Jillian's Miracle

Chapter 10 "New Beginnings"

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my made-up characters!

Sunday, December 17th

Black, bay, gray, paints, white, even a Grulla. All kinds of horses were in the barn at the showgrounds.

So many people and they all looked professional. Like they had been doing it for years. Nausea rolled through my stomach, making me lean against the horse beside me.

Midnight nudged me gently and nickered. "It's just nerves boy, I know. There are so many riders here. What if we make a fool out of ourselves?"

Midnight snorted and I swore it sounded insulted. As if he was saying well, I won't look like a fool out there. I laughed and rubbed his neck. "I know you'll look amazing out there, even if your rider doesn't."

Katie had managed to get us a stall in a mostly empty part of the barn. She knew the grounds manager from doing business with them before and had explained Midnight's wariness of strangers.

Garland and red bows hung on each stall with little mistletoes hanging at each stall door. Christmas was barely a week away and I was looking forward to it. It would be my first Christmas away from my kidnapper.

But still another Christmas without my family. I sighed, trying to shake the thoughts from my head. I should be focusing on the show, not my sadness about being alone on Christmas.

"Jessie!" I turned at Sam's shout and smiled. Well not alone and still with family. Just not my Heartland family. I waved, seeing that Jen was with her as well.

Sam slowed before reaching us, not wanting to startle Midnight, though he was almost as used to Sam as he was me.

"Hey, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?" Sam asked, a little breathless.

"I'm managing." I shrugged, forcing myself to take a deep breath. "I might need a getaway car though."

They both laughed. "You'll do fine." Jen assured me. "Katie has nothing but good things to say about you and from what we saw on Friday, you'll do great!"

Sam and Jen had come out with Ryan to watch my lesson on Friday.

"I'm trying to tell myself that but I'm just so nervous." I admitted, running another hand over Midnight's silky neck. "I know he'll do fine, but I'm more worried about me. What if I forget to give him enough leg at a jump and he refuses? What if he dumps me on the ground?"

"Stop giving yourself nightmares." Sam ordered and reached out to shake my shoulders. "You'll do great and remember, this is your first show. If you make a mistake, you'll remember it for next time."

"There's no arguing with Samantha, I've learned." Ryan's British voice came from behind me and Midnight. Midnight didn't spook badly so he must have heard Ryan coming up.

Ryan gave him a wide berth and joined Sam and Jen. "Those Forsters are stubborn." I said with a laugh, Jen and Ryan joining, as Sam crossed her arms at me.

"You should walk the course before it gets too close to class time." Ryan suggested, nodding towards the arena.

"Would you mind watching Midnight?" I asked Sam. "He likes you almost as much as he likes me."

"We'll stay with him." Sam agreed and Jen nodded. Ryan gestured for me to go first and we walked towards the course set up. Katie joined us at the fence.

"You feeling okay?" Katie asked putting her arm around my shoulders, giving them a gentle shake.

I nodded, my throat feeling dry as I looked over the jumps. They weren't really that high – maybe two and a half feet – and looked just like the jumps at Katie's. It would be okay, I told myself.

Katie walked me through the course, pointing out a jump that might cause me my first bit of trouble. Ryan popped in with a word of advice as we continued around.

It was time to go back and get Midnight before the classes started. My stomach rolled in nervousness.

"Hey, you're going to be fine." Katie assured me as we walked back. "Remember it's going to be fine no matter what happens. Your first show is always about the experience."

Getting back to the barn, I found that more of my 'cheering section' had gotten there. Grace and Brynna stood there, talking with Sam and Jen as Midnight glanced curiously around.

Brynna smiled as she noticed us walking their way. "There comes our little jumper!"

I laughed nervously as I slid my hand along Midnight's side. He nuzzled me affectionately.

Brynna motioned me over to her and then she hugged me. "You're going to do great out there. Do your best and be careful."

Grace hugged me next. "Good luck, sweetheart. We'll be up in the stands cheering you on." She pulled back with a smile. "Wyatt and the cowboys are already up there, finding us seats."

"I can't believe all three of them came." I said, shaking my head.

"Well they just want to support you as much as we do." Brynna smiled and put her arm around Sam's shoulders. "Girls, let's get out of Jessie and Katie's hair so she can finish getting ready."

