Author's Note: This story contains serious Ash- and Tracey-bashing, Rocketshippyness, the author being nice to Giovanni, Bush-bashing, and profanity. If you cannot handle this, don't read my fic! (It's not so bad in this chapter, though, in case you were wondering.)
The Greatest Lesson
By Team Rocket's Rapidash
Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring!
Phone call! Phone call!
Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring!
Phone call! Phone call!
"Meowth! Will you get that? Meowth?"
I sighed. Damn that cat! I thought. Too lazy to get the freakin' phone...
"Nnhhh...where's the fire?"
I looked to my right. James had woken up. His blue hair-one of God's little mysteries-was all sticking up on one side. The rest was a labyrinth of tangles. James blinked and blearily focused his emerald eyes on me. He sat up, his sheet falling down to his lap, exposing his black silk boxers. You know, the ones with the little Saturn and all the stars? Well, you've never seen him in his boxers(so sexy!), so I guess you wouldn't.
Meowth entered the bedroom of our tiny Team Rocket cabin just outside Blackthorn City. We had been pursuing the twerp for quite some time now, and, after nearly three years, Ash was on the verge of winning his Rising Badge.
The cat didn't look happy. "Da Boss wants ta talk ta ya. Says it's important. I told him to wait until youse guys got spruced up a bit. Ya look like a buncha Mereeps after a Pidgeot hit 'em wit a Whirlwind attack an' dey hit an Onix. Not exactly what I'd call groomed, kids."
James growled. "Thanks, Meowth, now maybe I'll squirt you with my shaving cream tonight. See how you feel when I tease you in the mornin' about your appearance. Give us five fuckin' minutes, alright?"
Meowth sighed and shook his head.
Five minutes later, there we were, fully groomed and dressed, standing in front of the telephone's vid-screen.
The Boss smiled. "Jessie, James, good to see you awake and chipper, as always."
Chipper my ass, I thought.
"So, why is it you wanted us, sir?" James asked, layering his voice with Southern syrup. "As I recall, it is precisely 6:35 AM. Not the best time to wake your field agents, if you'll excuse my saying so, sir."
The Boss smiled again. "Yes, James, I realize this. However, I need to see you three in my Viridian headquarters as soon as possible. I have a...special assignment that only you three can handle. Over and out."
The vid-screen went blank. James turned to me. "As soon as possible. You'd think that Viridian was only a stone's throw from Blackthorn." He snorted. "It'll take two days in the Meowth balloon! How are we supposed to get there quickly?"
I shrugged. "Too bad we don't have a Rapidash or something..."
James' eyes lit up. "Hey! I know!"
"What is it, Jimmy? Ya got a plan?" Meowth asked.
James nodded. "Remember how I evolved Growly at the beginning of the year? Well, I figure I could just withdraw him from the computer and we've got ourselves a free ticket to Viridian City!"
It was a good idea. James had evolved Growly a few days after his birthday on January 18, when the puppy Pokemon had decided he wanted to evolve. A perfect present for James, I thought. And us, too, now-Growly as an Arcanine was extremely fast!
My eyes sparkled. "Oh, James," I cooed, "You're so smart!" James blushed and ducked his head. No matter if it was true, James being brilliant and all, it still embarrassed him.
I hugged him, relishing the feel of his warm body aganst mine. This only made James blush harder. He giggled. "Come on, Jess, we had better get going."
@----
No less than two hours later, Jessie, Meowth and I arrived at Northern Headquarters in the middle of the labyrinthine Viridian forest. I called Growly back into his pokeball, and kissed it.
"Good work, Growly. Thanks." The pokeball quivered slightly, and I'll be damned if Growly wasn't in there shaking his tail. I swiped our pass through the electronic lock on HQ's massive iron doors, and the lock clicked and beeped. We were in.
The secretary, Hermione, a pretty, black-haired twenty-something showed us in with a cheerful wave.
It was dark, as usual, in the Boss's office. He smiled his shark-tooth grin at us.
"Welcome, Jessie, James, Meowth. You're here early. I didn't expect you to be in until-"
"Two days from now?" I asked.
