Hermione Plays the Dating Game-the Aftermath
by Ami the Queen of the Evil Flying Monkeys
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
~*~
The results (as of March 20) are in! And the winner is...
BACHELOR NUMBER 2!
Here are the official tallies-
Bachelor 1- 36
Bachelor 2- 80
Bachelor 3- 38
Bachelor 4- 26
Enjoy the fic, thanks for voting! My apologies if this gets too cutesy, after-effects of four-hour musical fluff fest. Oh well, on with it!
Ami's Note: In the last installment, I mentioned that bassoons sound a little like bagpipes. Yes, I HAVE heard a bassoon before (I sit behind one for cripe's sake!), and the only reason I used that comparison is that our bassoonist had to imitate bagpipes in a piece last year and he did a very good job of it. I have a better one now, it's a cross between a bass clarinet and an oboe, which sounds like someone squeezing a duck. *smile* Is that better?
~*~
"Hello and welcome again to the Wizard Dating Game! I'm your host Dan Smellypants." a man with huge hair steps out from behind a seemingly endless set of curtains lining the back of the studio.
"No you're not, you're Gilderoy Lockhart, stooopid!"
"Oh yeah, that's right. Anyhow, let's get started. Hermione Granger, come on out!" Lockhart motioned to the curtains, where Hermione reluctantly entered the studio. Her eyes were puffy and red from lack of sleep, and she looked like she would kill anyone who crossed her.
"Must we go through this again?" Hermione asked, plopping down in the cushy red chair in the middle of the room designated for her.
"Yes, now we have the results of the voting in!"
"Oh God, save me." Hermione mumbled, sighing, "Who is it?"
"Hermione, you're going on a fabulous three-night Hawaiian vacation with none other than..." Lockhart began, but stopped when a figure burst out from the crowd.
"Wait! We have evidence of this girl," the man from the crowd announced, dragging a brown-haired girl in by the wrist, "fixing the voting!"
"I did no such thing! I only counted the votes I got!" the girl, who was identified as Ami, protested, struggling to get loose.
"Well, in case of error, since it was such a close election, both the runner-up and winner will go on the vacation!" the man from the crowd announced. The crowd gasped as Ami wriggled her way free of his grasp.
"Well, there goes your bonus, buddy." Ami grumbled, brushing the dust off her skirt, "You too, Lockhart. It wasn't that close, anyway."
"No bonus for Lockhart, no bonus for Lockhart! Hehehe!" Lockhart giggled.
"Since I have to finance this tremendously joyous trip, why don't we see who is actually going?" Ami said sarcastically, sitting down in the audience and crossing her arms over her chest.
"The winner is Bachelor number two!" Lockhart read aloud from a cue card, "And the runner-up is Bachelor number three!"
Hermione looked as if she would pass out in her chair.
"First of all, let's bring out the two you DIDN'T pick! Bachelor number one, come on out!"
"I didn't pick ANY of them!" Hermione corrected him huffily. Lockhart didn't seem to hear her.
"Bachelor number one is the four-time hero of the entire world and Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Harry Potter!" Lockhart read on, watching as Harry stepped shyly from behind the shade. Hermione hugged him and he left. Hermione stared after him longingly, wanting desperately to leave as well and get out of this nightmare.
"Bachelor number four is the rich, stuck-up Slytherin Seeker, Draco Malfoy!"
"Hey!"
"Oops, I wasn't supposed to read that part, was I? How about this- the rich, EVIL Slytherin seeker, Draco Malfoy?"
"Much better."
Draco stepped confidently from behind the shade, saw who was on the other side, and turned around.
"I'm not hugging a mudblood! My father will sue!"
"Fine. Security!" Lockhart called, and two big, buff-looking security guards came and drug Draco off the stage.
"Now, for the runner-up, who will accompany you on your fabulous vacation, Bachelor number three!"
Hermione fainted on the spot. After a few minutes, the medics managed to revive her, and Bachelor number three stepped from behind the shade.
"He's the Dark Lord and terror of the world, Lord Voldemort!" Lockhart announced perkily as Voldemort walked over to Hermione. Hermione ducked and tried to run, but he managed to hug her anyway. His beady red eyes glanced hungrily at the exit where Harry had just left.
"I'll be right back." Voldemort said, sneaking off after Harry. Hermione grabbed the back of his robes.
"Oh no you don't, Harry is my friend."
"Awww... but I must KILL HARRY POTTER! BWAHAHAHA!" Hermione glared at him, but let go of his robes, turning her attention back to the ever-smiling Lockhart.
"Finally, the winner of the contest, Bachelor number two! He's the red-headed sidekick of the famous Harry Potter, Ron Weasley!"
"Oh God.." Hermione sighed, her cheeks turning pink as she buried her face in her hands.
Ron walked around the curtain, blushing clear to the roots of his hair, which made him look like a freckled tomato with a terrible sunburn. When he saw who was on the other side of the curtain, he fainted.
"Medic!"
~The Next Day, at the Holiday Inn~
"Get up, Hermione! You have a flight to catch!" Lockhart cried giddily through the locked door.
"You can't make me! I won't go!" Hermione's voice came in a muffled reply through the door. Lockhart, somehow knowing Hermione would protest, grabbed his wand and blew the door off its hinges.
"You'll have to pay for that, you know." a passing maid said, looking skeptically at Lockhart. Lockhart smiled his most dazzling smile at her.
"No I don't, she does."
A very disgruntled-looking Ami stepped out of the room next door, looking murderous and very sleepy.
"Lockhart, how many times do I have to tell you? DON'T BLOW ANYTHING UP!" Ami grumbled, frowning at Lockhart disapprovingly. "Ami is NOT a morning person.."
"Yes Ma'am." Lockhart whispered meekly.
"Now get her on that plane or ELSE, Lockhart, and I don't want any more mistakes!"
Lockhart nodded, his smile fading briefly. Ami spun around in her slippers and went back into her room.
"Miss Granger, you have to come with me."
"Nooooooooooooooo!" Hermione pleaded, attaching herself firmly to her bedpost and refusing to move.
"Security!"
The same two big, buff-looking security guards from the shabby studio popped out of nowhere and grabbed Hermione, plucking her off the bedpost with ease.
"What do they do, follow you around? Hellllp!" Hermione cried, struggling against the guards' grips on her. They drug her down the hall and after a long stint of rebellion the elevator, they somehow managed to lock her in the airport van.
"Nooooo!" Hermione screamed, clawing at the back glass of the van as it drove away. The trip had begun.
~*~
"We're going to gate 23-B. Get her luggage, I'll take care of her." one of the security guards read from Hermione's ticket, motioning to the other guard to get Hermione's baggage. He picked up Hermione and slung her over his shoulder, starting down the long hallway.
Ron and Voldemort had arrived earlier, and were sitting in the airport's waiting room when the guards carried Hermione in, still kicking and screaming.
Ron blushed from ear to ear when he saw her, "Don't worry Hermione, this will be fun."
"Fun for you maybe, but I don't want to go. HELP ME!"
Voldemort mumbled something imperceptible, but it ended in 'Harry Potter', so Hermione knew it wasn't good.
"You'd better get this straight Voldie, I'm not going to tolerate you trying to kill one of my best friends on this trip, so you can just forget your little plans concerning Harry." Hermione said bluntly, struggling away from one of the guards and walking along towards the gate sensibly. Voldemort looked hurt and insulted, but didn't say anything.
"I thought you didn't want to go?" the security guard she had struggled away from asked, looking at her peculiarly.
"If someone is going to give me a free trip to Hawaii, I may as well take it." Hermione replied matter-of-factly, sounding a bit more like herself.
"That's my girl!" Ron said, smiling and putting his arm around Hermione. She glared at him, and he meekly removed his appendage from her shoulder.
"Sorry."
"Now boarding on gate 23-B, final call for gate 23-B!" a voice sounded over the intercom system. Hermione's eyes widened to unrealistic size as she glared at the glowing sign above her that read 'Gate 1-A'.
~*~
By some miracle, Hermione managed to drag Ron, Voldemort (now in his Tom Riddle form, as not to terrify the entire plane), and their luggage twenty-odd miles to gate 23-B and get them loaded before the plane took off. Hermione sighed with relief, plopping down in her Coach-class seat between her travel mates just as the airplane took off.
"Oh, look at the birdies... A PHOENIX! AAAAAGH!" Tom/Voldemort screamed, watching out the window as the plane took off. Hermione clapped her hand over his mouth, trying to silence him and smiling at the muggles who were staring at them.
"Phoenix? This plane is going to Hawaii." the passenger sitting behind them remarked, raising his eyebrows at Tom.
"Shut up, Tom, or you'll get us all thrown off the plane!"
