newbeginning3

[Author Notes- If you are reading the story according to chapters, you might want to re-read thru quickly to make sure you find everything ok- the chapters were becoming too short so I changed things around construction wise and added some to certain scenes.  How is everything coming thus far?]

            Mark rubbed his eyes and sleepily muttered, "Maureen, not now I'm too hot and tired to do anything right now.  Come back to bed- we can have some 'fun' later ok?"

            He was so groggy that he didn't even realize that the voice he assumed was Maureen's was very un-female.  This is just too funny, here I am trying to wake his ass up and he thinks I'm Maureen trying to get some action.  Mark's been known to talk to sleep and with very little effort you could get him agree to anything.  I know I should let him sleep, but I can't resist- I want to see how far he'd go by thinking Maureen was trying to wake him up for hot torrid sex.   "But Marky-I want to play-just this once, please?" I imitate the way she talks when she wants Mark to do something for her; she gets all whiny and begs like a little girl.  And like a charm, Mark always falls victim to it.

            Mark looked like he was finally awake, but he still had not opened his eyes.  Instead, he swept his hand through his hair and released a long sigh, "Ok, ok-just this once.  Light some candles, find the handcuffs, and don't forget to get to grab the…" Mark just said handcuffs, who would have ever thought?  I try to contain my laughter, but it erupts before I can stop it.  "…out of my top drawer." Mark finally opens his eyes-obviously freaked to see me instead of a horny (ex) girlfriend.  "ROGER-What the fuck? Where's Maureen? Oh my god-there is no Maureen is there?  How long have you been standing there?  What exactly did you hear?" He rambles all his words together turning a bright shade of red, trying to recollect what he had told me in the past minutes.

            "Handcuffs, huh?" This brought on another fit of laughter that just made him even more embarrassed.  By now he had sat up and put his glasses on, but there was a gleam in his eyes saying that he wants to strangle me for getting his hopes up.  I, who could not just let this drop teased,  "And I always thought the ones that I kept on finding in the couch belonged to Mimi!  Does that mean the studded collar I found belongs to you too?  Geesh- sweet and innocent Mark Cohen into handcuffs and leather, who would have thought?  Now I know what to get you for your birthday in a couple of months.  Maybe that explains why Maureen still wears leather so much…"

            "Roger if you ever tell anyone-I'll…I'll…deny it.  Anyways it was always Maureen who was into that stuff, I just got dragged along for the ride," he stuttered to get everything out at once, but by the end he was grinning along with me.  I lower an eyebrow and look into his eyes.  While he was first denying it, my hand had been creeping around his back and before he could wiggle away I tickle the side of his stomach.  He leaned his head back and started to giggle while trying to squirm away, before finally revealing, "Yea, ok so I liked it too.  But I always did everything Maureen wanted me to-you know that.  Maureen is with Joanne now though, and somehow I don't see Joanne letting Maureen tie her up to bed.  I think Maureen is the bitch in that relationship, so maybe she likes getting tied up better now. Dammit-why did you have to do that?" His eyes were dancing and before long we were both laughing so hard that we started to cry.

            I couldn't resist teasing a little more, "You liked it and you know it.  Your mind registered 'sex' and suddenly you were awake.  Admit it-you were excited."

            "Of course I was excited- some of us don't have the luck with women that you do, Mr. Ladies Man.  I'm just an average guy and haven't gotten laid in over a year.  So sue me if I get a little excited at the thought of playing with Maureen- I need some action."

            Mark finally stood up and stretched.  Realizing he was only in boxers, he grabbed a pair of faded jeans and pulled them on.  It wasn't until he was done that he looked at me standing there with a smug look on my face.  Grinning back at me he reached out and pulled me into a hug. "You have no idea, how much I've missed this place.  I hadn't heard from you at all and I was scared that you were going to attack me as soon as I walked through the door.  The rest of the country is great, but New York will always be home.  I shouldn't have left so soon after Mimi died, but if I would have waited any longer I wouldn't have been able to taken that job-and I probably would have never left.  I couldn't stay in this city being nobody, and it was the only option that I had at the time.  I was finally prepared to talk to you but you weren't here when I got in this afternoon.  I knew that I couldn't deal with anyone else without first making sure things were fine with you.  Boredom finally got to me though so short of hours of masturbation- sleep was the only option."

