Author: LauraM
Title: Virgin State of Mind
Rating: Eh...PG-13 I guess right now, 'cuz of a LITTTTLE language.
Summary: Buffy decides she's taking charge of her life...uhh...NOW!
Notes: Don't know how long this is going to be yet..see if ANYONE likes it or not. The lyrics from "Virgin State of Mind" by K's Choice are in **'s
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. Or do sue, I don't care, you can have my 2 cents
(ALRIGHT..WAS CHEEEEEZAY...and it's 4 in the mornin...so bite me)




*There's a chair in my head
in which I used to sit.
Took a pencil and I wrote the following on it...
Now there's a key where my wonderful mouth used to be- dig it up and throw it at
me-dig it up and throw it at me...*


I can't seem to grasp the concept of it. ANY of it. These people, their meaningless lives and their stupid kids with their stupid hopes and dreams.

What's the use in trying, or CARING for that matter? 'Cuz God knows, we don't have a say in how are lives turn out. We're just puppets down here. Little toys for the fates to play with. Entertainment to them- to see how well we play the FUCKING game of life that they designed for us.

Who will be the richest? Smartest? Fastest? Strongest?
-AND- who will fight the hardest and never give up even though NOTHING works out for her? I guess that would be me; the stOOpidest.

But now, I've decided to quit. Just like I quit all games that are too hard for me to play. Actually, scratch that. I'm not quitting, that's not what I was *MADE* for. I'm just going to cheat a little bit. Show the puppet masters that I have a say in what I want to do. And I can do anything I want because I *AM* the slayer. THE SLAYER. The only and most powerful as far as I am, or anyone esle should be concerned.

*Where can I run to?
Where can I hide?
Who will I turn to?
Now I'm in a virgin state of mind.
I got a knife to disengage the voids that
I can't bear
to cut out words I've got
written on my chair.
Like, do you think I'm sexy?
Do you think I really care?
Can I burn the mazes I grow?
Can I?
I don't think so.*


My mom and Dawn are gone. I know I can't bring them back. Death is final. They got a "game-over" and all of their quarters ran out. But there are soooo many things that I need to change that still have eternities of quarters left in their pockets. The most important and definate being Angel. Well, Angel and me.

The fates can try and screw us over all they want. Key word being: TRY. See, Angel and me, we have that special kinda love that revolves want, danger, and denial. Soooo, them damned powers I guess thought that I didn't want or deserve that or some shit and took it all away from me. AND WITHOUT ASKING MIGHT I ADD.

I tried to accept it all, thinking that fate new best. Screw that. Buffy also knows what she's doing. And right now she's on a bus to L.A. to get her rightful love back and have a few carefully pre-selected words with fate. And this time, I will not be denied. Now I'm in a virgin state of mind.

TBC...