"But I don't like phonixes, whenever I was just a little dark evil wizard I was bitten by one and I've never quite gotten over it.. Will Hermione keep the bad old birdie away from me, pwease?" Tom/Voldie wailed, sucking his thumb. Hermione stared at him curiously, but she couldn't help pitying his terrified appearance.
"It's okay, Tom." Hermione cooed, patting his head and holding out his teddy bear. Ron looked furious, he didn't take well to being ignored.
"Pookie!" Tom cried happily, hugging the teddy bear which he had apparently dubbed 'Pookie'.
Ron, having nothing better to do, ate his way through a whole tray of snack mix the stewardess brought, and had just started on a second when an idea struck him. Hermione had to notice him, and he knew just how to do it!
Ron got up out of his seat, squeezing his thin, tall frame rather easily though the narrow aisles. He pushed himself to the front of the plane, and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed the captain's microphone.
"This song goes out to a very special lady, the beautiful, bushy-haired girl in the back of the plane, seat 19-A!" Hermione recognized the voice over the intercom, and burrowed herself deeper into her seat, hoping and praying that no one would notice her flaming face and associate her with Ron.
At this point every inhabitant of the plane turned around to look at Hermione, who was staring at Ron with a mixture of embarrassment, pity, and murderous anger.
"Hit it!" Ron began, switching on a nearby CD player, and a pretty muggle tune blared over the plane's sound system.
"She rolls the window down, and she talks over the sound.." the CD began, and Ron joined in in the middle of the verse. Surprisingly, he had a decent singing voice, though he was slightly lower-pitched than the muggles singing the song and thus it sounded bizarre.
"KARIOKE! YAAAAAY!"
Tom/Voldemort jumped out of his seat and raced to the front of the plane before Hermione had a chance to stop him. Hermione buried her already-pink face into her hands, sobbing quietly and shaking her head.
"When you look at her, she looks at me, she's got me thinking about her constantly, but she don't know how I feeeeeeeel.." Ron sang over the intercom, shimmying a little as he sang.
"AND SHE CARRIES ON WITHOUT A DOUBT, I WONDER IF SHE'S FIGURED OUT.. I'M CRAZY FOR THIS GIRL, YEAH I'M CRAZY FOR THIS GIIIIRL!" Tom/Voldemort completed the lyrics, doing a sort of cross between 'the hustle' and 'the electric slide' across the front of the plane, terrifying the poor first-class passengers as he did so.
"Will any passengers singing and/or dancing in the aisles please return to your seats and SHUT UP?!" the stewardess said sweetly over her microphone. (Ami's Note: Et tu, Brady Bunch?) This announcement brought rumbling cheers from the other passengers, and Ron and Voldemort were escorted back to their seats next to Hermione, who looked as if she had never been so embarrassed.
~*~
"The in-flight movie tonight is provided by some big company. Enjoy!" the stewardess's voice rang over the darkened plane.
Some passengers slept in their seats, but Hermione, fearing another outburst from Ron, couldn't. Ron was snoozing peacefully next to her, snoring softly and occasionally twitching and kicking the seat in front of him with his long legs.
Tom was scribbling away in a coloring book Hermione had brought along, hugging his teddy bear and drinking chocolate milk. The stewardesses occasionally stopped to refill his milk glass, staring at the rather handsome sixteen-year-old boy coloring in a coloring book and talking to a teddy bear named 'Pookie'.
Hermione watched with mild amusement as the opening credits flashed across the movie screen at the front of the plane, forboding music playing in her headphones.
Tom looked up from his coloring book and put on his headphones, seeing the movie playing and deciding to watch it. Hermione's eyes widened and her heart fell like a stone as she saw the words "Alfred Hitchcock" flash across the black-and-white screen.
"Tommmiekins, shouldn't you finish the picture of the puppy you started?" Hermione said, removing Tom's earphones and making a desperate attempt to turn his attention away from the screen. He shook his head and put back on his headphones, only to scream a few seconds later.
"BIRDS! BIRDS!! Hermione said she'd protect me from the birdies! Nooooo!" Tom wailed, watching in terror as the title of the movie flashed across the screen.
Hermione sighed, trying to comfort Tom. It was going to be a looooong flight.
~*~
After the stewardesses had given Tom some Valium, the trip had went along rather uneventfully and as smoothly as could be expected, and by morning they were sitting in the Waikiki airport.
"Where are we going now?" Ron asked, staring at Tom, who was sitting peacefully in a nearby chair, drooling in his sleep and soaking his teddy bear.
Hermione glanced down at her watch. "It's only 8:30, the van doesn't come to pick us up and take us to the hotel until 9:30. Do you want to walk around a bit?"
Ron looked as though he'd just heard it was raining chocolate frogs out. "Sure!"
"Well, come on. I'm starving, surely they have a restaurant somewhere in this gargantuan airport." Hermione replied, getting up and stretching her sore legs.
"What about him?" Ron asked, motioning to Tom, who was still snoozing peacefully.
"Don't worry about him, he's so drugged up he won't be up for another hour or so. Let's go."
Ron got up, wobbled around a bit on his still-asleep legs, and walked along next to Hermione. They didn't have to walk long before they came upon a huge shopping-center in the middle of the airport.
A pungent smell struck Ron's nostrils, and he felt himself begin to drool. "Food!"
Hermione smelled it too, and turned her head in the direction Ron was pointing.
"The Pixie Nest?" Hermione mumbled, reading the sparkling sign above the small restaurant. Real Cornish pixies were whizzing around as outside the place, tethered to numerous posts. It was seemingly unnoticed by the muggles that streamed around it.
"Ron, do you still have your wizard money? I exchanged mine before we left." Hermione whispered, pulling Ron off to a vacant corner.
"Just a few sickles and knuts, but it should be enough." Ron said, holding out a handful of silver and bronze coins.
"I'll pay you back." Hermione replied, turning slightly pink.
"Don't worry about it, 'Mione, it's my treat." Ron said, smiling and taking her hand. Hermione didn't object, and they took a seat in the near-empty restaurant.
"Hello dears, what will you have?" A waitress appeared in front of them, watching them glance over the menus. She was apparently part pixie herself, for her skin shone slightly blue and she was very small.
Hermione ordered pancakes and Ron the same, and the food arrived at the table, steaming hot just a few moments later.
"So where do you want to go?" Hermione asked, striking up a conversation easily. After all, Ron had been one of her best friends for years.
"Well, we could go to the beach, since we're surrounded by them." Ron replied, looking up from his pancakes, which he was now inhaling at an inhuman rate. Hermione smiled.
"What a novel idea."
"Excuse me? Is there a Hermione Granger here?" a woman walked into the restaurant. She wore a police officer's uniform, but Hermione could see her wand quite plainly sticking out of her pocket.
"That's me." Hermione said, standing up. Ron dropped his fork and stood next to her.
"Do you know this... um, boy?" the woman asked, motioning to two other officers who were restraining a struggling Tom by the door.
"Hermione! Save me!" Tom cried, still wriggling against the officers' grasps.
Hermione sighed, "Yes, I do."
"I thought they sedated him more than that." Ron whispered in her ear.
"Apparently not." Hermione whispered back, both of them grinning.
"Do you take responsibility for him?" the officer asked.
"What has he done?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow at Tom.
"We caught him in the Discovery Store trying to rip the heads off the stuffed pigeons."
Hermione and Ron had to choke back laughs. "We'll take him, officer." Ron replied, still coughing from his suppressed merriment.
The officer glanced back and forth between Ron and Hermione's pink faces, but nodded and the other officers released their grasps on Tom. Now freed, Tom ran over to Hermione and hugged her. Hard.
"Thank you soooo much Hermione!"
"No.. *gasp* no problem, Tom."
The officers left, leaving Tom, Hermione, and Ron to finish their now-lukewarm breakfasts.
"Can I get you something, Hon?" the waitress reappeared a few minutes later to refill Hermione and Ron's juice glasses, noticing Tom and taking out her order tablet.
"Can I get the super-de-duper fun dragon waffles?" Tom asked, looking up from the kiddy menu. The waitress eyed him strangely for a moment, but nodded and scribbled something down on her pad.
After watching Tom pick apart his waffles, build towers with the individually-wrapped jelly packets, and squirt maple syrup all over the table, Hermione decided it was time to leave.
"Bye-byesies!" Tom cried, waving to the waitress and bus boy, who were both glaring at him murderously.
Hermione sighed and together she and Ron drug Tom back to the exit of the airport. The van arrived a few moments later, and they collected their luggage. After a little packing and tucking, they were on their way to the hotel.
"It's so beautiful here." Hermione commented, her nose pressed to the glass of the windows. The white sand of the beach spread out majestically before them, leading to a clear, turquoise ocean.
Ron placed his hand oh-so-carefully over Hermione's on the armrest, "Romantic too."
