~Mar. 10, 01~
Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own any of the products listed either.
Note: ::exaggerated sigh:: You know my most recent fic, Anything Can Happen? Well, it was supposed to be funny. But it turned out to be *cute*! ::wailing in dismay:: Am I losing my touch? I'm going to try once more and this one better make you laugh or I'll send Vegeta to murder you.
Note #2: Vegeta's almost in character! ::gasp!::
A Saiyan's Worst Nightmare
The day had been going perfectly fine until Bulma just had to ruin it. It all started out with a cough. Yeah, a stupid little cough. Nothing so small would have been able to stop me, the crowned prince of Vegeta-sei. But humans are a lot more fragile and I never get sick. I went off to train that morning not thinking anything of it until after lunch when that cough had grown into sneezing, a runny nose, and a fever of 102. So, like any other concerned husband, I poured her a glass of orange juice and gave her some cold medicine.
Then she began to whine.
"Vegeta!" She said weakly while ringing that damn bell I had the 'good' idea of giving her to summon me for something. "Can you go to the store for me?"
I frowned but brought out a piece of paper and a pencil anyway. "What do you want?"
And that was the real beginning of the nightmare.
"I need some more cold medicine, but don't get the drowsy kind because they make me sleep too late and please get the gel ones. Those go down easier. We're all out of orange juice, so pick up a couple of more cartons. But don't get the pulpy kind, Trunks doesn't like that. And make sure at least one has extra calcium."
I scribbled this all down as fast as I could, taking up most of the small piece of paper with just these two things.
"Chicken soup is good for illnesses so get a couple of cans. Campbell's please." She paused to make sure I was getting everything. "But make sure it has extra chicken and that it's *not* condensed!"
"Onna, is there even a difference?!"
She nodded. "If it's condensed, you add water. The other kind you don't have to do that."
I rolled my eyes. "That was a rhetorical question. I don't even care." She stuck her tongue out at me and continued her list. She added a few more things but the last is what really got me.
"No onna! I will *not* get that for you!"
"Why not?" She shook her head. "You men are *so* pathetic! I can't go to the store and get it! Vegeta!" She began to pout. "Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?"
I sighed at length and nodded. "Fine onna. But you owe me."
"Arigatou!" She hugged me as hard as she could.
So this is what has me at the grocery store at two o'clock in the afternoon. Shopping for my sick mate. How sad.
"Hi Veggie-chan!" Came a cheerful voice from behind. Oh look, here comes the King of Fools. Can my day get any worse than this?
"Kakarott." I said this by way of greeting. I'm not cold enough not to acknowledge someone, you know.
"Whatcha doin' here?" He picked up one of the pathetically small baskets from the pile. I grabbed one was well.
"The onna's sick so she had me come to this stupid store."
He nodded knowingly. "Ah. ChiChi's sick too. She said there's a bug going around." Kakarott scratched his head. "Though I don't know why a bug would make someone sick..."
I rolled my eyes and began to walk away. "Go away Kakarott and leave me alone."
"But Vegeta! It's more fun shopping with someone else!"
I paused briefly to look at the sign above the aisle. "No, it's not."
Kakarott looked at his list. "The first thing I have on here is orange juice."
I silently thanked kami for my good fortune. "It's on the other side of the store! Now go Kakarott!"
He shot me a funny look but said nothing as he departed. Great, now I can shop in peace.
***
"What's the damn difference!" I shouted in frustration as I looked at all the different types of cold medicine there were. Tylenol, Nyquil, Alka-Seltzer Plus... I shook my head and just grabbed one.
Wait a minute! I checked my list. It had a specific one.
"Softgels, non-drowsy formula," I muttered this as I examined the blue box of Alka-Seltzer Plus. I brightened. Great! It meets the requirements! I tossed it in my basket and moved on. Cough drops were next.
"Not again!" I dropped the basket and glared at the bags. "Why do humans have so many different kinds?!"
