my life, I awoke in pitch h black darkness with a hand over my mouth. My panic lasted only for a moment before I was able to force my body to relax. The mild scent of black tea and microban cleaner brought me peace. I reached up and brushed the hand away.
It smells like him.
Kabuto's weight rested behind me. I turned to face him. The mattress was barely big enough for one person, and I felt myself sliding towards him as I readjusted. He draped his left arm over me, holding me gently in place with its weight.
He must be on top of the blanket.
He rested his right hand on my sternum, quickly tapping out a message with his fingers against the bone.
-.- ..- .. . -
(Quiet)
I removed my own right arm from the blankets and mimicked his placement, tapping out my reply over his heart.
.- ... -.-
(Why)
He responded slowly, pausing between each letter, dragging his finger down in a sharp line to separate words.
.- .-.. .- .- -.- ... / .- .- - -.-. ... . -..
(Always watched)
.- ...
(Ah)
I spread my fingers over his chest for a moment, feeling his pulse beneath my palm, then continued.
.- ... .- - / -.. .. -.. / -.- - ..- / - . .- -.
(What did you mean)
. ...- . .-. -.- / .-. - - - / ... . .-. . / .. ... / - - -. .. - - .-. . -..
(Every room here is monitored)
-. - - / - ... .- -
(Not that)
He paused, waiting for me to explain.
-.- - ..- / ... . -. - / - . / .- / - . ... ... .- -. .
(You sent me a message)
His whole body stiffened. I continued.
.-.. - ...- .
(Love)
I felt his breathing quicken, then slow.
-.. .. -.. / -. - - / - ... .. -. -.- / -.- - ..- / .- - ..- .-.. -.. / -. - - .. -.-. .
(Did not think you would notice)
-.. - / -.- - ..- / - . .- -. / .. -
(Do you mean it)
He paused. I began to repeat my question, wondering if he had missed my meaning. He pressed against me to interrupt my tapping.
.. / -.-. .- -. .-. -
(I can't)
- ... . -. / .- ... -.- / ... . -. -.. / - ... .- -
(Then why send that)
I bent my head down, resting my forehead against his chest. I tucked my arm in, letting my hand press against his shoulder. He pulled me closer, then tapped with his left hand against my back.
.. / .- .- -. - / - -
(I want to)
- ... . -. / .- ... -.-
(Then why)
He started tapping again, without waiting for me to finish.
.. / .- ..- ... - / -.-. .- -. .-. -
(I just can't)
-... . -.-. .- ..- ... . / .- . .-. .-. . / - - -. .. - - .-. . -..
(Because we're monitored)
-. -
(No)
I paused, confused.
If he likes me too, and he isn't being stopped by whoever is monitoring the rooms, then why?
He tapped two distinct words against my back forcefully, trying to push the full meaning into my skin.
.. / -.-. .- -. .-. -
(I can't)
.. / -.. - -. .-. - / ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -..
(I don't understand)
He tensed against me, then slowly started tapping a response.
... - - . - ... .. -. -. / .. -. ... .. -.. . / - . / .. ... / -... .-. - -.- . -.
(Something inside me is broken)
He paused, took a few deep breaths, and started again.
... - - . - ... .. -. -. / .. -. ... .. -.. . / - . / .. ... / .- .-. - -. -.
(Something inside me is wrong)
His breathing grew forceful, then quieted again. His body shuddered quietly.
.. / -.. - -. .-. - / - ... .. -. -.- / .. / -.-. .- -. / ..-. . . .-.. / .-.. - ...- . / -.-. - .-. .-. . -.-. - .-.. -.-
(I don't think I can feel love correctly)
I reached my hand up to his face, making contact with his skin before he realized I had moved. My fingertips brushed against his cheeks in the darkness. They were wet. I moved my hand to the back of his neck, tapping out a response.
.. - / .. ... / . -. - ..- -. ...
(It is enough)
His body shuddered again, and he let out a breath that was audibly shaken.
... - - .-.
(Stop)
I tapped another message against his neck.
-.- - ..- / .- .-. . / . -. - ..- -. ...