"Weeeee! Look Pookie!" Tom giggled, holding his teddy bear up to the window and completely ruining the mood. Ron looked very frustrated, and shot Tom an angry glance, but Tom didn't seem to notice.
"Here we are." the driver said, pulling into the parking lot of a large, expensive-looking hotel.
"Wow, this place is great!" Ron said, glancing up at the two towers in awe.
"That place? It's nice, but here's where you're staying." the driver said, nodding to a small building behind the two towers.
A squat, two-story building lay before them, covered in gray weather-beaten wood and a sloppy layer of white paint. Shutters dangled by their hinges from the windows, and the front porch sagged pitifully.
Hermione sighed, "We might as well get used to it, we're stuck here for the next three days."
"Thanks, Hermione. Let's go." Ron commented, still staring longingly at the huge, luxurious hotel behind them.
~*~
"Room for Granger? Down the hall, 103. Weasley and.. Riddle? Room 102." a frumpy-looking woman said, standing behind the front counter of the hotel and handing Hermione two sets of keys. She glared suspiciously at Tom, who was still mumbling incoherently to his teddy bear, but said nothing. Customers were customers, and she needed as many as she could get.
"I have to bunk with that stupid prat? You HAVE to be kidding." Ron cried, looking over at Tom skeptically. Tom was now gnawing quietly on the ear of his teddy bear.
Hermione groaned, "Get over it Ron, it's only temporary."
Ron looked injured and sickened at the thought of spending his vacation sharing a room with Tom, but he picked up their bags and followed Hermione down the hall to the rooms.
"Here's mine." Hermione announced, double-checking the door number with the key, and swinging open the rickety wooden door. Hermione coughed at the wave of dust that flowed from the room. A small bed sat in the middle of the room, covered by a faded mauve bedspread and two pillows. Near the back was an adjoining bathroom and a dresser. A small, ancient-looking television sat on the dresser.
"It's not so bad." Hermione said brightly, grabbing her suitcase from Ron and sitting it down gently on her bed. "Let's see what yours looks like."
Hermione stepped next door to the guys' room and opened it with another key.
The room was nearly identical to Hermione's, but the bedspread was a hideous shade of olive green and the dresser was in a different spot. Ron nearly keeled over when he saw the lone bed in the middle of the room.
"It's bad enough that I have to share a room with him, but I have to share a BED with him too?" Ron said, turning a nasty shade of green.
"Well, when the Game began, the crew thought there would only be two people going on the trip, so it makes sense they would only book rooms for two single people." Hermione reasoned.
"It makes sense, but what am I supposed to do?" Ron replied, looking irritated, "I'm not sharing a bed with HIM." Ron pointed to Tom, who was sitting in a corner singing "Little Bunny Foo-foo".
"We can get you a sleeping bag when we go out." Hermione answered calmly. Ron thought this over for a bit, then nodded.
"You two unpack and then we'll go to the beach." Hermione ordered, stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind her, returning to her own room.
~*~
Hermione opened her suitcase and began transferring her clothes and belongings into their proper places in her dresser. Sounds from next door were coming through loud and clear through the thin walls.
THUMP.
"Waaaaaaaaaah!"
"Shut up, you twit. We have to get this done."
"Where are my pwetty purple robes?"
"Robes? YOU IDIOT! All you packed are wizard clothes! How are you going to blend in on a Hawaiian beach when you're wearing ROBES?"
"Um, I don't know. Ask Pookie, he helped me pack."
Sigh. "Fine, we'll get you some clothes, for now put on these."
Hermione laughed, imagining Ron's face at that moment. She finished unpacking quickly, eager to see what Ron had scrounged up for Tom to wear.
~*~
Hermione fell into a fit of giggles when she emerged from her room a few minutes later. Ron's face was completely crimson, and Tom was sticking his lower lip out pitifully.
All Ron had packed were his muggle clothes, so Tom was stuck wearing a pair of Ron's pants (which were about a foot too long for him) and one of Ron's faded old maroon sweaters. Tom looked like a very grumpy midget in Ron's clothes, but said nothing. Hermione noticed that his teddy bear was sticking out of his back pocket.
Hermione suppressed a laugh long enough to speak, "Come on, we have to get Tom some clothes that fit."
Ron sighed and grabbed Tom, who was sitting off in the corner alone, striking up another conversation with his teddy bear.
"There." Hermione said, pointing to a surf shop a few blocks from their hotel.
~*~
"Can't I just wear my robes?" Tom whined, stepping out of the dressing room a few moments later. He wore knee-length khaki shorts, a wild, tropical-looking neon green shirt, and sandals. His skin was a pale ghost-white, and it looked very awkward with his attire.
"No, you look very, erm, muggle-ish." Hermione said, biting her lip. Ron looked as if he would burst out laughing at any moment.
"Really?" Tom said, brightening up. Hermione nodded, her face still flaming red. Ron snickered.
After gathering a few strange looks from the cashier, Hermione helped Tom pay for his numerous articles of muggle clothing and he changed into a pair of shorts and a shirt as soon as they found a bathroom.
"Spiffy." Tom commented, nodding down at his new clothes, "Don't you think, Pookie?"
"Let's go to the beach." Hermione said, pointing to a nearby boardwalk. She grabbed Ron and Tom's hands and drug them toward the shimmeringly white sand.
Hermione stripped down to her bathing suit, much to Ron's amazement. "Am I the only one that didn't wear a suit?" Ron asked, watching as Tom slipped out of his shorts, revealing a pair of green swim trunks with silver snakes slithering across them in rows.
"Apparently so. Here." Hermione whispered, reaching into the pocket of her now-shed shorts and pulling out her wand. She mumbled a few words and Ron found himself clad in blue swim trunks.
"Thanks, 'Mione." Ron replied, blushing sheepishly and removing his shirt.
"Last one in the water is a rotten egg! Wehehehe!" Tom laughed, running at top-speed toward the water.
Hermione grinned at Ron, "Well, are you going to be the rotten egg or not?"
Before Ron could respond, she shot off like a rocket, leaving him staring goggle-eyed in her wake.
"Hermione, I'm commmmmmmming.. AAAAGH!" Ron called, running after her and stumbling on something in the sand. He looked up to see what he had tripped over, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head.
"Watch where you're going." a very pretty girl said snottily, rubbing suntan oil on herself. Her gargantuan boyfriend was sitting right next to her, looking murderous.
"Keep yer dirty hands off my gurl." he growled, getting up. Ron gulped involuntarily. Even though Ron was still taller than him, the guy was at least twice as wide as Ron and very angry-looking. Ron was reminded strongly of Malfoy's henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again.." Ron stammered, backing away from the stranger and nearly missing a crushing little boy's sand castle.
"That's right, you won't. You won't be able to move after I'm through."
"Umm.." Ron stuttered, searching for words, but nothing came out except a dry croak.
Just as the furious giant was advancing toward him, Ron's view was blocked by a blurry fluff of brown hair.
"Back off." a familiar voice said from behind the hair, glowering at the towering bully. Ron looked astonished. He had never seen Hermione look so angry, even when she found out that Tom had put chewing gum in one of her books on the plane.
The bully stared at Hermione a few seconds, then turned away, grunting something inaudible. Hermione shook her hair out of her face and adjusted the straps on her purple bathing suit.
"That takes care of that. Now Ron, are you going to swim with us or not?" Hermione asked impatiently, looking up at Ron and biting her lower lip. Ron, still speechless at what she had just done, could only nod his response.
"Well then, let's go!" Hermione replied, grinning and grabbing him by the wrist, dragging him toward the warm, inviting waters.
~*~
"That was great." Ron said, grinning and toweling his sopping red hair.
"Pookie looks a little under the weather. Hermy can you fix him?" Tom whined, holding up his teddy bear, which was soggy with sea water.
Hermione bit her lip and took the teddy gingerly from Tom, squeezing out all the water she could manage. It was already dusk, and the lights on the boardwalk were slowly switching on one by one.
"I'm starving." Hermione said, pulling back on her shirt and shorts, and as if in response Ron's stomach growled loudly.
Without a word, all three headed into a small diner just off the boardwalk, enticed by the wonderful smells coming from within.
"What will you take?" the waiter appeared a few moments after the trio were seated in a corner table.
"Um, Coke." Hermione responded, looking up from her menu and shaking back her still-wet curls, sending droplets of water flying onto the laminated cover of her menu.
"Hermione?" Ron said unsurely, looking very confused, "What's Coke?"
The waiter looked at Ron as if he had just said aliens from Mars were attacking the restaurant. Hermione chuckled shakily, acting as if Ron was making a joke.
"He'll take an iced tea." Hermione answered before Ron had a chance to reply for himself. "And he'll have fruit punch." She added, motioning to Tom, who was looking over the beverage choices and wearing an expression of confusion identical to Ron's. The waiter nodded and left to get the drinks.
