Well, well, well. Here I am again, writing another rather - hm…okay, whatever. It's truly a pointless fic. I haven't the slightest idea what I was on when I originally came up with it, but now that it's here, there's no turning back. So don't blame me if you find it slightly…no, make that very deranged. It's yaoi implied, or so I like to think, but hey! They're males, bachelors, and living together in one big, lonely mansion. It's okay to be doing what they're do - okay, maybe not. Dammit! I'm so confused! Just read, kay?
Disclaimer: This rather crazy fic is based in my own little running frat house, but other than that, I basically don't own any of the characters running rampant throughout. Yeah, I know it's a chore when they don't help with rent, but what can a tired authoress do against five gun-happy killer teenage boys, eh?
"Boxers or Briefs?"
[GW's extensively large, overly white, extremely rich, WAY too small mansion for five psycho colony killers. Quatre is seen hopping up the front stairs and picks up the morning newspaper on the porch. Glancing happily at the front page, he decides to knock on the door and enter via the main entrance, unlike the usual route through the garage to the side. Within moments the door flings open and a fist backed up of what feels like iron plating slams straight into Quatre's face. His knees buckle and he collapses onto the porch, clutching at his bleeding nose.]
Quatre: (sob) OWIE! W-what was that for?!
Wufei: Whoops. Sorry about that, I thought you were Duo.
Quatre: W-what?! Why?
[The Chinese boy pauses long enough to glare around the front yard, above the blonde's head. Quatre, in the meantime, whimpers pitifully and wipes his nose off onto his pink sleeve, amazed at the sight of his own blood.]
Wufei: He stole my best pair of boxers from my room this morning. While I was sleeping, I might add.
Quatre: Is that why you're so mad?
Wufei: Yeah, that and - hold it.
[Duo comes running down the sidewalk, a pair of dark red plaid boxers strapped around his forehead. He's looking mighty smug with himself, and whoops up at the two on his way around the block for the third time.]
Wufei: Did I mention I'm getting them back whether he keeps his braid or not?
Quatre: (sniff) No…
Wufei: Well, I am. (he leaps off the porch steps and sprints furiously after the retreating figure) MAXWELL!!! Take my drawers off NOW!!!
Duo: (yelling halfway down the block) Why don't you come over here and make -
[Wufei chucks a handy rock nearby, and Duo is KO'd. Quite the remarkable aim, eh?]
[In the backyard Heero and Trowa are exercising. Trowa is spinning around aimlessly, the unicycle he's practicing on is smooth as his experience. Heero has finished the weightlifting session and has now retired to jumping rope at a fast pace. At the right moment, his shoelace comes untied and tangles with the rope. He goes down into the grass. Trowa wheels over with a concerned expression as he watches his comrade unwind the jump rope from his ankles.]
Heero: Ow.
Trowa: What happened, Heero?
Heero: Nothing. Just sprained my ankle.
Trowa: Oh. Tell me if you need any help.
Heero: What the -
[They look up in time to see Duo streaking by in a T-shirt and tighty-whities. Trowa, staring wide-eyed against his better judgement, collides with the chain-link fence separating the backyard from the garage space. He drops fanny-first into the grass, and the unicycle is sent out careening into the driveway. Duo, finally noticing the commotion, comes jogging over.]
Duo: Man, I'm freezing! Hey, guys.
Trowa: Ow.
Heero: Why're you out here in your underwear?
Duo: Well, if you must know, Wufei took his boxers back when I was comatose.
Trowa: (rubbing his butt) What does Wufei's boxers have to do with your underwear?
Wufei: OW!
[Wufei stomps in with the unicycle dragging behind him.]
Duo: What's with you?
Wufei: I tripped over somebody's unicycle wheel.
Trowa: Sorry…where's your boxers?
Wufei: Huh?!
Duo: He probably put 'em back on.
Wufei: Look who's talking, briefs-boy. Geez, what do you do to your legs? Shave them?
