Chapter 5: Norway

A hooded figure walked briskly through a darkened hallway, lined with ornate portraits and statues, each one displaying a variation of the symbol that made them who they are: the all-seeing eye within the triangle, the symbol of the Enlightened Ones, the Illuminati, in reverence to the one who gave them their purpose: Bill Cipher.

Of course, Bill Cipher wasn't his true name. He went by many names throughout the millennia. However, it was the name that he was most well-known by throughout the multiverse, and it was a name that struck terror into those who knew it, so it was a name that he kept. To the Illuminati, he was the God of Light and Wisdom, and it was prophesied that he would destroy this world of rules and restrictions and reshape it into a utopia where the possibilities were endless.

The hooded figure reached the doors at the end of the hallway. He knocked three times, and the doors opened. Inside was a small antechamber, leading to a large room with an ornate shrine, symbolizing the triangular all-seeing eye on a large platform, surrounded by candles, encircled by the Zodiac depicted from eons ago. A sole figure sat at the base of the shrine, their features shrouded by a hood of their own. Their robes were different, more ornate and lined with white fur. A large triangular pendant dangled from their neck. The acolyte who had just entered the room and approached the meditating monk, kneeling before them.

"Master," said the acolyte.

"Why have you disturbed me?" Asked the Master in a low, deep voice.

"Wendy Corduroy has escaped our capture," said the acolyte.

"How?" Said the Master.

"The Pines boy," said the acolyte, handing him the blue pinetree hat. "He infiltrated our base and killed our operatives. They have disappeared."

The master paused, pondering the hat and words of his acolyte. "The boy is more resourceful than I thought," He said finally. "It matters not. They will not escape our watch forever, and we will not underestimate them again. What news do you bring me of the search?"

"We have located three of the artifacts," said the acolyte. "One of them is in Germany, the other in Africa, and the last one in Norway. We have dispatched operatives to each location."

"Good," said the Master. "The eclipse will commence in three months. The ritual must commence if we are to achieve our goal. Do not fail me."

"Yes, Master," the acolyte bowed and left the chamber without another word.

Wendy tossed and turned in her bed aboard the Stan 'O War. Despite the fact that she was essentially living in a mansion, it was still a mansion on the water, which meant it continuously rocked back and forth with the motion of the waves. Wendy had lived in a land-locked town her entire life, and rarely ever set foot on a marine vehicle of any kind, so she found the sensation slightly nauseating. However, she had a strong stomach, and her survival instincts (instilled in her at a young age by her father) allowed her to acclimate to the new sensation quickly, but she still found it unsettling.

But what mostly bothered her was how radically her life had just changed. She was living with her once-thought-deceased cyborg best friend and his two weird uncles on a boat sailing through European waters after passing through a strange dimensional door. For many, this situation would be overwhelming and frightening. But for Wendy, a supernatural investigator and Weirdmageddon survivor, it was just another week. No, what she was struggling with the most was her feelings about Dipper.

She wanted to be mad at him. She tried to be mad at him. After all, he was alive this whole time and never tried to make contact. But now she knew why, and when they explained to her their reasoning, coupled with the fact that knowledge of his survival nearly got her killed, she knew in her heart that he was only doing what he needed to ensure her survival.

She was stirred from her thoughts as she heard a knock at her door. She got up and answered the door. Dipper was on the other end, completely dressed. He wore a black sweatshirt, gray cargo pants, thick black boots, and a black trenchcoat. He had a black bag slung over his back and his long hair drooped down his face, obscuring his birthmark on his forehead.

"Good morning," said Dipper. "I just wanted to let you know we were going into port today. Did you want to come along? We can get you some more clothes as well, some that actually fit you."

Wendy looked down. She was still wearing Dipper's t-shirt and sweats. They were a little big on her, and her other pair of clothes was torn from her time when she was interrogated. "Sure," she said. "Let me get dressed."

"I'll meet you on deck," said Dipper. Wendy closed the door and got dressed in her torn clothes. Afterwards, she left her room and ascended the stairs to the top deck of the Stan O' War. She saw Ford and Stan were already up, conversing with Dipper over a cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Wendy!" Said Stan. "Pull up a chair, grab some coffee."