He facefaulted. "...Yes. Did you ride on your Arcanine?"
I nodded. "So, what did you want us for, sir?"
The Boss cleared his throat and sat forward. His Persian lurked out of the shadows and made his way to the desk, hissing at Meowth as he passed. Meowth stretched the claws of his right paw, but showed no other signs of agitation.
"The three of you are my best field agents. However, you lack specific skills that will be useful in other areas. So, to, ahem, help you along, I have enlisted the help of my greatest agent. You will train under her supervision for one week, then report back to me. Your instructor will also be giving me a daily report, so I advise you three to...behave. Clear?"
I smirked. "Crystal, sir."
Jessie put her hands on her hips. "And just who, exactly, will be teaching us?"
"I will."
We looked around, wondering where the voice had come from. I spotted a gleam from the dark shadow near the Boss's desk.. Slowly a figure stepped into view.
It was a young girl. Her sepia eyes glittered in the low light. She was wearing a bodysuit-like Team Rocket uniform, reminiscent of the one Cassidy wore, only hers was all black-no tacky striping. However, it also resembled a business suit in that the sleeves were long, revealing short white dress gloves, gloves that showed off ten impeccable black, manicured nails. A belt hung off her hips, and I could clearly see six minimized pokeballs, seemingly freshly polished. She had, I noted, knee-high, lace-up black leather boots that were more sophisticated than some I'd seen-most likely they'd been tailored to match her outfit.
But it was her face that caught my attention. She had deathly pale skin like Jessie's, and a hairstyle that I'd seen on only one other person.
Me.
The white hair in the front of her reddish sepia, anyway. She had three strands of hair that stuck out at her widow's peak, telling me that, at one point in her life, she might've cut or shaved her widow's peak clear off. Her sepia eyes were identical to the eyes that the majority of the Rockets, including Jessie and I, had. She wore black lipstick and eyeshadow that set off the "Rocket Elite" look perfectly. The blood-red of the "R" on her chest was basically the only other really noticeable color she possessed, aside from the sepia of her hair and eyes.
I loved her instantly.
Well, in the platonic friendship sense, anyway. Jessie is the only woman I could ever truly love. Besides, this girl was too young for me.
The Boss stood up and put his arm around the girl's shoulders. This gesture surprised me, since I had never really thought of the Boss as a very physical person. Our young friend was most likely his daughter or something...but, then again, the Boss wasn't a very physical person. Not a very good quality to lack in marriage.
"Jessie, James, Meowth, this is Team Rocket's Rapidash. My most esteemed agent since, well, Miyamoto."
"B-but she's just a little girl!" Jessie cried, practically spitting with rage.
Rapidash narrowed her eyes. "I'm fourteen. My birthday was March 1st."
"Big deal! You haven't had any time to become as great as the Boss says! What kind of joke are you trying to pull?!"
Rapidash sighed and looked up at the Boss. "Giovanni, am I really going to have to teach these impertinent teenagers?"
"Now, Rapidash, remember what we talked about." the Boss said warningly.
"I know..."
"Good. Now, run along and do your job, Rapidash. I'm counting on you."
Rapidash bowed and led us out onto the front lawn. She crossed her arms and looked evenly at us.
"Now, you three, I'm your mother for the next week, and I wanna get a couple of things straight. You will follow all rules unless otherwise instructed. Just because I'm younger than you doesn't mean I can't whip your asses if you give me trouble. This is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship. I am the Lord. Understand?"
We nodded.
Rapidash smiled. "Good. Now, we've got a long way to go, so I think we'd better ride. You'll be staying with me, so I figure y'all better get used to the resident Pokemon."
Ah, a Southerner, I thought. I wonder what state she's from...
"Resident Pokemon?" Meowth asked. "What in hell's dat mean?"
She chuckled. "Well, I'll tell you when we get there. In the meantime, y'all gotta ride on my birds, if you wanna keep up with...Rapidash! I choose you!"
A huge Rapidash stallion materialized in front of us. We all stepped back. The stallion snorted. A gust of embers and smoke blew out of his delicate nostrils. He had snow-white fur, a huge plume of flames, and glaring blood-red eyes. It was all we could do to keep from running! That Rapidash was scary!