I waved as they walked out to the stands. It was time to get ready.

…..

Pepper POV

I glanced around uneasily as we found seats on the bleachers of the showground. Jessie was competing in her first show today and we all wanted to come out to support her.

Dallas and Wyatt had grumbled yesterday a bit about having to go to a jumping show but one look from Grace had kept them from saying anything more.

I had wanted to come, to support Jessie. Things had been a little weird at first when she started dating Ryan but slowly they had went back to normal.

I tried to avoid seeing them together. I wouldn't deny Jessie her happiness, but I didn't want to see them together. It stung.

Grace came up the steps towards us followed by Brynna, Sam, and Jennifer Kenworthy.

"How's she doing?" Wyatt asked as they sat down.

"Okay, I think. Nervous, of course, but I told her just to do her best." Brynna said, sighing. She looked worried.

"And Midnight?" I leaned down to ask.

Brynna shrugged. "He looked fine, curious about his surroundings, but didn't look worked up."

"He stayed with Jen and I while Jessie went to look at the course. He didn't act anxious or anything and he didn't even flatten his ears at Katie or Ryan's presence. I think he's doing a lot better." Sam told me with a smile.

I nodded. He was doing a lot better, even letting Sam touch him and he really liked Grace but I had the feeling that was because of her treats she baked and brought to the horses.

Midnight was still wary with most of us though he wouldn't shy like he used to.

We quieted down as the announcer started talking, announcing the class and the first rider. They cantered onto the course and took the first jump quickly.

Watching the riders jump, I couldn't help but feel a little bit of admiration of their riding skills. I didn't have any use for jumping or their type of riding, but I couldn't deny that it took skills.

A moment later, Katie and Ryan came into the stands, finding our group and sitting down. Katie turned to Brynna and Wyatt. "I think Jessie is going to do great her first time out. She's nervous but she's learned a lot recently and they're a strong team."

"I hope she does well. I don't want her to be crushed if she doesn't." Brynna fretted a bit.

"She'll do great." Ryan said with a confident tone and smile. I tried not to frown, turning back to the jumpers instead.

I could hear Ryan talking with Grace, explaining the mistakes of the current rider in the ring. They had already knocked two poles down.

We all sat up more attentively as Jessie's name was called and she entered the ring on Midnight. He trotted in beautifully and after a glance, Jessie put him into a canter, heading towards the first jump.

…

Jessie POV

I sat waiting outside the ring for my name to be called. Nerves were running through me again, making my stomach flip. I glanced up towards the stands, trying to find anyone's familiar face.

The first one I saw was Pepper. He was glancing down at Ryan, who was sitting with Grace. His face held a weird expression – one I couldn't name – but I was thinking about how he had been weird for the first few weeks that Ryan and I had started dating.

It seemed like he was avoiding me all the time until one day it went back to normal. He still tended to walk away when Ryan was around but when it was just me and him, he was fine.

I hadn't understood why exactly – what was his issue?

Shaking my head, I told myself to focus on the competition. I saw the jumper before me was finishing up and I took a deep breath.

"Next up, is Jessie Olson, on Midnight." Midnight and I trotted into the ring and I focused myself on the jumps. Cantering, we made it over the first one flawlessly.

We made it clear through the next few jumps without an issue and the potential problem jump was coming up in just two more jumps. Don't think about it yet. I ordered myself as we cantered towards the next jump.

Midnight flew over it easily and landed before bounding to the next jump. He loved jumping as much as I did – maybe even more.

I took a deep breath as we headed for the problem jump – the very last jump and one set higher than the rest. An oxer jump on top of it, so we'd be jumping wider. It's only three feet. He cleared four feet with you easily. I reminded myself.

"We can do this." I whispered to him and Midnight's ears flicked back to catch my voice.

I gave him the encouragement that he really didn't need and over we went.

Any worries or nerves about not making it over were blown away as we landed safely on the other side, Midnight's hooves far clear on either of the poles.

We did it! I thought smiling and patting his neck as the stands broke into applause.

"And that was Jessie Olson, clean round with a time of…." I didn't even hear the rest of what the announcer said as I left the ring. I glanced up and saw my Nevada family and friends – as I liked to think of them – smiling and waving my way.