Wendy acknowledged the Stan brothers before complying. "We're currently heading into Nusfjord, a local fishing village," Said Ford. "Were discussing the plan for today with Mason once we reached port," Ford explained.

"Mason?" Asked Wendy, looking at Dipper in confusion.

"Oh, right, she doesn't know," said Dipper. "We have to use codenames when we're off the Stan O' War."

"Why?" Asked Wendy.

"It's how the Illuminati has been tracking us," Ford explained. "It's a very old taboo spell, but the enchanter is able to cast it on a particular word to alert them whenever the word is spoken by certain individuals. They have enchanted my name, Stanford, as well as Stanley's, and Mason's most well-known name, Dipper."

"That's why they wanted you to say my name when they captured you," said Dipper. "We were able to cast the same spell with the help of the Hand Witch back in Gravity Falls, so we were able to keep watch the same way the Illuminati were." He pulled out a small round orb, placing it on the desk. "This is a seer orb," Dipper explained. "It allows us to check in on our family and friends, and anyone who uses our names. They wanted you to call for help so they could lure me into a trap, but I was already keeping tabs on you and was able to be one step ahead of them."

Wendy nodded. She had seen a lot of crazy things over the past few years, so this wasn't too far-fetched to believe. "So your codename is your actual name, Mason," said Wendy, recapping what she was told. "What is your name?" She asked, turning to Ford.

"Sixer," said Ford. "My childhood nickname."

"Got it," said Wendy, turning to Stan. "And what about you?"

"Grunklicious Mortekai," said Stan. Ford slapped him on the back of the head while Stan chuckled to himself.

"It's Eight-Ball," Ford corrected.

"Okay," said Wendy. "But what if they use those names?"

"The spell only works with one word per person," said Ford. "So we should be safe using these codenames."

"Why doesn't it matter if we use your names on the Stan O' War?" Asked Wendy.

"During her construction, I lined the hull of the ship with unicorn hair," Ford explained. "It's impervious to magic, so we are safe here."

"What about me?" Asked Wendy. "Do you think they put a taboo spell on my name?"

"We have to consider the possibility," Said Dipper. "What codename would you like?"

Wendy pondered for a moment. "'Red' is fine," she said.

"Okay, Red," Said Dipper. "We're approaching port now, let's get ready."

Stan piloted the trawler gracefully into the port. Ford conversed with the shipyard owner in what she assumed was Norwegian, and paid him some money. Once the ship was docked, the four adventurers began their trek into the village market. The air was cold and frigid, and Wendy began to shiver. Dipper quickly took off his coat and gave it to her, which she accepted gratefully. Stan and Ford then split off from the group to go purchase supplies, while Dipper and Wendy went to purchase more clothes for the latter.

The shop they entered was a small clothier. They were greeted by a round middle-aged woman, who Dipper conversed with in Norwegian. The owner pointed them towards the women's section of the store before they made their way over. "I didn't know you could speak Norwegian," said Wendy.

"I'm not fully fluent," said Dipper. "But I'm conversational in about ten languages."

"Brainiac," said Wendy, punching his arm. Wendy was a simple girl, so it didn't take long for her to decide on a wardrobe, opting for simple flannel shirts, a sherpa trench coat, several pairs of jeans, heavy boots, and a new winter hat, which she stared at sadly as she remembered Dipper's old hat. She lost it when she was kidnapped back in Gravity Falls, and didn't have enough time to retrieve it.

Dipper paid for the clothes and the two exited the shop, catching up with Ford and Stan. "Okay, we have all the supplies," said Ford, greeting them. "It's time to get started."

"Get started on what?" Asked Wendy.

"The reason we came here," said Dipper. " He took out a small, pyramid-like object and started twisting it like a small squares on the object began to glow with strange symbols, with Dipper pressing a few of them in sequence. Finally, the top of the device opened up to reveal a hologram of some sort of mathematical plane that Wendy couldn't decipher.

"What the heck is that?" Asked Wendy.

"A piece of Alien tech we found during the Area 51 raid," Said Dipper.

