Chapter Five: Sand of Starfall
A/N: Ah shit here we go again with the updates. As previously stated, I am going to be doing some content through the time skips that take place in the show, however the earlier chapters will still be relatively fast-paced because as I intend to cover show events, I don't wanna take 20 chapters to go through the stuff that happens in the first 5 episodes. So here we are.
Perhaps, in her spirited childhood, the journey between King's Landing and Starfall had not seemed so great because Demelza had been so excited. As it was, the trip took almost two months due to the mountainous terrain they faced. Despite Valko's persistence, Demelza still refused to name her child's father, even as her stomach started to swell with the babe she carried.
Otto's threat to Criston lingered in the back of Demelza's mind, as did her desire to enact vengeance upon him, the smug man who had sent her from court simply because he did not agree with her condition. She celebrated her sixteenth name-day out at an inn near Nightsong, surrounded by her retinue and the scent of roast meat that had become less overwhelming once she passed her first trimester.
When they reached Starfall, the sight of her childhood home and the glittering expanse of the Summer Sea was almost enough to make Demelza collapse in relief. Situated on an island in the Torentine river, the castle was considered to have some of the most breathtaking views in all of Dorne. Demelza craned her neck back to examine the ivory turrets, the lavender banner of her house fluttering proudly in the afternoon breeze.
As they entered the front courtyard, the lavender and violets having grown considerably since Demelza had left, she was confronted by faces she had, with a guilty conscience, less recollection of than she would like.
"Sister, you are home!" The young man who moved toward Demelza was grinning from ear-to-ear. He was dressed in silk and velvet, the scent of his perfume clogging her nostrils as he embraced her. As he was perhaps twenty years old, she surmised this must be her youngest brother Lindon, little more than a child himself when she had left Starfall.
"Lindon." Demelza wanted nothing more than to melt into his embrace, but she was surrounded by a family she had not seen in half her lifetime. Shock flared in Lindon's dark eyes as he stepped back and examined the rounded bump of her stomach, a pregnancy now about five months gone.
"You…you are with child." His gaze flicked to Valko, becoming accusatory. "You did not mention this in your letter when you said you were bringing her home."
"Lindon." A cool female voice, one that Demelza was more accustomed to, rang through the courtyard. Corrina Penrose strode into the courtyard, hands clasped. "He told me. That is why I came."
Demelza rested her hands on her stomach, lapsing into uncomfortable silence. Before either of her siblings could speak, a tall man with flowing long dark hair strode in. He had a stern expression that relaxed once he saw Demelza, and she recognised the greatsword strapped to his back all too well.
Dawn. He was the Sword of the Morning.
Calix was ten years older than Demelza and like Corrina, had been an adult when she had left for King's Landing. His face, at least, had not changed all too much. He crossed the space between them in silence and pulled her into an embrace.
"It's good to have you home, Demelza."
"She's pregnant," Lindon piped up.
Calix drew back to arch an eyebrow. "I'm not blind."
"You're Sword of the Morning." Demelza gestured to the greatsword, unable to hide the fact that she was impressed. The four of them, along with their late middle brother, had grown up listening to tales of the Sword of the Morning and how it was a respected title for members of House Dayne. It had always been Calix's dream, so Demelza was pleased that he had achieved it.
"Yes, he carries that sword everywhere." Lindon grinned. "Just in case you might accidentally forget his position."
"I think we have other matters to discuss." Corrina's voice was soft but firm, her gaze resting pointedly on Demelza's stomach. She could not even begin to fathom how much of a disappointment she must be to their oldest sibling. Corrina had worked tirelessly to try and secure Demelza a husband, only for Demelza to become pregnant out of wedlock and get herself banished from court.
"I swore an oath not to name the father." Demelza planted her hands on her hips, ignoring Valko's exasperated sigh. "Just know that it was a young man I entered a relationship with happily, though his position does not make it easy for him to acknowledge the child."
"So he left you to raise the child by yourself at sixteen?" Calix's contempt was undisguised, his stern expression growing annoyed.
