Hey. S'me again.
Yeah, I'm still writing After the Storm, but I was bored late last
night, and feeling kinda morbid, so I came up with this. Enjoy.
Summary: Irvine.
Selphie. Weird. Confusing.
Depressing. But guaranteed to
leave you with a warm, fuzzy feeling.
Thank you. And don't ask what's
wrong with Irvy, cause I DON'T KNOW!!!!
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Head
in his hands, long legs drawn up to his chest, Irvine sat curled up on the
wooden chair in his Matron's kitchen.
It was the only place that gave him some comfort nowadays. For some reason, the kitchen had always
relaxed him. As a small boy, he used to
sit on the floor under the table, cheek against the cool tile as he watched
Edea move about from cabinet to cabinet, her black boots clicking along the
floor. Even now, eighteen years old and
considered a grown man, Irvine still felt safest in the kitchen. And Matron understood.
"Irvine,
dear? Would you like some tea?" She asked softly, placing a slim hand on his
shoulder as she bent down level to his face.
He shook his head, not looking up.
She smiled sweetly, and gave him a quick squeeze. "Alright.
I will just leave you alone then."
Straightening up, she moved to leave the room.
"Matron?" Irvine's voice cracked slightly, and he
looked up, his face streaked with tears.
Edea stopped in her tracks, and stood staring at him. What had happened to break him? The cowboy had always had a sense of control
that others admired. He radiated self-confidence. But it was as if overnight, a dark hand had
reached down and twisted him, breaking his will, tearing down the boundaries of
his memories and emotions, and like a flood, all the things he had tried to
hold back had come rushing forward. And
it was evident in his appearance that something was terribly wrong. Irvine's hair, something he had long prized,
was tangled, and lay loose about his pale face, cascading in burnished red
waves down his back. His deep, sapphire
eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, and puffy from crying. It was all Irvine could do to keep from
visibly shaking, though Hyne knew he wanted nothing more than to break down
completely. He had gathered the
remnants of his shattered control enough to hold back a bit, though not
much.
Nodding
slightly, Edea made her way back to the table, and pulled out a chair across
from him, sitting down. She looked at
him with penetrating black eyes, chin in hand, and waited for him to continue.
~Damn,
she knows me too well. Almost as well
as…~ Irvine sighed, adjusting the rim of his hat so it hid his eyes. "Do you think I did the right thing?" His voice was barely audible, and it echoed
eerily around the perfectly spotless, tile kitchen, sounding cold and almost
alien.
Edea
had to think carefully before answering.
"Irvine…do you think you did the right thing?"
The
cowboy shrugged, scratching the back of his neck with one gloved hand. "Maybe not for me, but for her…Yeah, I guess
so…" He sighed, and laid his head back down on the table, muffling his voice,
making him sound very much like a distressed little boy. "I'll never be the man for her. Never was.
I'm not man enough. She needs
someone who can love her more than life itself, someone who would sacrifice his
life for her. Who can give her food,
money, a roof over her pretty head…a man.
Who was I fooling when I tried to fill that position? Who?"
A single tear slid down his cheek, smearing the wooden tabletop with
shiny wetness.
Edea
reached across the table to place her hand over his, and squeezed it
gently. "Love is a hard road to walk,
darling. Sometimes you love somebody so
much…that you give up everything just so they are happy. You would slit your own throat if it made
them smile, even if for a split second.
Sometimes…you love someone so much, you just ache. All the time. Whenever they are around, there is this dull throbbing in your
chest, and you feel as if you have died and gone to Hyne. If you find love like that, you had best
hold on to it as tightly as possible.
Because love does not come a second time around. It will not wait for you to realize it is
there. Irvine…do you understand what I
am trying to say?"
He
nodded weakly. "You think Selphie's my
soul mate. Hyne, I'd give anything to
touch her. Just to look at her. To kiss her…" Irvine brushed a strand of
hair away from his face. "But Matron, I
gotta do this. I love her."
"But
you are leaving her."
