TOW The Bings

by Monica-Bing

Here's the ending! Does Chandler remember? Kinda long...

3. Chapter Three

TOW The Bings (Part Three)

Disclaimer: Well, I'll take credit for Matthew and Jackson, but none of the rest are mine.
*Song Lyrics are from "I'm Already There" by Lonestar...


Monica entered the apartment with an exhausted Matthew in her arms. She noticed that the answering machine was flashing, but decided to ignore it until Matthew was in the bed. It didn't take long to get him into pajamas, and to read him a short story. Before she knew it, he was sound asleep.
She went into her room to change into one of Chandler's t-shirts, then returned to the kitchen to grab a soda and listen to the messages. She sat down with a Diet Coke and hit the play button. A second later, Chandler's voice filled the room, singing:

He called her on the phone,
Said I really miss you darlin'
Don't worry about me here, I'll be all right.
Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight
And I'll gently kiss your lips
Touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light, and close your eyes
I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there till the end
Can you feel the love that we share?
I'm already there
We may be a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you wherever you are
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there till the end
Can you feel the love that we share?
Oh, I'm already there.
Oh, I'm already there.

She knew the song well. It was a song that had been popular around the time they got married. He had changed a few words, but she got the meaning loud and clear. She smiled and played it again, closing her eyes and imagining him next to her as she listened to him sing to her again.

Monica reached for him immediately when she woke up the next morning. She jerked all the way awake when he wasn't there, and sank back against her pillow, trying to keep from crying. It had been even harder than she'd imagined going to sleep without him. She had finally cried herself into oblivion, but it had been a fitful sleep. All she could think about was getting to the hospital to see him. Today, they would start the chemotherapy, and she wanted to be there to support him. Both were wary of leaving Matthew with Rachel again, but promised themselves that Monica would spend more time with him after today. Both Monica and Chandler knew she needed to be with Chandler today.
Monica dressed hurriedly, eager to be at her husband's side. She left Matthew sleeping. Rachel had agreed to bring Jackson to the Bings' today, to give Matthew some semblance of normalcy. At least he would be able to spend the day in his own home.
Just as Monica was tying her hair back out of her face, she heard the familiar knock on the door. Rachel didn't wait to be invited in, but let herself in with her own key to the house. She greeted Monica quietly, and went to lay the sleeping Jackson down in the bedroom set up for the purpose. When she returned to the kitchen, Monica was forcing down half a bagel and some orange juice.
"How ya doing, sweetie?"
Monica looked up at her, tears in her eyes. Rachel went to her and hugged her, not knowing what to say or do. Monica sniffed back her tears, and pulled back, smiling bravely.
"I'm okay. I have to be okay. Chandler needs me. That's all that matters."
"Mon, it might help if you talk about it. I know that Chandler is the one that's sick here, but you're suffering just as much."
Monica looked at her, knowing she was right, but afraid that if she admitted how scared she was, then it would become real. And as long as she managed to hold on to the faint hope that it was all a dream, she thought she might be able to function. But she had no secrets from Rachel. Her best friend knew her far too well. Monica looked away, and walked over to the couch, sitting down and looking up at Rachel.
"You have no idea how hard it was for me to lie in that bed last night without him. I-it's the worst night I've ever spent. And the hardest thing is, I know it's just the beginning of nights without him. And…Rachel, there's always a chance that I might never fall asleep with him next to me again."
Rachel rushed over to her, putting her arms around her friend and crying with her. "I know, Mon. I know. I can't even imagine how much you're hurting right now. Chandler's one of my closest friends and I think I can't bear it…but you're his wife. I'm so, so sorry that you guys are having to go through this."
Monica hugged her back, and grabbed a tissue, drying her eyes. She wanted to look normal when she got to the hospital.
"He's so wonderful, Rach. I can't lose him. I just don't think I could take it."
"Neither do I. So, we just have to make sure he beats this."
Monica nodded slowly, then went to get her keys from the counter.
"Thanks for staying with Matthew. Chandler and I are both so glad that we don't need to worry about him. We know he's in good hands. And we can't tell you how much we appreciate it."
"I know you do. And I'm happy to do it. You know I love that kid. And I love you and Chandler."
"We know. We're lucky to have you, Rach. Thank you."
Monica hugged her one last time, then went to kiss her sleeping son before leaving for the hospital. Rachel stared after her, wondering what was in store for them.

"Hey, sweetie."
At the sound of Monica's soft voice, Chandler opened his eyes and smiled up at her.
"Hey, beautiful." He reached up to touch her face, relieved to find no trace of tears. "I missed you last night."
"I missed you too, baby. I got your message."
"Did you? Hope my horrible singing didn't make you laugh too hard."
"It was beautiful. I loved it. And you were right. You're always with me. Thank you for reminding me of that."
He smiled softly at her, brushing a piece of hair away from her face as she leaned to kiss him.
"How'd Matthew do?"
"He's fine. He was already asleep when I picked him up, and never really woke up."
"Good. Poor guy, I hope he gets through this okay."
"He will. He's his father's son. He can get through anything."
"If we're talking about being strong, then I think we have to say he's his mother's son. That's where he gets his strength, Mon. You're the strongest person I know."
Monica smiled slightly, then leaned over to kiss him on the forehead.
"I know." They both smiled. "So, how are you doing?"
Chandler reached for her hand, and looked down at their entwined fingers before he answered.
"I'm,um…I - I'm scared to death, Mon." It was a relief just to say it. And he knew that she would understand. Of all people, Monica was the one person he should be able to admit this to. "I'm so worried that it won't work. I'm worried about you. About Matthew. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be scared…to go through this, even to die. But I can't bear the thought of leaving you. I'm starting to wonder…" He broke off, looking up into her eyes in confusion. She read his eyes, and knew that he was afraid to say what he was thinking.
"What is it, Chandler? What are you wondering?" She thought she knew. And she didn't want to hear him say it. But she knew that if he didn't, it would always linger in both of their minds.
"Monica…I'm…I'm starting to wonder if you would have been better off if London had never happened."
That's what she'd thought he would say. She looked into his eyes for a moment, trying to hide the hurt she felt at his statement. After all, she knew what he meant. But it still hurt.
"Chandler, I want you to listen to me. And hear every word. I know what you mean by that. And I don't care. I don't care about any of this. Even if I have to live a life without you, I will never regret London. I will never regret having the chance to fall in love with my best friend, to marry him and have his child. I would not trade one second of any day I had with you to spare myself this experience now. I would only do that if I had the chance to spare you this. It hurts me for you to think that I would be better off if I had never fallen for you, because we both know that's not true. You are the love of my life. And nothing will ever change that. Not even death. Okay, sweetheart? I love you. And no matter what we go through, I won't regret one second, as long as you love me back."
"Mon…sweetie, I do love you. And I wouldn't trade even one glance at you for a guarantee of a long, bright future without you. I didn't really mean that. I just…I just wish I wasn't putting you and Matthew through this."
"I know, Chandler. But you have to understand that we love you. More than anything. And you're not "putting us through this". This wasn't a choice you made. Besides, we go through everything together. The three of us."
He pulled her down so he could kiss her. Just as she pulled back, Chandler's specialist, Dr. Gillespie, entered the room.
"Hello Chandler, Monica. Are we ready to get started here?" His voice sounded falsely cheerful. He knew they didn't want to do this, but he didn't want to sound somber and forced when he entered the room. It was always harder to see a young couple go through this. Especially when he knew they had a small child.
Monica looked at Chandler and squeezed his hand, hoping he would feel her love and that it would give him strength. She moved to the other side of his bed, and continued to hold his hand as the nurses fixed the IV and Dr. Gillespie explained what would happen. Then, after asking Chandler if he was ready, he opened the valve on the IV and the drugs began to drip down the tube in Chandler's arm.
Dr. Gillespie watched them both carefully for a moment. Chandler was pale, but Monica was even paler. The doctor was worried about her. But she was stronger than she looked, and soon her color had returned to her face. She leaned in to kiss the ashen-faced Chandler on the forehead, and squeezed his hand.
"See, honey?" he voice was soft and soothing. "That was nothing. You're going to be just fine. You'll be home with me and Matthew in no time."
Dr. Gillespie couldn't help but smile at Monica's words. She was the best medicine Chandler could have. He could tell that she was going to be strong for him, and that was what Chandler needed the most. He left the room quietly, giving the couple their privacy.