"Aw, you're all wimps. He won't hurt you! My baby is just a big teddy bear! See?" Rapidash stroked her Rapidash's muzzle. Slowly, the stallion's eyelids drooped.
She chuckled. Then, snapping her fingers and getting the stallion to kneel, Rapidash mounted up.
Rapidash pulled two pokeballs off of her belt. "Jessie, Meowth, you can ride on Skarmory, if you'd like."
They nodded. Rapidash released the steel bird, and it allowed Jessie and Meowth to climb onto its back.. She then looked at me.
"Well, James, looks like you got my big bird. Wanna see?" she asked, waving the pokeball in my face.
"Sure."
Rapidash giggled. "Here we go..."
She tossed the pokeball into the air. It opened, and a great, ice-blue bird materialized. It can't be...
"Articuno!"
The bird alighted in front of me. Articuno regarded me with his crimson eyes, then raised his elegant head slightly and cooed.
"He says he remembers you."
I reached out and stroked Articuno's icy crest. The ice of his feathers was pleasantly cool, and it didn't melt under my touch. I climbed onto the bird's back and took a hold of his feathers. Articuno spread his wings.
"Y'all ready?" Rapidash cried. We nodded. She heeled into her stallion's side and off we went.
@----
It was 9:00 before we arrived at Rapidash's home, and that was with Skarmory, Articuno, and Rapidash's Rapidash traveling at full clip.
We pulled up next to an enormous live oak, the likes of which I'd never seen. Not even in the front lawn of the Woodson estate, and they had pretty big trees. No, this tree looked like it could support an entire house! The oak sat on the edge of a large, oval-shaped lake. It was so close, several of the roots were in the water!
Cattails and reeds lined the lake, and I could see wild Wooper, Farfetch'd, and Yanma frolicking alongside Quagsire and Poliwag. The area around the lake resembled a national park, complete with wild Stantler, Pidgey, and Teddiursa.
I could get used to this.
But...
...Where was the house?
"Hey, y'all!" Rapidash called. "Quit gawking at the scenery and let's go inside!"
We turned around. "Rapidash..." I began. "...Where is the house?"
Rapidash giggled that strange Southern giggle and pointed up. Our jaws dropped.
Her house was in the tree.
It was amazing! The whole house, complete with electricity, indoor plumbing, and anything else anyone could possibly want, was resting in the boughs of this titanic tree.
Rapidash grinned. "Like it? The Dan'in helped me build it."
James, Meowth and I were stupefied. How-how-could a fourteen-year-old girl-and she was most likely not fourteen when construction began-have built this...this mansion?
I decided not to worry about it.
"How do we get up there?" James asked. I had been wondering that, too. The house must've been twenty feet high!
"Well," Rapidash said, smiling slyly, "Someone has to be up there...and I don't see anyone, do you?"
"B-but Rapidash!" James sputtered. "How are we going to get up there?"
"Like this!"
And, as suddenly as a gunshot, Rapidash jumped-I kid you not-jumped from a standstill onto the balcony-twenty feet into the air!
She alighted gently and lowered a basket. When we arrived at the balcony, Rapidash held up a hand.
"Don't ask."
@----
We entered Rapidash's living room through the balcony's glass doors. Rapidash flipped on the lights. A string of artist's lights lit up along the ceiling, illuminating the room. It was beautifully furnished, with Oriental influence showing brilliantly. A set of beautiful katanas stood in one corner, along with two richly ornamented staffs.
Across the room stood a glass case with models of famous manga characters-Kabuki, Sailor Saturn, the dragon from Dragonball Z, and, wonder of wonders, us! Sure enough, there we were, immortalized in hard plastic for all the world to see. Jessie stood nobly with her Arbok, Lickitung, and Wobbuffet around her. Meowth perched next to her. And I? I stood with my arms crossed, a haughty expression on my plastic face. Surrounding me were Growly, Weezing, Victreebel, and, to my surprise, the Gyarados I had lost two years before.
Rapidash chuckled. "Admiring yourself, James?"
I cocked my head. "Why do I have a Gyarados? I don't have one anymore."
