X-Prov
Chapter 002
{This is the second chapter to X-Prov. It is a parody fanfic, so people should just not take it too seriously. It's just for fun and if you are offended by it then you are stupid. If you take it seriously than you need help and need to loosen up(Like jean) Now I will write this fic and you can review it. All flames will be ignored. All fan mail and encouraging mail will be praised. If you want to send threatening mail, I will send you threatening mail back. In other words Laugh or don't laugh nothing else.}
Magneto sat on his ass in his throne room, he was shifting back and forth trying to get feeling back into his ass. He had been sitting here for over three hours listening to Quicksilver yap about his stupid calculations.
"Would you hurry the _hell_ up?!" Magneto said with annoyed impatience. As he leaned his elbows on the large black table that was before him.
"I'm sorry father, but if you want to know how best to infiltrate the X-Mansion, then you'll have to listen to the rest of my lecture." Quicksilver said with annoyance of his own. Magneto nodded.
"Fine! How much longer do you plan on being, Mystique has already fallen asleep." Magneto said as he motioned for his son to continue with the boring lecture. Quicksilver nodded and pointed back to the large map displayed on the wall with his laser pointer.
"I shall only be another two to three hours father." He said casually.
All in the room who were still awake groaned and most slammed their heads into the table. Magneto listened for about one more minute and then slammed his fists on the table as he stood up.
"Thats _IT_! I'm not listening to this crap anymore we're just going to go down there and attack anything we can see! No more of this lecture Bull shit! I say we take the direct approach. _WHO AGREES!?!" shouted Magneto. All of the mutants in the room who weren't asleep stood up from their chairs throwing their fists into the air and cheering.
"YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" They all yelled. Magneto ran to the door ignoring Quicksilver protests. Every one followed the master of evil mutants known as Magneto and otherwise known as "Magnet Geezer" out the door towards the hanger where several black jets sat ready to be driven through the roof of a building of some sort.
Quicksilver screamed "SHOTGUN!!!" and used his hyper fast runny thing power of his to get to the front seat first. He then proceded to hop up and down in his seat yelling giddlily "jet ride!! Jet ride!!" Magneto/ Magnet Geezer sighed and used his magnetic super floaty power thingy mabob of his to move about three meters to the front of the jet.
(Meanwhile at the "X" mansion) (I don't feel right about calling it the X mansion every since Xaiver lost his friggen marbles and started thinking about not thinking.)
Storm was currently trying to get Warren to have sex with her(for a large fee of course) but he was stubborn and didn't want to leave his marry poppins tea playset. She was currently shaking her ass in front of his nose upturned fgace while trying to undo his pants.
"Come on I need money! You're a rich guy I'm not lets screw!" Warren stuck his nose to the air.
"Ï say! What kind of peasant are you to think that I, tha grteat Warren Worthington th fifth,(or is that third?)
He shrugged his shoulders figuring that one number was a as good as the other. "would have sex with you for money."
Storm stopped trying for the pants and sighted. "HOW many times do I have to tell you! You pay ME! I don't pay YOU!"Warren shrugged.
"Whatever! Would you like some tea its quite good." Storm had, had quite enough and she knocked him out with a kick. She then proceeded to take his wallet and all silver ware and valuable oitems around the house. "Dumb piece of shit!" She said as she left the mansion to go give her winnings to the Time Pimp (otherwise known as Bishop, or Homy B,)
Just then Beast burst through the door. Half his head shaved off with Wolverine chasing him, claws extended. Beast shreaked like Cyclops (But not as girly) then ran around in circles.
"This is for my prom queen title you wench!!!!" Wolvie screeched to a halt as he sees Storm with a huge bundle of valuables under her arm. "Hey… Isn't that my new silky smooth razor 5000??" He pondered this for a second and screamed (again, very much like Cyclops but not even half as girly.)
"So what if it is Hoe!" Storm yelled at Wolverine also known as "Wannabee Queen".
