Chapter 44 – The truth: Part 2

28th Blue See Moon; Imperial Year 1186

Byleth was surprised. She was surprised to see Jeritza sitting in a dark corner and not paying attention to his surroundings. She was also surprised to actually find him in this dark corner. It was a rather strange coincidence.

It was such an odd sight. She wouldn't have expected him to see him crouched down in a dark corner staring mindlessly into the distance. He didn't even seem to notice her presence as he didn't say anything or acknowledge her presence. Slowly, she walked towards him. However, instincts told her that she should be careful. That was why she drew out a knife strapped to her waist. Just to be sure. She didn't want to get attacked by Death Knight again.

However, he was still not reacting then she approached him and knelt down just in front of him. She was now certain. Something had happened. Something so bad that terrified him. He was also pale. Really pale… And maybe it was a trick of her eyes, but he was… trembling? Yes, he was. His entire body trembled. She just didn't know from what. But she was going to find out. Even if it meant that she had to deal with Death Knight again.

"Jeritza?" she softly called him.

No reaction. Not good. Again, she called him by his name. And again, he remained silent.

Byleth reached her hand forward to touch his cheek. Once her skin touched his', he flinched but then focused his gaze on her face. His eyes widened slightly before he averted his eyes and muttered something under his breath. The Ashen Demon didn't understand what he was saying, however, she got an idea. He wanted her to leave. Again.

"You know… I won't leave you behind anymore. No matter what you do." she exclaimed smiling friendly. "I could have left you behind then you were captured by those Agarthan. Did I? No. Now then… Tell me. What had happened, Jeritza?"

"Would you… would you mind calling me not by this name right now?" he asked her.

"Then how do I should call you? I only know you as Jeritza." she replied.

"Call me by my true name. Emile…"

"Okay?"

She tilted her head in confusion but decided that it was not worth asking more about this sudden change. Instead, she sat down beside him. She just wished that she had something sweet to eat. It would calm him down even more. But she knew another way of calming him down.

"How about a sparring match, Je- Emile?" she suggested.

"Not in the mood." he almost instantly declined.

She raised an eyebrow. He wasn't in the mood for a sparring match either? What was wrong with him? She was now getting concerned. Had he a fever? Just in case, she put her hand on his forehead. Hm… Norm-

"I don't have a fever!" he snapped at her almost… childishly?

"Sorry." she replied and put her hand down again to her side.

At least she wanted to. But Jeritza grabbed her hand with his own and squeezed it. Then he brought their conjoined hands back to his forehead before he sighed contently. Byleth didn't know what just happened. He was so confusing again. But… If he was happy it was okay. He needed comfort now. And if he needed it then she was going to be there for him.

They remained silent for quite some time. She could only hear Jeritza's breathing and sometimes a suppressed sob while she simply let him. Byleth wanted to lean against him or wrap her arms around his tall frame. Somehow, she knew, however, that this would cause him to distance himself from her. So, she only let him decide what he wanted.

After what felt like an hour, he let go of her hand and sighed. He apologized for his behavior and wanted to stand up but Byleth wrapped her hand around his arm forcing him to sit down again by this simple act. Soon he leaned his head against her shoulder and closed his eyes. Alright… She was now certain. Something was troubling him so much that he acted not himself.

"Emile… What is wrong?" she asked him.

"Don't call me that. You don't know me as Emile." he replied.

"But then… You said I should call you that."

"I only did that because… because I needed comfort. I hate that name. It reminds me of a time… of a time where I was weak… and unable to protect myself."

"What happened? If you don't want to tell me, that's-" she began.

"No. It's okay. I will tell you." he interrupted her and took a deep breath before continuing. "Death Knight… He attacked Mercedes."

"What? He… how could he do such a thing? Mercedes is not only your sister, but his as well."

"I wish he would see it that way…" he muttered. "But he doesn't. He thinks that everyone will harm me. I… am just afraid of hurting someone I care about. It actually happened now on several occasions. Maybe… maybe it is best to leave this army forever. Maybe I ask Her Majesty to imprison or execute me. Maybe… Anything that can contain, or better, erase this demon inside of me."

"Don't talk like that!" she snapped at him. "Life is too precious to be wasted! Do you realize that if you die nothing will change?! This war won't stop. The people who care about you won't stop worrying. Even if you jump off from a cliff I will turn back time in order to save you! Over and over again until I can convince you to not jump off from a cliff! Do you realize what I am saying? I care about you! More than anything else! Losing you… I couldn't bear it! I could watch everyone else die over and over again and wouldn't feel a thing! But you… You are different."

"Why do you care so much about me? I'm a murderer." he said.

"I… honestly don't know. Maybe it is because you were the able to rise some emotions from me. But honestly… Do you need a reason to like someone?"