            He kept on talking like there was no end.  All my previous anger melted away and he had me laughing at the way he could talk about nothingness for such a long extended period of time.  I finally had to interject before he quit directing the conversation at me and began talking to himself. "Do you ever shut up?  I admit, I was angry that you when you left, still am I guess-It has been really hard without you or Mimi around.  But I missed you too much to be angry right now.  This place hasn't been the same since you left, that's for sure.  That phone hasn't quit ringing for the past couple of days, everyone wanting to know when you'd be home.  If I have to endure Maureen calling here one more time I'm going to throw that answering machine out the window.  She has called every single day this week checking to see if you're back-she's trying to stage a protest and needs help.  Her and Joanne had another fight.  She figures she can always get you, her slave, to help her with all the electrical and film it too.  By the way- where exactly is she staying and who is Kitty?"

            "It's a phone sex center that's all I know, don't know who Kitty is."

            "How do you know that it's a phone sex center?" I ask him with a grin.

            He laughs at this and turns red again before respond, "Don't ask."

            "Sure…"

            "This wouldn't by chance be a protest about me would it?  Every single time I've talked to her, she has just lectured me about accepting taking that job," he grinned and his blue eyes danced behind his glasses. "Can't have Maureen destroying my new found professional reputation- I'd hate to see tapes of Maureen in compromising situations surface.  Wouldn't want the in-laws to find out just how kinky their daughters girlfriend is, now would we?"

            I didn't really fully comprehend fully what he meant, until I saw the mischievous look in his eyes.  His face once again flushed as he burst out laughing. "Mark! All this time I just thought you liked viewing the world thru a viewfinder, making films about the complexities of life.  But now the truth has been revealed-all those times you left the apartment to film things, you were making amateur porn with Maureen.  It puts a new twist on why Maureen always liked to have an audience.  I always wondered who all those people were at her protests.  And we all thought you were so nice and innocent…" trying to complete my thought turned into an effort because I was laughing too hard.

            "I wouldn't necessarily call it amateur…Maureen liked to-wait why am I telling you this?" he giggles, "Let's just change the subject.  I can't believe how much energy I have right now.  What's happened since I left?"

            We eventually calmed down enough to carry out a normal conversation.  He gave me the run down on what all he had been doing since he left.  I hate to admit it but his time away did him some good.  Physically he's the same Mark; same blond messy hair, same blue eyes behind his glasses, still several inches shorten than me, same pale skin despite life in California, still the skinny runt.  But he exudes a confidence and a happiness that has been lacking for quite a long time.  The conversation eventually turns to what I've been doing for the past year.  For some reason I find myself revealing how scared, how lonely, how insecure, and how helpless I have felt.  But right now all those feelings have disappeared and I just enjoy the time we spend conversing.

            "Oh Shit! I forgot to call Kaitlyn!" Mark jumped from the couch and raced over to the phone.

            I think of all the girls that I know, but a Kaitlyn doesn't right a bell.  I ask, "Who's Kaitlyn?"  

            "Kaitlyn is an actress that I used in a short film a couple of months ago.  When I got home today, she had left a message on the machine.  She wanted me to call her so 'we can get together,'"

"What's with you and all the actresses?"

He smiled at that and responded with, "I like to watch."  I double over in laughter and watch as he calls her and from his end of the conversation and the huge grin on his face, they make plans to meet the next week.

            After he hangs up the phone, I can't help but ask, "So what did she want?"

            His face turns crimson and he tries not to smile.  I swear he blushes more than any other person I've met in my entire life. "I've invited her over next weekend-hope you don't mind."

            His embarrassment is extremely funny to observe, especially after all the females that I've brought back here in the past. "No problem what so ever." I manage to get the words out before erupting in laughter once again.

