Elizabeth stood at the dresser and brushed out her hair. In the mirror, she could see Nathan behind her as he sat in the bed reading from his Bible. It occurred to her that she had never once saw Lucas read from the Bible that he owned. Yes, he went to church but looking back that seemed more like going through the motions for society's sake. He had seemed to pay attention to the sermons but they had never talked about them afterwards. The first Sunday she had attended church with Nathan and Ally, the discussion on the walk home had been about the sermon. Elizabeth had noted how Nathan had given Ally time to express her thoughts before trying to direct the conversation. He had even asked Jack, who had been perched on his shoulders, what his favorite part about the service had been. The boy's reply had been the music. Nathan's response had been to sing one of the hymn's they had sung during the service.
Currently, Hope Valley had no full time pastor. Most Sundays that there was no traveling pastor, Lee and the church council tried to organize a scripture reading and hymn fest. Even if there was no town gathering, Nathan made sure they sat down together and read some scriptures as a family. She noticed that Nathan tended to find the scriptures that told a story and tried to make it interesting for Jack. Elizabeth found she appreciated the conscious effort to put God in their life.
Putting down her brush, Elizabeth turned toward the bed. She slipped out of her robe and hung it up before heading for the bed. As she went to climb in beside Nathan, Elizabeth's thoughts went to dinner and the conversation they had with Laura and Noah.
Laura had shared that she had been accepted at two schools to finish her nursing training. Both schools were out East, and though her father had not forbidden her to go, Laura had said she knew he did not like the idea. Nathan had defended Jed Campbell's position, saying he would feel better about Ally going off to a nearby school rather than one so far away.
"It's a father thing," Nathan had told Laura. "We recognize that our kids, especially daughters, need to go off on their own but we would rather that first venture be nearby in case you need us."
Laura had nodded acknowledgment to the words even as she admitted being so far from home scared her. "I would go to a school closer to home if I had been accepted."
"If you went to the school in Hamilton, I am sure my parents would let you board with them if I asked," Elizabeth had ventured. "Would that help?"
Laura's face had brightened. "Oh, it would be so nice to stay with someone I know are good people. I think my Dad would feel better knowing I was with people who would support me if something comes up."
Elizabeth had promised to talk to her parents the following day.
"Do you think I was too interfering with Laura and Noah?" Elizabeth asked as she settled in the bed next to Nathan. Her husband had sat aside his Bible and turned off the lamp. As they lay next to each other, their hands found one another. "My Dad has always taught us to help others when we can," she told him as their fingers intertwined. "It is why he offers the scholarships to low income families and supports the orphanage in Hamilton. I know they won't mind boarding Laura and if Noah could get the scholarship he could get the schooling he longs for and at least be in the same city."
Nathan gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "All you did was offer your help. You did not push them to take it. It will be good for Laura to be with adults who can guide her as she ventures away from home and Hope Valley for the first time. As for Noah, all you did was give him information about a program that could get him to his dream of seminary quicker. It is up to him to follow through on the application. Should his application end up with a bit of favoritism on the other end because he knows you that is not on you. Besides, that young man is a hard worker. He deserves a lucky break in life."
Nathan's words made her feel better. Given how close it was to the start of the fall term, Noah would not have a chance for a scholarship until the spring term but she had encouraged the young man to call and talk to her father himself. Noah had accepted William Thatcher's work number, planning on calling the man while at work.
Deciding now would be as good a time as ever to bring up home schooling for Ally, Elizabeth asked, "and if I were to make a suggestion about Ally's schooling? Would you consider that interference?"
"As I hope you will allow me to put my two cents in about Jack on occasion, if you have a concern about Ally's schooling then I want to hear it. We did agree to help each other raise the children right from the start of this marriage."
Elizabeth shifted her head so that she could seek out Nathan's eyes even in the dimly lit room. "Both Ellen and Cat are home schooling their kids this year. Ally mentioned to me today that she does not want to go to school with the current teacher either."
"She has told me the same thing. From what I have heard and experienced first hand at the school since coming back, I cannot say I blame her. I just don't see how I can supervise her schooling and start a new business venture at the same time. It would almost be easier if I was still going to be a Mountie. At least leaving her in the Mounted Police office in town would be relatively safe. She can't safely be in the wood shop with me all the time."
