My eyelids fluttered open as I heard his approaching footsteps. He always came to me every night, if only for a few moments, to exchange a few brief words before departing for his own quarters. I had been hesitant at first but had come to look forward to his visits, savoring each moment when he appeared in the shadows of the area outside my room, eyes glimmering like glaciers in the blackness. He was there now, just as he had been every night since he had taken me captive. But tonight he seemed different, saddened, and this change in him troubled me. I sat up and brushed my raven hair from my eyes as he stepped into my room silently, standing at the foot of my bed where he always stood each night.
I saw the sadness in his eyes, though hidden as it was, and alarm filtered through me like an electric shock. Something was terribly wrong.
"What is it?" I asked softly, speaking first to break the pained silence. My heart was accelerating madly, my fingers clutching at the silken sheets on my bed.
He said nothing for a moment, just watching me silently. Then he spoke.
"Tomorrow is the day." His voice was smooth and melodic, elemental, like water running over a rock. No different than the way he had sounded since the moment he first spoke to me. But what he said rang fear in my heart and panic in my soul.
"Tomorrow?" I asked softly, my voice hoarse.
He nodded and crossed my room to stand at the window. I could see the faint shimmering of moonlight filtering through the glass, and a few of the sparkles caught in his hair, causing it to shine with a brilliant luminescence.
"I must go. The time is at hand. I must complete the work set out for me. It is what I was meant to do." His tone was dispassionate and impersonal, as if he truly did not care that when he left for the day this time he might never return.
However, I cared. I cared deeply, more than I knew I should. It was ridiculous for me to feel anything for this man who had taken me from my home, from my family and friends, and held me here for all this time. I knew I should feel nothing but remorse, hatred, and loathing.
But I could not.
"You are not expecting to return." I phrased the question as a statement, willing my voice to remain steady. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, sitting fully upright, watching him as he watched the stars.
He did not respond directly. "It is my time. I must complete my duty." I heard the swishing of silk as he shifted position, resting one hand on his hip as he continued to gaze out the window. "Tomorrow you are free. Once I depart, you may leave here forever. I shall hold you here against your will no longer."
My throat closed off, and I felt warmth burn at my eyes. He was indirectly confirming my fear, not actually saying the words, but the meaning was there.
"Why?" I whispered then, rising off the bed and standing fully, the hem of my white nightgown reaching to the floor, flowing about my ankles in silken waves. He had never given me any less than the finest. I took two steps in his direction, though still a few feet away.
He did turn then, halfway, his head bowed slightly as the moonlight danced over his feathery hair, shimmering in the darkness of the room. "It is what I must do. It is what I am being called to do. It is how things must be."
My eyes filled completely then, and I shook my head slowly, not in negation, but utter defeat. I knew that nothing I could say would be able to change his mind, his course of actions. This was the last moment I would have with him.
I moved to stand at his side then, though not touching him, my eyes fixed on the stars he had been gazing at moments ago. No more could I keep back my pain, and the first tear slipped from my eye, running down the curve of my face.
He saw this and turned to face me, his head tilted in question. I felt his hand touch my shoulder, and he turned me to face him. Tilting my chin up with a gentle hand he brushed the lone tear away with a light touch of his fingertip. "Do not shed tears for me. Tomorrow you will be free and I will be a distant memory. The horrid creature that took you captive against your will for so long."
I shook my head slowly in negation, lowering my eyes so he would not see my tears. I did not want him to see me cry. "I never thought of you as such," I said softly, my eyes focused upon the carpet on the ground that was between us. "I could never think that of you." My heart was wrenching, and I knew that this was my last chance.
He was puzzled by what I said and raised my chin to gaze into my eyes again. I held his gaze with my own, feeling the tears burning fiercely, and I knew that this was the time. I would have no other chance, no other opportunity.
"My tears fall now, and they shall fall until the pain in my heart has departed. Though now I know not how such will be possible. The pain is so intense it takes my breath away and causes the world to fade. I wish you not to go, but I know there is nothing I can do to change your mind." I drew back from him a bit then and turned to the window once more, resting my palms on the ledge, trying to still the maddening rush of my heart.
