I was living in a world of confusion.
Have you ever woken up ill and had this strange, everything is
moving-so-slowly-around-you feeling? Like maybe you were in a slow time lapse or
something? Even the sounds I heard sounded far away, people were talking right
over me and I couldn't make out what they were saying, the lips moved but made
no sound, words that I heard a few seconds later, muted and distant.
My eyelids opened and closed. Caught flashes of reality that seemed to
echo in my memory, like the images I saw were not real. Virtual.
And the things that I saw; things that couldn't possibly be real.
Illusions? Hallucinations? But how could it be? What I saw in front of my eyes
looked so convincingly true that I believed that the person I was seeing was
there, true and in front of me.
Alive.
My father.
But he disappeared, walked out of an arched door way. A doorway that was
not there, dirty, blood stained.
"Come back!" I whispered. With an outstretched arm I grasped at the
door, only it was too far, I had to get up.
Couldn't get up, my legs were glued to the bed I was lying on; turning
my head I saw that I hadn't really moved my arm at all. Both arms lay to my
sides.
My eyelids closed.
And opened.
The world was not the least bit clearer, a relatively old man stood over
me, maybe sixty or more years old, he was wearing Sasi uniform, that of a
scientific branch…like my father.
My father.
His eyes burned into mine, clear green. And in his eye's reflection I
saw myself. A twisted, broken, shattered reflection. Like a broken mirror; with
jagged shards of glass falling to the ground, I picked one up. Blood dripped
down my hand and down my elbow, pain shot up to my brain.
The pain!
My head was exploding.
It was as if some ragging insect was buzzing around in my skull.
Couldn't get it out!
The buzz of its wings grew louder, and louder, I felt the vibrations
directly from bone to bone, no ears needed to translate the sound.
The buzz intensified, then turned into a screaming whine that receded to
nothing more than gentle hum.
I felt flushed, exhausted. Nevertheless, I opened my eyes; and stared at
a white ceiling.
Huh?
I felt myself waking up, but the gentle hum was still persistent. Just
hearing it brought back the awful buzzing.
I tried to move but it was hard, hard to move, my eyelids closed. I tried
to open them again, but it was as if gravity had intensified and shackled iron
not just to my eyelids but all parts of my body.
But I was waking up.
The white, curved ceiling was a few inches up from my nose. I could have
reached out and touched it, but I couldn't…my arms…
I heard metallic whirling. And then…it took all my effort, but slowly,
I lifted my aching head. And saw that there was a long red, narrow beam moving
horizontally up my body.
I wanted to open my mouth to scream, but my throat had gone dry the
second I saw the beam, adrenaline flooded my system.
They were going to kill me! They were going to kill me!
The beam! I saw it! It traveled up my arms and over my bare shoulders and
then…my head.
I froze completely.
Terrified.
The beam turned green, blue, and yellow; switched off. I was shaking like
crazy.
More whirling, but this time, I felt myself…whatever it was that I was
on, moved, pulling me out of the little curved semi-circular cavern and out what
looked like a lab.
A human stood over me, the same old man that I saw before, he flashed a
light into my eyes, I blinked twice. Moved an arm.
The movement was so normal and expected that I almost forgot that a few
minutes ago I couldn't have moved anything. A few moments ago I truly thought
I was paralyzed, and not just physically, but mentally as well, paralyzed with
fear.
"Why hello, nice of you to join us." He said.
I blinked again, was I supposed to respond?
The man looked away, talked to some guy. I couldn't see, he was out of
my vision.
I twisted my head up, stared long and hard at what I had been in earlier,
what was that?
"Eh. It's nothing to break your neck over, we've just had you take
a CT scan."
What?
"Why would you want to do that?" I asked him. My voices cracked as I
talked. Faltered, like I was drained of energy.
"Eh?" He repeated, but he didn't answer my question.
I laid still.
Stared up at the ceiling for a long time. I stared for so long that all I
saw was a gray blur; I didn't blink to get my eyes to refocus. Just stared
hard and long, my eyes started to sting. I blinked; soon enough, I was watching
a blur again.
I started to feel a bit hot; I didn't know why it was unexpected,
sudden. I reached to wipe my wet brow but I recoiled suddenly.
Stared at my lower arm.
Numerous cuts on both hands, I sat up, held both my arms out and stared.
Blood. Lots of it, most of the cuts weren't deep at all, scratches really, but
others were deep. What happened?
And there was an I.V unit or something over me, a needle in my arm. When
did that come in?
I sat there looking myself over, my eyes settled at my arms again. I
looked at them trembling. What was happening?
My hands shook, it took a while for me to realize that it' wasn't
only of fear, a wave of unexpected nausea hit me so hard that it took all my
effort to keep my stomach contents in.
When was the last time I ate anyway?
Must have been ages ago, my stomach felt empty, the feeling washed an
overwhelming wave of hollowness and misery over me.
I…I…what was it? I had a feeling of urgency nag at me, like there was
something important I was missing or something I was over looking.
What was it? What had I been thinking?
Hot, it was so hot.
Wait, that was it, wasn't it. I was hot a few minutes ago; I still
was…but what…my arm! I looked at it again; the cuts were still there.
An alarm bell rang in my head, faint, what was it that I had forgotten?
Something that had…something I over looked.
I had to fight another intense wave of nausea. That was it! The nausea,
what the…why was I feeling so sick?
The needle.
It wasn't there before I got here. It wasn't there after the C.T. I
must have fell asleep, then they stuck me with the I.V.