"Hermy, what's a Coke? Pookie wants to know too." Tom asked, holding up his teddy bear and sitting him in the basket in the middle of the table with the bread. Hermione sighed.
"It's a soft drink."
"Soft.. drink? Whazzat?"
Sigh. "A fizzy muggle drink."
"Oh."
Hermione plucked Tom's teddy out of the bread basket and placed it in the vacant chair next to her.
The waiter arrived a few moments later, much to Hermione's relief. Ron sipped at his tea cautiously, but nodded after drinking a bit. Tom slurped away at his fruit punch, hugging Pookie to his chest.
"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked, taking out a pad and pen. Hermione nodded. She was the only one with any muggle experience, so she took it upon herself to order.
"I'll have a chicken sandwich, Ron will have a cheeseburger, and Tom will take chicken fingers." Hermione ordered, glancing up from the menu and handing it to the waiter. Ron did the same, but Tom continued to look over his.
"What kind of restaurant is this? You don't even have hippogriff eggs!" Tom protested, eyeing the waiter suspiciously. The waiter raised an eyebrow at Hermione, and she smiled unsurely.
"Forgive him, he's a little unstable." Hermione explained, making a "crazy person" gesture with her hands at Tom. Ron nodded.
"Completely nutters. Off his onion." Ron agreed.
"I am not! AVADA KE-" Tom began before Ron clapped a hand over his mouth.
The waiter looked piteously at Ron and Hermione, and after another questioning glance at Tom, he disappeared into the kitchen.
"Mrrmeph!" Tom protested from behind Ron's hand, his face turning three shades of purple.
"What did you do that for?" Tom demanded angrily after Ron removed his hand.
"It would kind of blow our cover as normal people if you go around killing every muggle you see! No more Unforgivable Curses!" Hermione whispered harshly.
"Stupid prat." Ron commented, glaring at Tom and grabbing a piece of wheat toast from the bread basket on the table.
The food came a few minutes later, accompanied by a few more odd stares directed at Tom, who didn't seem to notice.
"And now, the Surfside Cafe presents, Free Mike night!" a man's voice echoed through the small but jam-packed restaurant.
"Mike? Who's Mike?" Ron asked, looking perplexed.
"He means kario.. oh no you don't!" Hermione began to explain to Ron, noticing Tom's eyes lighting up at the sight of a huge amp and microphone set up specially for karioke.
"But Hermmmmmmmmiooooone, I wanna goooo.." Tom whined pathetically, trying his best to look innocent.
Hermione shook her head sternly and motioned to his food, which was sitting unattended, getting colder by the minute on his plate. Tom grumbled a bit more and shoveled some food into his mouth. He swallowed haphazardly, stood up and disappeared into the crowd before Hermione could catch him.
"Da- Dang." Hermione nearly swore, catching herself just in time. Ron looked impressed.
"Hermione Granger, cursing? What universe are we in, anyway? The most feared Dark Lord of all time is acting like a two-year-old retarded git, and you're almost swearing? What's next, flying pigs and purple polka-dotted giraffes? If Snape shows up in a pink tube dress, I'm running for the hills." Ron said, grinning at Hermione, who flushed pink under his gaze. She bit her lip, trying not to laugh at the expression on his face.
"And up next is, um, what's your name?" the man with the microphone spoke again, leaning off the stage momentarily, "Tom? Tom Riddle? You aren't from around here, are you?"
"Oh no," Hermione sighed, covering her face with her hands, "Not again."
"Toldja he was a stupid prat. Well, this should be interesting. Let's pretend we don't know him, shall we?"
"Agreed. Especially if he starts throwing around that ridiculous teddy bear again."
Tom appeared onstage a few minutes later, clutching the microphone in one hand and his teddy bear in the other. A brass quartet struck up an upbeat Latin rhythm, and Tom began to sway his hips in time to the music. Hermione stifled a laugh and Ron looked utterly disgusted.
Reading from a TelePrompter placed right in front of him, Tom began to sing.
"I'm a desperado
Underneath your window
I see your silhouette
Are you my Juliet?"
"I'll be your Juliet! Woohoo!" a crazed female dove onto the stage as Tom started to dance around the stage. A security guard grabbed her and drug her away before she could get within ten feet of Tom, who was still pulsating to the music.
Tom continued, still dancing.
"I feel a mad connection
With your body
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon"
Tom, taking advice from his song, shook his "bon-bon", waving his microphone around and enjoying himself immensely. This drove many of the females in the crowd wild (also a few very odd males). A few girls reached in, trying to touch him, but security plucked them away one by one.
"I wanna be your lover
Your only latin lover,"
"You're British, you idiot!" Hermione yelled at him. Tom stopped and looked confused for a few minutes, but proceeded anyway.
"We'll go around the world in a day
Don't say no, no
Shake it my way, oh
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
By this time the crowd was whipped into a certifiable frenzy and Tom was sweating profusely in the burning spotlight. He plucked off his wild Hawaiian-print overshirt, flinging it into the crowd and watching as three deranged females fought over it.
"This has got to stop." Hermione said, looking over at Ron. Ron's face had turned a nasty shade of green, and he looked like an overripened olive. It was apparent he couldn't hold down his dinner much longer.
"Hola amigo, Hola amigo
You're my temple of desire
We'll go around the world in a day
Don't say no, no,"
"NO NO!" Hermione replied, trying to fight her way through the myriad of demented females, and having very little luck in her quest.
"Shake it my way, oh
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
Tom continued to gyrate up onstage, much to the crowd's delight. Hermione continued to push her way through the mosh pit-like audience.
"You're a Mata Hari
I wanna know your story
In the Sahara sun
I wanna be the one
That's gonna come and take you, make you
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
A few more audience members attempted to climb onstage with Tom, but before security could stop them, they descended on Tom. Tom grinned and raised his eyebrows, apparently enjoying this very much. Together, with his new backup dancers, Tom continued the song.
"Up in the Himalayas
C'mon I wanna lay ya.."
That did it for Ron.
"Urk! Eeeeeeew.."
"We'll go around the world in a day
Don't say no, no
Shake it my way, oh
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
With a little more booty-shaking, Tom shouted the last line with the crowd. He took a deep, flourishing bow, and smiled. He was breathing heavily from exertion, but he didn't seem to care.
"RICKY MARTIN, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!" Tom shouted to the crowd, grinning broadly.
"Hey, are you coming back any time soon? I'd love to have you perform-" a man in a pinstriped suit called over the rising noise of the crowd, pushing his way to Tom.
He was cut short by Hermione, who reached up and grabbed Tom's wrist firmly, dragging him reluctantly off the stage. Groupies cooed all around the two as Hermione fought her way through, Tom in tow.
"Awwwww, but Hermi..." Tom whined as Hermione sidestepped Ron, who was still retching violently into a nearby potted plant. Hermione sat Tom down firmly into a chair, then turned to tend to Ron. She rubbed his back comfortingly, helping his hiccoughs subside.
"'Mione, I'm s-so-sorry." Ron hiccuped, sitting up shakily and wiping his red cheeks with a napkin. He was thoroughly embarrassed, and his ears practically radiated heat. He took a long swig from his water glass, slowly regaining his composure.
"It's okay, Ron." Hermione sighed, ignoring his mussed hair and flaming face. She offered him another napkin and turned back to Tom, who was still sitting and looking sheepish beside her.
"Tom, what did I tell you about karioke?" Hermione began, her tone warning.
"It's... not good for me?"
"That's right. Now never do that again."
"But a guy gave me $300.00 and I got seventeen phone numbers! Hermi, what's a phone?" Tom said, looking both enthusiastic and puzzled at the same time. Hermione's eyes widened when she saw the handful of dollar bills in Tom's fist.
"Okay, if we need money, you can do karioke again." She replied, taking the money from Tom and shoving it carefully into her pocket.
"Yippee Skippee!" Tom cried happily, then looked smug, "Hey, I'm dead sexy, aren't I?"
Hermione choked on the water she was drinking and Ron's pale face tinged green again.
~*~
Stuff to look forward to: Tom in swim trunks (not for the reasons you'd expect, naturally.. you didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you?), Ron FINALLY blows his top (the poor guy finally gets some action besides soiling potted plants), putt-putt adventures, and maybe a little more Ricky Martinesque action from Tom... just maybe...
Didja like it? Didja hate it? If you have ANY opinions on this, please tell me! I'm not picky, just REVIEW. Oh, and I know I probably spelled 'karioke' wrong, but please be kind enough to overlook that. I'll have the next part up MUCH quicker than this part (I'm sooo sorry for the delay, I had a Writer's Block the size of Manhattan), especially if I get reviews, cause they inspire me and make me write faster.