"I agree," Elizabeth said. "However, I could fit her into my day. Perhaps I could even start some formal education with Jack early. If the teachers stay the same, I know I do not want to send Jack to that school next year. I wanted to say something earlier but I was not sure that Ally would want me as her teacher again. I guess despite the pain I have caused her, even I am a better choice than the current teacher."
Nathan let go of her hand. For a fleeting moment Elizabeth thought she had upset him but then she felt his arm going gently around her shoulders as he pulled her toward him. With a sigh of relief, Elizabeth let him hold her close.
"You have done a wonderful job in repairing your relationship with Ally, Beth," Nathan told her, placing a kiss on her hair. "Ally did not share with me details, but she has told me that you apologized to her and that she feels like she can come to you with her problems. That has allowed her to finally be able to work on forgiving you, which she has struggled with."
"I should have been more mindful of her feelings through all of this," Elizabeth said. "I was the one who started acting like a mother figure toward her, offering to help her bake cupcakes for the sleep over and stuff. I should have made sure she knew that my relationship with you was not a reflection on our relationship. I should have realized long before the adoption ceremony or the dinner invitation that she had started envisioning us as a family but I was too wrapped up in myself. I hurt a lot of people, but I feel the worse about Ally."
"Elizabeth, do you truly want to be a teacher again?" Nathan asked. "I realize I do not know all the details about why you stopped teaching. If you stopped because you did not want to teach any longer, than I do not want you home schooling Ally simply out of guilt. However, if you truly want to be a teacher again then I would be proud to have you take over her education. You are by far the best teacher she has ever had."
Elizabeth heard Nathan's words and she took a moment to ponder them. Was guilt about how she had treated Ally the only reason she was making the offer? She didn't think so. She had not chosen to walk away from teaching. In many ways she felt she had been forced out. However, in the moments with Jack that went beyond play to the teaching moments, Elizabeth had taken joy. She had been helping her son unlock the wonders of the world around him just like she had her students for so many years. She had been happy in those moments and not just because she had been with her son.
"I have missed teaching. I do not think I am in the place emotionally to try to get a teaching job in the classroom again. I am not sure I even want to. Being home with Jack has been my greatest joy this past year. However, I did not leave teaching on my own accord. I was forced out. At the time, I thought I was forced out by unreasonable parents but I am not so sure now. I have no proof, but part of me wonders if the rumors about Lucas paying those parents to make those complaints were valid. He had talked all summer as if he just assumed I was not returning to teaching because I was married. He was angry with me when I refused to sign the resignation letter he had drawn up."
Involuntarily, her hand went up to her cheek. It was almost as if she could feel the sting of where his hand had slapped her cheek.
"Right after we had returned from our honeymoon, Lucas presented me with a resignation letter on my behalf. He told me all I needed to do was sign it and he would take care of the rest. I refused. He told me I was being unreasonable. That no wife of his was going to be seen doing a job such as teaching. I tore the letter into pieces and he slapped my cheek. He called me stupid and stormed from the room. I thought I had won but now I wonder if he had just left to start putting into motion another plan to get me to quit."
"He should have never treated you that way, Beth," Nathan told her, both arms now around her but she didn't feel trapped. Instead, in the comfort of his embrace, Elizabeth felt tears welling up again. "You deserved to be treated with love and respect. You deserve to have a say in what you do with your life. I am happy to provide for this family so that you can stay home with the kids but only if that is what you want. If you want to teach again, then you are free to do so. If you want to write, we can work out times where you can write undisturbed by me or the children."
Elizabeth heard the sincerity in the words. He was not just saying what he thought she wanted to hear. Nathan meant those words. She knew that in his mind, her dreams were just as important as his.
Why had she let her fear overshadow that important difference when the choice had been hers to make?