Only this was no I.V drip, it was making me sick Suddenly I was so sure
of it, that needle was dripping something into my blood stream. And it was going
to kill me!
What I did next I did not really plan. It was a reflex action. The second
the thought of someone planning my death was made by my brain, I yanked the
needle out.
Impulsive reaction; couldn't control it.
"Hey!"
I tried to get out of bed, I may have been wearing the minimal of
clothing but that didn't really concern me.
Three people rushed towards me, "What do you think you're doing?"
One of them cried out as I swung out, grabbed the metal stand that held the
'IV' suspended above me, held it as if it were a weapon.
"Back off!" I screamed, I swung wildly, "Back off I say!"
I caught the doors of the lab opening at the corners of my eyes, I kept
most of my focus on the three people edging towards me; edging towards me like
they were approach a chained dog they didn't know.
One of the men leaped at me, knocking me backwards, I stumbled, regained
balance and tried to club him with all my strength. "GO AWAY!"
I missed him, but he was on the ground now, I held the metal stand
sideways, as if it were a raised bat, I brought it down to crash into his skull
when two slim firm hands grabbed me from behind, and in a split second, I found
that I no longer had a weapon in m hand, I was shoved away. I slammed into a
solid living wall that grabbed me; I almost collapsed to the floor.
The collision stunned me, but as soon as it wore off I started to
struggle. "Hey stop it." The voice said.
The voice had me freeze.
Something familiar about the deepness, I stood chest level to the Sasi
I looked up dumb folded as he shook me, I gaped up.
It was Mac. Asi's boss.
I looked back, the person who shoved me…
"What are you trying to do? Kill everybody? Have you gone mad boy?"
She glared at me with cold eyes.
I looked away from Asi's gaze.
"He's just a little shook up." The Sasi called Mac said. A
pun. The others laughed. I didn't find anything funny. I didn't like the way
he had been shaking me back and forth. I didn't like being treated as if I was
dumb, insane or even psycho.
"No doubt he was." Asi said, she helped the Sasi I knocked
down back to his feet, "Are you okay?"
"I can live. Just take it easy son," it was that old man I saw a
couple of times before, the one that pretended he didn't hear my question,
"I'm not as young as I used to be."
"Or pretend to have been." Mac offered a heartily laugh. He squeezed
my shoulder tightly then loosened his grip. Realizing that he had his hand on me
all this time made me repulsive. I shook him off.
"What am I doing here?" I snapped at him.
"Oh, what? Your little trip had you grow bolder? This isn't the
little trembling creature I saw in my office a few weeks ago."
Old man coughed, gave Mac a significant look. Mac looked at him as though
annoyed, but he dropped whatever he had on his mind on me, I knew he had a lot
to share. No doubt.
But what Mac said had me thinking. I had changed.
No I was just angry. "What am I doing here?"
"You have yourself to ask." Asi said, but she didn't say it in her
usual nasty way.
"What?" I asked.
"Gee, I don't know Lynn. Haven't you looked at yourself?"
Now that she said it –in her usual sarcastic, patronizing way- I
looked. First thing I noticed was my lack of clothing, in my little fight just a
few seconds ago and Mac shaking me had displaced the gown I was wearing.
No point telling you how much.
But enough to tell you that Asi's presence made me uncomfortable. I
didn't bother rearranging it, it took me a few second to realize I didn't
truly care what Asi thought of my appearance.
But that aspect of my appearance was not what Asi was hinting at, she was
hinting at the cuts that littered my body.
My shoulders, arms, chest, abdomen, thighs, lower legs; how did that
happen? I had no memory of it…
"I…I was attacked?" What I was was confused.
Asi's eyes flickered briefly at the old man. He seemed to shake his
head slightly, but I didn't know…
"Who did it?" I wondered.
Again, Asi's eyes averted from mine, her expression changed, but it was
brief, and lasted a few seconds. What I saw was her arrogant expression mutate
to pity, shame, disbelief, hard understanding, and then back to her usual ironic
self posed gaze.
"We thought you might tell us." Mac interrupted. Glaring at Asi, had
he caught it too?
"I don't know…I don't remember…"
I trailed off, why was everyone acting so weird? And not just Asi, the
physicians, only Mac was 'normal'.
"You need to rest," old man said abruptly, "Quinn?"
One of the physicians stepped forward, he held me by my shoulders, the
moment I felt his hands on me I felt my stomach go queasy, my knees wobbled. He
grabbed me firmly, scooped me up in his arms and
carried me to a bed. My head began to spin.
What was with them? What's their problem? Who attacked me? And the
strangest thing about my cuts…they weren't deep, surly if someone wanted to
kill me…this wouldn't have been the way.
A searing pain filled my consciousness; a flash of memory came along with
it; fingers digging deep into my skin.
What?
In confusion I looked at my fingers. The nails…my fingers…bloody.
What? Had I done that?
Were the wounds on my body self-inflicted?
Horror grabbed me. No it couldn't be. But the memory was coming back.
The man called Quinn returned, laid a blanket over me. And disappeared
from my view.
Old man came up. "You have to rest."
I felt eyes on me; I turned on my side and watched Mac and Asi watching
me. Asi turned away from my gaze first, ploughed out of the room. Mac look at me
in exasperation shook his head and followed Asi out. To talk to her?
Why would he care? I thought he was supposed to be Asi's boss. Not her
friend or whatever.
Or whatever?
What was that supposed to mean?