Title: Damn You
Author: Genji
Pairing: 1+2, 1+R (sorta)
Part: 1/2
Warnings: Confusion, Shoenen-ai, weirdness...OOC?
Disclaimer: The story is mine, the characters are not...unless someone wants to give me rights to Gundam Wing and then there'd be bish for everybody! Of course, someone up there told them of my sanity problem, so no bish for me...*pouts*
Heero's POV
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I used to be so sure of myself. I used to be told when everything was going to happen, where and how. I used to have an inkling about what was occurring--so damn sure of where I was going. But I don't have a clue any more.
You came and confused me, leading me from my solitary ways. You taught me that there was something outside of the mission, something outside of the mandatory schooling and battles.
You made me think of things that I didn't know existed, you forced me to see the other sides of the issues, and once I had done that I couldn't go back to my solitary self. You drew me out of my shell and then destroyed it. Now I have nowhere to go, and I don't know what to do.
Questions that shouldn't even be thought of drift through my head, mixing in with the standard fare of 'When is the next mission?' and 'What is the quickest way to repair Wing?' Now it's 'What's for lunch?' and 'Will I ever see the others after the war is over?'
You got me thinking that this might end.
Damn you.
You've got me wondering about feelings that have no place in the body of a soldier. You ran me around in circles and then left me chasing my tail. I don't know which way is up and which is down. Is ZERO a number or a system? Should I or should I not pay attention to anyone's advances? Yours or Relena's...I don't know. Before there was only one way to go--only one ending to this saga: oy meets girl, boy looses girl, boy gets girl back, everyone is happy.
But would I be happy?
Honestly, the thought has never really crossed my mind. I have yet to attain that emotion.
Before, my future was more or less set out for me in a straight line. Now I don't know if I want to kill you or keep you. I don't know if I should continue down that line, which has now started to twist and turn back in on itself.
I don't know what to do and I don't like it.
Everything is either right or wrong. Do right and you're one step closer to the end, do wrong and you go back to the beginning. Just like we did when all those Alliance pacifists were annihilated--by my doing.
I'm told it's not my fault, but I know differently. It is, but even then I knew how to atone for my misdeeds. There was something that I could do. There was no question for one moment.
Who do I kill and who do I keep?
You add your chaos to my order and disregard my meticulous battle plans. You'll do it your own damn way.
Sometimes I want to just wrap my arms around you...
...and strangle you....
Damn you, Duo.
Before there were never any questions, it was always r+h=end of story. There was no other equation. But you throw me a parabola, and I'm back where I started. Does hy-rp=hy+dm? Or does hy+dm result in an empty set undefined by any amount of substitution?
Damn you.
Go confuse someone else...
...wait, come back...
~owari~