"Halls, Robitussin, Ricolla..." I checked the list. It only had a flavor requirement, or the one *not* to get.
Cherry. She absolutely detested cherry. It made her vomit. Well, that was what she told me. I just snatched one that was not cherry flavored. It didn't matter which one. I randomly grabbed some throat spray and a jar of Vicks Vapor Rub and moved on to the area where they kept the orange juice.
Briefly hiding behind a display of canned peaches, I tried to locate Kakarott by both sense of sight and sense of ki. It seemed it had moved on to the bakery. Did his mate want some donuts or something? I darted to the edge of another aisle to see. Even I get curious you know.
That baka was standing in front of a glass case just watching them make the donuts! He was practically drooling! I saw him open a wallet and count his money, sighing as he realized that he didn't have enough. Surprisingly, I felt sorry for him and went over.
"Kakarott," I said. He looked up.
"Oh hi Vegeta." He was actually depressed!
"Go ahead and get some," I flashed Bulma's credit card. "It's on the onna."
He flashed that little kid grin and before I could stop him, he hugged me. "Arigatou Vegeta! You're the best!"
"Let me go or you aren't getting a damn thing!" He released me so suddenly that I stumbled a little. "Meet me by the check out, alright? I need to get the rest of Bulma's stuff." He nodded and went to talk to the person behind the counter.
I made my way back over to the milk and juice section. I immediately remembered to *not* get the 'pulpy' kind though what Trunks likes doesn't really matter to me. If he wants a certain kind, he can come back here and get it himself. I got once container of regular, one of calcium, and I even got some of that cheap juice that Bra likes that doesn't even contain real fruit juice. It says so on the bottle. I'll get something extra for Bra but the boy better forget it.
Seeing as I accidentally walked past the canned food aisle while on the look out for Kakarott, I went back for some soup. I never really thought about how many different kinds of soup there were. I glanced past tomato, potato, vegetable, and mushroom for the chicken soup. But guess what? Even chicken soup has subcategories.
Chicken and plain noodles, chicken and stars, chicken and rice, chicken and vegetables, chicken and egg noodles; the list went on and on. The onna could have at least given me a specific type. Every single can said 'Now with even MORE chicken!'. I grabbed a can of chicken regular noodles as well as a chicken and stars and tossed it in my basket. Next time, she can explain herself better.
I went to the cereal and cookie aisle to get some chocolate chip cookies for the onna. I repressed the urge to blow the aisle half-way to Hell once I saw the different kinds of cookies. 'I'm almost done,' I reminded myself, 'just a little while longer.'
I know that Bulma and Bra love Chips Ahoy! so that's what I'm going to get. Although, deciding between chewy, regular, or the extra chips may be a problem. I shrugged and grabbed one of each and piled it on top of everything else. The tiny basket was getting a little full but I am *not* going back for a big cart. No way in Hell.
I grabbed Bra a box of Trix and moved towards the Cap'n Crunch. Don't tell anyone this, but I really love the stuff. Crunch Berries and Oops! All Berries are the best! I scanned the shelves as quick as I could and instantly got angry when I saw there were none at all. I hate the Peanut Butter and regular kind. I'm going to grab one of those workers and threaten, er, *convince* them to go get some more.
"Hey! Hey you!" The passing boy looked and me and pointed to himself. "Yes *you*! Go get me some cereal."
The pimple-faced teenager shook his head. "I can't sir. It's against store policy. You can only get what's there until we restock."
I placed my basket on the floor and faced him. He may be taller but I'm the only badass in this aisle. "Look boy, I don't think you understand me too well. It wasn't a request."
He snorted and turned away. "You don't scare me."
I smirked and began to gather and small amount of ki on the tip of my index finger. "Don't try me, boy. I'm not having a good day." I shot the tiny little beam a millimeter past his cheek and destroyed a display behind him. It was close enough that felt the heat from the blast. He paled and began to nod.