            "Don't grin at me like that.  I told you I hadn't gotten laid in awhile…"

            I'm home-I'm really home.  I have told myself it over and over but it wasn't true until Roger woke my ass up.  I can't believe that he pretended to be Maureen.  Just what I needed, to wake up from a good sleep horny.  He learned more about my sex life (or lack there of) in those couple of minutes than I care, but I can't really change that.  I fully expected to have a really awkward meeting with Roger, so maybe it was the best that it happened the way it did.  It's better to start things off on laughter than resentment.  My stomach is still slightly sore from laughing so much.  It's strange because we haven't acted like this since shortly after Roger started dating April.  And, I haven't seen him this alive since before the drugs or her death.  He went from mourning April (and rehab) to being with Mimi; sometimes blissfully happy but others in complete misery and then she was gone.  Maybe he missed me as much as I missed him.  I still can't believe that I managed to stay away for so long.  The part of me that has been missing is friendship, but not just friendship with anyone but Roger.  He knows more about me than anyone in the world and despite all our differences he's my best friend.

            It is so weird-Kaitlyn wants to do something with me.  YES, WITH ME- MARK COHEN!! It's been so long that someone has asked me do something with them instead of for them, that I find myself giddy even a week ahead of time.  I've managed to deal with Roger tonight, but the rest of the world still waits.  I turn on my camera and find myself lapsing back into filming Roger mode.  "July 23rd, 2am Eastern Standard Time.  I can't believe that I've finally come back.  Close on Roger- with his guitar, trying to get his life back on track.  Fade in on black- then zoom in on Mark who acts like he's on crack- Life has continued to exist without me…"

            Roger looks up from his guitar enough to interrupt with, "Sure as hell ain't as much fun though…"

            "The cliché still exists-There is no place like home."

            "You can say that again.  Mark, do you know that you have this annoying habit of rhyming whenever you start filming?" I stick my tongue out at him and through the viewfinder I see Roger smiling before giving me the finger.

            "Shut up, Roger- play your guitar."

            "It's nice to have a fan again."

            The comforting sounds of his guitar drown out the sounds of the street below and our neighbors.  Before long, I find myself drifting to sleep, my camera pointed at Roger as the tape continued to roll.

{Next morning}

            The sun shining directly through the skylight destroyed all the great dreams I was having.  If it had only delayed five more minutes, I would have a great day with my whipped cream fantasies-but no such luck.  Despite the abrupt ending of my dream, I woke up with an immense feeling of satisfaction and contentment.  Sometime during the night I ended up in my bed-thank god because the couch is very uncomfortable, speaking from past experiences.  I left my room and entered the other room to find Roger sitting flipping through a guitar magazine.  I should have known he was going say something because he looked like a kid trying not laugh.  I instead chose to ignore it-he didn't.

            "So lover boy, how'd you sleep?  Did Maureen let you get any sleep or did she want to 'play' all evening?  Just to let you know, you might want to clean out that top drawer of yours, girls don't like to see another woman's toys in their guys drawer" by now he was doubled over laughing.

            "How did you? Nevermind…May I remind you that it was you who continued the game, when I thought it was Maureen was trying to wake me.  You don't wake a guy up the same way his ex did, ask him to play, and not expect him to react the way he did when they were together…" I tried to reason it out but my attempts to explain myself were just digging me in a deeper hole. "Can we just forget that whole little incident-it never happened ok?"

            "You expect me to forget something like that?  Hell no-that was probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life.  I'm half tempted to share this story with everyone else; this is something that everyone deserves to know." He grins in response but I know that he's just fooling around.  Turning serious he goes on to say, "By the way, your mother called.  She said to call her when you can, that she loves you and to remind you about a cousin or something like that's bar mitzvah.  She asked me if you were seeing anyone new-told her your dumped your right hand for the left."

            "How come all our conversations have something to do with sex?"

            "You've been gone for a year-we're making up for lost time."

            He's probably correct, but I still don't think I've ever been this flamboyant about my personal life ever before.  I went from one extreme to the other.  I couldn't talk about this stuff before, now it's all I can talk about.  My stomach chose that moment to make its presence well known. "Dammit! There is nothing to eat in this house!"

            "Is there ever?" Roger retorted.

            "No, but I had hoped that it had changed,"

"There is always extremely stale chips or mint tea."

"No, that won't help," the hunger pains were becoming a force to be reckoned with.  "Hey Roger, let's go get something to eat.  If we don't leave soon I'm going to be tempted to raid my candy bar stash."