"What is it you are speaking of?" I could hear the bewilderment in his tone, the genuine astonishment at my words. He stepped towards me then, standing at my side, his eyes regarding me questioningly. I did not look at him then, for I knew if I did I would break down, and the words must be spoken, for there was no other time for it to be done.
"I never loathed you," I said quietly, my eyes on the sky. "I never hated you, despised you, wished ill of you in any way. Though you tried to make me do such, I never did. I never could." Then I did face him, my eyes re-locking on his own, and I made my voice as steady as possible, though the tears building in my throat and eyes made composure near impossible. "I could only love you. As I do now. I love you."
I heard the sound of his breath, a short indrawn gasp. And then I felt his touch. His hand raised upwards to brush along my cheek in a featherlight touch, and I closed my eyes lightly at the caress, leaning into his hand a bit. He said nothing for a long moment, and I did not move. It was as if time itself stopped, standing still to give me this last moment.
The very last moment.
I felt his hand raise up to brush through my hair, and then I opened my eyes to meet his again. When he spoke his voice was soft and melodic, though now more tender than anything else. "I love you, too," he whispered softly, brushing his hand down to caress my cheek gently. "I have loved you since the moment I saw you, the moment I laid eyes on you." His voice wavered then, and for a moment I thought I saw the shimmer of tears in his sapphire eyes.
I could take no joy in this now, only the pain at the realization that when morning came, when the sunlight filtered over the horizon, he would be gone. This was the end. Without another word, I flung myself into his arms, burying my face into the hollow of his throat, my arms wrapped around his waist tightly. I felt his arms go around me, nearly crushing me against his chest, and I let my tears fall freely, shoulders shaking as I sobbed.
His hand came up to gently stroke my hair, over and over, as if he were memorizing the feeling. I felt his chin rest atop my head, and I listened to the beating of his heart in his throat, holding on fiercely to every second that passed, for I knew that precious moments were slipping away and that he would leave shortly.
I felt him draw back and I raised my head, feeling his fingertips trace over my face, brushing away the tears that ran down my cheeks. He smoothed the fringe of my eyelashes, and I closed my eyes. I felt his hand raise to the back of my head, bringing me closer to him, and then our lips met in what would be our first-and only-kiss.
I held to the moment as long as I could, savoring the feeling of his lips against mine, and the saltiness of our mingled tears. Our tears. He was crying as well, his tears creating crystalline rivers upon his pale flesh.
"Would you do me one last thing?" I asked softly as he drew me into his arms again, his breath dancing across my hair.
"Anything that you ask of me." His voice was soft, and he bent his head down, taking my face in his hands. His lips danced over my face, kissing away the falling droplets of my tears that fell from my eyes, kissing my closed eyelids to stop the tears before they fell.
"Stay with me tonight?" I whispered. His lips pressed to my forehead and he drew me against him again tightly, his hands tracing softly up and down from my shoulder blades to the small of my back.
"I will hold you all through the night. But I wish you to save yourself for another," he whispered in my ear as he rocked me in his arms.
I nodded my understanding, and then felt myself lifted off the ground gently. He swept me into his arms and carried me across the room. He laid me down on the silken sheets once more and covered me with the blankets. Then he was beside me and I was in his arms again. I wrapped my arms around him again, for the last time, and closed my eyes as I rested my head on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and his hand stroked my hair until I, lulled by the rhythmatic beating of his heart, fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I knew that when I awoke I would be alone. And I was right. He was gone. I sat up slowly, blinking my sleep-encrusted eyes a few times, and moved to stand at the window once more.
In the distance, I glimpsed the explosion that rose into the sky, and I knew it was done. Though I knew I would cry later, at the moment I simply had no more tears.
Raising my hand, I pressed my palm to the paned glass and closed my eyes, bowing my head in my silent farewell.
Until paradise, my silver angel.
Author's Notes
Yes, I know the ending was bad. But I'm working on a better one-I promise!
Can you guess who the characters were? ^_^
This is my first FF9 fic, so please be gentle.
Feedback would be much appreciated!