She sighed. "Here." Rapidash handed me a gold-plated pokeball...one with scratch marks in it.
"Now you do. I heard that you had lost him, so I went out and got him back for you." She laughed. "Now that I think about it, that little bastard was hard to wrestle, but he submitted in the end...they all do. Enjoy."
"You wrestled-"
"What did I say about asking questions?" she snapped. "I'll tell you when it's time."
Sweet girl, that Rapidash. Heh. Sweet like lemon juice.
Anyway, the rest of that morning was spent settling in. It turned out that Rapidash, oddly enough, only had two bedrooms in her treetop paradise. Meowth would sleep out on the pavilion over the lake, and Jessie and I...
...Would share the bed in the guest room.
It wasn't really that bad. It was a king-size bed, Jessie and I would each have our own side-what was wrong with it?
A lot, according to Jessie.
"Rapidash! Why do we have to sleep in the same bed?" Jessie wailed.
"Because."
"Because why?" Jessie growled, bringing out her heavy-duty Super Mario Bros. mallet.
A vein popped out on Rapidash's forehead. "Would you like the long reason or the short one?" she hissed.
"Both.."
"One. James is perfectly sanitary. It ain't like you gotta sleep in the same bed with Ash."
Jessie shuddered.
"Two. I only have two beds and you're not sleeping in mine. Three, the two of you sleep together all the time-and have for eight years!"
Jessie sweatdropped. "What's the short reason?"
"BECAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER AND I SAID SO!" Rapidash yelled. She sighed. "Why does it matter? It's not like James is gonna rape ya or anything, right?"
"..."
"I didn't think so. Now get unpacked."
After Rapidash left, Jessie turned to me. "Man, can she yell! My ears are throbbing!"
I shook my head. "She does have quite the stentorian voice. And anyway, you did provoke her, Jess. She had every right to bitch at you."
Jessie stuck her mallet in my face. "James Eric Woodson, you better have a good excuse for that!"
Oh, boy. The full name. Jessie will only use my full name when she's really mad at me.
"Jess, you were making a big deal of nothing! Rapidash is right-we sleep in the same bed all the time! And besides, we're in her house. We have to follow her rules-she's reporting our every move to the Boss!"
She backed off. "You're right...you're right. Come on. Help me get unpacked."
I was a little wary, but Jessie smiled. "Don't worry, James. I won't bite."
@----
Noon.
James, Meowth, Rapidash and I, along with all our Pokemon, were lounging around the crystal-clear lake, fishing. Rapidash had told us there were rare and valuable Pokemon in these waters, and, as if to emphasize the point, a Dratini leapt out of the water.
Needless to say, we were out there with Super Rods immediately.
"Now," Rapidash said, casting her line, "The most important thing here is not the Pokemon you catch, it's how you catch them. A gentle but firm hand, a strong line, and, most of all, patience. With these three things at your disposal, you can catch anything!
"The two most basic fishing techniques are fly-fishing and the Slowpoke Method." Rapidash said. She pulled in her line, then cast it again, but kept it from entering the water. The lure skipped on the surface of the water, until, suddenly, a Goldeen jumped up and grabbed it!
Rapidash reeled the goldfish in. After examining it, she gently set it back in the water. As we watched it swim away, Rapidash turned to us.
"As you just saw, fly-fishing is a quick and effective way to catch Pokemon like Poliwag, Magikarp, Goldeen, Seaking, and Horsea. These Pokemon dwell just under the surface of a lake or ocean. However...
"If you want a good Pokemon like Gyarados, Golduck, Tentacruel, Remoraid, Dewgong, Seadra, Kingdra, and Mantine, you'll have to wait."
Rapidash cast her line out into the deeper water and stuck the end of the Super Rod in between two roots.
"Aren't you worried that it'll get pulled out if something gets it?" James asked.
"Not really. Besides, the only Pokemon really big enough to do that are Gyarados, Dewgong, Mantine, and Dragonite."
"Hold up. You mean there are Dragonite in this lake?!" James asked incredulously.
"Yep. Dratini and Dragonair, too. Real beautes. I snagged a fourteen-footer once, but it snapped my line. Too bad. I coulda used that Dragonair."
