June 25, 2000
Oh dear friend,
If you knew how I felt you would not chastise me so. No I do not know what has come over me, but I can not help in feeling this way. I have tried to put these thoughts out of my mind, and yet they return to me burning deeper than before. Oh Anthony...oh what is the attraction I feel towards him? Dear god if you could tell me, why does it feel so true? Could it truly be? Or do I perceive what I want to be true? He is handsome, oh so handsome...those eyes friend of mine I feel so safe when he looks at me. Oh his eyes...deep fiery coals...oh I how I wish I could. *Bites lip* His lips, oh if I could so happily I would press my lips against his...oh dear friend I know you think I am wrong. But tell me wouldn't you? The sound of his voice is so relaxing, as is the touch of his hand against mine. He walked me here tonight instead of Jacquelyn, I felt wrong in taking his arm as I left the dining room with him. Oh dear friend, I have to admit I did like it...oh I could not resist in smiling to myself. I was like a child, a blushing schoolgirl when he left me at the door...oh dear. *Sighs heavily* Oh but I did notice Jacqi, she hardly touched her dinner. I wonder if she could be sick. Oh what if she is, should I go and see her...or should I stay here. No she will think I am intruding...oh but Anthony did say I should try to know her while I am here. Oh Anthony, Anthony dear Anthony...oh dear what am I thinking, why do I think of him when I speak of her? Oh how devilish of me...yes I know devilish...still I cannot help it old friend. He is rather charming, and pleasing, I find it hard not to think of him. But no I must keep focused...oh if I could only do so. Well enough for now or I'll find myself returning to such unruly thoughts...*blushes*
Barbara C. Rayne