~Ask Heero Episode 2~
Faerieflit
12.04.00




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Three multi-colored lights flare into a working order, illuminating a stage where a girl wrapped up like a zombie in bandages is looking wearily out in the audience.

Rei: Hi everybody and welcome once again to 'Ask Heero.'

The audience begins to clap.

Rei: This is our second show so please a round of applause for us for making it this far.

The audience begins to hoot and cheer.

Rei: Okay that's enough- down peoples. Now, what you've been waiting for- the host of the show, Heero Yuy.

A dark figure walks out on stage. The spotlight swings to the mysterious form, revealing an actually quite stumpy figure that is concealed inside a sweeping cloak. The cloak falls to the ground in a flourry of feathers, revealing a colorful-headed penguin.

PenPen: squak!

Two purple heads pop out of nowhere. The stage managers, Misato Kasaragi and Akane Tendo, are both holding clipboards and are shouting undecipherable things at the warm-water animal.

Rei: Okay, maybe not.

Misato: PenPen, get off the stage!

Akane: Get out you little wretched thing! Where's Heero!? Why is he never here!? AARRRGGHHH!

A black and brown streak flys across the stage. It is followed by a yellow and red streak. Everyone is silent, wondering what the hell just happened.

Ferio: (pops up from behind curtain) I see Asuke is still chasing after Duo.

Nuriko: (pops up beside the green-headed swordsman) She has the hots for him!

Ferio: Who doesn't?

Nuriko: Ferio...?

Ferio: No! That's not what I meant!

Penpen: Squak?

Misato: I won't make you eat any more of my cooking, PenPen, if you get off!

PenPen: (Holds up sign) Deal! (holds up another sign) And that includes you curry-flavored ramen!

Duo: (pant, pant) Did I lose her?

Asuke: Nope, braid-boy! (The redhead glomps him from behind)

--Shinji pops up in front of the camera-- now you all *know* she would never do *that* in the anime, ne? (rolls eyes)--

Akane: WHERE_IS_HEERO!!?

Heero: (walks out on stage) I'm here. (He staggers then falls)

Nuriko: Ohh... you played a drinking game with Kurama and Hiei, didn't you!

Duo: Yep! Heero lost! Ha!

Heero: (groans from face-down position on floor)

Duo: You should have seen Quatre! (Points with tongue-hanging-out-gagging-noises expression at the greenish stain on his shirt.

Gourry: (pops out from behind the curtain) Did you know Lina and me are an item?

Xellos: (was hovering behind Gourry) You wish! You couldn't lay a finger on her with having your face fire-balled!

Gourry: It just happens that I managed to grab her breast earlier!

Xellos: (is snickering) I bet that was a handful! (laughs at his sleazy joke)

Lina: (appearded from nowhere and whacks Xellos on the head six times each with a satisfying crunch) AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT!!!?

Duo: HELP!!!

Asuke: (Busy trying to keep Duo from getting away)

Heero: Moan... groan...

Nuriko: Lina! Her breasts! A *HANDFUL*!!

Ferio: Not (snigger) likely!!

Lina: (whacks them on the head too)

Relena: (appears from nowhere as is her custom when Heero-stalking) Please stop it! All this violence is scaring me! Peace should be our objective here!

Everybody: (pause) (look around) (shout in unison): KILL THE RELENA!!!

--Static--

Rei's face appears in the shot of the camera, blocking out everything behind her. Mad screaming and shuffling is heard in the background.

Rei: Thank you for watching 'Ask Heero,' and have a nice day.

--Static--






Okay, I admit that was *pretty* bad. ^_^;