Rapidash sighed. "I'm gonna take a quick nap. If any one of us snags something, I've got a bunch of Lure Balls in this bag. Nice fresh ones, too. Just made 'em this mornin'."
My eyes widened. "You make your own Pokeballs? But I thought..."
"That Kurt was the only person that could forge Pokeballs out of Apricorns? I can do it too. There are Apricorn trees all around here. Also, the soil that makes up the forest floor is very fertile, more so than the soil in the Ilex Forest. The Apricorns here grow faster, bigger, and more forgeable than the ones in Ilex Forest. I can make as many as one hundred a day. The majority of them I make for Team Rocket's use."
Her eyelids slowly closed, long lashes fluttering over her dark brown eyes. Soon, she was out. I hated to admit it, but Rapidash was kind of cute when she was asleep.
@----
After an unsuccessful afternoon at fishing (well, we did catch a Magikarp, but after we let it go, Rapidash said that it was too hot for the higher-level Pokemon to be near the surface, or even awake, so we decided to try again in the morning.), the four of us were eating a light lunch of various kinds of sushi. I had discovered that Rapidash kept her fine figure so easily because of a high metabolism, so she could pig out without a guilty conscience. Like me! It's good to find someone who shares my love of food...
"So," Rapidash said through a mouthful of tuna roll, "How's yer first day been so far?"
I picked up a California roll with my chopsticks. "Well, aside from having to wake up at 6:30, traipsing across rugged terrain on an Arcanine for two hours, and not being able to catch anything, I'd say we've had a great time." I said, smiling wryly.
"I hate you." Rapidash said, barely restraining a grin.
Swallowing my California roll, I put down my chopsticks. "Really, Rapidash, we've had a great time! I thought your lesson on Pokemon-fishing was rather stimulating."
She raised her thin eyebrows. "Really?"
"Sure."
Rapidash's eyes became big and starry. "Wow...Gio was right! You guys will listen!"
I laughed. "Of course we'll listen, Rapidash! You have to have faith in us!"
"Then how come you failed your exams at Tech? Didn't y'all listen to your professors?"
Jessie wrinkled her nose. "We listened. We just froze when the test was handed out, that's all."
"I know," Rapidash said, picking up some fried rice. "I read your personnel files. Background research."
"Ah." I said.
"And anyway, I like you guys! I wanted to know more about you."
Suddenly, a pale pink flower petal hit our table and bounced off. Rapidash picked it up.
"Shit! Right in the middle of lunch, too, the cowards!" she growled. The petal was abnormally large and seemed sharp-quite possibly a result of the Grass-type attack Petal Dance. Rapidash clenched her fist around it, and the petal incinerated. Literally burned up.
This girl amazed me more and more...
Rapidash stood up, nearly upsetting the table. "Damn it you two, can't you see I'm with some students? Why don't you come back and piss me off some other time?"
I could hear giggling...and a cry of "Viiiiii!"
The hair on the back of my neck stood up. Could it be...?
@----
James had gone rigid. I know; I heard the mad giggles and Vileplume's cry just as well as he had. Meowth had heard it too, and he hissed ferociously.
I was on the alert. If Jessiebelle showed up, I was ready to defend James. Okay, so I love the guy! Sue me!
"Prepare for trouble!"
Uh...that doesn't sound like Jessiebelle...
"And make it double!"
"To detect the world's devastation!"
"To multiply it for all peoples in our nation!"
"To pronounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our rule to the stars above!"
"Bunny!"
"Andrew!"
"Team Rocket, kicking ass all day and night!"
"Surrender now 'cause you'll lose this fight!"
"That's right!"
"Viiiiii!"
It wasn't Jessiebelle, just another trio of motto-swiping idiots.
The girl looked to be about twelve, with an abnormally large bust for someone her age. Her sleeveless black bodysuit was trimmed in red, and it had no "R"! I was puzzled until I saw the "R" on her belt. She wore fingerless gloves that went to her elbows. This girl obviously had no fashion sense whatsoever. A sheet of dark hair with gold highlights fell to her waist, not completely obscuring a pair of red ball earrings. Hazel eyes glittered maliciously, and black lips were curved in a nasty smirk.