When Monica left to go home to Matthew, she was relieved that Chandler seemed normal. He hadn't yet been sick, and he was able to smile at her, which was all she felt she could ask for. His face still blanched every time he caught sight of the needle in his arm, but so did hers. She was glad to know that she would be able to leave him without feeling guilty. So, with a gentle kiss, they exchanged their "I love you's" and Monica reluctantly bid him goodbye. Chandler watched her go, feeling that a part of him died each time she did. He hated watching her leave, knowing she was going home to their son while he was left behind. And he hated the thought of her crying herself to sleep alone in their bed. He turned his head to look at the picture sitting on the table beside his bed. It was a recent picture. Rachel had taken it in Central Park when they had taken Jackson and Matthew for a picnic. Chandler was holding Matthew and had his arm around Monica. Matthew was looking at the camera, but Chandler and Monica were looking at each other. Rachel had captured a special moment between them in the picture, and he and Monica had treasured it.
Beside the picture of his family rested a picture from Chandler and Monica's wedding, and a picture taken of the gang the day before Joey and Pheobe had flown to L.A., the same day Ross and Rachel had announced her pregnancy. They were sitting on the couch in Central Perk, girls on the guys' lap, everyone smiling and happy. Chandler looked at the picture and smiled, knowing how much the support of their friends was helping him through this. He wouldn't admit it, but he desperately wanted Joey to be there. He would never ask him to come, of course, but just hearing his best friend's voice would mean everything to him. And Phoebe…Next to Monica, she was the best at making him feel better. Just the thought of her plucking at his grey aura made him smile. Just as he was thinking this, there was a knock on the door and Ross opened it quietly.
"Hey, man. How ya doing?"
"Ross! Hey. I'm umm…I'm okay. What are you doing here?"
"Mon asked me to stop by. She thought you might like to see someone other than her. And she didn't want you to be alone. So, since she had to take Matthew home, I thought I'd stop by for a while and keep you company."
Of course she would know that he dreaded the thought of being alone. He smiled as a wave of love for his wife washed over him.
"Thanks, Ross. Monica was right of course."
"So what you were smiling about when I walked in?"
Chandler smiled again. Ross was relieved to see him in such a good mood.
"I was just thinking about Joey and Phoebe…and how Phoebe would be complaining about my aura if she were here."
Ross smiled at the thought.
"You miss them, don't you?"
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, I really do."
"We all do." They were both quiet for a minute as they thought about the pair that was missing, that kept their lives from being really complete. Finally Ross shook himself, and changed the subject.
"I have something for you. It's from Matthew actually. He said to tell you that he loves you." Ross reached into his jacket and pulled out a sheet of paper with one of Matt's unintelligible drawings on it. Chandler took it and looked at it a moment, trying to hide the tears that thoughts of his son brought to his eyes.
"He said it was a picture of you and Monica. Something about how you kiss every morning before you leave for work. He was really proud of it."
Chandler gazed at the picture silently for a few minutes, then turned to place it on the table beside him.
"Tomorrow, I'll have a nurse bring me some tape so I can hang it up."
Ross nodded in understanding. He remembered well how he had treasured all of the pictures Ben had drawn for him. He still had all of them.
"Well man, I gotta get going. I promised Rachel I wouldn't be late. But tomorrow, she's going to take Jackson over to your place and stay with Mon, and I'll sleep up here. We don't like for you to be alone."
"Thank you Ross." Chandler leaned over to hug him, thankful that he had such a wonderful and thoughtful friend and brother-in-law. He was well aware that he was already weakening, and would soon dread the thought of being alone even more than he did now. "Kiss Rach and Jackson for me."
"I will. We'll all stop by tomorrow afternoon, okay?"
"Okay. See you later."
"Later."
Chandler leaned back against the bed and lifted his wedding picture from the table. He looked at it for a long time, then held it against his chest as he closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep.


