August 7, 2000
Oh Dear, dear friend of mine.
What dreadful events have occurred in the last few days...first I slapped her, she as any other child would, ran to her father. Having to confront him about it was awful, and then her, telling her what I knew she wanted to hear if only to have something more to hurt me with. Oh but what followed, to see that dear sweet child hold between her hands such a cold fatal weapon, I was afraid dear friend. Not for me but for her, she is so young and I do believe innocent, to be used by of all people her aunt. Betina, I knew there was something I should dread from the first time I saw her. I ignored it and it almost cost me my dearest gift. I can not explain how she could think of using Jacqi, why dear God why? What did I do to her? What did Jacqi do? If it had not been for Anthony stepping in to save her and me...oh what would have happened! What happened was dreadful enough; to imagine what else could have if Jacqi had not realized what was happening around her. Oh poor baby. She felt so awful; I could see Betina's evil wash away from her eyes, and replaced by guilt and remorse. If there were anything I could have done to take her pain away I would have, my poor child. Oh dear if you could have seen the look she expressed as she saw the paramedics take Anthony away. I thought he would have wanted her to accompany him, but I was wrong. I felt so hurt when she tried to take his hand and he pulled away, yet I could not say no when he asked me to ride with him. If Jacqi felt guilty for attacking him, I felt worse for taking her place by his side. The following days have not gotten any better, she refused to visit him in the hospital and Anthony has held back some resentment because of it. I suppose that if I were him I would feel the same way, but he could not see as I did. I could see the pain in her eyes each time I returned though she said nothing, each time I speak to her she retreats further away. Fortunately dear friend, Anthony's injury was minor and will be able to return home tomorrow. With his return, Ingrid believes as Anna that we should return to San Francisco, and I agree I only wish my heart felt the same....
Barbara C. Rayne