It was a bright and sunny day in wherever Hogwarts was located. The birds
were singing, the octopus in the lake was eating children at will, and Severus Snape
was playing solitaire on his desk.
"Oooh, I'm almost there!" He said to himself, "I just need that damn King of
Hearts!"
Then, there was a knock on the door to his office.
"Can't you see the sign that says no solicitors?" He yelled, not wanting to be
disturbed.
"Sorry to disappoint you," said the visitor, "but I have a pressing matter I want
to discuss with you."
Snape rolled his eyes. It was Albus Dumbledore, and he probably was going
to ask him about what kind of decorations he would suggest for the Christmas dinner.
"Come in," Snape yelled, but Dumbledore had already been standing there
for a minute or two.
"As you know," Dumbledore started, "We are in a financial crisis here..."
Snape interrupted him, "If you cut back my salary anymore, I will have to pay
you to be here."
Dumbledore chuckled to himself, "Well, you're on the right track. We're
cutting out the potions program all together, so we have no need for you."
With a flick of his wand, all of Snape's possessions in his office disappeared, and they both were
left sitting on the floor.
"Well, do I at least get pension or a retirement fund?" Snape asked.
"Oh come on, I'm six times older than you and I don't even qualify for retirement,
what makes you think you are?"
Snape, running out of financial ideas, quickly asked, "Well, don't these kids need
potions?"
"Severus, come on, you of all people should know that no one really uses potions.
When someone is in a sticky situation, do they think to themselves 'Oh, I better go make
a potion!'?"
"Yes, well, I mean I do, of course."
"My point exactly."
"Oh, fine," Snape picked up his deck of cards scattered on the floor and left.
Snape walked up to the owlery, grabbed Hedwig, and scribbled a letter:
Dear Mommy,
Haw haw. I got budget cut. Please prepare my old bedroom for me. I promise I will
help cook dinner, if we can reach that agreement.
Love always,
Pooky
That ought to keep her busy, he thought to himself. He apperated, hoping to end
up at his mother's house.
"Okay, I'll send this emergency letter to Sirius!" Harry came running up to the
owlery, yelling at his friends behind him. "Hey, where's Hedwig?"
Luckily, after not using it for a couple of years, Severus apperated in the house
he grew up. Unfortunately, he appeared in the bathroom.
"Pooky! Get out of here!" yelled his mother, "I mean, I'll welcome you when
I get out."
He stepped outside the door, and to his surprise, he saw 10 children looking at
him with surprise.
"Who are you?" One pointed with cake all over his finger.
"I live here now, who are you?"
"Uh huh, we live here, you can't live here."
"Of course I can live here, why are you living here? Mom! Why is there children
everywhere?"
"Oh, Pooky, your father and I decided to adopt homeless kids. Those are your
non-biological brothers and sisters."
"Ewww," one of the girls yelled, "You are old enough to be our great-grandfather!"
Severus heard the toilet flush, and then his mother stepped out of the bathroom.
"Now, Pooky, why did you get fired?"
"Mom, I didn't get fired. I was laid off."
"Sure you were, so, why were you laid off?"
"Well, there was budget problems, and Voldemort keeps coming. Hell..." All the kids gasped.
"...we can't even find a decent Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher anymore."
Severus was now in tears.
"Now, now," his mother consoled him, "What does that
have to do with you?"
"They said potions were useless!"
"That's okay, I'm sure anyone will die to hire you."
A smile came over his tearful face, "Good thinking mommy, do you the classified
ads?"
His mother took him to the den. There she picked up an odd looking newspaper.
"Your dad and I started selling newspapers, and this seems to be the only paper we have left
everyday. I'm sure they have classified ads somewhere."
He unraveled the paper to find it called the Denver Post. "Where is Denver Post?"
His mother thought for a second. "Well, I'm not sure. I'm beginning to think it
doesn't exist."
Severus pulled out the classified ads and began to skim through the 'Help Wanted' section.
He saw interesting jobs as beer wench for the Pepsi Center, Swedish masseuse, bodyguard, and
taste tester for Coors brewery, but then he saw one that really caught his eye:
WANTED:
Jobs offered to a man, entering his mid-life crisis, with good hands,
a knack with handling people's personal problems. Plenty of travel
involved. Needs to know how to 'encourage' people.
He thought to himself, I have all of those qualities. The only problem was how to get a
hold of these people.
"Mother, you're smart. How am I supposed to get a hold of them?"
"Pooky, I don't know. Ask one of those kids, they know more than I do."
I don't know, kind of shitty isn't it? Well, read and review, please! I promise, if you bug
me, I'll post the rest and you'll learn what he wants to apply for. Flames if you want (but I don't
encourage them)!
Oh yes. All the Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, and the Pepsi Center belongs to
Denver, so does the Denver Post.