Noticing how crowded the area around Midnight and I was, we moved towards the barn area.

"We did it, Midnight! We made it through our first show!" I leaned down to hug his neck. "You did such a great job, boy! You were amazing."

Midnight turned to nudge my knee with his nose and it was like he was saying you too!

I dismounted and hugged him again, feeling happy and elated. Of course, this didn't mean we had won or anything but we had done it, we had competed in our first show with no issues.

"Jessie!" Katie called as she moved through riders and horses. She was beaming. "You were great out there! I couldn't have asked for a better performance from the both of you."

She stopped a few feet back – the distance that Midnight felt comfortable – and I grinned at her. "He was amazing! There was no hesitation, no fighting me, and the way he cleared that last jump? He flew!"

"He's a great horse." Katie agreed, still beaming. "But it's also you. You're a good rider and that makes you two a good team. The next to last rider was heading into the ring when I came down, so you'll have to get ready to go out there to listen for the results. I'll help you find a non-crowded spot."

Katie and I walked back out. After she spoke to a fellow coach, they and their riders made room for Midnight and I in the corner so he'd have space away from people.

I looked up into the stands and found Pepper looking my way. I smiled at him and waved. He returned the wave with a big smile of his own and a thumbs up. Ryan noticed me next, tearing his eyes away from the rider in the ring and he waved too.

The last rider went into the ring and we watched intently. They looked good. Their horse was a leggy bay – looked like a Thoroughbred to me – and they were fast.

I watched as they plowed through the course. Katie murmured something and I turned to her. "What is it?"

"The horse is going too fast. They should slow down before they knock a rail." She said quietly and I turned back to the rider.

They were going fast and I knew they were probably trying to get the best time. The problem with going fast was like Katie said, you could knock a rail or even bring the jump down.

And that's exactly what happened on the last jump. The horse rushed and knocked the second rail. It wobbled and for a moment I thought it would stay but then it fell into the dirt, causing the rider to get penalized.

A minute or so later, the scoreboard appeared and I gasped as I saw the standings. "Oh my gosh!"

"You did it!" Katie crowed, over-excited as she threw her arms around me. Midnight snorted and backed up a little but it was a small reaction. "You won!"

"Winner of today's show is Jessie Olson, on Midnight. Second place goes to Jenna Wood on…" I barely heard the announcer as they went through the standings and then Katie was telling me to mount up to go into the ring to accept my ribbon.

I hadn't thought about this part with Midnight. "Katie!" I whispered down to her once I was mounted, a little panicked. "What will I do? He's never going to let a stranger near him."

"I'll walk in with you, accept your ribbon." Katie said calmly and she stopped to speak with the official at the opening of the arena as I went ahead on Midnight. I stopped by the other two riders and waited for Katie to come over. Luckily they seemed to go from third to first.

"Hey congratulations on the win." The girl next to me leaned over to say. She was on a stocky gray horse and she had gotten second place. "Your horse looked great out there."

"Thanks!" I replied smiling at her. "You too! Your horse looked like a power house over those jumps."

She patted the gray's neck. "Cloud here is a great horse. I'm hoping to be in your place next time." She turned as the official came up to hand her ribbon to her. Katie jogged over just as the official turned to me and Midnight.

"Miss Sterling, it's nice to see you out here with your students. I remember when you were showing in your teen years. Good job, Miss Olson. You two looked great out there." The official added with a smile as he handed Katie the ribbon and gave me a nod.

We went back the barn and I felt like I was floating. I had ridden through my first show and we had won! I couldn't ask for a better outcome than that.

"I am so proud of you two." Katie told me once we were back at the stalls. I dismounted and Katie gave me a hug again. "You did so great and it will only get better – and more fun – from here! Our focus besides jumping needs to be on getting Midnight socialized." She glanced at him, a thoughtful look on her face. "If you're going to continue to show, he's going to have to get used to people being around and if you plan to win, he needs to accept a person coming up. We'll work on it together to make sure we don't traumatize him, but it's definitely a priority."

I nodded, knowing she was right. He was getting better with people he was familiar with – Sam could even touch him now – but if we were going to show, he'd need to be okay with strangers too. For his and other's safety. We couldn't have a public repeat of what had happened when Ryan had tried to pet him that first time.