"Wait, you went to the raid?" Said Wendy. "I thought that was all just a stunt."

"It was," Said Dipper. "But while the meme-ers were busy distracting the military with their 'Naruto-runs,' Eight-Ball, Sixer and I took the opportunity to port in and help ourselves to some of their unguarded tech. For scientific purposes only, of course." He added quickly.

"So they really do have alien technology there?" Said Wendy.

"Oh, yeah," Said Dipper. "And then some."

"What does this thing do?" She asked, pointing to the pyramid device.

"Think of it as a four-demensional compass," replied Dipper, writing down the calculations. "While a regular compass points towards magnetic North, this compass can be calibrated to point the user to a specific place in space-time."

"Okay," said Wendy. "So what is it pointing to?"

"We've calibrated it to point to an artifact that we have reason to believe is here in Norway," said Ford. "You see, thousands of years ago, a group of seihdr shamans, practitioners of Old Norse Magics, were contacted by an entity that matches the description of Bill Cipher. It was believed that they discovered a way to tap into chaos energy through a combination of sorcery and early science."

"What's chaos energy?" Asked Wendy.

"The chaos energy is a form of matter that comes from the Nightmare Realm," Ford explained. "This is the realm we saw when Bill opened the portal. I spent. . . a long time in the multiverse," Ford added with a shiver. "And the Nightmare Realm is essentially the chaotic void between dimensions. It operates outside the laws of physics causing matter to break down, and the elements of that matter become disorganized, resulting in chaos energy. Because the Nightmare Realm surrounds our dimension, whenever a door to another dimension opens, a little bit of chaos energy bleeds into our dimension."

"Due to its magnetism for all things strange and weird, Gravity Falls is a hotbed for chaos energy," said Dipper. "However, there are certain places in the world, such as here in Norway, where there are pockets of chaos energy. We were able to learn from the Vatican Archives that a 'Dream Demon' had made contact with these shamans."

"You went to the Vatican Archives?" Said Wendy. "How'd you convince the Vatican to let you in?"

"We, uh, didn't," said Dipper, scratching his head awkwardly. "We sort of . . . broke into the archives."

"You broke into the archives?" Asked Wendy, shocked.

"Well, Sixer and I did," Said Dipper. "Eight-Ball was banned from ever going back there after he punched the Pope. Long story." Dipper added in response to Wendy's confused look.

"The Pope cheats at poker," said Stan bitterly.

"Just because he can play better than you doesn't mean he cheated," said Ford, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, first, you owe me an explanation someday," said Wendy to Stan. "Secondly, what exactly are we looking for?"

"We're getting to that," said Dipper. "To continue, we learned from the Archives that Bill was able to convince these magic practitioners to open a portal into this realm. They did so through the use of a seidhrstafr, which is a shamanistic staff of power." Dipper pulled out a scroll from his satchel, showing it to Wendy. It was an image of a long staff with three parts identified: a long shaft of birch wood, connected to a handle made of pure iron, adorned with a strange orb.

"This seidhrstafr is used in a ritual to use chaos energy to open an interdimensional portal," said Dipper. "But before the ritual could be complete, the chief shaman discovered Bill's true purpose, and the staff was broken into three pieces, and given to three of the most trusted seidhr shamans to guard. The pieces were passed down from generation to generation, and eventually lost to time."

"Why not just destroy it?" Asked Wendy.

"The same reason I didn't dare destroy my journals," said Ford. "Because they believed, should Bill somehow enter our world another way, it would be the only tool they had to stand against him."

"So you think you found one of the pieces here?" Asked Wendy. "Which one?"

"We don't know," said Dipper. "We just know that the Illuminati are after it as well, and we need to find it before they do."

"OK, then," Said Wendy. "Where do we start?"

Wendy, Dipper, Ford and Stan were all hiking up a large hill in the mountains, several hours outside the fishing village, near the Stjerntinden mountain. Wendy was an outdoorsy kind of girl, but she wasn't used to climbing mountains. Still, she reveled in the challenge. Dipper would regularly check the compass device he carried to make sure they were going the right way.