And this was my first story, so don't think I'm some genius who lost all her writing skills, lol.
were singing, the octopus in the lake was eating children at will, and Severus Snape
was playing solitaire on his desk.
"Oooh, I'm almost there!" He said to himself, "I just need that damn King of
Hearts!"
Then, there was a knock on the door to his office.
"Can't you see the sign that says no solicitors?" He yelled, not wanting to be
disturbed.
"Sorry to disappoint you," said the visitor, "but I have a pressing matter I want
to discuss with you."
Snape rolled his eyes. It was Albus Dumbledore, and he probably was going
to ask him about what kind of decorations he would suggest for the Christmas dinner.
"Come in," Snape yelled, but Dumbledore had already been standing there
for a minute or two.
"As you know," Dumbledore started, "We are in a financial crisis here..."
Snape interrupted him, "If you cut back my salary anymore, I will have to pay
you to be here."
Dumbledore chuckled to himself, "Well, you're on the right track. We're
cutting out the potions program all together, so we have no need for you."
With a flick of his wand, all of Snape's possessions in his office disappeared, and they both were
left sitting on the floor.
"Well, do I at least get pension or a retirement fund?" Snape asked.
"Oh come on, I'm six times older than you and I don't even qualify for retirement,
what makes you think you are?"
Snape, running out of financial ideas, quickly asked, "Well, don't these kids need
potions?"
"Severus, come on, you of all people should know that no one really uses potions.
When someone is in a sticky situation, do they think to themselves 'Oh, I better go make
a potion!'?"
"Yes, well, I mean I do, of course."
"My point exactly."
"Oh, fine," Snape picked up his deck of cards scattered on the floor and left.
Snape walked up to the owlery, grabbed Hedwig, and scribbled a letter:
Dear Mommy,
Haw haw. I got budget cut. Please prepare my old bedroom for me. I promise I will
help cook dinner, if we can reach that agreement.
Love always,
Pooky
That ought to keep her busy, he thought to himself. He apperated, hoping to end
up at his mother's house.
"Okay, I'll send this emergency letter to Sirius!" Harry came running up to the
owlery, yelling at his friends behind him. "Hey, where's Hedwig?"
Luckily, after not using it for a couple of years, Severus apperated in the house
he grew up. Unfortunately, he appeared in the bathroom.
"Pooky! Get out of here!" yelled his mother, "I mean, I'll welcome you when
I get out."
He stepped outside the door, and to his surprise, he saw 10 children looking at
him with surprise.
"Who are you?" One pointed with cake all over his finger.
"I live here now, who are you?"
"Uh huh, we live here, you can't live here."
"Of course I can live here, why are you living here? Mom! Why is there children
everywhere?"
"Oh, Pooky, your father and I decided to adopt homeless kids. Those are your
non-biological brothers and sisters."
"Ewww," one of the girls yelled, "You are old enough to be our great-grandfather!"
Severus heard the toilet flush, and then his mother stepped out of the bathroom.
"Now, Pooky, why did you get fired?"
"Mom, I didn't get fired. I was laid off."
"Sure you were, so, why were you laid off?"
"Well, there was budget problems, and Voldemort keeps coming. Hell..." All the kids gasped.
"...we can't even find a decent Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher anymore."
Severus was now in tears.
"Now, now," his mother consoled him, "What does that
have to do with you?"
"They said potions were useless!"
"That's okay, I'm sure anyone will die to hire you."
A smile came over his tearful face, "Good thinking mommy, do you the classified
ads?"
His mother took him to the den. There she picked up an odd looking newspaper.
"Your dad and I started selling newspapers, and this seems to be the only paper we have left
everyday. I'm sure they have classified ads somewhere."
He unraveled the paper to find it called the Denver Post. "Where is Denver Post?"
His mother thought for a second. "Well, I'm not sure. I'm beginning to think it
doesn't exist."
Severus pulled out the classified ads and began to skim through the 'Help Wanted' section.
He saw interesting jobs as beer wench for the Pepsi Center, Swedish masseuse, bodyguard, and
taste tester for Coors brewery, but then he saw one that really caught his eye:
WANTED:
Jobs offered to a man, entering his mid-life crisis, with good hands,
a knack with handling people's personal problems. Plenty of travel
involved. Needs to know how to 'encourage' people.
He thought to himself, I have all of those qualities. The only problem was how to get a
hold of these people.
"Mother, you're smart. How am I supposed to get a hold of them?"
"Pooky, I don't know. Ask one of those kids, they know more than I do."
I don't know, kind of shitty isn't it? Well, read and review, please! I promise, if you bug
me, I'll post the rest and you'll learn what he wants to apply for. Flames if you want (but I don't
encourage them)!
Oh yes. All the Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, and the Pepsi Center belongs to
Denver, so does the Denver Post.
And this was my first story, so don't think I'm some genius who lost all her writing skills, lol.