All you Tom lovers, don't hate me! I just relish the idea of Tom acting this way. I enjoy it *immensely*. ^_^
by Ami the Queen of the Evil Flying Monkeys
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
~*~
The results (as of March 20) are in! And the winner is...
BACHELOR NUMBER 2!
Here are the official tallies-
Bachelor 1- 36
Bachelor 2- 80
Bachelor 3- 38
Bachelor 4- 26
Enjoy the fic, thanks for voting! My apologies if this gets too cutesy, after-effects of four-hour musical fluff fest. Oh well, on with it!
Ami's Note: In the last installment, I mentioned that bassoons sound a little like bagpipes. Yes, I HAVE heard a bassoon before (I sit behind one for cripe's sake!), and the only reason I used that comparison is that our bassoonist had to imitate bagpipes in a piece last year and he did a very good job of it. I have a better one now, it's a cross between a bass clarinet and an oboe, which sounds like someone squeezing a duck. *smile* Is that better?
~*~
"Hello and welcome again to the Wizard Dating Game! I'm your host Dan Smellypants." a man with huge hair steps out from behind a seemingly endless set of curtains lining the back of the studio.
"No you're not, you're Gilderoy Lockhart, stooopid!"
"Oh yeah, that's right. Anyhow, let's get started. Hermione Granger, come on out!" Lockhart motioned to the curtains, where Hermione reluctantly entered the studio. Her eyes were puffy and red from lack of sleep, and she looked like she would kill anyone who crossed her.
"Must we go through this again?" Hermione asked, plopping down in the cushy red chair in the middle of the room designated for her.
"Yes, now we have the results of the voting in!"
"Oh God, save me." Hermione mumbled, sighing, "Who is it?"
"Hermione, you're going on a fabulous three-night Hawaiian vacation with none other than..." Lockhart began, but stopped when a figure burst out from the crowd.
"Wait! We have evidence of this girl," the man from the crowd announced, dragging a brown-haired girl in by the wrist, "fixing the voting!"
"I did no such thing! I only counted the votes I got!" the girl, who was identified as Ami, protested, struggling to get loose.
"Well, in case of error, since it was such a close election, both the runner-up and winner will go on the vacation!" the man from the crowd announced. The crowd gasped as Ami wriggled her way free of his grasp.
"Well, there goes your bonus, buddy." Ami grumbled, brushing the dust off her skirt, "You too, Lockhart. It wasn't that close, anyway."
"No bonus for Lockhart, no bonus for Lockhart! Hehehe!" Lockhart giggled.
"Since I have to finance this tremendously joyous trip, why don't we see who is actually going?" Ami said sarcastically, sitting down in the audience and crossing her arms over her chest.
"The winner is Bachelor number two!" Lockhart read aloud from a cue card, "And the runner-up is Bachelor number three!"
Hermione looked as if she would pass out in her chair.
"First of all, let's bring out the two you DIDN'T pick! Bachelor number one, come on out!"
"I didn't pick ANY of them!" Hermione corrected him huffily. Lockhart didn't seem to hear her.
"Bachelor number one is the four-time hero of the entire world and Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Harry Potter!" Lockhart read on, watching as Harry stepped shyly from behind the shade. Hermione hugged him and he left. Hermione stared after him longingly, wanting desperately to leave as well and get out of this nightmare.
"Bachelor number four is the rich, stuck-up Slytherin Seeker, Draco Malfoy!"
"Hey!"
"Oops, I wasn't supposed to read that part, was I? How about this- the rich, EVIL Slytherin seeker, Draco Malfoy?"
"Much better."
Draco stepped confidently from behind the shade, saw who was on the other side, and turned around.
"I'm not hugging a mudblood! My father will sue!"
"Fine. Security!" Lockhart called, and two big, buff-looking security guards came and drug Draco off the stage.
"Now, for the runner-up, who will accompany you on your fabulous vacation, Bachelor number three!"
Hermione fainted on the spot. After a few minutes, the medics managed to revive her, and Bachelor number three stepped from behind the shade.
"He's the Dark Lord and terror of the world, Lord Voldemort!" Lockhart announced perkily as Voldemort walked over to Hermione. Hermione ducked and tried to run, but he managed to hug her anyway. His beady red eyes glanced hungrily at the exit where Harry had just left.
"I'll be right back." Voldemort said, sneaking off after Harry. Hermione grabbed the back of his robes.
"Oh no you don't, Harry is my friend."
"Awww... but I must KILL HARRY POTTER! BWAHAHAHA!" Hermione glared at him, but let go of his robes, turning her attention back to the ever-smiling Lockhart.
"Finally, the winner of the contest, Bachelor number two! He's the red-headed sidekick of the famous Harry Potter, Ron Weasley!"
"Oh God.." Hermione sighed, her cheeks turning pink as she buried her face in her hands.
Ron walked around the curtain, blushing clear to the roots of his hair, which made him look like a freckled tomato with a terrible sunburn. When he saw who was on the other side of the curtain, he fainted.
"Medic!"
~The Next Day, at the Holiday Inn~
"Get up, Hermione! You have a flight to catch!" Lockhart cried giddily through the locked door.
"You can't make me! I won't go!" Hermione's voice came in a muffled reply through the door. Lockhart, somehow knowing Hermione would protest, grabbed his wand and blew the door off its hinges.
"You'll have to pay for that, you know." a passing maid said, looking skeptically at Lockhart. Lockhart smiled his most dazzling smile at her.
"No I don't, she does."
A very disgruntled-looking Ami stepped out of the room next door, looking murderous and very sleepy.
"Lockhart, how many times do I have to tell you? DON'T BLOW ANYTHING UP!" Ami grumbled, frowning at Lockhart disapprovingly. "Ami is NOT a morning person.."
"Yes Ma'am." Lockhart whispered meekly.
"Now get her on that plane or ELSE, Lockhart, and I don't want any more mistakes!"
Lockhart nodded, his smile fading briefly. Ami spun around in her slippers and went back into her room.
"Miss Granger, you have to come with me."
"Nooooooooooooooo!" Hermione pleaded, attaching herself firmly to her bedpost and refusing to move.
"Security!"
The same two big, buff-looking security guards from the shabby studio popped out of nowhere and grabbed Hermione, plucking her off the bedpost with ease.
"What do they do, follow you around? Hellllp!" Hermione cried, struggling against the guards' grips on her. They drug her down the hall and after a long stint of rebellion the elevator, they somehow managed to lock her in the airport van.
"Nooooo!" Hermione screamed, clawing at the back glass of the van as it drove away. The trip had begun.
~*~
"We're going to gate 23-B. Get her luggage, I'll take care of her." one of the security guards read from Hermione's ticket, motioning to the other guard to get Hermione's baggage. He picked up Hermione and slung her over his shoulder, starting down the long hallway.
Ron and Voldemort had arrived earlier, and were sitting in the airport's waiting room when the guards carried Hermione in, still kicking and screaming.
Ron blushed from ear to ear when he saw her, "Don't worry Hermione, this will be fun."
"Fun for you maybe, but I don't want to go. HELP ME!"
Voldemort mumbled something imperceptible, but it ended in 'Harry Potter', so Hermione knew it wasn't good.
"You'd better get this straight Voldie, I'm not going to tolerate you trying to kill one of my best friends on this trip, so you can just forget your little plans concerning Harry." Hermione said bluntly, struggling away from one of the guards and walking along towards the gate sensibly. Voldemort looked hurt and insulted, but didn't say anything.
"I thought you didn't want to go?" the security guard she had struggled away from asked, looking at her peculiarly.
"If someone is going to give me a free trip to Hawaii, I may as well take it." Hermione replied matter-of-factly, sounding a bit more like herself.
"That's my girl!" Ron said, smiling and putting his arm around Hermione. She glared at him, and he meekly removed his appendage from her shoulder.
"Sorry."
"Now boarding on gate 23-B, final call for gate 23-B!" a voice sounded over the intercom system. Hermione's eyes widened to unrealistic size as she glared at the glowing sign above her that read 'Gate 1-A'.
~*~
By some miracle, Hermione managed to drag Ron, Voldemort (now in his Tom Riddle form, as not to terrify the entire plane), and their luggage twenty-odd miles to gate 23-B and get them loaded before the plane took off. Hermione sighed with relief, plopping down in her Coach-class seat between her travel mates just as the airplane took off.
"Oh, look at the birdies... A PHOENIX! AAAAAGH!" Tom/Voldemort screamed, watching out the window as the plane took off. Hermione clapped her hand over his mouth, trying to silence him and smiling at the muggles who were staring at them.
"Phoenix? This plane is going to Hawaii." the passenger sitting behind them remarked, raising his eyebrows at Tom.
"Shut up, Tom, or you'll get us all thrown off the plane!"
