August 10, 2000
I have left him dear friend; I have left him and returned home with his daughter. *Sighs* Dear, Anthony...oh if there were a way, *sighs* No what am I saying, there isn't a way as there shouldn't. Still I can't help but thinking that perhaps I could have been happy once more?? Dear god, what am I saying? What do you think dear one? I know, I know that it was for the best, he made me believe that but why do I feel like a coward and worse a petty thief? Even Jacqi is taking this change better than I am; she took the news very well. It took very little time to sink in, but it did. Ingrid was surprised to see her take everything so calmly, though I do not know why. I suppose that its because she hasn't fully taken in the thought of her being Derek's. Time will only tell what lies ahead for us, as Anthony said having Jacqi here with me would open a new chapter in our lives. Hopefully, dear friend it will be one filled with joy unlike the previous one. Hope, ha *sighs* that is all that any of us can really ever do isn't? It is all I have done, and perhaps that is the reason that I have never been happy for long. My hopes and dreams were in my children and now I have but one, as they were in my husband and I no longer have him either. Dear, dear silent friend of mine if you could only tell me how to change my hopes into reality. Ah how happy I would be if things were different with my child. The Legacy...Yes, yes, *sigh of relief* she's here now away from the Legacy...oh my hopes still have life within them don't they? To keep my child away from them, to myself, she is mine; she's mine and no one will ever take her. Not the Legacy, never the Legacy they will not take her the way they took my dear Winston, or my dear son Derek. Oh Jacqi, my dear sweet Jacqi to keep her away from those treacherous ghost hunters will be my life now. Yes dear friend I am convinced, as I was when Anthony arrived that I must keep her away from the Legacy. Above everything...oh how happy I feel now. Ha, *sighs*.
Barbara C. Rayne