"But she's not alone." Lindon rested a hand on his brother's shoulder. "She has us, and our parents as well."
"Where are our parents?" Demelza asked, anxiety coursing through her at the thought of seeing them once again. Though the customs of Dorne were far different than those of Westeros, she sincerely doubted they had expected her to bear a child so soon.
"Mother is making sure your old room is turned down. Father is in the hall." Corrina offered her arm, and Demelza took it, trying to ignore how her fingers were trembling. "Come. We can greet them and you can rest."
The hall was as grand as Demelza remembered, lit with stained glass windows that cast a variety of colours across the floor and walls. Seated upon the old wooden chair that had passed down through history from the Dayne Kings was her father, Lord Darius Dayne. Though nearing sixty, he was still as formidable as she remembered, his build comparable to Calix's. His hair was more grey than black now, though few lines were etched across his face.
"My daughter, you have returned home to us." Darius was not a warm man, though there was affection in his tone as he rose to examine his youngest child. "Though I note you come bearing the babe of a Westerosi man."
"It was my choice to keep the child." Demelza was determined that Valko would take none of the blame for her own sins. "Valko and the few others who knew suggested I get rid of it, but I did not want to. I do not need a man by my side to be a mother."
"Demelza." Allydia Dayne was shorter than all of her children, yet she possessed a regal air that Demelza could only hope to one day inherit. She approached her younger daughter and pulled her into a tight embrace, before drawing back to rest a hand on the swell of her stomach. "Has the babe started kicking yet?"
"No, not yet," Demelza admitted. She remembered eagerly pressing her own hand to Corrina's stomach to feel the baby's kick, so it was strange to be awaiting the same thing happening to her.
"The child's father will not wed you?" Darius asked.
Demelza shook her head. A simple answer would best suffice, because if she said that he couldn't marry her, it would raise questions and Valko's suspicions. In a way, she was grateful to be home with her family, in Dorne, where paramours were taken without question and bastards were born without shame. Her baby may not carry the Dayne name, but the child would be no less for it.
"Are you disappointed in me?" Her gaze cast around at her whole family, the question that had been burning at the back of her mind finally asked. Her family had sent her to King's Landing as a ward, Corrina had tried to find a match for her. This was likely not the future they had envisioned for her.
"Of course not, my darling." Allydia caressed her cheek, smiling gently. "We are surprised, yes. We thought any bastards would come from your brother Lindon."
"Why me?" Lindon asked, eyes widening as though scandalised by the idea.
Calix folded his arms. "You spend a lot of time at court in Sunspear, in a lot of beds."
Lindon smirked. "I will not deny that."
"Come now, boys." Allydia shook her head. "Your sister has had a long journey, and needs her rest."
Demelza looked to Darius, who she realised had never answered her question. There was a look of resignation on her father's face, and to her, it was almost as bad as the disappointment she had feared. Squirming with guilt, not at her actions but at their consequences, she allowed her mother to lead her upstairs.
The months of pregnancy were both extraordinarily long, and at the same time flew by. Darius and Lindon spent much of their time at court in Sunspear. Prince Qoren Martell had recently come to power following the passing of his mother, and many of the Dornish houses were eager to ingratiate themselves with him. Of an age with Calix, Qoren was already proving his strength, allying with the Triarchy in the Stepstones conflict.
Demelza wished she could have spent time in the training yard with Calix, though her condition did not allow it. Watching her older brother demonstrate his prowess was a constant delight to her, and she was enthralled with watching him best the opponents he went up against. He was apparently a popular favourite in Sunspear in the tourneys and jousts, and she could certainly see why. Calix's skill with a sword was matched only by his skill with a spear.
Allydia and Corrina hovered, often insufferably so. Corrina had only been a year or two older than Demelza when she had been pregnant with her first, and yet she acted as though Demelza was so young to be expecting a baby. The constant fussing was enough to make Demelza, already irritable through her third trimester, snappy and ill-tempered.
