"Like, that is so gross, Hikki."

Hachiman raises an eyebrow, "I only speed up your introduction."

"Like, yeah, but I can do it myself!"

Yukino sighs, "Please excuse the fish in the room. Tell us what is your request, though keep in mind that we will only provide tools for you, not to do your request itself."

Yui blinks before turning to look at her, "Like, what do you mean by that?"

Yukino lets out a light cough, "I will be using the fisherman example. Give a man a fish then he will be satisfied for a day. Teach a man how to fish then he will be satisfied until he dies. This means that we won't perform the work for you, simply teaching you how to do it."

Yui lightly hits her palm with her fist, "Ah! Like, I get it! That means both of you, like, will teach me how to bake cookies?" She gazes at Yukino with an expectant look, prompting the latter to nod.

Hachiman scoffs, "Count me out. I won't be baking any cookies."

Yukino raises an eyebrow while slightly covering her mouth with her hand, "Is that cowardice I hear? There is no shame in admitting that you have no knowledge in baking, though I already expected for you to offer no help."

His eye twitches but he takes a deep breath and exhales, "Nope, I would rather give you a chance to showcase your baking skills since you clearly do not have the chance before." He smiles, though a bit of smugness leaks out.

Yui and Yukino cringe, "Ew. You, like, look gross smiling like that, Hikki." The latter nods in agreement before looking away from him.

He shrugs, "Like I care. Anyway, I won't be baking. End of discussion."

Awkward silence descend on them after his adamant words. Yui fidgets as she looks at him then to Yukino, "Um, Yukino, like can we go now?" She awkwardly asks, prompting the latter to sigh but gets up.

"Let me go ask if we can use the cooking classroom first." Yukino quickly walks out, though she returns to grab hold of Yui, "You are coming with me."

Hachiman shrugs as he looks at the retreating figures, "Having fun at my expense?" He loudly says, prompting for a gap to appear in front of him with the real Reimu Hakurei smugly smiling at him.

"Oh plenty. Glad to see that it wasn't only us to have found you uncomfortable."

He snorts, "Were you really thinking otherwise?"

"True. Anyway." She pops out of the gap and then floats down onto the floor, "Please get them to donate to the Hakurei shrine."

"…Did Suika destroy your shrine again?" She nods, prompting him to facepalm then glares at the gap, "Why do you keep making me pay for your shits?!"

Seeing no reaction from the gap, he sighs before turning to look at Reimu, who is looking at him with an expectant look, "…Just put it on my tab." He sighs then continues, "I'll just get a job later or something."

She smiles, "Great! Please donate lots!" Then hugs him, "Also, please be safe," She softly says as she buries herself into his shoulder.

Hachiman smiles, "Of course. All of you aren't getting rid of me so easily. You would think five years, that almost got me killed numerous times, would have convinced you." He pats her head then runs his hand through her hair, prompting her to contently sigh.

"Yeah yeah. I know, no need to tell me… Though, I miss your grown up body…"

"Right right. But Patchouli can always craft up a reversal magic then get Yukari to cast on me again… Though, I am sure you miss something else, specifically down there." He smirks while scratching behind her ear, prompting her to moan and relaxes her body.

"Maybe~ now I better get going before they come back. Oh yeah, try to mix up your act with them~ it'll be the perfect teen romance drama!"

"…Seriously?"

"Of course! And I got the perfect name for the drama! My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong!"

"…Sure, whatever you say. That's what Marisa would come up with."

"Bah, I don't care. I said it first to you instead of her so I win." Reimu sticks her tongue out to behind him, prompting him to glance back to see a gap showing a mouth sticking out its tongue.

"Ok, now go back before you cause me to land into trouble with those two." Hachiman makes a shooing gesture at her, prompting her to roll her eyes then pout.

"Alright, alright. See ya later Hachiman!" She waves at him before a gap appears below her that swallows her whole then it quickly disappears.

He sighs before walking to the door, "I would rather call it 'My Teen Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I expected', as a way to tribute my past." He chuckles before going out of the room.

"Here," Yukino simply says as she hands a batch of cookies in a tray over to Hachiman, who puts his phone down on the counter, "It is time for your job."

Yui takes her own tray of cookies out of the oven and presents it to him, "Like here you go."

Hachiman looks at Yukino's cookies first, "Looks good." Then looks at Yui's with a grimace, "Looks charcoal."

Yukino nods, "Indeed. I am appalled to agree with the vermin's words."

"Vermin? That is rich coming from a frigid rude ice queen, oops, I meant ice princess."

"You admit that I am royalty, a status far above you."

"Royalty that killed off all of its citizens and blamed it on the citizens for getting themselves killed."

Yui sweatdrops as she watches them arguing while ignoring her, "Um, like, could you at least taste the cookies?" She takes one of the char – cookies and hands it to him.

Hachiman grimaces, "…The taste will absolutely suck," He blandly says, though he still takes the cookie, "But fine since I had worse."

He takes a bite out of the cookie then slowly chews, "Not the worse I had, actually still edible, if you got an iron stomach." He swallows then takes another piece of cookies from Yui's tray.

Yukino slightly narrows her brows and curls her upper lip, "Just what kind of life did you had that allows you to be able to eat food like her cookies?" She slightly backs away from him.

He shrugs, though he glances to the side, "Got kidnapped by three youkais at the age of fifteen to the land of bullshits. Then the inhabitants of that place decided to be in a relationship with me."

He sees them looking at him like an idiot and somebody who needs to be in a mental asylum, "What? Don't believe me?" He smirks.

Yui awkwardly chuckles, "Everybody, like, knows youkai don't exist. But really funny joke, haha."

Yukino takes out her phone, "I am calling an ambulance to get you treated for your delusions." Then she puts it near her ear.

Hachiman chuckles, "Come on, lighten up. It's just a joke. Not like both of you are being watched by over a hundred youkai right now." He smiles while closing his eyes.

*A/N*

Welp, a chapter for Hachi Touhou with a few history of his. Anyway, on to the comments:

calderoneric758 - *REDACTED*

SolSparda369 - oh she is, along with multiple youkai we know. Hachiman did spend 5 years in G, so he's bound to pick up few traits of everybody also lol

Noz7 - here your answer, though only for this fic

FromBelow - the resemblance are there, but I don't really know which came first

55555gosha - don't worry, I won't drop any of my stories (unless I am dead)

Server lock - well, tbh, it doesn't feel all over the place for me but it's your opinion and that's fine. Also true, since I am still trying to get used to informal writing again (school was hell.), and most of the time, the sentence structure for my fics are intentional since I find it easier on my eyes when I am reading it

Shashenka - no problem since I like to write and want to share it with the world

DrackNath - here you go, more drugs