"But we'll think of that later because you two are winners and your fan base is headed this way!" Katie said with a chuckle. I turned to see everyone headed our way and I put Midnight in the stall, removing his bridle and saddle quickly. That way he wouldn't be in the middle of everyone.

Once I stepped back out, Sam hugged me. "You were great out there!"

"We're friends with a future Olympian!" Jen teased, joining the hug. I laughed and returned their hugs.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. It was only my first show!"

"Why not shoot for the stars?" Ryan's British voice said from behind me and his hug was next. "Congrats, Jessie, you were wonderful out there. Midnight too!"

Grace's perfume filled my senses as she took over from Ryan. "This calls for a celebration! How about dinner at Clara's?"

"Really?" I asked in surprise, knowing finances could be tight at River Bend and dinner out was not a common thing. "But – "

"No buts." Brynna interjected with a smile. "We have to celebrate your first show – and win. Clara's is the best place."

"And we may even spring for some chocolate cake." Wyatt joked with a smile before he turned to Dallas and them. "Y'all coming with us?"

"If you're going to twist my arm." Dallas chuckled and I saw Ross nod yes. Pepper didn't answer for a moment and I frowned. Everyone started talking about Clara's and I walked over to Pepper.

I grabbed his hand and he looked up at me with half a smile. "Great job on the win, Jessie. You looked real good out there."

"Thank you." I said quietly and watched his face. "You're coming to Clara's right? It wouldn't be the same without you."

He looked down at the ground, scuffing the ground with his boot. "Yeah, I guess I'll come too."

I smiled and hugged him. "Thanks Pepper."

His arms enclosed me and he sighed. "Anytime."

….

Clara's wasn't too packed thank goodness. We pushed two tables together so we could all sit together. The atmosphere was happy and cheerful. The diner was decorated with Christmas decorations and I thought again about how this would be my first Christmas that I wasn't with my abductor since I was five.

An ache bloomed inside me as I thought about how I was free from him but still not with my family at Heartland. I missed them so much. Andy gave me updates when he talked to me and promised to pass along anything I asked him to. They even knew of the show today. Andy had told me that they were all wishing me good luck and they would be thinking of me.

I missed my family. Tears blurred my vision for a minute and I tried to blink them away.

"Hey, you okay?" Ryan leaned close to ask quietly so no one else heard. Shaking off my melancholy thoughts, I nodded.

"Yeah, just thinking about Christmas." I told him, not lying but not being completely honest.

"It's your first without your mother." He noted softly and I nodded. Again, not a lie technically. "I'm sorry. I can only imagine how hard it is."

"It is." I answered quietly, not wanting to tip anyone else off. "But I've got all of you here in Nevada."

"That's true." He smiled and reached down to squeeze my hand. "Let's do something fun and Christmas-y this week. We'll make it a good one, in honor of your mom."

"I'd like that." I returned his squeeze. Clara and her other waitress Junie came over with our food and that was the end of our conversation. Conversations ebbed and flowed around me as we ate. Cattle, horses, the holiday coming up.

Katie leaned forward to grab my attention. "I think we'll try to fit at least one more lesson in before the holiday, maybe two. We'll work around your chores at River Bend and then we'll aim for more shows after the new year. You game for that?"

I smiled and nodded. "I am. Today was nerve-wracking but so fun! Midnight and I are ready to take on some more."

"It's going to be awesome!" Katie high-fived me and I laughed at her enthusiasm.

Later, as we got back to River Bend and I was unloading Midnight from Katie's trailer, I focused on Katie. "Katie, I just want to say thank you for your coaching of Midnight and I. We wouldn't be doing so great or have won the show if it wasn't for your teaching. I'm so grateful to have a great coach like you. So thank you."

Katie glowed at my words and she reached out to give me a hug. "You're welcome. I love teaching you both and I'm proud to have you as my student. Get as much rest as you can tonight and some tomorrow, then we'll start again at working on jumping and brainstorm some ways to desensitize Midnight with strangers. Have a good night and we'll talk Monday."

Katie bid a good night to everyone and she left, her tail lights illuminating the ranch yard. Ryan had went home and taken Jen with him since they both lived at Gold Dust. Brynna had swung by Three Ponies, where Cody had been hanging out with Maxine and her big family. Maxine had offered to babysit Cody as she wanted Brynna and Wyatt to be able to enjoy the show.

