Chapter 6

Air of doubt

Cecil found Kain in one of the quieter castle hallways: his friend was sitting on a bench and looking out of a glass-stained window. As the young blond man noticed the Paladin, he rose up at once.

"Cecil, I've heard what happened during the meeting with the Mysidian wizards - are you feeling alright?" Somehow it bothered Cecil that Kain knew about the incident in the throne room -- he wondered who had told him about it -- maybe Yang?

"Yeah – I'm alright ... I 'm here because I want to ask you a few questions, Kain ..."

Kain suddenly began to stiffen a bit and his eyes got a shifty look. "Uh, sure ... With what can I help you, friend?" He sat down again and began to drum with his fingers on the stone bench.

"I wonder why he is so nervous all of a sudden?" Cecil eyed him sharply, "As if he was hiding something ..."

"Well maybe you've heard that monsters are appearing on Mt . Ordeals and have started to attack some towns. You've spent nearly a year on the mountain - maybe you have seen some strange things up there?"

"Oh - you want to talk about THAT... Mmm - let me think ..." Kain looked up and flashed a mischievous grin. "Nope – don't think so. There were some wild animals and also a few monsters, but I thought that this was normal - I mean monsters do not disappear just because someone climbs on a mountain and gets handed down a sword, right Cecil?" He started to laugh, but quickly noticed his mistake as he saw his friend glaring down angrily on him.

"Uh - now don't get upset - it was just a joke ..." he apologized hastily.

"Alright - though it wasn't funny - enough people have already told me what they think of my "appointment" to a Paladin," Cecil murmured. He did not like the tone in which Kain spoke to him.

"Has he been always like that?" He tried to remember but stated that their last real discussion lay back more than one year...

Kain looked out of the window again. "Anyway - as I did say, I thought the monsters on the mountain were normal - besides they hardly attacked anyone. Else I witnessed nothing unusual -- except for those black- souled villains like me trying to become a better person ..." He grinned again. Cecil was not amused in the least - it angered him that Kain was no help at all.

The paladin started another attempt. "Well - what I've wanted to ask you all these days - but Rosa claimed you so much ..." Kain started to look nervous again. "What did you do on Mt. Ordeals during all that year Kain? Surely you had some trials to overcome…"

Cecil normally did not like this method of getting something out of people, but at the moment he saw in it his only chance as Kain wasn't playing with open cards either. His friend looked down, part of his long hair falling over one shoulder.

"What I did there - I... um... meditated?"

Cecil felt himself getting impatient again: "This certainly isn't my day…"

"That was all? Kain, please stop kidding. I really need your help ..."

Kain looked up again, eyes full of grief - just as he had looked at the day of his arrival. "Cecil - I really would like to help you, but I can't tell you what I did on the mountain - please stop asking me..."

"You can't tell me?" Cecil could barely conceal his anger. "Damn, Kain! This is no game - many people have already died and we do not know what will happen next! The monsters could increase more and overrun Mysidia! We were best friends once - for the sake of old times: please tell me ..." Kain only shook his head, sadly.

"Does Rosa know it?" The question just shot out of Cecil. "What am I thinking? Surely she does not know it - she would have told me ..."

To his surprise, Kain looked away and remained silent.

For Cecil things were clear, now. "So... she does know it ... What else does she know?"

All of a sudden, Kain jumped to his feet. "Not trusting your wife, Cecil? Why don't you ask her what she knows of me?" he hissed, taking a step towards him.

"Well I may trust her, but I certainly do not trust you ..." Cecil replied sharply. "What did you two discuss during the last days? Maybe you told her some nice stories of my time as a Black Knight and the people I killed ..." He leaned forward looking directly into Kain's hard, green eyes.

For a moment Kain seemed irritated. Then he laid his head back and started to laugh loudly. "What should I tell her of you that she did not know already? Your soul is so pure that it is laid open like a book to everyone!" He stopped laughing and continued, now sounding bitter: "Even as you were a Dark Knight you were not half as "evil" as I was - you were a victim of the circumstances - I was a victim of my own choice ..."

Cecil did not know what to say.

"Anyway - leave Rosa out of this ..." Kain continued. "These days, your behaviour is very strange -- you should try to get yourself under control again, Cecil." He suddenly sounded very distant and cold. "Rosa deserves only the best man - you should try to live up to her expectations or else ..." He grinned and walked down the hallway.

"Why - what is happening?" Cecil felt utterly confused. "I just had a big quarrel with one of my best friends and openly suspected my wife of treason ..." He closed his eyes and tried to bring forth some of his inner holy strength to clear his thoughts, but did not succeed in this.

"Maybe I need some rest ..." He started pacing down the hallway, not even noticing the castle servants who were showing their respects.

As he crossed the courtyard, he suddenly heard hushed voices - one voice was certainly Rosa's - one could not miss its soft, golden tone. Without thinking, Cecil quietly followed the noises. As he looked around a corner, he could see Rosa and Kain standing near a fountain, deep in discussion.

"So that's where he went..."

Both were looking very serious, Rosa talking most of the time, Kain nodding now and then or looking around nervously. Cecil took a step back and leaned against the cold wall. "Now look at this - you spy after your own wife ..." He still wondered if they were talking about him.

