Chapter 1. Want. Take. Have.

The ride here was short, I didn't think it would be. I thought that I'd be jittery and unable to sit still. None of that, I was just simply contemplating what I would do. Tried to picture how he'd react to my little plan. Then after a while I realized, I didn't care. I was going to get what I wanted, I was sure of it, no need to think things through anymore, Want. Take. Have.

Faith was right, as much as I hate to admit it. That's as simple as my life has to be. I'm not letting anyone or anything stop me now. This world needs me, and I'm going to milk it for everything it's worth.

I thought about Angel and his curse a little. Funny thing is, I don't think there is a damn curse. I know, I know, it was kinda proven once, but after he got re-cursed, I don't think there was a happiness clause, actually, I know there is no clause. Maybe it's my imagination, but I think not. I don't think this just because I want it so badly, I think this because it's true. I'm trusting every one of my senses now, no second guessing.

I got the spell that Will used, I'm going to show it to Angel, see if he sees anything funny in there. Maybe I'm just getting my hopes up, but everything's worth trying.

The cab pulls up at the hotel that Giles said Angel lived in. It's nice, big. It probably just screams Angel from the inside decor. I love this place.

I pay the cabby and make my way up to the door. I don't feel butterflies in my stomach, all I feel is confidence and this is a new thing. I like it. I don't even think I'll knock. This IS a hotel, is it not?

I feel higher and higher as I open the door. I walk right in like I own the place, I'm just damn cocky.

"BUFFY!" Cordelia yells.

Hmm, I thought she'd be dead by now. Surprise, Surprise.

"Cordelia." I respond smoothly.

"Ah, Buffy, hello. How are you? Angel told us about your mother, I'm so sorry, I bet she was a wonderful woman." Wesley tells me. Fake Sympathy in his voice.

And in return, I have no feeling about his words. My mothers death just numbs me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, or even act like they do. I don't want support. I just want them to drop it. I'll deal in my own time.

"I'm good Wesley, dealing. Is um, is Angel around?"

"Yes of course, he's upstairs. He's still asleep I suppose, but if your visit is of importance I'm sure he'd want you to wake him right away."

"It is. I will, where is uh, his room?"

"Oh of course, Cordy? Do you mind?" Wesley asks as he motions towards the stairs.

"Yeah, sure." Cordy responds giving me a little smile. I know her feelings about me aren't good ones, and I like it. Nice to see an honest feeling for once. I'm sure most people I know couldn't give a shit, but they hide it. Cordelia's not caring feelings towards me make me feel more loved than a lot of people's feelings I've gotten over the last few months.

This makes me like Codelia just that much more.

"He should be getting up anytime now anyways, and I'm sure he wants to see you. Are you here on like demony stuff? Or something? Big ol' war or something? Cuz BOY! Did you come to the right place, I mean, yeah, Angel, he's the one for this....well, you know." She mumbles.

"Uh yeah." I reply dryly, There will be no more small talk after that, Cordelia looks relieved.

We finally stop at a door, and I can feel Angel inside it. I can picture him in his bed without his shirt just lying there looking dead. I loved that about Angel. The not needing to breathe part. He could hold me forever without moving. He'd let me sob and heave and he'd just take me in his arms where I felt safe. After he left I haven't felt safe once. I need him. I need him to survive.

"He's in there, do you want me to wake him up first?" She asks.

"No, Cordy, I got it, thanks."

"Okay. OH! um, there's this thing. What I mean, uh, there's a little difference in him. So, don't be shocked or anything. He can tell you about it, I mean, well, you'll see."

Whoa. What the hell? What's wrong with my Angel?!?!

"What?" I ask,

"Just go in, you'll see. It's a good thing, cross my heart hope to die."

Yeah she better hope to die, 'cuz if one thing is wrong with Angel I'm taking the whole world down. Count on it.

"Okay. Well, thanks."

"No problem Buffy, we're down here if you need us."

I smile at her and turn the knob as she heads back towards the stairs.

The sight of his beautiful body lying there on the bed takes my breath away. I can't help the weak in the knees feeling I get. And all that confidence I had about 10 minutes ago....GONE. I'm shaking and almost crying as I make my way over to him. Even his unconscious self brings up so many demons I thought that I had overcome.

I get to the bed and lay my hand on his shoulder...even that little connection sends bolts of electricity down my spine. Whoa, he feels different. He feels WARM.

I was going to whisper and calmly wake him up, uh uh, what is this?!

"ANGEL!!"

I scream and this sends angel jolting up in bed.

He's gasping for breath, Angel's breathing, Angel's breathing, Angel's breathing, Angel's breathing.

"Buffy?" He asks.

"YES. Angel you're breathing. Angel! you're warm! ANGEL?!" I'm in complete hysterics.

"Buffy..." He starts, "Buffy, I'm human."

TBC...

HA!!! you like this human thing? I wasn't sure...it just came, I'm sorry for this little cliff hanger, but I probably won't be able to write anymore until tonight. I'm gonna shoot for AT LEAST one a day, because I'm getting a lot of feedback. Okay, well, tell me if you like this yet or not, I can turn him back into a vampire if you want....oooookay, well lemme know.