"I am sorry, Nathan," Elizabeth said, lifting a hand to press against his cheek as she looked up at him, still safe in his embrace. "I let Lucas blind me with the candles, fancy dinners and life of luxury that money could buy that reminded me of my childhood. The life I had before the life that took Jack. I learned coming to Hope Valley that all the things money can buy were not what was important in life. That what mattered were the people who loved and supported you no matter what life threw your way. My parents were like that. No, they didn't want me out here struggling on my own. Like you said to Laura, fathers want to know their children are nearby so they can help them if necessarily. They supported my dream of being a teacher even though I didn't need to teach for the money. In the end, my father was here for my wedding to Jack. They may not have liked all the choices I made, but they respected them and loved me anyway. Lucas wanted me to be who he wanted me to be. He thought of me as a prize to win, instead of a person to love. You have loved me, flaws and all, through everything. Never seeking to change me or force me to do something. The Bible says that love is patient. I have never seen a love more patient then yours, Nathan. I am sorry it has taken me so long to see you for who you are instead of just the fear and heartache that the uniform you wore evoked. I wish I had been strong enough to seek help to face that fear instead of simply running from it and pushing away everyone who would have helped me through it."
"I forgave you a long time ago, Elizabeth, but I thank you for your words now," Nathan told her. "They are cleansing for you and our relationship going forward."
"I once told Jack that I did not think I was brave enough to love a Mountie. He convinced me that I was wrong. He was right on that account," Elizabeth said. "It wasn't loving a Mountie that I was not brave enough to face. I wasn't brave enough to deal with losing a Mountie. I have hated the force for asking Jack to take that assignment when he had been granted leave. I have hated them for taking him from me. I feared that happening again and so I came up with that silly excuse about looking for Jack in you. It was Lucas' candles that reminded me of Jack. However, when Jack used the grand gestures, they just weren't for show. They were an expression of the love he had for me. You showed me love in your own quiet way and I spurned it out of fear of being second fiddle to the force again."
"I meant what I said by the pond that day, Elizabeth. I would have quit the Mounties for you. I knew I could still find happiness and fulfillment in life without them as long as I had you in my life."
Elizabeth felt the tears stinging here eyes. She was thankful for the darkness that helped her hide them.
"Forgive me for taking the easy way out. I ran instead of facing my fears."
"You are forgiven," Nathan told her. "Perhaps I should not have let you run so easily," he added. "Perhaps I could have saved you some heartache and pain if I had fought for you just a little harder."
"Don't doubt yourself, Nathan," Elizabeth told him. "When I really needed you, you have always been there. My son and I are under the protection of your love now. That is what matters."
Elizabeth settled the side of her head against Nathan's chest, her hand falling from his cheek to his shoulder. This was what Jack had spoken of in the letter he had left for her. This was what he had wanted her to find again.
Now, she just needed to figure out how to truly open her heart to it again. Elizabeth had no doubt that she was making progress to finally fulfilling that final wish that Jack had made for her.
When Nathan told Ally that she was to be home schooled the next morning the girl was jubilant. In her rush to hug both Nathan and Elizabeth, she managed to knock over her glass of orange juice. In the grand scheme of things, Elizabeth knew that cleaning up a sticky table was well worth knowing that Ally would be in an educational situation that would nurture her and not add to the already emotionally turbulent teen years that she would be facing.
As it was Saturday, Elizabeth knew her father would be home and not at work, so all four of them headed into town that morning. The call to the Thatcher residence was placed from the Mounted police office. Elizabeth let her parents talk to the children first and then Nathan took Ally and Jack outside so Elizabeth could have some privacy.
Elizabeth first asked about the possibility of Laura boarding with them while she attending school in Hamilton. Her mother readily agreed, pointing out that there was plenty of empty room in the house now that Julie was the only child living at home. Elizabeth hoped that knowing his daughter was staying with her parents might ease some of Jed Campbell's worries. William told Elizabeth to have Laura or her father to call him as soon as she officially accepted the admission to the university in Hamilton and he would help them arrange everything. Elizabeth assured her father she would pass along the message.
Elizabeth then mentioned Noah's situation and that she had encouraged him to apply with one of the future scholarships. Her father's response surprised her.
"If he can, have this young man call me today. I had a scholarship participant back out at the last moment. I was planning on offering an extra scholarship in the spring, but the money is still available. If we can arrange a spot in seminary for this young man, the money is there. The Montclairs were going to board the young man, and I am sure they would still be willing to provide a room."
Nathan's remark about Noah deserving a lucky break in life came back to her. Was this the young man's lucky break?
"What about the application process?" Elizabeth asked, not wanting to give Noah false hope.
