The evening was cold. A maelstrom of rain finally burst through the clouds, rattled by gale-force winds and a rumbling sky that seemed desperate to make itself not only known, but feared. There was barely a spot of summer sunlight behind the clouds, and at nighttime, barely a spot of light from the moon.
The town was pitch black, lit by haunting, flickering halogen bulbs that made it seem ethereal and ghostly. Every building, every bar, every public property still seemed closed off, shuttered and empty. Only the Town Hall was lit, and it was in a state of disarray.
"You can't be serious." Tyler spat. "Go get better readings! Get 'em! Get 'em!"
"It's what I'm tellin' ya, mister mayor." Blubs shrugged. "Local weather station says the entire valley's going whack-job. Wind ain't goin' the right direction, ain't the right temperature, rain comin' when the resta th'state is dry as a bone-"
"He said it wus like the whole valley is stuck in its own goshdurned weather system!" Edwin added. "Like we're in a big fish bowl!"
"How can things be so damned strange when the Pines don't even have their crazy underground portal doo-dad?!"
"Guess we just don't know." The sheriff sighed, scratching the back of his head.
"Should we be never mindin' all this?" Durland asked.
"We should be entirely minding all of this!" Tyler snapped - which, thanks to his dainty little voice, sounded far less intimidating than he was perhaps hoping for. "This looks like a hurricane to me, not some kinda tiny isolated storm!"
As if by command, Toby Determined smashed through the window, apparently having been caught by a particularly powerful gust of wind. The little man flew against one of the many bookcases with a painful-sounding thump. "OoOOooh nooo! This is my fourth unwanted entrance this weeeeek!"
"You're unwanted everywhere, Toby. You freak'a nature."
"I just want to be social." The homely journalist sighed, walking out of the room.
"If I find out the Pines are behind this, boys, I swear-"
"Now, see here, Tyler, I don't really know if we can claim they're responsible for everything. Sure, they escaped during that gas leak, that I admit, but they ain't some malevolent force of nature."
"I didn't ask for your opinion, you handsome, handsome man! You get your fine tuckus out of that door and find out what's going on!"
"Mister Mayor, you need to dang-well calm down. My fine tuckus ain't goin' nowhere until you've taken some deep breaths and calmed down yourself. You should be practising your wellness exercises."
"Y-you're right. You're right. I just- boys, I can't let another Weirdmageddon happen. I can't let the town suffer because of the actions of a few. I just can't. These people rely on us!" Tyler sighed and buried his head in his hands. "I really didn't expect this stuff to be so danged difficult."
The Sheriff and Deputy were quietly concerned. It was pretty obvious that, if nothing else, Tyler Cutebiker took this stuff very, very personally. They hadn't seen Befufftlefumpter for over a decade until his death. Now, their current mayor was having a breakdown over a freak storm and a load of old books.
They were beginning to reconsider their decision to hand all of this stuff in. The Pines may have done wrong - there was no denying that - but right now, even with their well-natured anger about the Pines' tomfoolery, the whole greater good thing was beginning to feel rather wonky.
The very principle of the Never Mind All That act was keeping things quiet in order to make things easier for the townsfolk. To keep quiet and avoid drama, upset, panic, worry...perhaps it was better if the mayor had remained mindwiped.
Wait. No, no, that was a bad thought process. Also surprisingly verbose for the two cops.
"Now, Mister Mayor. Why don't you come out with us for a nice frosty-mocha-double-chocca-ccino and take your mind offa all this?"
"I - I suppose you're right." Tyler huffed. "I- I'll come with you boys. Sure can't do much else."
"That's danged right. C'mon, we'll get to the diner, take the cruiser... It'll be fun."
Back at the Diner, the townsfolk suddenly froze around their audio equipment.
"Oh man. They're sure gonna get a surprise when they arrive at the diner, right fellas?" The group looked at Soos with eyebrows raised. "Oh. Oh right. Yeah, we'd probably better clean this place up."
"This is terrrrible!" Susan gasped. "The mayor always gets a 20% discount!"
"WE CAN LISTEN IN ALL SNEAKY LIKE!" Dan roared, thumping the table and accidentally sending a ketchup bottle into orbit. "I AM THE MASTER OF STEALTH!"
Kevin quickly combed his hair and cleared his throat. "Alright, we just gotta act natural."
"How natural, dude? My natural is taking my shirt off at home eating burrito bites."
"Not that natural, Soos. Like - like 60% natural."
"Gotcha. Shirt stays on."
The group frantically began clearing up their notes, pinboards and overly-ample amounts of red string. Lights were switched on, grills started, coffee filters changed - and, just as the police cruiser made its way into the little gravel carpark, the diner was almost back into its ordinary state.
However, there was no hiding the upset in the townsfolk. It was fair to say that Tyler, Blubs and Durland had entered into an atmosphere of unusual, thinly-veiled hostility.
"Howdy, Susan, you blue-haired-vixen of coffee-country." Blubs beamed, leaning on the counter.
"Hi." Susan replied. No drawl. No sing-song. No emotion save that gentle slather of bitterness.
"Sheeesh, is it cold in me or is it just here?!" Durland laughed. Nobody bothered to correct him.
"Now look, Suse, I can tell you ain't too happy 'bout your adopted daughter bein' locked in th'slammer, but in my defence, we let her go back to her real fa-" Blubs trailed off as Susan picked up her spatula. Her fist had it in a bit of a death grip.
"Do you want anything?" She said, firmly.
"Three frosty-mocha-double-chocca-c- actually, better make them triple chocca. We got one upset mayor."
"Three frosty-mocha-triple-chocca-ccinos. For one awful, upset mayor and a pair of awful cops." Susan retorted.
"Now see here, we did what the law tells us to!" Blubs protested.
"Well the court of the townspeople say no dice!" Kevin said, sitting at the counter. "We love the Pines!"
"You're just some lovesick little boy."
"WE ALL LOVE THE PINES!" Dan yelled from beside his son.
"...Y-your opinion is being respectfully noted."
Tyler cringed and held his head in his hands. This was giving no improvement to his mood. Truth be told, it was only making him feel more conflicted and panicked. The people used to love him. And now he was being shunned for throwing the town's most crooked family in the slammer?
They wiped his mind! His mind! They let a triangle turn everybody into a chair! Sure, they also beat him, but it - it was the principle! Or the technicality! Or something…
And they'd blown up a high street after upsetting a- a- a- giant bug!
He didn't do anything wrong! He just wanted to make sure they were given the punishment they deserved for everything! It was for Gravity Falls' protection. I mean, who else would ever rip a hole in the space-time-continuum?!
The little man in the jean shorts sighed and sipped at his drink. He wouldn't back down. That wouldn't be right. But it was clear that the citizen's court had already spoken, and done so very passionately. Through very impassionately making his coffee.