"Maybe I should just join the two, apologize and clear things for once at for all..."

As he looked around the corner again, his mouth dropped open - his two friends were lying in each others arms - Kain just staring blankly, stroking Rosa's blond hair, Rosa hardly moving at all, head turned away.

"What -" Cecil's eyes widened and the blood left his cheeks. He made a careless step and sent a loose stone of the wall flying to the ground. CLANK!

Kain and Rosa at once loosened their grasp: Kain murmured some words and then hurried away in Cecil's direction - luckily he was in such a rush that he did not notice his friend.

Cecil tried to get over the first shock. "Now just stay calm - Rosa and Kain are friends - an embrace means nothing - you and Rydia behave the same ..."

Still the hug somehow looked more than friendly to him... "Rosa would never betray me - not willingly...I need to talk to her - right now ..." He left his hiding place.

"Darling - what are you doing here...?" he shouted. Rosa whirled around, startled.

"Cec... Cecil -!" she uttered a nervous laugh. "I didn't see you coming – don't frighten me like that ..."

"Sorry !" Cecil took her hand. "Think you could spare a moment of time for your husband?"

Rosa looked at him in surprise. "Sure..." They sat down on a nearby bench.

"It sure is about what happened this morning in the throne-room. My poor dear - you really must feel distressed." Her hands brushed some silky white hear out of his face, though her touch felt not as soft as it used to be. "Sorry that I wasn't there to help you... But I had.... other things to do ..."

"Oh – it's alright ... I've learned to rule without you during the last few days ..." Cecil tried to sound jovially but could not hide that he felt offended.

Rosa looked at him, hurt. "Cecil - I did not do it on purpose ..."

She took her hand out of his and pressed it to her hips. "Did you just come here to scold me?"

"No ... I just thought we should talk about some things- just as we used to do it before Kain arrived ..." Now it was out - he had given her more than a hint.

"Cecil? What do you mean: before Kain arrived? As I said before I didn't neglect you on purpose - I just had so much to do with the guests and all ... " She suddenly noticed that Cecil was studying her very quietly and thoughtfully with his deep blue eyes.

"Cecil… Why are you looking at me like that? What do you really want to know?"

"Rosa - please don't be upset. It's just – it's just that so many strange things happen at the moment and I need someone to help me to sort them out ..." He bowed his head, " And as I saw you here some minutes ago with Kain I thought ..."

"You saw what?" Rosa leaped up with a slightly blushing face. "You spied on me?"

"Mmm - I guess sort of ..." Cecil suddenly felt very ashamed for his behaviour. "And I am sorry - but I got the impression that you and Kain share some secrets from me or even things that could be vital to help in current situation so I..."

"You have been spying on us? For how long!?"

"What?" Cecil looked confused. "This was the first time I..."

"What has gotten into you?! Have you completely lost your mind? First you insult my mother in front of our friends, then you pin a wizard on the wall and now THAT!" Rosa was completely enraged and was gesticulating wildly.

Cecil now stood, too. "Now if YOU would excuse me, but that goes too far my dear - let me get this straight: It was your mother who insulted me in the first place - and you didn't do ANYTHING against it! Do you think I am a fool who likes to get treated badly without reason?" Rosa just stared at him in disbelief.

"And then this wizard - how would you feel if everywhere you go, you would be reminded by people of the things you did to their families?" He looked aside. "You - you weren't there - the blood, the screams, some people pleading for their lives, others saying nothing..." For a moment his voice failed. "To cope with this guilt is impossible ... And sometimes I do not know what to do anymore – that's why I act so helplessly then ..."

As he looked at her again, her expression had become softer. "Cecil..." Rosa slightly touched his arm.

"And then you and Kain ... You just behaved so strange all of a sudden, taking Kain in as if nothing had happened. I want his friendship back, too, but after all he did to us we should challenge things slowly - and together. Why don't the three of us discuss everything together?"

Rosa suddenly drew her arm back and looked at him coldly, face hard again.

"For a moment I thought I'd understand you, but now I think you just need help ... You really shouldn't be so selfish and all – that's not your style. Kain is your best friend and you could trust him at least a bit - if there was something REALLY important to know, he surely would tell it to you ..."

"Selfish? Look who's talking - who dropped all the official meetings during the last days?"

"Now you're starting with that again! Do you need my help so much? You're just starting to sound like you still were a Dark Knight - whimpering and self - pitying. You should learn to live in the present, not in the past!"

 "Who's living in the past?" Cecil couldn't control himself any longer. "You are the only one trying to bring back the old days by ensnaring Kain – but let me tell you one thing: it will not work!"

 "Ensnaring Kain? Now I understand - you think we're having an affair...!" Rosa looked totally surprised.

"And? Have you?" Cecil asked dryly. He had never seen his wife like this...

Rosa just stared at him speechless. Then she turned and started to go away. Suddenly she stopped, bowed her head as if thinking, then whirled around again. "Well - Kain can be very attentive – he's a good dancer and he's not half as nervous as you are, my dear Cecil..." she said with an evil smile, then walked away.

"I AM NOT NERVOUS!" Cecil called after her - after a while he realized that he had been shouting most of the time at the top of his lungs and that some of the gardeners were staring at him ...