When he woke up the next morning, Chandler crossed off Day One in his head. Just thirteen more, then they could cut this thing out and leave him to his life.
He started to get up to go to the bathroom, but was hit suddenly by a wave of nausea. He had hoped he would have a few days before the sickness hit, but it looked like he wouldn't be that lucky. He managed to make it to the bathroom, and stayed there, trying to muster enough strength to make it back to the bed. He didn't want to be lying in the bathroom when Monica came by.
He had just managed to climb back into his bed when she walked in. He saw her worried glance, and realized that he was in a cold sweat from the effort of getting back to his bed. He smiled at her weakly, and lifted a hand to her face as she leaned in to kiss him on the forehead.
"Hey beautiful."
"Chandler…sweetie, are you okay?"
"Let's just say we know the drugs are working…"
Monica gave him a worried look as she sat down beside him. Chandler kissed the palm of the hand that was still on his cheek, and smiled wanly.
"Mon, please don't worry. We both know that this is 'supposed' to happen."
"I know, sweetie. I just hate seeing you suffer. You know I've never been able to stand it."
"Mon…When this is all over, we'll look back and laugh at how worried we were. And it'll be over soon, baby. Then we'll get back to life as usual, and everything will seem just a bit boring."
"Life with you is never boring, Chandler." She managed a small smile and leaned over to kiss him on the lips. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Chandler leaned back and gazed at her, pretending to be in deep thought. In reality, he was marveling at her beauty. He squeezed her hand, and pulled her down onto the bed next to him.
"The only thing I need you to do is love me."
Monica finally smiled a real smile, and leaned her forehead against his, kissing him lightly on the lips. "I do."
"Good." Chandler smiled too, and kissed her forehead. "I love you too."
"Speaking of loving you, I have something for you."
For the first time, Chandler noticed the bag she held in her hand. "You didn't have to bring me anything, Mon. You know all I need is you."
"I know, sweetie." She smiled and kissed him again. "But this is for when I'm not here - kind of a Chandler survival kit. Just some things to remind you of how much I love you. And there's a few things from Matthew, 'cause he loves you too."
Chandler grinned as he reached for the bag. He noticed that his hands were shaking and tried to still them before Monica saw it too. In her excitement over her gift, she didn't notice. He smiled at her enthusiasm, and pulled the first item out of the bag. It was a picture of Matthew, obviously taken in the past couple of days. He was asleep on the couch, clutching the stuffed dog Chandler had given him for his last birthday.
"That's for when you get a little bit lonely, so you can remember how much that little boy loves you, and how much you have to live for."
Chandler tried to choke back his tears. "I think this is the most beautiful picture I've ever seen."
Monica stroked his cheek, wiping away the few stubborn tears that ran down his face.
"I know. He is beautiful, isn't he? He looks like his daddy."
Chandler swallowed hard and looked into his wife's eyes, reaching up to kiss her softly in response. After setting the picture on the table with the rest, he reached into the bag again. He felt something soft, and pulled it out, wondering what it could be. He smiled when he saw that it was Matthew's favorite blanket, the one he liked to sleep with.
"That's from Matthew. He said that he wanted Daddy to sleep with his blanket, so he wouldn't be scared by himself."
This time, Chandler didn't even try to fight the tears. They ran down his face as Monica hugged him, knowing that he was as touched by their son's compassion as she had been. It took Chandler a few moments to regain his composure, but eventually he reached into the bag again. He couldn't hide his shock when he pulled out a rather risqué piece of lacy black lingerie.
"What exactly am I supposed to do with this, Mon? You trying to tell me something?"
Monica grinned, as she leaned over and kissed him, whispering in his ear. "That's for when you get home…" Chandler looked up at her, unable to hide his grin.
"You know that thinking about this is gonna torture me don't you?"
"Just giving you something to look forward to."
He grinned and shook his head, pulling her close for a long kiss. "You should be shot."
"There's more in the bag."
He resumed his search of the bag with interest, wondering what could possibly be next. He pulled out a CD, and looked at it for a moment before he realized what it was. When he looked back at Monica, she was the one with tears in her eyes.
"Since I heard you sing that song to me, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. It just seems perfect for us, doesn't it? So, I got you the single. I know you sang it to me first, but I want you to listen to it whenever you're missing me. 'Cause I guarantee I'll be missing you too. And this will remind you that whenever you need me, I'm already there."
Chandler looked down at the gifts spread across the bed, knowing that she had gone to a lot of effort to make him feel better. He couldn't put into words the gratitude that he felt for her in that moment.
"I love you, Monica. Every day, I just love you more."
She leaned down to kiss him softly, her eyes shining as she spoke again.
"I love you too, honey. But, there's one more surprise that I have for you."
Chandler started to look into the bag again, but Monica stopped him.
"This surprise isn't in the bag, Chandler." He looked at her inquiringly, wondering what she had to give him that would make her so excited.
"Well…what is it?"
Monica leaned over to kiss him tenderly, then pulled herself all the way onto the bed so that she could lay down next to him.
"Well…I thought I would wait and tell you later…after the surgery. But I can't keep this from you. You should know…and anyway, I can't wait to see your face."
"Monica…" She laughed at the impatient sound in his voice.
"Chandler, I'm the one that's supposed to be impatient!"
"And you are. But hurry up! What is it?"
She leaned up on one arm, so that she could look into his eyes, and softly brushed her lips against his.
"I love you, Chandler Bing. You have made me so happy."
"Oh, c'mon Mon. That's no surprise! I know that already!"
She laughed at him again, savoring the moment. "Well, I do love you. And you have made me happy. And, you've also made me a mommy - twice."
She watched him as comprehension of her words spread over his face - first recognition, then confusion, then understanding. As the smile spread over his face, he pulled her down to him, kissing her urgently.
"You mean…?"
"You're going to be a daddy again, sweetheart!"
"Mon, are you sure?"
"Just saw the doctor this morning. I'm about five weeks along."
"Oh, Mon. I can't believe this! This is the greatest gift you could give me."
"And the greatest gift you could give me."
Chandler kissed her again. Then suddenly, his expression changed. Monica looked at him, frightened.
"Chandler? Honey, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Mon. And I'm happy, I really am." He looked at her quickly, willing her to believe him. "It's just…What if…?"
"Chandler, you're going to be fine. Nothing is going to happen to you. We're going to raise this baby together, just like we will watch Matthew grow up together."
"I hope so, Monica. I hope…" He trailed off as he looked away from her, trying not to think that he might never see his child.
"That's why I thought about not telling you until this was over. But, Chandler I had to tell you. I wanted you to share in it. I didn't want to have to keep a secret from you."
"No. No, of course not. Monica, I'm so glad you told me. And sweetie, really. I'm so, so happy. And I love you. Baby, I love you so much. You couldn't give me a better reason to make sure that I beat this."
"That's what I thought too." Monica was relieved to see the shadows fade from his eyes. She had worried about his reaction, but was glad to see that he had taken it as well as she could have expected.
Chandler reached a hand down to her stomach, and rubbed it gently.
"I'm gonna be a daddy."
Monica grinned and placed her hand over his as she leaned in to kiss him.

Ross and Rachel brought Matthew and Jackson by later that day to visit. Matthew ran into the room and climbed right onto Chandler's bed, hugging his father fiercely.
"Daddy!"
"Hey, son!" Chandler hugged Matthew close, kissing the top of his head. "I missed you, Matt."
"I missed you, Daddy. When ya coming home?"
Chandler paused and looked at Monica. She smiled, trying to hide her tears. He knew they were both thinking of the first verse of their new song, when the same question was answered with a verse of "I'm Already There". But Matthew would never understand Chandler telling him that he was already there. Instead, he looked back at Matthew, kissing him again as he answered.
"Soon, son. Daddy has to stay here a couple more weeks to get better. Then I'll come home with you and Mommy."
"Okay." Matthew didn't look happy with Chandler's answer, but he seemed willing to let Chandler stay if he had to.
"Matt, we're going to leave you here with your daddy for a few minutes while I go talk to Aunt Rachel and Uncle Ross. You take care of him, okay?"
"I will, Mommy." Monica had to smile at her son's serious face, and kissed him gently on the forehead as she left the room. She caught Chandler's smile, and knew that he realized what she was going to tell Ross and Rachel. She smiled back, and mouthed "I love you" to him as she followed Ross and Rachel out of the room.
"Matthew's so great. He's really doing well with this, isn't he?"
Monica nodded, knowing that Rachel was right. They couldn't expect Matthew to handle this any better than he was.
"Yeah, he is. He's a lot like his daddy."
Ross smiled and pulled his sister into his arms for a hug. "How are you, Mon?"
"I'm, um…I'm good, Ross. I'm just ready for this to be over with. But…there's actually something I wanted to tell you."
"What? There aren't complications are there?" Monica smiled at Rachel's sudden panic.
"No, nothing like that. This is good news, actually. I'm - pregnant!"
Rachel stared at her, shocked. "You're what?"
"I'm pregnant. About five weeks. I just found out this morning."
"Oh, Mon! That's great. Oh, I'm so happy for you!" Rachel threw her arms around her best friend, hugging her tightly.
Ross joined the hug, kissing Monica on the cheek. "Mon, this is great news. Have you told Chandler?"
"Yeah, I told him this morning. I was going to wait…you know, till after the surgery…but I couldn't keep a secret like this from him."
"Was he happy?" Rachel's voice was a little more somber. She knew that Chandler had every reason to be less than happy about another child, when he was facing death.
"Yeah, he was happy. He had a moment when he realized…but that passed quickly, and now he's more excited than I am!"
Rachel started to speak again, but was interrupted by a cry from Jackson. She rushed in to check on her son, and Monica and Ross followed her back into Chandler's room. Chandler looked up at them with a grin, knowing they knew about the baby. Ross and Rachel discreetly grinned back, trying to tell Chandler how happy they were without raising Matthew's curiosity.
"Have you guys talked to Joey and Phoebs?" Chandler's voice was wistful. Monica glanced questioningly at Rachel and Ross, but they shook their heads.
"No…I tried to call them yesterday." Rachel sounded a little puzzled. "But nobody answered and they haven't returned the message. I thought that they would call immediately, given the situation, but I haven't heard from them yet."
Chandler glanced at Monica, and she read the worry in his eyes. She spoke, quickly, hoping to reassure him. "I'm sure they'll call soon. They probably just had a lot to do to get ready for the wedding."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's it." Ross quickly tried to reassure Chandler. "Rachel and I will call again when we get home."
"Let us know, okay?"
"Of course we will. But right now, I've gotta get back to the university - I have a staff meeting. I'll be back tonight, okay man?"
"Okay." Rachel leaned over to kiss Chandler on the cheek. Chandler in turn kissed Jackson, and hugged Matthew one last time.
"Be good for your Aunt Rachel and Uncle Ross okay? Mommy will be home in time to tuck you in."
"Okay Daddy."
"I love you son."
"And Mommy loves you too," Monica chimed in, kissing Matthew on the forehead. "I'll see you tonight sweetie."
"Okay. Bye!" Ross and Rachel gave little waves as they walked out, Ross carrying Jackson, and Rachel holding Matthew's hand. As soon as they left the room, Chandler collapsed against his pillow.
"Chandler?" He tried to smile to ease Monica's worry, but she wasn't convinced.
"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't want Matthew to worry about me, but I feel terrible."
"I know." She gently brushed a hand against his forehead. "Do you need me to help you into the bathroom?"
"I don't think I have the strength. Will you just grab that bin over there? The nurses left it for me."
Monica did, and brought it back to Chandler. She held his head as he got sick, running her fingers through his hair to try to comfort him. She couldn't help but smile as she thought about all the times he had done the same for her when she had been pregnant with Matthew.
Chandler finally relaxed and leaned back, his face pale and tired.
"Thank you for helping me. I'm sorry…"
"Chandler…there's nothing to be sorry for. That's why I'm here, baby. Besides, I figure I owe you for morning sickness." She sat down on the bed beside him and worriedly stroked his forehead. Nothing hurt her more than seeing him so miserable. And worst of all, she knew it was only going to get worse.
"I wish I could go through this for you, sweetie. I hate seeing you like this."
"I'd never let you do it for me and you know it. Besides, you have to stay healthy. You've got my little girl to take care of."
Monica smiled and ran her fingers through his hair.
"What makes you think it's a girl?"
"Well, you got your boy when Matthew was born. Now I think it's my turn to be right."
"You told me once that you thought we'd have a boy, twin girls, then another boy."
"Yeah, I remember." He smiled fondly at the memory. "Maybe we will."
Monica smiled too and kissed him on the forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too." He kissed her fingers, and lay back, looking up at her contentedly in spite of his aching head and queasy stomach. Then he leaned over and put the cd she had given him into the cd player beside his bed. Music filled the room as he hit the play button.
"C'mere." Chandler pulled her down into her arms, and Monica happily cuddled up next to him. He held her close, wishing he could dance with her, but content to have her resting beside him. They both closed their eyes and listened to the words. Chandler placed his hand over her heart, trying to tell her that was where he would always be, and Monica nodded silently, understanding.