"Oh, there will be paperwork to fill out when he gets here, but the spot is his if he wants it. What I have heard about the young man tells me he is a hard worker. The fact that he is helping out his family while trying to save up for his own school says a lot about his character. I have every confidence that this young man will make the most of an opportunity for further education from what little I have heard about him. That is what is most important."
Elizabeth ended the call assuring her father that she would go talk to Noah right away. She filled in Nathan about the situation. Nathan told her that Noah was working at the railroad today. He asked her if she wanted him to pass along the message.
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, I'll talk to him. You have work to do," she reminded him.
Elizabeth and the children said good-byes to Nathan before he mounted Newton. The three stood on the boardwalk in front of the Mounted Police office, waving to Nathan until he was out of sight. Before making the trip out to the railroad station, Elizabeth stopped by Archie's apartment. Her father-in-law did not take long to answer the door.
"Hello, Elizabeth," Archie said as he opened the doors. Both Ally and Jack moved around Elizabeth to hug their grandpa. "What brings you to town?"Archie asked, a hand around each child.
Elizabeth told him about her call to her parents. "Nathan said Noah is working. I was going to go out to encourage him to call my father, and I was wondering if Ally and Jack could stay with you. The extra distance would just tire Jack out and I would be afraid of him wandering off by something that fascinates him at the station."
"Of course they can," Archie assured her. "There is no need to hurry. I love spending time with my grandchildren. However, if we are not here, we will be over at the Amaryllis."
"Thank you," Elizabeth told him and then set out for the railroad station.
Elizabeth hadn't gotten far when Lee stopped and offered her a ride. The lumber entrepreneur was on his way out to the station to accept a delivery of a lumber order. Elizabeth thankfully accepted the ride and told Lee about her errand. In a moment of silence afterwards, Elizabeth broached the last apology that she felt like she needed to make.
"Lee, I am sorry for the stress that my behavior the last couple of years has caused," Elizabeth told him, her hands folded in her lap as she looked down at them. "Although I can't think of anything that I directly said or did to you, I have no doubt that my actions toward others, especially Rosemary, has affected you. I do appreciate your friendship, even when I wasn't reciprocating that friendship. Thank you for always being there for me and Little Jack."
Lee reached out and enveloped one of Elizabeth's hands in his. "You chose Rosie and me as Jack's guardians for a reason Elizabeth. We promised to support you in raising Jack. Granted, that has not always been an easy job, but Rosie and I were never going to go far even we did not know how to help you. I am just grateful to see you doing well and that I know Jack is in a good environment now."
Elizabeth squeezed the hand that held hers but didn't say anything. Nothing else was said until Lee parked the car.
"I am not sure if Rosemary or Bill told you, but we were looking at removing Jack from the home by court order," Lee admitted quietly, turning in his seat to face her even as he kept a hold of her hand. "It was not something we wanted to do, but you were defending Lucas and we were fairly certain he was hurting you though we could not prove it. After you fell and had the miscarriage, Rosie and I were worried about Jack's safety. Know that it was not a reflection on you as a mother but that we wanted to protect Jack from Lucas."
Elizabeth felt a pang of hurt that her friends would even consider taking her son away but it quickly faded. They had all come to her first. They had been trying to help both her and Jack but she had not allowed them to help. She knew she should be thankful that they cared enough about Jack to want him safe.
"I am glad it didn't come to that," Elizabeth told him. "I am sure given where I was I would have said some things I would be regretting now."
"I am too," Lee admitted. "I am even more relieved that both you and Jack are safe now," he said letting go of her hand and pulling her into a brotherly embrace. "Jack would have expected me to take care of you, Elizabeth. I have tried but I am glad that I have Nathan to share that responsibility with now."
"Thank you for being there for me, Lee," Elizabeth told him.
Lee held her for a few moments before releasing her. After Elizabeth had dried her eyes, the two of them headed for the station. Elizabeth was even more thankful for Lee's presence in the station. Given the business he did with the railroad, Lee was able to not only get her time to speak with Noah but the use of the station master's office to place a call to Hamilton. By the time that Lee was driving her back into town to pick up the children, William Thatcher was contacting people he knew at the seminary in Hamilton to see if a place could be found for Noah in the fall class.