Duo: None of your damn business.
Heero: It's kind of hard not to notice the razor-burns.
Duo: Fine! Fine! …Hilde though it'd be funny to give me a spring make-over…in my sleep. When I woke up, I had on a negligee and rollers…not to mention the legs.
[Wufei tries to hold back the image, but fails miserably. He doubles over in concealed coughs. Quatre chooses that moment to stroll into the backyard with a curious look.]
Quatre: What's happening here? Why aren't you guys inside? And Duo -
Duo: I know! Hilde shaved my legs, okay?
Quatre: Not to mention you have no pants on.
Duo: Why, you - he-ey, Quatre?
Quatre: Yeah?
Duo: What kinda undies do you wear?
[Quatre gapes, turns red, then looks down at his hands. Wufei suppresses a rather indiscreet giggle.]
Wufei: Not undies. Panties.
Trowa: What?
Really: Really?!
Quatre: I'm not telling.
Boys: (nodding) Panties.
Quatre: HEY!!!
Duo: Okay…how about Trowa?
Wufei: I'd say…well, I dunno…
Heero: This is so immature. You two, stop guessing what we wear.
Wufei: If you don't like it, weakling, you can leave.
Duo: Too bad you can't. Sprained ankles are bad news. Looks like you're staying for the finale. Trowa?
Trowa: Hmm?
Duo: What's under the tight jeans? Inquiring minds want to know.
Wufei: I know! It's a thong!
[Trowa stiffens before hiding his face behind his bangs. Duo and Wufei laugh in unison before stopping, glaring at each other, and throwing their heads back to laugh again.]
Duo: Touchdown! Ooh, Wuffie, you-are-sooo-good!
Wufei: Naturally. And don't call me Wuffie!
Duo: On to our last victim!
Heero: (sets up the deathglare) No.
Wufei: Not boxers…
Duo: Too big for spandex. Too many wrinkles.
Heero: Stop.
Wufei: Probably not briefs…
Duo: Panty-lines on spandex would be hell to Relena.
Heero: Will you stop?
Wufei: Definitely not a thong…
Duo: Too uncomfortable. No place for that gun of yours.
Trowa: ………….
Heero: Stop it. Now.
Wufei: We're getting close, aren't we?
Heero: No. Now quit it.
Duo: (sly smirk) He's desperate. Try again.
Wufei: Uh…sports cup?
Duo: Whoa! I don't think so!
Quatre: What's a - sports cup?
Trowa: Nothing you have to worry about, Quatre.
Wufei: Have we left anything out?
Heero: No.
Duo: Not panties…not boxers…not thong…
Heero: Drop it, Duo. Now.
Duo: Not until I get this figu - what'd you say?
Heero: Drop it.
Duo: (big, shit-eating grin) Hehehe…if you say so…
[Duo runs up and grabs the top of Heero's spandex.]
Duo: Prepare yourselves for the answer!
Wufei: Oh, god. Maxwell, you're such a pervert.
Duo: Yeah, so what else is new?
Heero: What're you doing?
Duo: Trowa! The innocent need not observe!
[Trowa nods and covers Quatre's eyes.]
Duo: Ready? Three…!
Heero: Hey - are you -
Duo: Two…!
Wufei: Wait! I've figured it out!
Duo: One…!
Wufei: But he's got…
[YANK! The boys stare at the answer of fangirl's distraction everywhere.]
Wufei: …nothing on…
---END
Yup, I know it was random. Yup, I know this has been covered before. Yup, I know some of your are gonna object with my reasoning, but if Heero doesn't wanna wear anything underneath, who am I to disagree? There are some things that are just worth wondering about, ne? ^.^;;
And while we're on that topic, I'd die for some reviews! Tell me what you think! Like it, love it, hate it, or just plain don't wanna see another spandex flash again, hey! I'll respond to all of 'em, if you want. Anyways, I'm off to conspire with the G-boys for another installation, coming to a fanfiction.net near you! Ja~!