Ch 120: Ruby or no Ruby
Here is a parody of the episode: Patty Caper.
[The story starts at the Loud House. Lana is in her and Lola's room, and all the lights are off.]
Lana: You wanted to see me, sis?
Lola: Pull up a seat, Lana. [Lana looks around]
Lana: Lola, there aren't any chairs.
Lola: Sit down! [Lana sits on the floor]
Now you've been my twin for a long time.
Lana: Ooh, yes, sir. And they've been the best years of my life, sis.
Lola: That said fact aside, midway through today's pageant, I have purchased a very rare ruby to bring with me to the Royal Woods Gala. [holds up a red gem]
Lana: [gasps] That seems expensive!
Lola: Listen up, any minute now, a truck driver is going to arrive, and I'm entrusting you to retrieve the ruby! And I need you to do this without any foul-ups! Understand?
Lana: Could you repeat that? [Lola looks at her watch]
Lola: It's time! [presses a button, which makes a siren go off, and locks down the whole house. A truck then arrives with S.W.A.T. team members to make a path from the house to the truck] Now go! And make sure to guard it with your life!
Lana: I won't let you down.
Lola: Wait!
Lana: Yes?
Lola: If something happens to that ruby... don't bother coming back! [Lana gets scared, then walks outside, and up to the truck]
S.W.A.T. Team Member 1: You a Loud?
Lana: Uh, Lana.
S.W.A.T. Team Member 1: Close enough. [hands Lana the case with the ruby inside] Now get out of here, kid! Plenty of folks would love to get a hold of that ingredient.
Lana: Yes, sir! [runs back to the Loud House] And now, let's get you to my sister. [notices that the ruby is not there, and gasps] Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?! No! What's going to happen to the ruby? [notices a hole] What's this? A hole? How did that happen? An incision. Almost as if someone, or something did this on purpose. That's it! A thief must have cut a hole and swiped the ruby! But who?
Lola: Lana! [Lana hides the case behind her back] What are you doing lollygagging about?! Get out of my room!
Lana: [laughs] Right away, sis.
Lola: You better! You know what happens when you make Lola Loud MAD! (she storms off)
Lana: Lola trusted me, and I let her down!
Lincoln: [suddenly appears] Hi, Lana.
Lana: Hi, Lincoln. Maybe you can help me.
Lincoln: With what?
Lana: With this. [shows him the case. Lincoln covers the suitcase with clean underwear.]
Lincoln: Here you go, sis.
Lana: Not that kind of help! This used to have the ruby Lola ordered inside. But now, it's missing!
Lincoln: What?!
Lana: Someone stole it, Lincoln! And we need to find out who!
Lincoln: Find out!
Lana: You and I are going to have to do a little detective work!
[Cut to the Shroud house]
Lena: At last! After a few weeks, this gem is great for helping me steal Lisa's invention!
Lana: [appearing in Lena's room with Lincoln] Aha! I knew it was you!
Lena: What was me?
Lana: Oh, come on, Lena, don't play dumb. You know you stole Lola's ruby!
Lena: Is this a joke?
Lana: Why don't you tell me. Is it?!
Lisa: Uh, no.
Lincoln: [laughs] Good one!
Lana: All right, no more jokes! Either you tell me where the ruby is, or we'll be forced to use other means of making you talk! [Lincoln holds up a Lena doll, and pounds it, symbolizing hurting her]
Lena: Sorry, I really have nothing for you.
Lana: Then how do you explain this? [picks up the ruby]
Lena: Okay, you caught me.
Lana: And so the truth floweth forth.
Lisa: Yes, it is the ruby.
Lana: Mm-hmm.
Lena: But, it's my version of a ruby. [both are confused] I'll explain. Ever since I kept trying to steal Lisa's secret invention, I have been coming up with alternate plans to get it. Currently, I'm in a robot phase, where I supply the ruby into the chest.