"But I don't like phonixes, whenever I was just a little dark evil wizard I was bitten by one and I've never quite gotten over it.. Will Hermione keep the bad old birdie away from me, pwease?" Tom/Voldie wailed, sucking his thumb. Hermione stared at him curiously, but she couldn't help pitying his terrified appearance.
"It's okay, Tom." Hermione cooed, patting his head and holding out his teddy bear. Ron looked furious, he didn't take well to being ignored.
"Pookie!" Tom cried happily, hugging the teddy bear which he had apparently dubbed 'Pookie'.
Ron, having nothing better to do, ate his way through a whole tray of snack mix the stewardess brought, and had just started on a second when an idea struck him. Hermione had to notice him, and he knew just how to do it!
Ron got up out of his seat, squeezing his thin, tall frame rather easily though the narrow aisles. He pushed himself to the front of the plane, and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed the captain's microphone.
"This song goes out to a very special lady, the beautiful, bushy-haired girl in the back of the plane, seat 19-A!" Hermione recognized the voice over the intercom, and burrowed herself deeper into her seat, hoping and praying that no one would notice her flaming face and associate her with Ron.
At this point every inhabitant of the plane turned around to look at Hermione, who was staring at Ron with a mixture of embarrassment, pity, and murderous anger.
"Hit it!" Ron began, switching on a nearby CD player, and a pretty muggle tune blared over the plane's sound system.
"She rolls the window down, and she talks over the sound.." the CD began, and Ron joined in in the middle of the verse. Surprisingly, he had a decent singing voice, though he was slightly lower-pitched than the muggles singing the song and thus it sounded bizarre.
"KARIOKE! YAAAAAY!"
Tom/Voldemort jumped out of his seat and raced to the front of the plane before Hermione had a chance to stop him. Hermione buried her already-pink face into her hands, sobbing quietly and shaking her head.
"When you look at her, she looks at me, she's got me thinking about her constantly, but she don't know how I feeeeeeeel.." Ron sang over the intercom, shimmying a little as he sang.
"AND SHE CARRIES ON WITHOUT A DOUBT, I WONDER IF SHE'S FIGURED OUT.. I'M CRAZY FOR THIS GIRL, YEAH I'M CRAZY FOR THIS GIIIIRL!" Tom/Voldemort completed the lyrics, doing a sort of cross between 'the hustle' and 'the electric slide' across the front of the plane, terrifying the poor first-class passengers as he did so.
"Will any passengers singing and/or dancing in the aisles please return to your seats and SHUT UP?!" the stewardess said sweetly over her microphone. (Ami's Note: Et tu, Brady Bunch?) This announcement brought rumbling cheers from the other passengers, and Ron and Voldemort were escorted back to their seats next to Hermione, who looked as if she had never been so embarrassed.
~*~
"The in-flight movie tonight is provided by some big company. Enjoy!" the stewardess's voice rang over the darkened plane.
Some passengers slept in their seats, but Hermione, fearing another outburst from Ron, couldn't. Ron was snoozing peacefully next to her, snoring softly and occasionally twitching and kicking the seat in front of him with his long legs.
Tom was scribbling away in a coloring book Hermione had brought along, hugging his teddy bear and drinking chocolate milk. The stewardesses occasionally stopped to refill his milk glass, staring at the rather handsome sixteen-year-old boy coloring in a coloring book and talking to a teddy bear named 'Pookie'.
Hermione watched with mild amusement as the opening credits flashed across the movie screen at the front of the plane, forboding music playing in her headphones.
Tom looked up from his coloring book and put on his headphones, seeing the movie playing and deciding to watch it. Hermione's eyes widened and her heart fell like a stone as she saw the words "Alfred Hitchcock" flash across the black-and-white screen.
"Tommmiekins, shouldn't you finish the picture of the puppy you started?" Hermione said, removing Tom's earphones and making a desperate attempt to turn his attention away from the screen. He shook his head and put back on his headphones, only to scream a few seconds later.
"BIRDS! BIRDS!! Hermione said she'd protect me from the birdies! Nooooo!" Tom wailed, watching in terror as the title of the movie flashed across the screen.
Hermione sighed, trying to comfort Tom. It was going to be a looooong flight.
~*~
After the stewardesses had given Tom some Valium, the trip had went along rather uneventfully and as smoothly as could be expected, and by morning they were sitting in the Waikiki airport.
"Where are we going now?" Ron asked, staring at Tom, who was sitting peacefully in a nearby chair, drooling in his sleep and soaking his teddy bear.
Hermione glanced down at her watch. "It's only 8:30, the van doesn't come to pick us up and take us to the hotel until 9:30. Do you want to walk around a bit?"
Ron looked as though he'd just heard it was raining chocolate frogs out. "Sure!"
"Well, come on. I'm starving, surely they have a restaurant somewhere in this gargantuan airport." Hermione replied, getting up and stretching her sore legs.
"What about him?" Ron asked, motioning to Tom, who was still snoozing peacefully.
"Don't worry about him, he's so drugged up he won't be up for another hour or so. Let's go."
Ron got up, wobbled around a bit on his still-asleep legs, and walked along next to Hermione. They didn't have to walk long before they came upon a huge shopping-center in the middle of the airport.
A pungent smell struck Ron's nostrils, and he felt himself begin to drool. "Food!"
Hermione smelled it too, and turned her head in the direction Ron was pointing.
"The Pixie Nest?" Hermione mumbled, reading the sparkling sign above the small restaurant. Real Cornish pixies were whizzing around as outside the place, tethered to numerous posts. It was seemingly unnoticed by the muggles that streamed around it.
"Ron, do you still have your wizard money? I exchanged mine before we left." Hermione whispered, pulling Ron off to a vacant corner.
"Just a few sickles and knuts, but it should be enough." Ron said, holding out a handful of silver and bronze coins.
"I'll pay you back." Hermione replied, turning slightly pink.
"Don't worry about it, 'Mione, it's my treat." Ron said, smiling and taking her hand. Hermione didn't object, and they took a seat in the near-empty restaurant.
"Hello dears, what will you have?" A waitress appeared in front of them, watching them glance over the menus. She was apparently part pixie herself, for her skin shone slightly blue and she was very small.
Hermione ordered pancakes and Ron the same, and the food arrived at the table, steaming hot just a few moments later.
"So where do you want to go?" Hermione asked, striking up a conversation easily. After all, Ron had been one of her best friends for years.
"Well, we could go to the beach, since we're surrounded by them." Ron replied, looking up from his pancakes, which he was now inhaling at an inhuman rate. Hermione smiled.
"What a novel idea."
"Excuse me? Is there a Hermione Granger here?" a woman walked into the restaurant. She wore a police officer's uniform, but Hermione could see her wand quite plainly sticking out of her pocket.
"That's me." Hermione said, standing up. Ron dropped his fork and stood next to her.
"Do you know this... um, boy?" the woman asked, motioning to two other officers who were restraining a struggling Tom by the door.
"Hermione! Save me!" Tom cried, still wriggling against the officers' grasps.
Hermione sighed, "Yes, I do."
"I thought they sedated him more than that." Ron whispered in her ear.
"Apparently not." Hermione whispered back, both of them grinning.
"Do you take responsibility for him?" the officer asked.
"What has he done?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow at Tom.
"We caught him in the Discovery Store trying to rip the heads off the stuffed pigeons."
Hermione and Ron had to choke back laughs. "We'll take him, officer." Ron replied, still coughing from his suppressed merriment.
The officer glanced back and forth between Ron and Hermione's pink faces, but nodded and the other officers released their grasps on Tom. Now freed, Tom ran over to Hermione and hugged her. Hard.
"Thank you soooo much Hermione!"
"No.. *gasp* no problem, Tom."
The officers left, leaving Tom, Hermione, and Ron to finish their now-lukewarm breakfasts.
"Can I get you something, Hon?" the waitress reappeared a few minutes later to refill Hermione and Ron's juice glasses, noticing Tom and taking out her order tablet.
"Can I get the super-de-duper fun dragon waffles?" Tom asked, looking up from the kiddy menu. The waitress eyed him strangely for a moment, but nodded and scribbled something down on her pad.
After watching Tom pick apart his waffles, build towers with the individually-wrapped jelly packets, and squirt maple syrup all over the table, Hermione decided it was time to leave.
"Bye-byesies!" Tom cried, waving to the waitress and bus boy, who were both glaring at him murderously.
Hermione sighed and together she and Ron drug Tom back to the exit of the airport. The van arrived a few moments later, and they collected their luggage. After a little packing and tucking, they were on their way to the hotel.
"It's so beautiful here." Hermione commented, her nose pressed to the glass of the windows. The white sand of the beach spread out majestically before them, leading to a clear, turquoise ocean.
Ron placed his hand oh-so-carefully over Hermione's on the armrest, "Romantic too."
