Disclaimer/Author's Notes: Guess what? I don't own Fushigi Yuugi! *gasps in mock surprise* Amazing, huh? Okay, cutting the sarcasm. ^_^() Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Yuu Watase. That's not nearly as much fun as saying that FY is real and that Suzaku released it in our world to subtly brainwash us into becoming his servants, though… This has spoilers for Chichiri's past, both the OVA and the novel. It also has spoilers for the fight between Tasuki and the possessed Tamahome that happened in the seventh volume.
Ripples
It's happening again.
I would dearly love to know which god I have offended so utterly that this is a fitting punishment. Isn't it enough that for two years I saw the scene replayed every time I closed my eyes? That I once tried to kill myself because the guilt was too much for me? That to this day I have nightmares of watery hands reaching for mine? Apparently not, as now I have to watch it all happen again while I crouch here helpless.
Miaka is squirming in my grasp, and somewhere in the back of my mind I acknowledge that I'm probably hurting her. Gomen nasai, Miaka, but I think that if I relax even one muscle I'm going to keel over.
No, that's not right. I know why I'm holding onto her so tightly. It's because last time I let go.
Two men who should be friends facing off against each other, fighting to the death over a girl. True, this time it's for the girl's life rather than her love, but it amounts to the same thing in the end.
Tasuki's words- his refusal of forgiveness- were Houjun's, but his stance is unmistakably Hikou's. He's fighting for his life against a crazed ex-ally while Tamahome attacks viciously, using a weapon against an unarmed man. At times he simply watches Tasuki, a smirk on his face and the dead eyes of a man possessed- or of one who has lost almost everything and now seeks to finish the job.
This really is not the time to wallow in self-pity, I reprimand myself sharply. During a battle I don't have time to be both Houjun and Chichiri… no da. I think I must have loosened my grip on Miaka enough as to be bearable, as she's stopped wriggling and is now begging me to help Tasuki. I make the first excuse that comes to mind, not even listening to myself as I watch the fight.
How can I tell her that the last time I stepped in, Hikou died?
The way things look now, history stands to repeat itself. This time, however, the consequences will be even greater. The stakes of this battle are an entire country, though I have to admit that I really care more about my friends' lives than I do about that. I don't know Tasuki very well, haven't had time to get very far beneath his tough exterior- but I know he doesn't deserve this fate. Hikou's fate. Is history always like this? The same events, only bigger each time, expanding like the ripples after a stone is thrown in a river?
Tasuki's losing; losing badly. He'll be dead soon at this rate, as will Kour-Miaka and I. I hope that the others can find a way to break the magic barrier soon, or else Nakago and Tamahome will be the only ones left standing, just as Houjun was left years ago. If Tamahome ever comes to his senses, I don't want him to have that guilt.
I feel a sudden twinge and then a feeling as if a great pressure was lifting from me. The flute… Chiriko's broken the barrier! It only takes a moment to free Tasuki from Tamahome's chain and bring him to us, but in that moment something has changed somehow, subtly. Tasuki's no longer Hikou; he's Houjun, lying semi-conscious and with one eye sealed shut, blood pouring from his wounds.
And Tamahome is the one who has died.
I hold onto Tasuki carefully, feeling the guilt well up once again as I realize that, even with a second chance, I still did nothing to stop it. This time, however, there's still hope. Both Tasuki and Miaka are alive, if injured. And I swear this to you, Tamahome. I'm not going to let the same thing happen to you that happened to Hikou. We'll find a way to bring you back to us the way you were before. It's too late for me to make my peace with Hikou, but I'm going to hold on this time.
After all, the ripples change if the stone is pulled back out of the water, ne?
~Owari