[Lena activates her robot armor. After putting the gem in, Lena goes inside the robot, activating it. Lincoln and Lana watch as Lena bursts outside the Shroud House to invade the Loud House. She flies off, but just as she was going to reach the Loud House, a bird hits her, causing her to fly out of control and crash down, causing an explosion. Lincoln and Lana wince as they walk away.]
Lana: If Lena didn't take the ruby, who did?
Lincoln: Good question.
Lana: Only someone who specializes in science, could reverse engineer the gem, based on the secret ingredient. Hmm, a scientist.
[Cuts to Lisa's room. Lana and Lincoln sneak up at the room, then look around]
Lana: There she is. [Lisa walks up to her table with a covered plate] You hang back. I'm going in for a closer look. [Goes inside, hides behind her bed. Lisa uncovers the plate, revealing rubies. Lana gasps] Oh, my gosh! It is Lisa! [Lisa stores the rubies in a safe] Enjoying them rubies, lady?
Lisa: Lana! How long have you been standing there?
Lana: Oh, long enough, nerd.
Lisa: I was just storing some treasure for research.
Lana: I'm onto you, nerd. [sniffs the gem] You thought no one could figure it out, but I pieced it together. I know exactly how you got all those gems.
Lisa: What exactly are you getting at, Lana?
Lana: What I am getting at, is that you... [screen cuts to what Lana is explaining] ...cloaked yourself an invisibility potion, snuck through the security perimeter... [Lisa disintegrates one of the S.W.A.T. Team Members]
S.W.A.T. Team Member 2: My leg!
S.W.A.T. Team Member 1: Here's the rare ruby.
Lana: ...then used a time-freezing device to freeze time, used a laser beam to cut open the case, stole the ruby, [cuts back to Lana and Lisa] reverse engineered it, and made your own rubies, so you wouldn't have to pay.
Lisa: Or, perhaps I walked into a jewelry store, purchased them, [holds up a receipt] and received a receipt for these legally obtained gems!
Lana: [reads receipt] 283 rubies. [laughs nervously] I was going to consider stuffing you in a locker.
Lisa: Lana, next time before you run around accusing people of things, make sure your own house is in order first!
Lana: My own house, huh?
[Cut to another room where Lana and Lincoln have Lily cornered against a wall, with a light above him]
Lana: Why'd you do it, Lily?!
Lily: [frightened] Poo-poo!
Lana: You've told us that story 100 times now, Lily. Unfortunately, my partner and I don't want to hear crap from you, we want to hear the truth! Look, we know you stole the ruby and it's obvious how you did it! [scene cuts to what Lana is explaining again] First, you hitched a ride on a security chopper, then jumped into the drop zone. Then, when I stopped to pull up my sock, you snuck up behind me, and did what any baby could do. You shot sour milk from your bottle, which melted the case, allowing you to steal the gem. [cuts back to Loud House]
Lily: [angry] Poo-poo!
Lana: Yeah, you're right, Lily, that is impossible. I never would have stopped to pull up my sock during a pickup.
(Lily babbles)
Lana: What's that, Lily? You did see someone leaving the Loud House with a mysterious black case that night? Mrs. Loud, could you please describe this... this marauder to the sketch artist?
(Lily babbles as Lincoln draws.)
Lincoln: I can't believe it! It was Luna!
[shows a drawing of Luna wearing a ruby ring on her finger and licking it like a ring pop. Then cuts to the white haired boy and the plumber in front of Luna's room]
Lana: Open up in there, Loud! We know you're in there! We just want to ask you a few... [to Lincoln] She's not cooperating.
Lincoln: You know what to do. [Lana picks up Lincoln, and uses him as a batting ram]
Lori: [playing her guitar, then screams when Lincoln and Lana appear in front of her]
Lana: Gotcha! You thought you could hide your crimes.
Lincoln: But we know what you've done.
Luna: Dudes, what is this about?
Lana: Well, I'm glad you asked, because this is about you stealing the rare Red Ruby! [scene cuts to what Lana is explaining again] And we have an eyewitness who saw you leaving the scene of the crime, with a mysterious black case.