"Weeeee! Look Pookie!" Tom giggled, holding his teddy bear up to the window and completely ruining the mood. Ron looked very frustrated, and shot Tom an angry glance, but Tom didn't seem to notice.
"Here we are." the driver said, pulling into the parking lot of a large, expensive-looking hotel.
"Wow, this place is great!" Ron said, glancing up at the two towers in awe.
"That place? It's nice, but here's where you're staying." the driver said, nodding to a small building behind the two towers.
A squat, two-story building lay before them, covered in gray weather-beaten wood and a sloppy layer of white paint. Shutters dangled by their hinges from the windows, and the front porch sagged pitifully.
Hermione sighed, "We might as well get used to it, we're stuck here for the next three days."
"Thanks, Hermione. Let's go." Ron commented, still staring longingly at the huge, luxurious hotel behind them.
~*~
"Room for Granger? Down the hall, 103. Weasley and.. Riddle? Room 102." a frumpy-looking woman said, standing behind the front counter of the hotel and handing Hermione two sets of keys. She glared suspiciously at Tom, who was still mumbling incoherently to his teddy bear, but said nothing. Customers were customers, and she needed as many as she could get.
"I have to bunk with that stupid prat? You HAVE to be kidding." Ron cried, looking over at Tom skeptically. Tom was now gnawing quietly on the ear of his teddy bear.
Hermione groaned, "Get over it Ron, it's only temporary."
Ron looked injured and sickened at the thought of spending his vacation sharing a room with Tom, but he picked up their bags and followed Hermione down the hall to the rooms.
"Here's mine." Hermione announced, double-checking the door number with the key, and swinging open the rickety wooden door. Hermione coughed at the wave of dust that flowed from the room. A small bed sat in the middle of the room, covered by a faded mauve bedspread and two pillows. Near the back was an adjoining bathroom and a dresser. A small, ancient-looking television sat on the dresser.
"It's not so bad." Hermione said brightly, grabbing her suitcase from Ron and sitting it down gently on her bed. "Let's see what yours looks like."
Hermione stepped next door to the guys' room and opened it with another key.
The room was nearly identical to Hermione's, but the bedspread was a hideous shade of olive green and the dresser was in a different spot. Ron nearly keeled over when he saw the lone bed in the middle of the room.
"It's bad enough that I have to share a room with him, but I have to share a BED with him too?" Ron said, turning a nasty shade of green.
"Well, when the Game began, the crew thought there would only be two people going on the trip, so it makes sense they would only book rooms for two single people." Hermione reasoned.
"It makes sense, but what am I supposed to do?" Ron replied, looking irritated, "I'm not sharing a bed with HIM." Ron pointed to Tom, who was sitting in a corner singing "Little Bunny Foo-foo".
"We can get you a sleeping bag when we go out." Hermione answered calmly. Ron thought this over for a bit, then nodded.
"You two unpack and then we'll go to the beach." Hermione ordered, stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind her, returning to her own room.
~*~
Hermione opened her suitcase and began transferring her clothes and belongings into their proper places in her dresser. Sounds from next door were coming through loud and clear through the thin walls.
THUMP.
"Waaaaaaaaaah!"
"Shut up, you twit. We have to get this done."
"Where are my pwetty purple robes?"
"Robes? YOU IDIOT! All you packed are wizard clothes! How are you going to blend in on a Hawaiian beach when you're wearing ROBES?"
"Um, I don't know. Ask Pookie, he helped me pack."
Sigh. "Fine, we'll get you some clothes, for now put on these."
Hermione laughed, imagining Ron's face at that moment. She finished unpacking quickly, eager to see what Ron had scrounged up for Tom to wear.
~*~
Hermione fell into a fit of giggles when she emerged from her room a few minutes later. Ron's face was completely crimson, and Tom was sticking his lower lip out pitifully.
All Ron had packed were his muggle clothes, so Tom was stuck wearing a pair of Ron's pants (which were about a foot too long for him) and one of Ron's faded old maroon sweaters. Tom looked like a very grumpy midget in Ron's clothes, but said nothing. Hermione noticed that his teddy bear was sticking out of his back pocket.
Hermione suppressed a laugh long enough to speak, "Come on, we have to get Tom some clothes that fit."
Ron sighed and grabbed Tom, who was sitting off in the corner alone, striking up another conversation with his teddy bear.
"There." Hermione said, pointing to a surf shop a few blocks from their hotel.
~*~
"Can't I just wear my robes?" Tom whined, stepping out of the dressing room a few moments later. He wore knee-length khaki shorts, a wild, tropical-looking neon green shirt, and sandals. His skin was a pale ghost-white, and it looked very awkward with his attire.
"No, you look very, erm, muggle-ish." Hermione said, biting her lip. Ron looked as if he would burst out laughing at any moment.
"Really?" Tom said, brightening up. Hermione nodded, her face still flaming red. Ron snickered.
After gathering a few strange looks from the cashier, Hermione helped Tom pay for his numerous articles of muggle clothing and he changed into a pair of shorts and a shirt as soon as they found a bathroom.
"Spiffy." Tom commented, nodding down at his new clothes, "Don't you think, Pookie?"
"Let's go to the beach." Hermione said, pointing to a nearby boardwalk. She grabbed Ron and Tom's hands and drug them toward the shimmeringly white sand.
Hermione stripped down to her bathing suit, much to Ron's amazement. "Am I the only one that didn't wear a suit?" Ron asked, watching as Tom slipped out of his shorts, revealing a pair of green swim trunks with silver snakes slithering across them in rows.
"Apparently so. Here." Hermione whispered, reaching into the pocket of her now-shed shorts and pulling out her wand. She mumbled a few words and Ron found himself clad in blue swim trunks.
"Thanks, 'Mione." Ron replied, blushing sheepishly and removing his shirt.
"Last one in the water is a rotten egg! Wehehehe!" Tom laughed, running at top-speed toward the water.
Hermione grinned at Ron, "Well, are you going to be the rotten egg or not?"
Before Ron could respond, she shot off like a rocket, leaving him staring goggle-eyed in her wake.
"Hermione, I'm commmmmmmming.. AAAAGH!" Ron called, running after her and stumbling on something in the sand. He looked up to see what he had tripped over, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head.
"Watch where you're going." a very pretty girl said snottily, rubbing suntan oil on herself. Her gargantuan boyfriend was sitting right next to her, looking murderous.
"Keep yer dirty hands off my gurl." he growled, getting up. Ron gulped involuntarily. Even though Ron was still taller than him, the guy was at least twice as wide as Ron and very angry-looking. Ron was reminded strongly of Malfoy's henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again.." Ron stammered, backing away from the stranger and nearly missing a crushing little boy's sand castle.
"That's right, you won't. You won't be able to move after I'm through."
"Umm.." Ron stuttered, searching for words, but nothing came out except a dry croak.
Just as the furious giant was advancing toward him, Ron's view was blocked by a blurry fluff of brown hair.
"Back off." a familiar voice said from behind the hair, glowering at the towering bully. Ron looked astonished. He had never seen Hermione look so angry, even when she found out that Tom had put chewing gum in one of her books on the plane.
The bully stared at Hermione a few seconds, then turned away, grunting something inaudible. Hermione shook her hair out of her face and adjusted the straps on her purple bathing suit.
"That takes care of that. Now Ron, are you going to swim with us or not?" Hermione asked impatiently, looking up at Ron and biting her lower lip. Ron, still speechless at what she had just done, could only nod his response.
"Well then, let's go!" Hermione replied, grinning and grabbing him by the wrist, dragging him toward the warm, inviting waters.
~*~
"That was great." Ron said, grinning and toweling his sopping red hair.
"Pookie looks a little under the weather. Hermy can you fix him?" Tom whined, holding up his teddy bear, which was soggy with sea water.
Hermione bit her lip and took the teddy gingerly from Tom, squeezing out all the water she could manage. It was already dusk, and the lights on the boardwalk were slowly switching on one by one.
"I'm starving." Hermione said, pulling back on her shirt and shorts, and as if in response Ron's stomach growled loudly.
Without a word, all three headed into a small diner just off the boardwalk, enticed by the wonderful smells coming from within.
"What will you take?" the waiter appeared a few moments after the trio were seated in a corner table.
"Um, Coke." Hermione responded, looking up from her menu and shaking back her still-wet curls, sending droplets of water flying onto the laminated cover of her menu.
"Hermione?" Ron said unsurely, looking very confused, "What's Coke?"
The waiter looked at Ron as if he had just said aliens from Mars were attacking the restaurant. Hermione chuckled shakily, acting as if Ron was making a joke.
"He'll take an iced tea." Hermione answered before Ron had a chance to reply for himself. "And he'll have fruit punch." She added, motioning to Tom, who was looking over the beverage choices and wearing an expression of confusion identical to Ron's. The waiter nodded and left to get the drinks.