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there till the end
Can you feel the love that we share?
Oh, I'm already there.
Oh, I'm already there.

Chandler lay awake in his bed, Ross asleep in the chair next to him. It had become the ritual over the past few days. Monica would leave to take Matthew home, and Ross would come to the hospital for the night. He knew that Monica was afraid to leave him by himself, and he appreciated her concern - and Ross and Rachel's - but he hated making Ross spend the night away from his wife and son. Chandler didn't want to be alone, but he would rather be here by himself than to make his best friend spend the night away from his wife. He knew how hard it was to sleep without Monica by his side, and he didn't want Ross and Rachel to have to go through it too. But, Ross insisted, and Rachel had even called and told him not to worry about it, that she didn't mind. But Chandler still felt guilty for putting his friends through this.
Chandler turned his head so he could look at the pictures of his family sitting on the table next to his bed. He missed them so much, and this was only his fifth night away from him. He clutched Matthew's blanket closer. He had it with him in the bed at all times. It was his own way of holding on to his son - and his son's mother. As the side effects of the chemotherapy increased, it became harder for him to get through the day without them. Just as he was wishing that Monica was sleeping next to him, he heard the door open. He turned his head, expecting a nurse checking up on him, but Monica stood in the doorway, smiling softly.
"Hey sweetheart."
"Mon, what are you doing here?"
"What do you think?" She came over to his bed, and kissed him softly, then turned to Ross, shaking him gently. Ross woke with a start, and took a moment to orient himself.
"Mon? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. But I'm going to stay here tonight. You can go back to our place, and stay with your wife and son."
"Mon, I'm okay, really."
"I know. And we appreciate it. But I want to be here with Chandler, and I know you and Rachel want to be together. I was there when Matthew went to sleep, and I'll be back before he wakes up. But for now, I need to be with my husband."
Ross nodded and stood. "Okay, if you're sure."
"I'm sure. Rachel doesn't know I left, so explain it to her, okay?"
"I will. 'Night sis. 'Night Chandler."
"Goodnight, Ross."
They watched him leave, then Monica climbed into the bed with Chandler, on the side away from his IV.
"I couldn't stay away any longer, sweetheart. I just couldn't stand it. I needed to feel you next to me."
"I did too. I've been laying here for hours, wishing you here. Even listening to the song didn't help." His voice held a joking tone, but Monica knew he was serious.
"Shhh. Just go to sleep, my love." She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his shoulder. Chandler kissed the side of her head, then relaxed as his arms encircled her.
"I love you, Mon."
"I love you too, Chandler. Now get some rest."
"Yes, ma'am." He smiled, knowing that sleep would no longer be a problem. He kissed her again against her hair, then let himself drift off to sleep.

Monica woke early. She had finally had a good night's sleep with Chandler beside her, but she had promised herself that she would leave in time to be home when Matthew woke up. She didn't want him to be upset that she wasn't there. She glanced at the clock on Chandler's wall and relaxed. She still had fifteen minutes before she needed to leave.
She turned to her husband, who was sleeping peacefully. She was glad he was getting some quality sleep. Ross had told her that he could hear Chandler tossing and turning all through the night. He was afraid Chandler wasn't sleeping at all. That was one of the reasons Monica had come by. She wanted to make sure Chandler was resting. He needed his strength.
His face was pale. Though he had only been on the treatment for five days, he had lost weight. His face was thin and haggard. But to her eyes, he looked just as good as he ever had. She knew that he was weak because of the treatment, but when she looked into his eyes, she saw strength.
She touched his cheek gently with one hand. Chandler sighed and moved his head slightly, so that his cheek rested against her hand. She knew it was subconscious, but she was happy that even in sleep he responded to her touch. She brushed his hair away from his eyes, and let her fingertips glide over his lips. She kissed him softly, then slowly wriggled out of his arms, trying not to wake him. She wanted him to keep sleeping as long as he could. When she was safely out of the bed, she glanced at him, relieved that he had not even moved. She quickly jotted a note on a piece of paper and left it for him on his bedside table. Then she was gone, promising herself that she would be back as soon as she could get Matthew ready.

Chandler woke up suddenly, feeling cold. He knew immediately it was because she was gone. He sighed and rolled over, knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. He caught sight of the note folded on the table beside him, and reached for it.
Good morning, my love. I'm sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I had to get home before Matthew woke up…and you were sleeping so peacefully. I'll be back with Matt in a couple of hours. I love you. Monica
He wished she had wakened him before she left, but he knew she had wanted him to get as much sleep as possible. He comforted himself with the knowledge that she would be back again soon, and that she was bringing their son with him.
He closed his eyes, letting his images of Monica and Matthew play against the back of his eyelids. He smiled softly as he imagined himself walking up to them with his new baby girl in his arms. Though he had of course told Monica that he didn't really care whether the baby was a boy or a girl, he really hoped it would be a girl. A little girl that would look and act just like her mother.