Allydia had always been precise in predicting the births of children. It had begun with her own apparently, extending to naming the births of Corrina's children. Her margins were not typically wrong and so when Demelza went into labour during a summer storm over the ocean, it was the end of the week in which Allydia had predicted that her baby would arrive.
Demelza certainly never anticipated childbirth to be easy, but the agony that coursed through her body was a pain she had never experienced before. She sobbed and cursed and screamed that she just wanted the baby out in the world. Corrina remained by her side, dabbing at the sweat that pooled across her forehead and holding her hand, even when Demelza squeezed tight enough that her nails cut beneath Corrina's skin.
"You're so close now, my sweet girl." Allydia stood by Demelza's other side, smoothing her damp hair back from her face. "I can see the head. Only a few more pushes. You're almost there."
"I can't." Demelza sobbed. Her body was exhausted from the effort of labour, an excruciating pain she had been warned about but had underestimated until she had experienced it. She had been given milk of the poppy for the pain, though it merely served to take the edge off.
"Yes, you can." Corrina's tone was firmer than their mother's. "Now, push."
Demelza drew a ragged breath and did as instructed, another scream ripping from her throat as a wet squelching permeated the room. She let her head fall back as the servants rushed to clean the baby. A loud cry pierced the humid air as the newborn started to wail, and Demelza craned her neck up as Allydia took the child from the servants with a proud smile.
"A healthy baby girl." Allydia rocked her new granddaughter. "You did so well, Demelza. She's beautiful."
Demelza thought that the baby was red-faced and covered in blood, the same blood that stained the sheets and Demelza's now ruined nightgown. Nonetheless, there was a fierce joy that rose within her at the sight of her baby girl. Her daughter. When she sat up to hold the child, she paused.
"What the fuck." Demelza grimaced as another contraction hit her, making her grit her teeth.
Corrina gave her hand a light squeeze. "The afterbirth, it's normal."
It may have been normal, but it was awful. Although during it, she could not have imagined why her mother would have gone through such a traumatic experience five times, and Corrina three times. But once Allydia placed the baby girl in Demelza's arms, all of the agony and indignity that childbirth had brought about were forgotten.
Demelza brought the baby to her breast and let her feed, though it made her wince. She had been adamant on becoming a mother on her own terms and now she had done that. To Demelza, there was nothing more perfect than the baby cradled in her arms. She considered her daughter.
"Elyana. Her name will be Elyana Sand."
A flash of lightning and rumble of thunder were accompanied by the door bursting open. Yelping and covering herself with a blanket to preserve some shred of dignity, Demelza paused when she realised that Darius had stumbled into the room. His cloak was dripping with rain, but once his eyes locked onto Demelza and the baby, a rare smile crossed his face.
"Thank the Seven."
"A baby girl." Allydia strode over to her husband, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "We have another grandchild, my love."
It was Darius's smile that coaxed one from Demelza in kind, adoration in his eyes as tears welled in hers, streaming down her cheeks. In that moment, there was nothing more pure than the joy they experienced together. Demelza had feared her bastard child, with an unnamed father, would distance Darius from her. But in coming into the world, Elyana had united them, so they were closer than ever before.
The weeks following Elyana's birth were not easy. Demelza existed in a realm of sleeplessness, rising in the night to feed the baby when she cried. Though it was different to establish Elyana's features immediately after her birth, Demelza could see a lot of herself in her daughter. Her colouring was darker though, an olive complexion more reminiscent of Criston.
Calix was often awake early in the mornings to train, sparring with some of the household knights. Demelza would often come to watch, jiggling a restless Elyana. From the balcony, it was a sight to behold, especially with the rising sun casting orange and pink hues across the glimmering water of the Torentine. The scent of lavender and oranges was thick on the breeze as Demelza took a seat, peering over to watch Calix.