Her partner wasn't much better. A skinny blonde about thirteen years of age; he , like the girl, didn't look as though they could put up much of a fight.
His outfit totally clashed. White pants, the same belt, black fingerless gloves, and-oh, you're gonna love this-an open-so-you-could-see-what-little-chest-he-had, wide-sleeved priest's shirt! Oh, man, can we say tacky?
"Bunny", as she had so eloquently (not) introduced herself, stretched a whip.
"So, TR, how's it goin'?" she asked. A Texan drawl was not disguised in her chirpy, extremely annoying voice. If she was Texan(or remotely so), her parents had probably voted for that idiot, Bush. That just put her farther down on my hate list.
Rapidash leapt down from our little luncheon, landing lightly in front of the two other Rockets.
"Go away," she snarled. "I didn't invite you."
"Now that's not very nice," Bunny said. "I only wanted lunch."
"You're lying. You came to harass me and my guests!" Rapidash cried.
Bunny looked up at Rapidash. "Well, yeah, but we figured we could swipe your little picnic while we're at it, too!"
Rapidash held out a hand. Suddenly, her belt, complete with pokeballs, materialized in her hand. Bunny looked shocked.
Must be psychic, I thought.
Rapidash pulled a pokeball off of her belt, then buckled it on. She looked strangely cute, standing there in a black bikini and a belt hanging off her hips. The look worked, I gave her that.
"Let's battle. If you win, you can have our lunch. If I win, you leave. Deal?"
Bunny brought out her own pokeball. "Deal...but I'm gonna win!"
Maybe she and Ash could go out...they're both twerps! I thought.
"Go! Articuno!" Rapidash cried, assuming a battle stance like my own. The Legendary Bird emerged from the ball with a cry.
"This should be easy," Bunny said, smirking and adopting an Ash-like battle pose. "Go Cyndaquil!"
The little fire mouse squeaked as it emerged. It started to shake as it looked up at Articuno.
"You may have the type advantage, Bunny, but my Articuno is at a very high level!" Rapidash cried. "Articuno! Powder Snow!"
The ice-blue bird flew up into the air and flapped his powerful wings. A fine, powdery snow began to fall. In seconds the low-level Cyndaquil was a hunk of ice.
"No! Cyndaquil, return! I choose you! Chikorita!"
The little leaf Pokemon came out just as Rapidash sent out Houndoom. The Dark Pokemon bared its fangs at the Chikorita, and as soon as he saw it flinch, Houndoom sank those fangs into Chikorita's neck, Biting it. Pure Dark energy flowed into the Pokemon's body. It was down for the count.
@----
Some minutes later, the two Rockets were down to there last Pokemon. Bunny was anyway; Rapidash's Articuno had Fainted Cyndaquil, Houndoom had taken Chikorita, Skarmory had taken Totodile, Espeon had taken Arcanine, and Umbreon had taken Charizard. Each of Rapidash's Pokemon were unharmed, but as for Bunny's...
All taken down with one shot.
And now? Well, Rapidash's Rapidash was brutalizing Bunny's Rapidash. Then...
"No! Rapidash!" Bunny cried. "We're outta here!"
And off they went.
"And don't come back!" Rapidash called after them. She jumped back up to where we sat.
"Wow, Rapidash, dat was great!" Meowth gushed. "An' especially since da majority of dose types didn't match up!"
"Yeah!" Jessie said. "How did you do that?"
"Well, my Pokemon are at a much higher level than any of theirs." Rapidash said. "Plus, all my Pokemon possess their type's strongest attacks, along with different ones for diversity. My Pokemon are so strong they don't really need strategy."
"Wow," I said. "Could you teach us that?"
Rapidash giggled. "My pleasure."
@----
So, Jessie, James, and Meowth have survived their first day under the tutelage of Team Rocket's greatest agent, a young girl with special powers and a name fashioned to fit them: Team Rocket's Rapidash. But they will soon learn the startling truth about their new friend, and some things about themselves, too.
~ Continued in Chapter Two ~