"Daddy!" Matthew burst into the room, as exuberant as he usually was when he got to see his father. Chandler's pale, thin face didn't deter him, and he was used to his father having to use what Matthew called "the sick bowl". Chandler was thankful that Matthew didn't draw away from him, but still wished he could be the same father that Matthew was used to.
Matthew climbed easily onto the bed and showered Chandler with kisses. When he finally calmed down enough to look at Chandler, his smile was even brighter than usual. Leaning in toward Chandler, he whispered confidingly, "We have a surprise for you."
"A surprise? What kind of surprise?" Chandler smiled at his son, wondering what exactly an almost-three-year-old would classify as a surprise. Matthew turned to look at Monica, and Chandler followed his eyes, unable to stop his smile when he saw her standing in the doorway.
"A pretty big surprise, darling. But you'll have to wait just a minute while we get it all ready." Monica was excited too, and that awakened Chandler's curiosity even more. "Matthew, come here, we need to get you ready too."
Matthew ran to Monica, who glanced back at Chandler with a smile, then followed Matthew out of the room. Chandler could hear Rachel's voice, and wondered why she didn't come in to say hello. He didn't have long to wonder. A moment later, Rachel walked into the room wearing her bridesmaid's dress for Joey and Phoebe's wedding. Ross followed her, holding Jackson. Both were wearing tuxes, Jackson's the smallest Chandler had ever seen. Before Chandler could even ask what was going on, Monica walked in, wearing her own dress that matched Rachel's. Matthew was now wearing his own little tux.
"What in the world is going on? I feel a little underdressed in this hospital gown…" Monica smiled at his attempt at humor, and came over to his bed to kiss him.
"We can fix that. Do you think you can make it to the bathroom so we can get you changed?" She held up a bag that Chandler assumed held a tux for him.
"Yeah, I think so. But, Mon-" She quieted him with a finger on his lips. Ross helped her get him out of the bed and into the bathroom, where Monica helped him get into the tux. He had to sit down on the toilet for a minute to catch his breath before nodding to Monica that he was ready to go back. This time, Ross had to practically carry him back to the bed. Chandler hated being so weak. He felt incapable of being a husband and father. But Monica reassured him with a gentle kiss that she didn't feel the same. Just as they were settling Chandler back into the bed, the door opened, and Joey poked his head in.
"Everybody ready?" He grinned at Chandler, obviously enjoying the surprise. Chandler stared back at him, then looked around him at the people he loved. They had all had a part in it.
"Joey! What are you doing here?"
Joey came into the room, with Phoebe close behind him. Joey was, of course, wearing a tux, and Phoebe was wearing the wedding dress Monica and Rachel had spent hours helping her find.
"Dude, we're here to get married! We couldn't get married in L.A. without you and Monica. So, we brought the wedding to you."
"Isn't this exciting? Yay us!" Phoebe grinned and started to wave her arms around in her own version of a "Chandler dance" that they had all copied at some point over the years.
Joey walked over to Chandler's bed and looked at him, his face losing its jovial expression and becoming more serious.
"How you doin'?" Chandler almost laughed when he heard the all-too-familiar words. But Joey said them with concern, not his usual flirtatious tone.
"Not so good, Joe. But don't worry. I've only got about 8 more days of this. Then I can have the surgery and go home, where I belong."
Joey nodded, then leaned over to hug Chandler tightly, careful not to disturb the IV. Then it was Phoebe's turn.
"We were worried about you, honey. I know you told us not to come, but we had to be here to help take care of you. Besides, we can't have you lying around with a bad aura 'cause you missed the wedding."
"Thanks Phoebs. You don't know how much that means to me."
A middle-aged man stuck his head in the door. "I'm looking for Chandler Bing's room? I'm supposed to perform a wedding for Joey Tribbiani and Phoebe Buffay."
"That's us! I'm Joey, and this is Phoebe. Thank you for doing this on such short notice."
"It's my pleasure. Are we ready to begin?"
"I think so." Joey looked around the room, then turned back to the hospital chaplain, taking Phoebe's hand. Ross moved to stand by Rachel, and Monica led Matthew over to stand beside Joey before coming to take her place beside Chandler.
"Dearly Beloved…" Chandler squeezed Monica's hand as they listened to the familiar words. It seemed like such a short time since Joey had said the same words at their wedding. Monica squeezed back, leaning over to kiss his cheek in response. He knew that she was reliving their day as well.
In just moments, the preacher had pronounced Joey and Phoebe man and wife, and Joey was kissing his bride. When they finally pulled back, Joey looked around at his friends with a big smile on his face.
"Dude, I'm married!" Chandler smiled at Joey's exuberant tone.
"Dude, you so are!" Joey hugged him, smiling happily. "Joe…Thanks for letting me be here."
Joey grew serious. "I couldn't do it without you. Phoebe and I both knew that our wedding just wouldn't be right if you and Mon weren't there. And, we were coming back to New York on the honeymoon anyway - you know, where it all began. So, it just made sense."
Joey turned to look at Phoebe, and then hugged to his wife, leaving Chandler with Ross.
"How long have you guys known they were coming?"
"Well, Rach and I have known for a couple of days. We just told Monica this morning. We knew she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret."
"Thanks Ross. This meant a lot to me."
"Well, Joey's right. They couldn't have gotten married without you any more than Rachel and I could've."
Chandler watched his friends celebrate, wishing he was able to join in, but happy just because he had been able to witness it. He was too tired to be part of the party anyway. He barely had the energy to be happy for his friends. His gaze turned to Monica, who was smiling happily. She was even more beautiful than she had been on their wedding day. He was glad that she, too, had been able to take a day off from his sickness and enjoy her time with their friends. She looked toward him with a smile, then moved to his side.
"Brings back memories, doesn't it?" Her voice was soft. He touched her face with one hand, gently brushing a stray hair away from her eyes.
"Yeah, it does. I was just thinking about how beautiful you were that day…how beautiful you are right now. Could I BE any more in love with you?"
Monica smiled at the familiar inflection, and gently brushed her lips against his.
"I know. I feel the same way."
She lay down on the bed next to him, and he kissed her hair as they watched their friends celebrate the newest marriage. Chandler closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of her hair. Joey looked toward his best friend with a lump in his throat. It was nice to see him happy, in spite of everything. Chandler and Monica had the kind of love that could last through anything.
Joey took his new wife's hand and motioned toward the Bings, wanting her see the same thing he did. He kissed her cheek, and softly promised her that he would love her like that forever.