Her fingers itched to hold a bow instead of a baby, but she could never begrudge Elyana. In a few more weeks, when she had healed up from childbirth, she could hopefully engage with Calix in the training yard. Valko had been the one to teach Demelza everything she knew, and she wondered how her skills would compare with her brother's.
"She's quiet this morning." Valko strode over to Demelza, hands clasped behind his back. Although not the sort of man who seemed overly fond of children, Valko had nothing but smiles for Elyana.
"Well, I would hope so. She was up most of the night." Demelza adjusted the thick purple blanket she had wrapped around her daughter. Despite being a bastard, it was clear Elyana was just as much a member of the family as any Dayne, a privilege she would never have had in Westeros.
"Have you written to Princess Rhaenyra or Queen Alicent since you arrived?" Valko asked, raising his eyebrows as Demelza shook her head fervently. "Why not? They were your closest friends. Do you not wish to tell them about Elyana?"
Demelza lapsed into silence. Someone had told Otto about Criston. It had either been Rhaenyra or Alicent, since she could not see Criston telling the Hand about it of his own accord. It may have come from a place of concern, but one of them had still betrayed her trust. It may have been petty to avoid writing to them, especially following the birth of her daughter, but Demelza still smarted from the sting of the betrayal.
"Again!"
The barked command rang out from the yard, and Demelza watched as two knights sank into fighting stances either side of Calix. Her brother gripped Dawn tightly and watched as they advanced.
"Do you think my brother is one of the best knights in Dorne, Valko?"
"I think you are changing the subject," he responded, and she sighed, irritated by the fact that he knew her so well. Better, perhaps, than most of her family. Valko had been the one with her in King's Landing, not any of her siblings, not her parents.
"No, I don't want to write to Rhaenyra or Alicent. Maybe when I am ready."
Valko frowned. "You are above this pettiness, Demelza."
"Clearly I am not." Demelza hoisted Elyana higher, rubbing her back. "It was for the best that I returned home. I can see that much. But it should have been my choice, not a move made because Otto Hightower decided that for me."
"And you think one of your friends told him?" Valko folded his arms over his chest, expression sceptical. "You were not secretive of your condition, Demelza. So what was it Ser Otto said that made you agree to pack your things? What could he possibly have threatened you with?"
As Valko did not know the identity of Elyana's father, Demelza remained silent. Perhaps he had guessed the truth, for she did not think it a shocking revelation, but if he knew he had the grace to keep it to himself. When the baby started to fret, Demelza sighed, already weary and not thrilled at the idea of settling Elyana once again.
Perhaps you were not meant to be a mother after all, said a snide voice in the back of her head, perhaps you are not made for such things without giving the child a father.
"Here." Valko stretched out his arms, and although pleasantly surprised by the offer, Demelza handed Elyana to him. The captain of the guard rocked the baby back and forth, humming to her under his breath. Demelza watched with rapt attention as Elyana quietened.
"How did you do that?"
Valko offered her a small smile. "I was seventeen when you were born. Older than all of your siblings. I remember a tiny girl who would not settle, but for the sound of the waves and when people used to hum to you. It seems Elyana is not so different from her mother, after all."
Starfall was where Demelza had been born. She was astounded by its beauty, by the Summer Sea that stretched out through the mouth of the Torentine, the trickle of the water that she heard exploring the island as a child. She had hoped that coming back to Starfall would feel like coming home, and it was a disquieting notion that it did not.
There was no doubting the tranquillity of the island, the ivory towers of the castle that stretched overhead. It was one of the most beautiful places in Westeros, and yet, Demelza was not at peace. The place she longed for was somewhere she did not belong, somewhere that an independent Dornish woman was frowned upon, as would be her bastard daughter.
Yet Demelza's heart was fickle, a traitor to her mind, and it ached for King's Landing…and for Criston Cole, the father of the baby who now slept soundly in Valko's arms. Demelza's heart had not proved kind to her in the past and so she ignored it. She could not be a lovestruck fool, a girl who thought love was all that should matter. She needed to be a woman, and there was something more important now, something that would always come first: Elyana.