"Hermy, what's a Coke? Pookie wants to know too." Tom asked, holding up his teddy bear and sitting him in the basket in the middle of the table with the bread. Hermione sighed.
"It's a soft drink."
"Soft.. drink? Whazzat?"
Sigh. "A fizzy muggle drink."
"Oh."
Hermione plucked Tom's teddy out of the bread basket and placed it in the vacant chair next to her.
The waiter arrived a few moments later, much to Hermione's relief. Ron sipped at his tea cautiously, but nodded after drinking a bit. Tom slurped away at his fruit punch, hugging Pookie to his chest.
"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked, taking out a pad and pen. Hermione nodded. She was the only one with any muggle experience, so she took it upon herself to order.
"I'll have a chicken sandwich, Ron will have a cheeseburger, and Tom will take chicken fingers." Hermione ordered, glancing up from the menu and handing it to the waiter. Ron did the same, but Tom continued to look over his.
"What kind of restaurant is this? You don't even have hippogriff eggs!" Tom protested, eyeing the waiter suspiciously. The waiter raised an eyebrow at Hermione, and she smiled unsurely.
"Forgive him, he's a little unstable." Hermione explained, making a "crazy person" gesture with her hands at Tom. Ron nodded.
"Completely nutters. Off his onion." Ron agreed.
"I am not! AVADA KE-" Tom began before Ron clapped a hand over his mouth.
The waiter looked piteously at Ron and Hermione, and after another questioning glance at Tom, he disappeared into the kitchen.
"Mrrmeph!" Tom protested from behind Ron's hand, his face turning three shades of purple.
"What did you do that for?" Tom demanded angrily after Ron removed his hand.
"It would kind of blow our cover as normal people if you go around killing every muggle you see! No more Unforgivable Curses!" Hermione whispered harshly.
"Stupid prat." Ron commented, glaring at Tom and grabbing a piece of wheat toast from the bread basket on the table.
The food came a few minutes later, accompanied by a few more odd stares directed at Tom, who didn't seem to notice.
"And now, the Surfside Cafe presents, Free Mike night!" a man's voice echoed through the small but jam-packed restaurant.
"Mike? Who's Mike?" Ron asked, looking perplexed.
"He means kario.. oh no you don't!" Hermione began to explain to Ron, noticing Tom's eyes lighting up at the sight of a huge amp and microphone set up specially for karioke.
"But Hermmmmmmmmiooooone, I wanna goooo.." Tom whined pathetically, trying his best to look innocent.
Hermione shook her head sternly and motioned to his food, which was sitting unattended, getting colder by the minute on his plate. Tom grumbled a bit more and shoveled some food into his mouth. He swallowed haphazardly, stood up and disappeared into the crowd before Hermione could catch him.
"Da- Dang." Hermione nearly swore, catching herself just in time. Ron looked impressed.
"Hermione Granger, cursing? What universe are we in, anyway? The most feared Dark Lord of all time is acting like a two-year-old retarded git, and you're almost swearing? What's next, flying pigs and purple polka-dotted giraffes? If Snape shows up in a pink tube dress, I'm running for the hills." Ron said, grinning at Hermione, who flushed pink under his gaze. She bit her lip, trying not to laugh at the expression on his face.
"And up next is, um, what's your name?" the man with the microphone spoke again, leaning off the stage momentarily, "Tom? Tom Riddle? You aren't from around here, are you?"
"Oh no," Hermione sighed, covering her face with her hands, "Not again."
"Toldja he was a stupid prat. Well, this should be interesting. Let's pretend we don't know him, shall we?"
"Agreed. Especially if he starts throwing around that ridiculous teddy bear again."
Tom appeared onstage a few minutes later, clutching the microphone in one hand and his teddy bear in the other. A brass quartet struck up an upbeat Latin rhythm, and Tom began to sway his hips in time to the music. Hermione stifled a laugh and Ron looked utterly disgusted.
Reading from a TelePrompter placed right in front of him, Tom began to sing.
"I'm a desperado
Underneath your window
I see your silhouette
Are you my Juliet?"
"I'll be your Juliet! Woohoo!" a crazed female dove onto the stage as Tom started to dance around the stage. A security guard grabbed her and drug her away before she could get within ten feet of Tom, who was still pulsating to the music.
Tom continued, still dancing.
"I feel a mad connection
With your body
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon"
Tom, taking advice from his song, shook his "bon-bon", waving his microphone around and enjoying himself immensely. This drove many of the females in the crowd wild (also a few very odd males). A few girls reached in, trying to touch him, but security plucked them away one by one.
"I wanna be your lover
Your only latin lover,"
"You're British, you idiot!" Hermione yelled at him. Tom stopped and looked confused for a few minutes, but proceeded anyway.
"We'll go around the world in a day
Don't say no, no
Shake it my way, oh
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
By this time the crowd was whipped into a certifiable frenzy and Tom was sweating profusely in the burning spotlight. He plucked off his wild Hawaiian-print overshirt, flinging it into the crowd and watching as three deranged females fought over it.
"This has got to stop." Hermione said, looking over at Ron. Ron's face had turned a nasty shade of green, and he looked like an overripened olive. It was apparent he couldn't hold down his dinner much longer.
"Hola amigo, Hola amigo
You're my temple of desire
We'll go around the world in a day
Don't say no, no,"
"NO NO!" Hermione replied, trying to fight her way through the myriad of demented females, and having very little luck in her quest.
"Shake it my way, oh
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
Tom continued to gyrate up onstage, much to the crowd's delight. Hermione continued to push her way through the mosh pit-like audience.
"You're a Mata Hari
I wanna know your story
In the Sahara sun
I wanna be the one
That's gonna come and take you, make you
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
A few more audience members attempted to climb onstage with Tom, but before security could stop them, they descended on Tom. Tom grinned and raised his eyebrows, apparently enjoying this very much. Together, with his new backup dancers, Tom continued the song.
"Up in the Himalayas
C'mon I wanna lay ya.."
That did it for Ron.
"Urk! Eeeeeeew.."
"We'll go around the world in a day
Don't say no, no
Shake it my way, oh
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon
Shake your bon-bon!"
With a little more booty-shaking, Tom shouted the last line with the crowd. He took a deep, flourishing bow, and smiled. He was breathing heavily from exertion, but he didn't seem to care.
"RICKY MARTIN, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!" Tom shouted to the crowd, grinning broadly.
"Hey, are you coming back any time soon? I'd love to have you perform-" a man in a pinstriped suit called over the rising noise of the crowd, pushing his way to Tom.
He was cut short by Hermione, who reached up and grabbed Tom's wrist firmly, dragging him reluctantly off the stage. Groupies cooed all around the two as Hermione fought her way through, Tom in tow.
"Awwwww, but Hermi..." Tom whined as Hermione sidestepped Ron, who was still retching violently into a nearby potted plant. Hermione sat Tom down firmly into a chair, then turned to tend to Ron. She rubbed his back comfortingly, helping his hiccoughs subside.
"'Mione, I'm s-so-sorry." Ron hiccuped, sitting up shakily and wiping his red cheeks with a napkin. He was thoroughly embarrassed, and his ears practically radiated heat. He took a long swig from his water glass, slowly regaining his composure.
"It's okay, Ron." Hermione sighed, ignoring his mussed hair and flaming face. She offered him another napkin and turned back to Tom, who was still sitting and looking sheepish beside her.
"Tom, what did I tell you about karioke?" Hermione began, her tone warning.
"It's... not good for me?"
"That's right. Now never do that again."
"But a guy gave me $300.00 and I got seventeen phone numbers! Hermi, what's a phone?" Tom said, looking both enthusiastic and puzzled at the same time. Hermione's eyes widened when she saw the handful of dollar bills in Tom's fist.
"Okay, if we need money, you can do karioke again." She replied, taking the money from Tom and shoving it carefully into her pocket.
"Yippee Skippee!" Tom cried happily, then looked smug, "Hey, I'm dead sexy, aren't I?"
Hermione choked on the water she was drinking and Ron's pale face tinged green again.
~*~
Stuff to look forward to: Tom in swim trunks (not for the reasons you'd expect, naturally.. you didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you?), Ron FINALLY blows his top (the poor guy finally gets some action besides soiling potted plants), putt-putt adventures, and maybe a little more Ricky Martinesque action from Tom... just maybe...
Didja like it? Didja hate it? If you have ANY opinions on this, please tell me! I'm not picky, just REVIEW. Oh, and I know I probably spelled 'karioke' wrong, but please be kind enough to overlook that. I'll have the next part up MUCH quicker than this part (I'm sooo sorry for the delay, I had a Writer's Block the size of Manhattan), especially if I get reviews, cause they inspire me and make me write faster.
All you Tom lovers, don't hate me! I just relish the idea of Tom acting this way. I enjoy it *immensely*. ^_^