I walked Midnight to the barn and Illusion neighed a greeting to him, excited for his friend to be home. I got Midnight into his stall and went to grab his feed.

When I came back, I saw Pepper and Sam standing there talking with Illusion and Midnight. I was surprised to see Midnight hadn't gone too far even though Pepper was there as well. He was really coming along.

I put the feed into feed manger and stepped back out to stand by them. "Thanks for coming to my show, the both of you. I really appreciate you coming out. It meant a lot to me."

"Well of course we'd be there. We may not know what's what, but we'll always be there to support you." Sam smiled at me and Pepper nodded.

"Can't promise I'll make every show, but I'll come as much as I can." He said, his eyes flicking over to me.

I leaned against the stall with them and sighed. I was tired and my small bun was coming undone. Reaching up, I pulled out of the bobby pins and hair net that kept my hair in, my hair falling to my shoulders.

"Feel better?" Pepper sounded amused as he watched.

"Yeah, I had the bun so tight it was giving me a headache. Etiquette in the jumping ring is that your hair should be tucked away and not flying out."

"Sounds uncomfortable." Sam sympathized and she glanced at my outfit. "How about those pants? Are they comfortable?"

"The breeches? They're actually really comfortable. Katie helped me find pairs that would be sensible and comfortable. I'm not a fan on this blazer though." I gestured to the navy blue blazer I wore over my white shirt. "I'd rather ride in a t-shirt and breeches."

"Just another reason to ride Western." Pepper said with a wink. Sam and I rolled our eyes.

"They have to dress up too." I said pretending to glare at him. He chuckled.

"Samantha!" We all looked at the sound of Wyatt's voice and I twisted back around to Sam.

"You in trouble?"

She sighed. "I hope not. I don't think I've done anything bad lately. I better go see what's going on."

Pepper and I watched as she left the barn before meeting each other's eyes. I had learned quickly that Sam sometimes got herself into hot water with her family and it usually involved horses, sometimes things at school. I didn't think she had done anything within the last few days though to get into trouble.

"I should probably head to the bunkhouse too…" Pepper pushed off of the stall and started to leave.

I grabbed his jacket sleeve to stop him. "Pepper, are you okay?"

He turned, looking surprised by my question. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

I hesitated, not sure how to word it. "You….you just seemed down today before we went to Clara's and a little bit at Clara's."

Pepper shrugged, giving me a small smile. "It's nothing you need to worry about."

"You're my friend, of course I should worry about you." I protested and let go of his jacket.

"Jessie, you have a lot going on in your own life. I don't want you to worry about anything else and it's nothing, really." Pepper insisted, reaching out to touch my arm.

I bit my lip, wondering if he was downplaying whatever it was. Wondering if it had anything to do with Ryan. "Do you remember when I first came here and you told me that I could talk to you about anything? Well the same goes for you. You can talk to me about anything."

"Thank you, Jessie." Pepper stared at me for a moment before speaking again. "I guess it's just the holidays coming up and not being with my family. It's hitting a little hard."

My heart went out to him, knowing how he felt. "Oh Pepper, I completely understand. Wyatt would let you go home, wouldn't he?"

"Yeah, I've went home the last two years." He said with a nod.

"Will you be going home this year?" A selfish part of me hoped he said no. I liked having Pepper around and I didn't want him to go away for Christmas. I would be missing too many people this Christmas and I didn't want to add him to my list.

He looked down and – was he blushing? "I, ah, thought I'd stick around. Don't want Dallas feeling lonely or anything. And…I thought maybe you'd want a lot of people around. I mean this will be your first real Christmas in ten years and you don't even get to be with your family. That's what you were tearing up about in the diner, right?"

Shock coursed through me. I thought no one else had noticed and how did he make that connection so easily? "How did you know?" was all I managed to say.

Pepper shrugged. "I get to feeling homesick and start missing my family around the holidays, so I figured you might be feeling the same. And you haven't been able to have a real Christmas in years, surrounded by people who love you. It's bound to be a big deal and I'd imagine it will bring a lot of emotions."

I nodded, feeling the ache return. "It was going to be my first Christmas at home for the first time in ten years. And now that's gone, maybe forever. It's not fair."