Luna: A case like this? [hands Lana a black suitcase]
Lana: Yes! Because you can't make rubies without... [she and Lincoln gasp] golden drum sticks?
Luna: That's right! I was in a music contest with Sam and only came in third!
Lana: [nervously] I guess this means you didn't steal the ruby. [Luna snatches the briefcase from Lana.]
Luna: Please get out of my room, dudes.
[The two leave the rocker's room]
Lana: We still haven't found the suspect.
Lincoln: I hate to say this, but you'll have to tell Lola the truth.
[Cut to Lola and Lana's room]
Lana: Lola! I don't know how, sis, but somebody stole the red ruby you ordered!
Lola: Lana, you were in charge of guarding that thing with your life!
Lana: I know, Lola. It just slipped away from me somehow.
Lola: Well, do you have any leads, or clues?
Lana: All I know is that it had to be someone who knew about the delivery, and was at the house during the delivery, and this person would have to know what to do with the ruby when they got it.
Lola: [thinks to herself] That would be... [points at Lana] you, Lana! You stole the ruby!
Lana: [shocked] Me?!
Lola: That's right. And I know exactly how you carried out this little caper. [cuts to what Lola is explaining] You obviously set up a decoy to take the delivery. Then when no one was looking, you swooped in, stole the ruby, and spirited it away to Lisa, [cuts back to the Loud House] where you sold it to Lisa to make a quick buck! [Lana tries to talk and say she didn't, but Lola stops her] Don't talk! You can tell it to the cops, 'cause I'm calling them right now!
[Just then, two policewomen show up in the room]
Policewoman: No need. We heard it all from outside this room.
Lola: Then arrest this thief, Officer! [points at her twin with the red ruby from before]
Lana: [notices and points at it] Lola, isn't that the stolen secret ruby?
Lola: [nervously] Uh, what are you talking about, Lana? I'm not holding any ruby. [sees ahe's still holding it out, then hides it]
Policewoman: Am I to understand that you stole the item in question?
Lola: Well, I wouldn't call it stealing…
Policewoman: And you were going to let someone else take the fall for this little caper?
Lola: I can explain!
Policewoman: Please do.
Lola: It's simple. With this gem, it increases my chance of winning pageants, as well as preparing myself for the Royal Woods Gala, but the downside is that it costs over $700 per delivery, so I s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s... took it. To avoid paying, you know.
Policewoman: I think Judge Rudy will be very interested to hear of this little story. [handcuffs her]
Lola: [frantic and stupidly] What?! What'd I do?!
[Cuts to the court house and inside the room, there's no jury, but there's Judge Rudy, Policewoman, and Lola as an accused]
Judge Rudy: All rise. [only Lola stands up] Lola Loud.
Lola: Your Honor?
Judge Rudy: As punishment for committing the crime of grand theft, I sentence you to 300 hours in community service!
[Lola looks down in an upset manner. Later, the pageant girl is at the park, sighing while picking up trash.]
Lola: I really screwed up this time. Trying to get my twin to take the fall failed. Not to mention that I got permanently banned from the Gala.
[Suddenly, a gust of wind blows by her. Lola coughs as she sees Lincoln and Lana riding her toy car.]
Lola: Lincoln? Lana? What are you doing here?
Lincoln: We came to take a stroll in your car. The judge was impressed by our work, he gave us several days off from school. We even got free ice cream.
Lola: Eeee! Can I have some?
Lana: Hold up, let's see what we got. [Lana suddenly throws ice cream at Lola's face, making her fall.]
Lana: That's for trying to frame me.
[Lincoln and Lana left. However, they come back and Lincoln has some bread.]
Lincoln: Here's a snack.
Lola: Ooh! What kind of sandwich is it?
[Lola was punched in the eye by Lincoln.]
Lincoln: A knuckle sandwich. Consider this a gift from me and Lynn Jr.
[Lola grumbles on the floor as the two drive off.]