Chandler woke up in a cold sweat. With only two days left of chemotherapy, he was feeling worse than he thought possible. He even dreaded Monica's visits, because he couldn't stand the worried look in her eyes when she saw him so miserable. He couldn't keep anything down for more than ten minutes. He was now being fed intravenously. He knew his eyes were red and sunken, and his hands shook constantly. He could barely lift his head to be sick. He thought about Monica constantly, and longed to have her there even more than he longed to spare her the pain of seeing him like this. He hadn't seen Matthew in a few days. As he got worse, he had convinced Monica that it was better if Matthew didn't see his father so sick and weak. He worried, too, about Monica. She didn't need this added stress. It could be dangerous for the baby. But Monica had brushed aside his worries, telling him that she was fine, that the baby was fine, and it would be more stressful to be away from him. Chandler had finally conceded, thankful that he would still have Monica.
Ross and Rachel visited daily. Chandler could see that Rachel was unnerved, but she didn't let that stop her from visiting him. Chandler was always glad to see them, and was thankful for their support. Joey and Phoebe had left for their honeymoon, but they were due to arrive back in New York tomorrow - the day before Chandler's surgery - so that they could be there with the others while they waited on news.
Chandler couldn't wait for the scheduled surgery to take place. In his mind, he had convinced himself that the surgery would be the end of it. Of course, he knew that recovery would take several days, and that he would have to take it easy for a while. But he would be home, home with his wife and his son. That was what he wanted more than anything.
Chandler glanced over at the picture of himself and Monica resting beside him. He missed her. How he missed her. She spent most of every day with him, but it was still so different. He hit the play button on the cd player and listened as the familiar notes filled the room yet again. He listened to their song several times a day. The words comforted him, especially when he was lonesome for her. It was always a relief to know that she was with him, no matter where they were. Each time they spoke on the phone, one of them would whisper the words to the song to the other. Monica would usually cry when the last lines of their verse were spoken -
Can you feel the love that we share?
Oh, I'm already there…
and Chandler would fight back his own tears as he whispered how much he loved her.
Now, when she left the room to return home to Matthew, they would exchange their "I love you"s and then would say the same phrase, just as she was walking out the door. "I'm already there."
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door. He turned his head quickly, knowing it was his wife. She smiled and walked quickly to him, kissing him tenderly on the lips.
"Hey gorgeous." She smiled as she said the words, allowing him to believe she really meant them. Forever insecure, Monica was the only woman who had ever made him feel really attractive. And he loved her for reassuring him even when he knew he looked horrible. He had noticed when she started greeting him like this, instead of her usual "honey" or "sweetie", but had never commented. Now, he listened for the greeting like it was his lifeline. He couldn't wait for this to be over so he could get back to being the man she had fallen in love with and married.
"Hey beautiful." He looked up into her blue eyes, feeling a sense of calm overtake him. All he needed was the sight of her to make the world seem right again. She was absolutely perfect in his eyes.
"How are you feeling, sweetie?"
Chandler sighed and reached for her hand. "You don't wanna know, Mon."
She looked down at him, and leaned in to kiss him gently. "Of course I do. Through sickness and health, my love. Remember?"
Chandler smiled and let his hand brush her face. "I remember. And I meant that, Monica. I meant every word I said to you that day."
"After you finally decided you really wanted to marry me."
He heard the teasing note in her voice, but it still bothered him a little when she spoke of him running away the night before their wedding. He hated to be reminded of his temporary loss of sanity.
"How could I not marry you? You're beautiful, passionate, kind, funny, sensitive, supportive…and you put up with me."
"Ah, is that why you proposed?"
"Well…that and the fact that I was head over heels for you."
"Who can blame you?"
They smiled at each other, both reflecting on the day they had pledged their lives to each other. They gazed at each other in silence for several minutes before Monica spoke.
"Isn't it amazing? That you can love another person as much as I love you?"
"Yeah, it's amazing. And even more amazing is the fact that the person you love so much is me."
"That's not amazing. I'd never love anyone else but you this much."
"I know. And that amazes me too."
"Two more days, my darling. Then this will be over, and you can concentrate on getting well again. And we can start planning our future. We've got a big change coming, you know."
Chandler grinned and reached for her, pulling her down onto the bed next to him, and fighting the dizziness that came with the sudden motion. He let his hand rest against her still-flat stomach, rubbing it gently.
"I can't wait.
The door opened quietly and Dr. Gillespie entered the room, smiling when he saw them.
"Hey, guys. Monica, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to both of you."
"What is it? Is something wrong?" Chandler's voice was panicked, but he relaxed when the doctor shook his hand.
"Don't worry. Nothing's wrong. Everything is still set to proceed on schedule. I just wanted to talk to you both about the surgery, what's going to happen, etc. It won't take long. I just want both of you to know what to expect."
"Of course. We're ready when you are." Monica's voice was anxious. She wanted so desperately for the surgery to happen, believing that would mean the nightmare was over.
"Well, first of all, we're going to take you off of chemo tomorrow morning. I don't think you'll be complaining about that, will you?"
"Oh, no." Chandler smiled, happy that he could get rid of the IV that dripped constantly into his system, causing all the symptoms he hated.
"Didn't think so. That will give you a day to recover a little. Don't expect miracles, but you should be feeling a little less sick by mid-afternoon or so, considering you've been on constant administration since the first day. We want to give you some time to get a little strength back. Monica, you'll be able to see him tomorrow, but we want him to rest. You can stay as long as you want, but try to make him get some sleep, okay? I'd ban you too, but I know good and well Chandler'll rest easier if you're here." He stopped to smile at them, and they looked at each other, knowing the doctor was right. After a moment, Dr. Gillespie continued.
"On Thursday morning, early, we'll take Chandler to get prepped for surgery. Monica, you won't be able to see him from the time he leaves this room until he is in recovery. Sterile conditions and all that. So you'll need to say your goodbyes either tomorrow night, or very early on Thursday. I know you usually stay with Matthew until he is awake, so I wanted to warn you, in case you aren't here when he goes in on Thursday."
Monica nodded. "Thanks for telling me. I think I'll leave Matthew with Ross and Rachel tomorrow night so I can be here."
"That'll be fine. Just so you know the procedure. Anyway, once Chandler is ready, we start. You've met Dr. Callis. He'll be performing the actual surgery, but I'll be assisting. I'll also report to you, Monica, every hour or so, just to keep you updated. The surgery should take about seven hours, depending on the cooperation of the tumor of course. Chandler, you will be under complete anesthesia. Once the operation is complete - successfully, I'm sure - you will be in recovery for probably two to three hours before you wake up, because of the strength of the anesthesia. Monica will be able to stay with you from the time you are brought out of surgery until…Whenever. As soon as you wake up, Matthew, Rachel, whoever, will be able to see you, but only one at a time. Well, Monica can stay with you while Matthew is visiting, given his age and the circumstances. You already know the rest. We want to keep you here for about a week, just to make sure there are no complications, and then you can go home. In six months, we'll check again, just to make sure the tumor isn't forming again. If there are no signs by then, you'll be pretty much home free. We'll do a check-up once a year - probably for the rest of your life - just to be sure."
Chandler nodded, knowing that his fear of a relapse would probably haunt him forever, but knowing it was something he would just have to deal with. "Anything else, Doc?"
"No, I think that's about it. We've already discussed the risks and everything else. Do either of you have any questions?"
Chandler looked up at Monica, who was biting her lip. "Sweetie? Any questions?"
Monica looked at him, then over at the doctor. "No…No questions. I just get nervous when I hear about it."
Dr. Gillespie smiled. "No one's blaming you for that, Monica. So, if you don't have anything else to ask me, I'll leave you alone. Chandler, I'll be in tomorrow morning to get you off this IV. Meanwhile, have me paged if you need me."
Chandler nodded, and squeezed Monica's hand as the doctor left the room.
"Did you hear that, Mon? This is almost over. We're so close."
Monica leaned over to rest her forehead against his. "I know, baby. I know. It's so scary, though. I'm afraid that something might happen to you."
"Well, we know that anything is a possibility, honey, but we have to think positively. Besides, you know…No matter what happens in there tomorrow… Even if the worst comes to pass, I will always be a part of you."
"I know. It just scares me to think…"
"Don't think. Just…Let me hold you for awhile, okay?"
Monica nodded and lay down beside him. Silently, she wrapped her arms around him and cuddled close, resting her head on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat. Chandler kissed her softly on top of the head, and stroked her hair as they lay there together, both of them wondering what the next two days would bring.