"It appears a cat fight is comeing in the near future." Speculated Beast as he pulled his glasses out of thin air. (although they had slight traces of fecal matter on the rims.) "These glasses have spent to much time in my rect… storage compartment!" Beast blushed (a very blue blush, but a blush none the less.). (A yes and Beast is named "The Blue Bitch")
Wolverine forgets about his silky smooth razor 5000 and begins to chase Beast for some unknown reason. (Although I know it was for a break in writing.) They exit the mansion and run into Colosus. Running into him caused much bodily harm so Collosus ran away. "I can not stop from hurt zeese persons zat I love zo muchikins!!" He cryed as he ran away. He ran through the streets not weatchingwhere he was going and ran over several hundred people on the way back to the X-Mansion. Unknowingly he killed several people and injured hundreds./
He passed Jean who was currently giving a random stranger a blow job on the corner. There was a large lineup that stretched for about three or four HUNDRED miles. Of course Jean never got tired. Scott was at the very end of the line. "What's going on here?" He whined really bitchy like as he began making his way to the front. He pulls someone from the line to see what it's for. "Hey buddy what's this line for?" He asked. The guy just shrugged.
Scott ran to the front and saw Jean giving all who stood in line blow jobs. He began to sniffle and tears welled up in his eyes. Jean caught sight of the crying and just went faster. (the current blowee did not mind at all.) Scott Ran away.
He ran past Gambit who was currently rolling on the ground holding his groinal area in extreme pain. "Ohhh dis Cajun not going to be getting none soon eh mes amis? He said as Scott ran past. Scott stopped and bent down to help the Kinetic Cajun up.
"Gambit are you okay?"He asked. "Where does it hurt? Want me to kiss it better?" He asked Gambit nodded and Whiney bitch proceeded to give the mans member CPR. Gambit moaned and accidently charged his "member" with kinetic energy. A swift moment later a large bang sounded out of the city. (remember the size of the bang doesn't represent the size of the member. If that was the case, the bang would be barley auditable.) Gambit screamed out in absolute pain. And began thrashing about the ground. Scott pulled out his hello kitty cell phone and dialed 911. He had to run around town asking people what 911's number was first though.
Soon after an emergendy team came along and put Gambit on a stretcher throwing it into the ambulance with much force and causing Gambit to bleed profusely. They drove off to the hospital hitting every bump on the way.
Scott smiled and walked off home feeling better about him self for helping save a mans life. He began to walk with a little more bounce and pride in his step towards home, but then he remembered why he was sad and began to kick and scream and cry like a super sonic crying three year old. Just then kitty pride walks by and sees Whiny Bitch.
"What's wrong Ass bitch?" She asked to the overly sensitive Scott. He stopped crying for a second and looked up at the walk through wally type mutant female thingy with tear filled eyes. Jean's giving free blowjobs on the street corner! I thought, (sniff) Ithought she LOVED ME!! WAAHAAAHAHAAH!!!!" Kitty Pride sweated and then ran past Scott in the diection of the line.
*Gotta get me some of Jeans twister tongue!* she thought. Scott looked after the curly brunette and then began crawling home, still crying.
Kitty Pride Otherwise known as "Shifty Whore" ran to the end of the line where she met. The Brotherhood. "Gasp!" She said. Ït's the Brotherhood!"She exclaimed. "What Are you doing here!?!" She asked Magneto.
Magnet Geerzer looked at the youthful Kitty. "Hello Kitty." He said. "Look at me! I'm an old man! I have not gotten any for at least forty years! For that long has my splong laid dormant, limp, and shriveled. Noe I ask you. Is this not the opportunity of my lifetime?"
Shifty Whore ythought about that sensibly for a second shrugged and got in line. "Yeah I guess that makes sense. What about the others?"She asked.
Magneto looked ahead of him and sure enough there was thee rest of the brotherhood in line. Öh them! Oh their just horney." Kitty nodded and got in line behind Magneto.
Mystique, who was right in front of Magneto looked back at the new joiner to the line. "What's new Pussy!" She asked in a sultry voice that promised many hours of sexual Lesbionic pleasure. She moved next to Kitty and grabbed her ass. "Say how about we get out of here and do a little of our own fooling around. Kitty thought about that for a second.
How about after I get Jeans Twister?" She asked. Mystique giggled.
"Silly Pussy. I could be anyone you want me to be. Even Jean." Kitty's eybrow shot up.
"Öh really?" She asked quizzically .