"R-right sir! I'll be right back!"
I nodded, picked up my basket, and followed. "It's good that we see eye-to-eye."
***
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't *want* the regular kind! I want my crunch berries!" I know I was acting like a spoiled brat but I couldn't help it. I just want to go home and train!
"But sir," he was visibly shaking, "we're all out of crunch berries and the one with all crunch berries."
I looked behind him and saw the familiar blue box of Oops! All Berries. "What's that?"
He turned around and tried to hide it. "Um, nothing...."
I pushed him aside and pulled it free. "It says 'Cap'n Crunch's Oops! All Berries'."
"But sir, that's *my* box! I was saving it!"
I held my fist up to his face. "Whose box is this again?"
He began to crab walk backwards. "Yours. It's definitely *your* box!"
I turned away. "Finally you have it straight."
After leaving the back area, I was just about to go to the check out when I remembered Bulma's last item. The dreaded item. I slowly made my way back over to where the medicine was and the horrors of the
FEMININE HYGIENE AISLE.
"I thought the damn soup aisle was bad," I muttered as I looked through everything. "There are *millions* of different ones here!"
On the list she just had 'Always'. Like that told me absolutely *anything*. There were the slim kind, the regular kind, the overnight kind, the super absorbent kind... I grabbed a package and looked at the back of it.
"Oh... the shape means different things. Whatever one is shaded means a different type." The middle one was shaded. "This is 'super'."
I frowned. I don't have any more room for this! I spotted a basket a woman had and it was empty. Perfect!
Snatching it from her was easy but she seemed to think I was about to steal her purse. Well, she shouldn't have looked away from it. I dumped everything I had into the shopping cart and began to look again.
"I'm just going to get one of each. That should do it." I grabbed one super, one regular, one overnight as well as some with wings and some that were 'ultra absorbent'. "There. Now I can leave this damn store."
On the way to the checkout, I passed the aspirin again. I blinked and grabbed some Midol for the woman. Bulma PMSing was a truly scary thing.
***
Kakarott was there waiting like I told him. He handed him a gigantic bag of donuts and grinned sheepishly. I shook my head and just placed them on top of everything else.
(Note to readers. This scene is from a movie. Can you guess which one?)
"Oh excuse me," some onna asked. She looked bad and I mean *really* bad. Her make-up was messed up, and there were dark shadows under her eyes. "Can I just go in front of you?" She held up her arms which contained about four items. "Please?"
The baka took pity on her and allowed her in front of him. The bad thing was, he was standing in front of me.
"Kakarott," I hissed. He smiled.
"She won't take long." Then, his mouth dropped open, as she waved her hand and three brats showed up with a cart piled high with food.
My eyes narrowed. "Oh HELL no!"
She smirked at us as her children positioned themselves in front of us.
"Kakarott, looks like you just got played." Then that damn onna whipped out a checkbook. "That's it!"
I grabbed the first thing I saw from her cart, walked around the checkout lane, and grabbed the microphone away from the human man at the cash register.
"I need a price check on," I glanced down at the object I was holding and smirked. "Vagisil. That's Va-gi-sil." I looked at her. "Somebody hasn't been cleaning themselves too well." She blushed bright red and snatched the box from me.
Goku tried to frown at me but I saw that even he was trying not to laugh. "That wasn't nice Vegeta."
I crossed my arms and snorted. "Kakarott, this day has been horrible. Right now, I just don't care."
***
I got home almost an hour and a half later and Bulma was in the kitchen waiting for me.
"Arigatou Veggie but can you do me another favor?" I was wary but I nodded anyway. "We're all out of milk and-"
I cut her off right there. "Trunks! You mother wants you to go to the store!"
~Owari~
Now, was this one funny at all? Comments, minna, comments!
PS: Does anyone think this qualifies for the "Vegeta Humiliation Chronicles"?