"Because
I love her!" Irvine protested.
"Tell
her that yourself," Edea said quietly.
"In her eyes, you are abandoning her.
From her point of view, that is just an age-old excuse to leave
her. And she cannot deal with
that. Some day, little Selphie is just
going to break. Like you are now."
With
shaky hands, Irvine fumbled for a cigarette and lit it, then glancing at the
look she gave him, he sighed and flicked it out, tossing it into the
garbage. Edea nodded approvingly.
"Irvine,
why don't I go get her, and you two can have a long talk? If you like, I will be the mediator. Or I can leave, and you can use the kitchen
for a while. What do you think?"
He
snorted. "Fuck, like that's gonna
help. She already hates me, why bother
explaining?" Angrily, he slammed his
hand down on the table, and Edea startled.
In her reminiscence of memories, she could sometimes forget that Irvine
wasn't a boy anymore, and despite his almost gawkiness, he was stronger than
many would expect.
"Dear,
you cannot talk like that. Selphie
would never hate you. Think about what
you are saying," she pleaded softly.
Irvine's eyes were blank as he stared at her.
"What's
there to think about? It's over,
Matron. I gotta let her go."
Let her go…
Oh,
sweet innocence. Colors played about
the Quad, catching in the glass of the ceiling, little rainbows shimmering as
they fell to earth. That first night,
she had kissed him, standing on tiptoe to reach him, and he had helped by
lifting her up, cradling her to his body.
Delicate little kisses, light and tender. The smell of her hair, the taste of her skin. Sunshine.
Fleeting rays of happiness, gone with the daylight as the sun set, and
he was pushed back to reality.
You
can't stop it from happening. You can't
stop life from changing. Can't stop an
angel from flying back to heaven. Can't
stop it…
Couldn't
he? Can't stop it…but…can't allow it…
Let
her go…but hold her tightly…
Because
love doesn't come a second time around.
Irvine stood
up suddenly, the chair screeching against the tile floor. Giving Matron a quick hug, he ran out the
door and down towards the beach. Sand
flew behind him as he padded towards the little figure curled up on a piece of
driftwood, bare feet paddling in the water.
Hyne, she was beautiful…
"Sefie?"
She
turned around, and smiled at him.
Standing up, she put her hands on her hips, her eyes flashing like
precious emeralds. "What? You came runnin' back?" Her words were harsh, but her tone was
gentle, and Irvine relaxed. She wasn't
mad at him. Just a bit hurt.
Kneeling
on the sand, he took her small hand and kissed it, making Selphie blush. He grinned.
"Sef…I'll never be the man you deserve.
I can't always keep you fed, and you wont always have a roof over your
pretty head. There will be times when
it seems like I don't love you at all.
But…I can promise you that I'll comfort you when you're in pain. I'll hold you while you cry, kiss your tears
away. And if anyone tries to hurt you,
I'll pump them so full of hyper shot that they can't sit down for weeks!" She laughed at that. "Darlin', you know me better than anyone
else. I've been with a lot of girls,
and…I want you, Butterfly. Our
relationship won't be perfect, I'll say that.
But in my own odd way, I'll honestly love you to death." His face grew grave. "That is…if you'll let me."
Taking
his hand, she pulled him up out of the sand, and wrapped her arms around him,
giving him a kiss. "Irvy…tell me what
you learned today," she said softly, playing with the silver band hanging
around his neck.
With
a long finger, he tilted her chin up so they were eye to eye, and azure orbs
stared into bright emerald ones. "I
can't stop the darkness, Sefie. But…I
think…with you, there'll always be sunshine."
"Always,"
she smiled. "Hyne, you grew up fast."
He
smiled back, tracing her fragile jaw line.
"Nah…I just got wiser."
The sun set,
rays of crimson touching the cobalt waves, splashed with white foam. Slowly, light disappeared from the earth,
and the water grew cold. But two
figures stood upon the beach in each other's arms, each safe in the assurance
that with the night would come another day.