"I guess not. After all… I don't know why I am drawn to you…" he paused considering his next words. "This strange feeling I have always felt towards you… Is this called… love?"

"Beats me. But if it is love… Then I feel the same way. Despite the fact, that we expressed our love much earlier."

"True."

They settled in a comfortable silence. Jeritza snuggled somewhat closer to Byleth and she reached a hand up to his head to push back a strand of hair which had fallen into his face. He gave a content sigh. She also started to enjoy this proximity as she closed her eyes as well. She began humming a melody she knew Sothis had composed.

"I think… I am comfortable enough…" he finally said causing her to snap her eyes open again.

She looked down onto him curiously. What wanted he to tell her? He just confessed his love to her. What else did he want to tell her? It was quite enough for today. She was comfortable enough with their current situation.

"You do recall that my sister calls me Emile. And I told you before that this was my birth name albeit I despise it."

She nodded her head.

"I want to tell you why I despise it… And why I have a demon living inside of me." he started. "I think you should know… About what happened to me."

Emile von Bartels. He always hated his name. Ever since his mother and sister fled from House Bartels due he begged them to… He started to hate everything. This hatred slowly but surely consumed him. He didn't want that. But he knew that those feelings were real. He had already despised his father and his half-siblings. The former because he had beaten him, his mother and Mercedes constantly up for minor reasons. The latter because they bullied him. He was born with a cursed Crest. He was born as a male. If he hadn't had a Crest, born as a female or sick then his father would have abandoned him. He just wished that he would have done that.

Instead Emile was forced to life with him. Was forced to endure everything. The only hope he had? That his mother and sister were safe from his father. Nothing more… nothing less. With his age of almost 13, he knew that he did the right choice. At least he had two gifts from his family who had left him five years ago. A Heroes' Relic, the Rafail Gem, and a black hair ribbon. The Heroes' Relic was from his mother who also bore a Crest… the ribbon came from his sister. These were the most precious things he possessed.

Emile shook his head. He turned to the right before he heard the voices of two servants. They were talking silently but also loud enough for him to hear.

"Are you sure? Does Duke von Bartels really-" a female voice said.

"Sh! Not so loud!" hushed the other voice who also belonged to a woman. "Who knows who might listen to us!"

"But… If that is true then… Poor Lady von Martritz."

"Yes… To think that Lord von Bartels wants her to marry him. I remember her as a sweet child. She always so cheerful. Lady Mercedes von Martritz would certainly break under the marriage. I just wished that her father would marry the mother… But she is too old to carry children."

His sister? His father wanted to marry his sister?! Pure hot anger overtook him and his hands began to shake uncontrollably. Before he knew it his world was plunged into darkness.

Then he finally regained consciousness, he stood over his father. A deep wound was on his chest. The blood was already dried. Confused, Emile furrowed his brows and looked down onto his hands. He let out an audible gasp because his hands were covered in blood. He trembled and fell to his knees. What had happened? Why was his father… He looked around and also saw the corpse of one of his siblings. He was also cut open similar to his father.

"I killed them." a strange and yet deep voice echoed in his head.

He winced at it. What did the voice mean that he killed them?

"What I mean, you weakling. I killed them because you were unable to, Emile." he continued.

"Who… Who are you?" he asked the voice in his head.

"In a sense… I am you, you weakling. But also, I am not. I want blood! I want murder! I will kill everyone you know… and more! I don't have a name… Because I don't need one!"

"Y-You… How could you?!"

"Come on, we both wanted them to die."

"No… That is… wrong…"

"You have no saying in this, Emile."

"I fled from my home and met my fiancée half a year later. Then Death Knight killed her, I decided that I should be executed for harboring such a dangerous creature. So, I went to Enbarr and let myself be arrested. However, Her Majesty decided that I was useful enough. Thus, she gave me the country Hrym, an ideal hunting ground for Death Knight." Jeritza finished his story.

"Jeritza…" she softly said reaching up a hand to put a strand of hair behind his ear.

She felt bad for him. Having such a father who wanted to marry his own step-daughter… No wonder he eventually snapped. Byleth was so lucky that she had Jeralt. He had always been so gentle to her. And she only realized it now. She pushed these thoughts quickly away and instead started wondering what they should do now. Jeritza needed to apologize to his sister. That was out of question. However, a feeling told her that it was too soon for an apology. It should pass some days before he apologized to Mercedes. Maybe then he-

A soft snore interrupted her thoughts. Byleth looked down and saw the tall man fast asleep with his mouth slightly opened. She laughed quietly. He was looking so cute and innocent then he was asleep. She smiled and closed her eyes as well. At least it was summer meaning the nights wouldn't be so cold.