"What exactly are we looking for?" Asked Wendy.

"We believe that the shamans used a cave somewhere around here to serve as some kind of temple," said Ford. "We've calibrated the compass to triangulate chaos energy in the area. Because the artifact serves as an instrument to channel chaos energy, it should have the highest signature in the area."

"I think I found it!" Said Dipper excitedly. "This way!"

They hurriedly followed Dipper towards a large chasm. They paused at the edge of the chasm, and Dipper continued to look at the compass, referencing a few things in his journal. "I think the temple is at the bottom of this chasm," he said. "Looks like we need to climb down."

"Climb down?!" Said Stan. "Aw, have you no mercy on the elderly, kid?"

"Come on, Grunkle Stan, it'll be fun!" Said Dipper.

"That's what you said in Budapest," Stan grumbled. "And we ran into those six-foot-tall vampire bats?"

"But we lived, didn't we?" Said Dipper, smiling.

"After six rabies shots and five anti-vampire boosters," said Stan.

"Well, if we run into any down here, you're fully immunized," said Ford, unpacking the repelling equipment. "Let's go!"

Stan grumbled as he helped secure the repelling lines. Once secure, the four of them began their descent down the chasm. They wore light-mounted helmets to help them see in the dark as they descended further. Wendy felt a chill down her spine as they got further down, finally coming to a stop as they hit solid ground.

"Now I see why no one ever found the temple," said Wendy. "How on Earth did the shamans ever get down here?"

"Unknown," said Dipper. "It's been thousands of years. Perhaps there was a carved stairwell that was destroyed by tectonic shifting, or an alternate entrance lost to time." He lifted the compass, which began to spin and emit a strange sound. "There it is!"

The four of them turned to see a large shrine that seemed to be carved into the wall, showing a group of people kneeling before a triangle with an eye in the center. The image gave Wendy the creeps. "How do we get in?" She asked.

Dipper walked towards the shrine, placing his hand upon it and moving it slowly across the surface. After a few seconds, he stopped, and pushed hard into the wall. A small section of the wall moved backwards as he pushed it, and part of the wall swung open like a doorway.

"Just like in the scroll," said Dipper, notating his journal before replacing it into his satchel. He carefully stepped into the darkened doorway, with Ford following behind him. Wendy and Stan simply looked at each other.

"Ladies first," he said, gesturing to her.

"Age before beauty," Wendy shot back.

"Let's go, you two!" Shouted Ford from the doorway. Wendy rolled her eyes and walked in after them.

The doorway led into a dark tunnel. It continued for a few minutes before it led into an antechamber, then diverged into several different directions. "Well, this is a wrinkle," said Ford, writing in his own journal. "The records don't indicate where to go."

"I'm not getting a precise lock from the compass," said Dipper. "The closer we get the more interference I get from the chaos energy."

"Looks like we'll have to just pick one," said Stan.

"We need to be careful," said Ford. "The shamans protected this place with traps and magic. We shouldn't go alone."

"Red and I will take this one," said Dipper, pointing to the entryway to their right.

"We'll take this one, then," Said Ford, indicating one to his left. He pulled out a walkie-talkie from his belt. "Set your frequency to channel 6, and check in every ten minutes."

"Will do," said Dipper, turning to Wendy. "Ready for an adventure?"

"Always," said Wendy.

Dipper nodded and began cautiously walking down the hallway with Wendy in tow. She looked around her as they progressed, and she could see several murals depicting humans interacting with the cyclops triangle, and assumed that it represented the shamans and Bill.

"What do you think made the shamans aware of Bill's deception?" Asked Wendy.

"According to legend, the chief shaman was warned by some sort of deity," said Dipper. "The details are a little fuzzy, only that it appeared to him as a giant salamander."

"Salamander?"

"According to myth some Norse Gods, such as Odin, Loki and Freya, were able to take on different forms," Dipper said. "However, based on the description of the deity, I believe that he actually saw the Axolotl."

"The what?" Asked Wendy.

"The Axolotl," Dipper said again. "It's a–" He paused, holding his hand out to stop Wendy from progressing, a tense look on his face. "Did you hear that?" He asked sharply.