"Hey man!" Joey entered the room jauntily, holding a bouquet of roses and a large teddy bear.
"Hey Joe!" Chandler was happy to see his friend, but he did wonder why he was bringing roses and a teddy bear. He didn't question him though, knowing that Joey always explained himself, given time.
"How are you feeling?" Joey's face was etched with concern. He wasn't sure how to deal with Chandler's sickness, and seeing him lying in a hospital bed always unnerved him.
"I feel so much better already. The minute they took that needle out this morning, I felt like everything just returned to normal, y'know?"
"I hear you man. Tomorrow's the surgery. From there, it's all uphill right?"
"I hope so. God, I hope so."
Joey set the roses down on top of the t.v., and brought the bear over to Chandler.
"Phoebe and I got this stuff for you. Sort of as a good luck. But it's not really for you. This," he said, pointing to the bear in his arms, "is for the baby. And I know you want a girl, so we made sure we got one dressed in pink." He grinned as the sat the bear down on Chandler's bed. "So, that can be the first thing you give your daughter when she's born. In the meantime, you can use it."
"Ah, Joey, that is so great. I know Monica will love it. And you're right…I'm absolutely sure this one will be a girl! But don't be disappointed if I don't sleep with the bear…Mon's staying her tonight and as long as I have her, I never need anything else to hold."
"No worries, my friend. I hear that." Joey smiled, then motioned toward the roses he had brought in. "And speaking of that beautiful wife of yours, those are for her. I know you always give her roses on special occasions, and tonight seems kind of special in its own way. And since you can't buy them for her, I figured I might as well do it for you."
"Thanks, Joey. Monica will love those too."
"I hope so. Anyway, Phoebs and I-" They were interrupted by a quick knock on the door just before Phoebe stuck her head in. Joey grinned and motioned her in.
"Hey, Chandler!"
"Hey Phoebs. Thanks for the bear and the roses. I was just telling Joey how much Monica will love them."
"You're welcome. My grandma visited me last night in a dream and gave me the idea."
Chandler grinned. Some things would never change. "Well, tell her thank you for us."
"Oh, I will!" Phoebe grinned characteristically. "We just stopped by for a few minutes, Chandler, just to wish you luck and all. The very thought of them cutting open your head makes me kinda floppy, you know?"
Chandler smiled weakly. "Yeah, I do know."
"So, anyway, we're not going to stay long. We know you need your rest. Besides, Ross and Rachel are waiting outside with Matthew, and Monica seems rather anxious to be alone with you."
"Oh, well thanks for coming by, guys. It really means a lot to know that you're here for me now."
"We always will be." Joey leaned over and hugged Chandler tightly, fighting away his tears. "I love you man."
"I love you too, Joey. You're the best friend I ever had. Well, except for Mon, but you know I have to say that."
"Yeah. I know." Joey grinned feebly as Phoebe leaned down to kiss Chandler on the cheek.
"I'll be in to clean your aura for you as soon as they'll let me. I know after all that cutting you'll need to get rid of all the pollution."
"Wouldn't let anybody else do it, Phoebs. Thanks."
"Love you Chandler."
"I love you too."
They exited the room, pausing to look back at Chandler one last time before closing the door.
The process was repeated with Ross and Rachel, except Rachel cried. Chandler hugged her tightly, trying to reassure her that he would be fine. He made them both promise to take care of Monica while they spent the day in the waiting room, waiting for news, and thanked them for watching Matthew. With hugs and kisses, they were gone, allowing Monica to bring Matthew in to see the father he hadn't seen in about a week. Thankfully, Chandler was feeling slightly better than he had been the past few days. Matthew took the change in Chandler's appearance in stride, and hugged his father without reserve.
"Daddy, Mommy told me you get to have an op'ration tomorrow. Are you scared?"
Chandler ran his hand over Matthew's head and kissed his forehead before he answered.
"Yeah, Matty. I'm a little bit scared. But I know I'll be just fine. I don't want you to worry about me okay? And try to keep Mommy from worrying too."
"I will, Daddy." Chandler smiled at his son's seriousness, knowing that keeping Monica from worrying was an impossibility.
"I love you, Matthew. I love you and your mommy more than anything in the world. I want you to remember that, okay son? Daddy will always love you, no matter what."
"I love you too, Daddy. Will I see you tomorrow?"
"They might let you see me after the operation, sweetie. We don't know yet. You might already be sleeping by the time I wake up."
Matthew looked puzzled by the fact that Chandler would be waking up while Matthew was sleeping, but he let it go. Monica came over to the bed, and laid down beside Chandler, Matthew between them. She opened the book she had brought with her. It was Matthew's favorite. They had wanted to read him a bedtime story together, tonight. They read, taking turns, and stopping often to answer Matthew's innocent questions. All too soon, Chandler was closing the book, knowing it was time for him to say goodbye.
Matthew showered his father with wet kisses, and allowed himself to be held close in his father's arms for several minutes. Monica joined the hug, squeezing Chandler's hand. After the final kisses and goodbyes, Chandler watched as Monica ushered Matthew back out of the room. Ross and Rachel would take him back to their house for the night, and bring him back to the hospital in the morning for the long day of waiting.
Monica came back after a few minutes, and kissed him on the forehead before she sat down in the chair beside his bed.
"You look so much better, just after a few hours off that IV."
"I feel so much better. If we weren't in a hospital, I might even be tempted to take advantage of you tonight." He grinned as he said it, and she smiled back, relief in her eyes as she teased him back.
"Well, I never thought a hospital bed would stop you…"
He reached for her hand, and kissed her fingers as he laced his own through them.
"Look what Joey brought you." He nodded toward the roses, and Monica smiled. "Sounds like Joey."
"He and Phoebe also brought the teddy bear…for our little girl."
"Got your heart set on a girl, do you?"
"I do."
"Well, then, I do too." Chandler smiled and kissed her.
"I love you, sweetheart. More than any words could ever say. And I can't thank you enough for being so strong for me. I know that this is just as hard for you as it is for me, but you haven't let it get you down. Mon, you are the strongest peerson I know. And that's just one of the millions of things I love about you."
"Hmm… Maybe we should talk about some of these millions of things."
Chandler smiled back at her, and started listing, counting on his fingers as he went. "Well, there's the way you always insist on being right. The way you make me do everything exactly the way you want it done. The way you can't stand not having the last word in any conversation." He paused when Monica hit him lightly on the arm. "What, they're reasons!" He voice softened as he continued. "The look on your face when you tell me you love me. How great you are with Matthew. The smile on your face both times you told me we were going to have a baby together." He stopped and touched her cheek gently. "The way you love me, in spite of everything I do wrong. Your beautiful, beautiful blue eyes that tell me everything I need to know every time I look into them. The feel of your hand in mine, and the way I feel so secure whenever I'm holding it. The smile you give me when you love me so much you just can't express it, just like you're giving me now…" He smiled tenderly and kissed her.
"I do love you, Chandler. You are my life." Her eyes misted as she looked into his, then leaned in for another kiss. She settled into his arms, content to stay there in silence for the night. She kissed him lightly on the forehead, hoping he would be able to sleep. The next day was going to be a strenuous one - for everyone - but especially Chandler.
Chandler remained silent, knowing Monica wanted him to get some sleep. Instead, he was thinking about her, and just how much he loved her. He could never explain it to anyone. Even trying to tell Monica was futile. With a slight sigh, he kissed her one more time on the top of her head, and closed his eyes, hoping tomorrow would come quickly, but wanting to stay in the bed with Monica next to him for as long as possible.