(You are enough)
He shook his head slightly and tapped sharply against my back.
... - - .-.
(Stop)
- ... .. ... / .. ... / .-.. - ...- .
(This is love)
He started tapping the same message against my back over and over again. The spot he pressed began to feel sore with the impact.
... - - .-. / ... - - .-. / ... - - .-. / ... - - .-. / ... - - .-.
(Stop stop stop stop stop)
-.- .- -... ..- - -
(Kabuto)
... - - .-. / ... - - .-. / ... - - .-. / ... - - .-. / ... - - .-.
(Stop stop stop stop stop)
- ... .- - / ... ..- .-. - ...
(That hurts)
He stopped, still shuddering quietly. We waited several seconds in silence until his breathing was back under control. He withdrew his arms, then started to pull himself away from me.
He can't go. He can't leave. Not like this, at least.
I tightened my hand against the back of his neck, pulling him closer. The unexpected movement sent him toppling back down into the bed. I pushed myself towards him, crushing my lips against his in the darkness. He found my arms and tapped against them.
... - - .-. / - . .-.. -
(Stop Melo)
I kissed him again, then pulled away slightly and let my cheek rest against his. Tears spilled from my eyes and intermixed with his own, which were drying on his face.
-.. - -. .-. - / -. -
(Don't go)
His hands turned to vices around both of my arms, pushing me back. I tried to force my face back down towards his.
He tapped a message against my arm.
.. .-. .-.. .-.. / ... - .- -.-
(I'll stay)
I froze, letting my body go limp to show that I understood. He released me. I settled myself entirely on top of him, kissing the skin around his neck, his chin, his lips. He returned my kiss with matching passion, but pushed me off to his side. He tapped out another message against my body.
.- .-. . / -.- - ..- / ... ..- .-. .
(Are you sure)
I had lost the ability to tap out full sentences. I sent only one word.
.-.. - ...- .
(Love)
He pulled my face forward to kiss him again. His lips melded against mine, and I felt his tongue flick against me. I opened my mouth and allowed him access, relishing his taste as it filled my mouth. I draped my arm over him, pulling myself closer against him. He immediately froze. He carefully picked my hand up, placing it gently back on my own side of the bed.
-.. - -. .-. - / ... - .-.. -.. / - .
(Don't hold me)
My face twisted into confusion, but he wasn't able to see it in the darkness. I placed my hand gently back on his sternum and tapped another message.
.- ... -.-
(Why)
.. / -.-. .- -. .-. -
(I can't)
I still didn't understand. I waited for him to continue.
.-. .- .-. - / - ..-. / ... - .- / .. / .- - / -... .-. - -.- . -.
(Part of how I am broken)
He spread his hand against me, then continued.
.. / -.-. .- -. .-. - / -... . / -.-. - -. ... - .-. .- .. -. . -..
(I can't be constrained)
.. / ... . .
(I see)
.. / .-. .- -. .. -.-.
(I panic)
That's okay. I can handle that. How do I explain that that's okay?
He started tapping another message.
.. .-. - / ... - .-. .-. -.- / .. .-. - / -... .-. - -.- . -.
(I'm sorry I'm broken)
I'll show my love through compliance.
I shook my head, then lifted his arm and slid myself under it. I tucked my own arms close in front of me, trapping them between our bodies. I had to use a knuckle on the back of my hand to continue tapping a message.
-. - .- / .. .-. - / - .-. .- .-. .-. . -..
(Now I'm trapped)
He tightened his grip around me.
.. - .-. ... / - -.- .- -.-
(It's okay)
He didn't answer, and instead bent his head down to kiss the top of mine. I continued tapping against him.
- ... .. ... / .. ... / .-.. - ...- .
(This is love)
He was crushing me against him too tightly to continue our silent conversation. He started shuddering again as he held me, and continued for several minutes. I chose not to try to wipe his tears away this time, and instead I contented myself with planting soft kisses against his chest. He held me that way until he had stilled, and then until I fell asleep. The last thing I remember was the gentle pressure of him massaging small circles on my back with his thumbs as I drifted off. When I awoke the next morning, he was gone.