Wendy listened intently, but couldn't hear anything. "Hear what?" She said.

Dipper didn't reply. They continued cautiously down the hallway before coming to a large chamber. Dipper scanned the walls and saw that there were torches adorning them. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a lighter, and one by one set the torches ablaze, lighting the room.

They appeared to be in some kind of graveyard. There were small obelisks jutting out from the floor, which upon further inspection appeared to be gravestones. They were formed into an oval-like pattern with each other.

"This is a viking cemetery," Dipper whispered in awe. "In a shamanistic temple. This is amazing!" He took out his journal and started writing in it again.

"Why are they shaped like that?" Asked Wendy.

"It's called a 'stone ship,'" said Dipper. "When a viking was laid to rest, it was tradition to place their remains in a gravesite that took the shape of a ship, in honor of their maritime heritage."

"It's giving me the creeps," said Wendy. "Let's –"

She was cut off as she heard a loud, guttural sound, like a large, heavy stone being dragged across the floor. Dipper immediately drew one of his laser guns from his coat and tossed one to Wendy, who raised it in defense.

"What was that?" Asked Wendy.

"We're not alone," said Dipper.

"Leave. . ."

Wendy looked around as she heard a deep, craggly voice sound from all around her. An unknown wind began to pick up, blowing the torches out. Wendy looked in horror as she saw the gravestones begin to glow an unearthly blue hue, and several figures began to rise from the stones, forming into skeletal viking figures.

"Ghosts," said Dipper. "We mean you no disrespect!" He said to the ghosts before him. "We only wish to pass through here."

"None. . . may . . . pass . . ." said one of the ghosts, lifting a glowing broadaxe. "Leave. . . or. . . die. . ."

Dipper didn't move. "I can't do that," he said.

"Your. . . fate. . . is . . . sealed," the ghosts let out a horrifying screech as it flew towards them. Dipper and Wendy rolled out of the way of the broadaxe as it swung past their heads. Wendy leveled her blaster, but she knew that it would be useless against a ghost. She glanced over at Dipper, who reached into his satchel and quickly produced a cylindrical canister. Upon opening it, he dumped the contents onto the floor, making a white circle.

"Red, quick! Jump into the circle!" He said as he did so himself.

Wendy complied. "What's this?"

"Rocksalt," said Dipper, winking. "They can't pass the circle. Ghostbusting 101."

"Okay, but what do we do now?" Asked Wendy.

"Working on it," Said Dipper, searching through his satchel.

"Well, you could always do that dance again," said Wendy.

"Somehow I don't think the Lamby Lamby Dance is going to help us this time," said Dipper, searching through his satchel. "Bingo!" He exclaimed, producing an object that looked to Wendy to be a small, metal marble. He tossed onto the ground outside the circle of rocksalt. It began to make a continuous, high-pitched sound that seemed to attract the ghosts to it.

"Shield your eyes, Red!" Shouted Dipper, pulling her close and concealing her inside his coat. There was a loud explosion, followed by sounds of the ghosts shrieking in unison. And then, silence.

Dipper released Wendy, who looked around to see the ghosts were gone. Dipper walked over to the device. It was emitting small puffs of smoke, with a little red light on it flashing. Dipper picked it up, examining it.

"And the tank is full," said Dipper triumphantly, placing the orb back into his satchel. He then took out his journal and began to write in it. "Twelve category 10 ghosts at once. That's a new record. Sixer's gonna be so jealous."

"What the heck happened?" Said Wendy. "What was that?"

"That was a ghost trap," said Dipper. "Patent pending. Usually, ghosts are difficult to get rid of, especially if they have a higher danger level. Sixer and I came up with a way to capture the ghosts until they could be transported to a safe location and exorcized. I got the idea after the incident at the Northwest mansion."

"Handy," said Wendy. "Now let's get the hell out of here."

"Agreed," said Dipper, putting his journal away and producing his walkie-talkie. "Sixer, come in!" He was silent as only static was produced on the other side. "Sixer, Eight-Ball, come in!" He shouted again. More static.

"We need to catch up with them," said Dipper. "Now."