Monica woke up the next morning and cast a quick glance at the clock. They had plenty of time left to sleep, but she knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. She turned to look at Chandler and stifled a scream when she saw that his eyes were open too. He grinned and kissed her, pulling her closer to him.
"Good morning, beautiful. I didn't mean to scare you."
"That's okay. I just didn't expect you to be awake this early."
"I couldn't sleep. Nerves, anticipation, whatever… Besides, I'd rather concentrate on you than sleep anyway. We can both sleep while I'm in surgery."
"Chandler, you really should rest…"
"Sweetie, I'm serious. Spending the time with you will do me more good than anything else."
Monica gave him a small smile, trying not to let her anxiety show. "Okay, if you're sure."
"I am sure." He kissed her lightly, and moved a little closer to her. "There's something I always wanted to know, Mon. And I've never asked, because the time never seemed right. But now it does, so I'm gonna ask."
She turned her head and smiled at him. "So…ask."
"Okay, I will." He paused and let his lips brush her hair. "I told you, not so long ago, that I was in love with you a long time before London. What I want to know is…When did you realize that you loved me?" His blue eyes were wide and innocent, and Monica could see that it was a question he wanted an honest answer to. She leaned in to kiss him gently, then reached for his hand as she tried to answer.
"Hmmm…You know, I don't really know exactly when I fell in love with you. I guess, like you, it was a long process over all the years we were friends. And you were my best friend, Chandler. That just made it that much easier. But, I remember the first time I found myself thinking that I loved you…You remember when Joey figured out that we were dating? It was right after we went away for that weekend, and ended up having that huge fight. And you thought it was over because we had fought."
Chandler smiled. "I remember."
"Anyway, it was that weekend that made Joey put two and two together. And we took him into my bedroom, and begged him to keep it a secret. He told us how great he thought it was, and you looked at me and smiled. My heart just stopped. And I knew, right then, that you had stolen my heart, and that I'd never get it back. I was totally, completely in love with my best friend in the world, and I hadn't even seen it coming. Then when I heard you tell Phoebe that you were in love with me - and not denying it like you did on Thanksgiving - the whole world just stopped. That was the greatest moment of my life."
"And of mine." He kissed her tenderly. "I still love you more than life, Mon."
"As do I. Satisfactory answer to your question?"
"Better than satisfactory."
They were silent for a while, gazing into each other's eyes and gently running their fingers over each other's face. When Chandler spoke again, it was with a low, hesitant voice.
"Mon…If something happens in there…" She started to speak, but he quieted her with a gentle finger on her lips. "If something happens, I want you to know that I have loved you with every beat of my heart. You mean the world to me, darling. And I will go on loving you, forever. My life became complete when you gave me your heart, and you have made me happy…so very happy…every day that I have been with you. I love Matthew. And I love this baby. I've had everything I ever wanted, Mon, and it's all been a gift from you. You-" His voice cracked, and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, the tears were gone. "I love you Monica Geller Bing."
Monica was sobbing. Chandler wrapped his arms around her tightly, and gently kissed away her tears. When she was quiet, he put a finger under her chin, lifting her face and making her look at him.
"I love you. That's all that matters in the end, Mon. How much I love you. And I have every intention of coming back to you. I just need you to know."
Monica nodded slowly, looking down for a moment to regain her composure. When she looked up again, Chandler leaned in slowly, and kissed her tenderly. Both got caught up as the kiss deepened. It had been weeks since they had been so passionate. Monica could feel his hands tangle in her hair, pulling her closer. She tightened her arms around him in response. After a long moment, Monica pulled back suddenly, and stared at Chandler for a moment before starting to laugh.
"Sweetie, as much as I would love to do some more of that…keep in mind, we're in a hospital. And doctors will be coming in and out checking on you any minute."
Chandler grinned sheepishly and nodded. "You're right. Sorry I got carried away…I just can't help myself sometimes." He gazed at her adoringly, then carefully wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her on the forehead.
"Trust me, sweetie, you were not the only one that got carried away." Monica took his hand, and lifted it to her lips as she twined her fingers through his. "I love you Chandler. I love you so much it physically hurts sometimes… But it's the best feeling in the world."
They were interrupted by a short knock on the door, then Dr. Gillespie's cheery "good morning". Knowing it was time, Monica reluctantly hopped out of the bed, and leaned over to whisper to her husband.
"Sweetie, I'll be in the waiting room the whole time. I'll be right here when you wake up. And don't worry, baby. Everything will be fine. It has to be." She kissed him tenderly, and felt him respond. "I love you."
"I love you." Chandler's voice was barely audible. Monica tried to smile, wanting to relieve his nervousness, but didn't quite succeed. She felt Dr. Gillespie's eyes, and knew he was anxious to get started.
"I've got to go, baby. The sooner you get started, the sooner I can come back."
Chandler nodded, unable to speak because of the tears that were choking him. Monica kissed him one more time, let her hand brush his cheek gently, then slowly walked away from the bed. "I'll see you in a few hours, sweetie. I love you."
Chandler nodded and managed a soft "Love you too" as she left the room. Outside, Monica leaned against the wall, trying to gain control of herself. She didn't want to be emotional when their friends arrived. She knew it would only frighten them. Besides, she had all day to get nervous and upset.

"Mon? Monica?" Rachel's voice finally cut through the haze that seemed to surround her, and Monica looked up at her sister-in-law, wondering how long she had been saying her name.
"Rach. Sorry, I was…" She let the thought drift off without finishing it. "What is it?"
Rachel looked at her, worried. Monica had been completely out of it all day. Rachel knew she was worried, but she had barely said a word. She hadn't eaten with the others, and hadn't had so much as a cup of coffee since Chandler was taken into surgery six hours ago.
"Sweetie, Ross is going to take Matthew to the cafeteria, get him away from here for a little while. Do you want anything to eat? I know you don't feel like it, but the baby…"
Monica snapped back to reality, realizing that Rachel was right. The baby needed food, even if it was the last thing Monica wanted to think about.
"Ohh…You're right, Rach. Do you mind bringing me something? I don't want to leave, in case Dr. Gillespie comes out again."
"Of course not. What do you want?"
"Oh, just bring whatever looks good. I don't think I'll notice what I'm eating anyway."
"Okay. I'll be right back, okay Mon?"
Monica nodded, thankful that Joey and Phoebe seemed to be staying in the waiting room with her. Phoebe was sleeping, her head against Joey's shoulder, but Joey was wide awake. He'd given up the pretense of reading ages ago, and just stared straight ahead, as lost in his own thoughts as Monica had been.
Monica sighed and shifted slightly in her chair. She hoped the surgery would be over soon. Dr. Gillespie had come out, a little more than an hour ago, to tell her that everything was going well, and seemed to be on schedule. Monica desperately wanted him to come and reassure her again, but he hadn't come yet. She slumped back down in her chair, and hoped Rachel would hurry. She was glad they were taking care of Matthew. Monica had been too preoccupied to think about things like entertaining Matthew. She was glad Ross had decided to get him out of the waiting room for awhile. He had been sitting there, usually in Monica's lap, for the last hour or so, since Monica's parents had brought him by the hospital. She knew he had to be bored, even if he was worried about Chandler. After all, Matthew was only two, and could not grasp the situation, or why he had to sit still in one place for such a long time. Monica knew she should have left him with her parents, but she had wanted Matthew nearby when Chandler woke up.
Rachel returned, bringing with her a sandwich, some fruit, and orange juice. Monica ate hurriedly, realizing that she hadn't even had breakfast. It was now mid-afternoon. She had to take care of herself for the baby's sake. Rachel watched her eat, nodding approvingly. Monica was just sipping the last of her juice when they both saw Dr. Gillespie walking down the hall. Monica jumped to her feet, wringing her hands as she saw the serious look on his face. But he smiled, easing some of her tension, and nodded to everyone in the waiting room.
"You'll all be happy to hear that the surgery is over. Chandler seems to be just fine. His pulse is strong, and his breathing is steady. The tumor was removed successfully, and we think about five more days of chemo will be all he needs to wipe out all traces of it. However," Monica's breath caught at the single word. "However, there was a slight complication. The tumor was attached to a blood vessel, creating pressure. When the pressure was released, there was a little bleeding. Nothing serious, but we're going to watch Chandler carefully while he's here with us, and make sure there are no side effects from this. Meanwhile, Dr. Callis is closing. Chandler should be in recovery in about fifteen minutes. Monica, if you want to follow me, I'll show you the room he'll be taken to, and you can wait for him there."
Monica nodded, and turned to her relieved friends, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Thanks, you guys, for being here. I'll let you know when you can see him."
They nodded, hugged her quickly, and called out greetings to Chandler as she turned to follow Dr. Gillespie down the hallway.

Monica squeezed his hand and looked at her watch for the thousandth time. She wished he would wake up. She couldn't wait to talk to her husband, and assure him that the doctors said everything had gone fine. She had been sitting in the recovery room with Chandler for almost two hours. She longed for him to open his eyes so she could look into them and tell him how much she loved him.
She closed her eyes and rested her head against his arm, trying to get control of her nerves. She would feel better if he would just wake up. She could feel tears pricking the back of her eyelids, and closed her eyes more tightly, trying to keep them from falling. Then a gentle squeeze on her hand made her eyes pop open, and she saw that Chandler's eyes were open as well.
"Monica?"
"Chandler! Oh, thank goodness you're awake." She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, then smiled into his eyes. "How do you feel, sweetheart?"
Chandler looked a little bit puzzled, but tried to answer her question. "I feel, um…Kind of groggy. Where am I? What happened?"
"What do you mean what happened? You just had your brain tumor removed. The anesthesia is just wearing off."
"I had…I had a brain tumor?" His voice was dubious. Monica looked at him, confused, wondering how he could forget that. It must have been the trauma. Surely he was just blocking it out.
"Yes, sweetie. You had a brain tumor. But now it's gone. The doctors say you need five more days of chemo, then you can come home. Matthew can't wait."
"Matthew…Who…Who's Matthew?"