{Later-}

It's weird because when I left Benny thought I was such a slacker, but then I leave for a little while and suddenly he's begging me to come work for him.  He stopped by to offer me the use of his newly completed editing and sound rooms.  I know what he's doing- he wants me to realize how convenient the place is so that I will want to work for the company.  I have to admit the rooms are amazing-Benny went all out buying top of the line equipment-but he was always really flashy.  I may have sold out to some of the media whores, but I will not let Benny control my career.  While showing me the building, he got four phone calls-three of which were from Allison, his wife.  I never thought that Benny 'the player' would be placed on a leash, but boy is he whipped, probably has welts to prove it too.

I had lunch with Collins and Joanne yesterday afternoon in a fancy restaurant up town.  I don't know what made them choose that restaurant but it was a hell of a lot of fun making a scene.  There we were with these guys in penguin suits standing around the tables waiting on our every whim.  I caught many of them looking down at me with disdain-maybe I should have worth something other than my ripped jeans and Roger's KatScratchKlub t-shirt (it somehow managed to find its way to my drawer and was the first thing I put on), but the image was pretty funny considering how much money was being spent on the meal.  I had to fight the urge not to jump on the table and start singing-but I did manage to mention Sodomy, S&M, masturbation, transvestites, and lots of other fun words whenever the guys were within earshot.  Joanne and Collins both tried so hard to keep straight faces and not get involved, but with my antics they weren't able to control themselves.  Though I did feel pretty bad when a young waiter dropped the tray of food he was carrying, he must of heard us talking about the upcoming drag show that Collins was judging.  It made me feel special when Collins and Joanne both told me how much they missed having me around.  Apparently life has been pretty tame since I've left-strange considering I always thought my friends were the ones that corrupted me.

It's weird to think that you can leave for a whole year and come back a different person, but find that little had changed in your absence.  Since I came home three days ago, I've dealt with everyone that I left behind except Maureen.  After the incident with Roger, I don't think I can handle being around her.  Why did someone with her body have to be lesbian?  That was pure evil on someone's part-making the one I loved dump me for another female.  Doesn't do a lot to a guy's sexual confidence.  'We will not think about Maureen today.  You have been over that woman for a couple of years, Mark.  You have to get that into your other head.  Think of the amazing Kaitlyn, with her long auburn hair, green eyes, and amazing smile.' I figured if I repeated my mantra in my head enough times, my body would finally begin to listen.  Hasn't worked yet, unfortunately…

The city itself didn't change in my absence, but I am finding that I'm seeing it another light.  Everyday sights that I had filmed thousands of times before suddenly appear new and mysterious.  I know that it is me that changed though.  I left the city a broken man in search of happiness, and have returned with a confidence and sense of humor that I thought I'd lost.  But something this great can't last forever, and I'm wary of what may bring it crumbling to the ground.  I can't think about that though, if I do I'll lose everything I've gained.  The feeling that I revel in the most though, is being needed as a friend, instead of Mr. Fix-it.  Roger and I are really friends again; both of us have found an inspiration for work.  I told him that his friendship was my inspiration and how much I appreciated everything that he'd ever done, for all my bullshit he has withstood.  In true Roger fashion, he told me to shut my mouth.  He told me I was distracting him while he was trying to write a song- God it's great to be home.

Life has changed so much the past couple of weeks.  I've gone from hiding in the apartment alone not writing any songs, to having so many ideas and lyrics racing through my head that I am having a hard time keeping track of all of them.  Mark has been running around the apartment with his camera so much that I finally asked him if he was on speed.  His energy is never ending, but he told me I was the same way only with my guitar.  I know that his return is what prompted this writing spree.  But is it because absence makes the heart grow fonder, or did he always have this effect on my writing?

I remember that shortly after we became roommates I found myself writing tons of songs that weren't there before.  It was that way for over a year, but then April entered the picture and the only way I could write a song was if I was fucked up.  April's death left me without hope in rehab.   It wasn't until I realized how much Mimi meant to me that I was able to write a song worth singing.  It disappeared, though, when she died, and it has just now returned.  The entire time in between April and now, my friendship with Mark was disjointed.  I mean we were friends but my attitude pushed him away, even though he was always there trying to break through my shell.  I'd usually just ignore him or we'd get into a fight, but no matter what his devotion never wavered.  Hell-I wasn't even there for him when Maureen dumped him or after Angel's death.    If I wasn't able to write any songs without him around, I can't imagine what kind of hell he must have gone through.  When Mark was leaving he said something about his camera being the only friend he had ever had, how can I change that?