"Ÿes really!" Said Mystique answeratively. With that said they ran away to a nearby alley to do a little bit of role playing.
During this little sexperiance of Mystique's and Kitty's, Marrow wandered by after sensing Lesbionic sex in the air. She was intrigued by the extreme amounts of yelling and screaming for more. Basiccaly, she wanted in. So she asked just that. "Hey can I join, I could… make it more interesting." She exclaimed as she formed her hands into cock shaped bones. (That's what I call a boner.) The sex continued as the screaming of the three girls drifted back out in to the night. (Although it was day.)
(Later)
Three sweating women enter the X mansion. They meet up with Sam Guthree or Cannonball, or "pellet gun."
"Holy Cow molelys gabolelies gawakamolies cabolies granolies fenconian armies attack!!!!"
Three pairs of eyes (equaling six, or twenty four if they were spider people) looked at him. "We just got back from thirty straight hours of Lesbionic sex, although we started three hours ago. Hey we might have been going that long if there wasn't that break in the story just a bit ago."
"RRRIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHTTTTIIIIIIOOOOO!!!!! TTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEN!!! NNNNNNNN!!" Exclaimed a confuseled pellet gun. "I thought thet you loved ME Marrow! After all we bonded so well last night and the night before and the night before and the night before." Marrow put a hand ofer his mouth to shut him up.
"Yeah well if it makes you feel better We'll all start ovewr again and you can join in. Okay?" Sam smiled gidilly.
So they all went off and had happy happy sexual stuff.
Gambit got back to the X Mansion. He felt like a whole new man. The doctors had found a replacement penis for him, He evaded running into one of the many erect concrete members that surrounded the X Mansion and ran to his room to test out his new "Equipment". He pulled it out, then realized something. This wasn't his room… It was Rogue's!!! She was just coming out of the shower as he began to repack his…um… package. (which wasn't this big this time either) She came out in the buck. Gambit stopped his…repacking, and gazed in amazement. Wowy zowy! She had big honkers! His new member stood at full attention as captian happy began to get… out of control…. Rogue turned around to look a Gambit.
"WHAT IN SAM HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!" Gambit was to tuned out of the world and into Rogue's cheast that he didn't hear her. She repeated herself quite forcefully as she punched his sack like a cheap boxing bag. He winced, but pain is nothing to the glory he has finally witnessed. He imagined Nightcrawler preaching about the holy goodness of this moment. Then it hit him, really really really hard. A chesterfield was being rammed in between his legs.
Jubilee entered the carnage. "Hey Rogue can you help me clean these robot snot stains out of my new pants… WHA!!! Gambit!!! What is he doing here!!??!!" Then she noticed the consistently ramming chesterfield. "Oh, alright then, I'll help." She said as she Mega Pafed Gamit in the groin. Both she and Rogue then commenced to hoof Gambits testicular area for at least an hour or till it turned an odd shade of neon purple and began to fall off. Gambit lay on the floor twitching violently.
Just then Beast mysteriously entered out of someones rect… Holding area, and began to diagnose Gambit's condition. "Hmm, I'd say many blows to the arms and feet." Beast said in an vague attempt to be smart. He then pulled a sock puppet out of his… holding area and began to speak to it. "So mister poopity what should we do with Gambit?" He asked the sock puppet.
Mister poopity replied in a high pitched voice that was obviously coming from Beast's holding area. "Lets experiment on,… I mean help him back to health. Beast nodded to the sock puppet and then lifted Gambit over his shoulders heading for his lab.
*************``
{Well that's all for X-Prov 002 I hope you all enjoyed it. I also hope that some of you hated it more than anything I love flames. So send me FAN MAIL or HATE MAIL! I don't really care cause I jusat write this so that I and my small circle of friends ca laugh. At both the story and at the mail I recieve concerning the story. And now a word from me: WATCH OUT FOR SPIDER PEOPLE!!!!!!!! THEY ATE MY BRAIN!!!!! But I got better. Now as for the next chapter. There will be more Lesbionic sex, more funnyness, more NightCrawler Rants, and more STUFF!! So watch out for X-Prov part three (It might hit you in the head, I know, because it happened to ME!!!), "The Last Part to a seven Part mini series."}
By