"Hey, hey, don't cry." Pepper said and rushed to me as tears streaked down my face. His arms surrounded me and my face pressed into his soft flannel shirt through his open coat. "I know it's not fair. You've been dealt a crappy hand and you don't deserve that. They'll catch the guy, I truly believe that, and you'll see your family again. Until then, you're a part of this family on this ranch."

"I miss home." A sob tore through me. "I wished they were able to watch me today, see my win, be proud of me."

"I know, I know Jessie." Pepper tried to soothe me, running his hand over my hair. "And even though I don't know them, I just know they'd be so proud of you, just like we all are. We have to think positively. Think about seeing them again one day. And let's think about how today should be a good day. You won your first show. I can see you and Midnight blazing through the show circuit. Heck, maybe you will even be a future Olympic champion just like Jennifer said."

I tearfully laughed at his words but they comforted me as well. He was right, I needed to take today as win and enjoy it and I needed to think positively.

I'd see my family again someday.

…

Pepper POV

Exhausted, I let myself into the bunkhouse. Calming Jessie hadn't been too hard but it left me feeling sorry for her. I had been feeling down about things with her – with her being with Ryan and all – but there had been a warmth in the fact that she had confided in me, that I had been able to read her so well, that I had comforted her.

"Thought you'd never come in." Dallas' voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I saw him and Ross looking at me from where they sat, playing cards.

"I was talking to Jessie out in the barn." I answered, taking my coat and hat off, hanging it on the rack. I walked over and took a seat at the table.

"She looked a little rough at dinner. Maybe overwhelmed a bit." Dallas noted and glanced sideways at me.

"It was a big day for her." I said with a shrug, not wanting to give away anything that Jessie had told me.

"She did good today." Ross complimented quietly as he picked up a card from the pile.

"She's got some talent with that jumping stuff." I nodded in agreement. That was the truth. I didn't know much about jumping or English riding, but I knew she looked great while she rode.

"Not that his opinion would be biased or anything." Dallas joked looking at Ross. Ross smiled a little and shook his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked irritated and embarrassed at the same time. I had a feeling of what Dallas was insinuating and I didn't want to hear it.

"Pepper, it's as plain as day that you have feelings for Jessie. Everyone can see it." Dallas chuckled and tossed a card into the discard pile. My cheeks heated at his words. Was it really that obvious to everyone? If it was, did Jessie know too? "Well except for maybe Jessie."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I snapped, crossing my arms. Ross stayed out of it but Dallas turned to look at me.

"Nothing wrong with it. She's a pretty girl and she shares some interests with you. She's a sweet girl. It's better than you liking Samantha. If you want to keep your job that is."

I could only imagine Wyatt's reaction if I had ever liked Sam. Not that she wasn't pretty and we did share interests but she had always been more of a little sister to me and it had never been an option to feel that way about her.

"Jessie's dating Ryan anyways, so how I feel doesn't matter." I muttered, annoyed at him for saying anything.

"They share interests too, especially with the English riding, but he's got shaky character and she can never be fully honest with him. Won't go anywhere." Dallas shrugged.

I didn't know if Dallas was just trying to cheer me up or he meant it, but it worked. It made me feel hopeful that maybe I'd get my chance with Jessie.

"Wyatt was saying something today about wondering if either of you are wanting to visit home for the holidays. He just wants to know so he can plan if one or both of you'll be gone. Heck, I need to plan too if you're taking off for a few days." Dallas blew out a breath and started shuffling the cards as their game ended.

"No plans to go anywhere." Ross said simply and I nodded.

"I'm going to stay put this year as well. My parents will have my aunt and uncle, my cousins over so they'll have plenty of people there."

"Nothing to do with our newest guest." Ross teased, a rare thing. I couldn't even get mad, though I tried.

I ended up laughing along with Dallas. "You two are relentless." I shook my head. Dallas lifted the cards asking if I was in. I nodded.

As long as they left me alone about Jessie.

…

Jessie POV – Wednesday, December 20th

"I can't believe winter break starts today." Jen said as we walked towards the bus.

"Me either. I still have shopping to finish." I groaned at the thought. I'd have to ask Brynna or Grace to go into town sometime before Monday – Christmas – rolled around.

"I might be able to convince Jake to take us into town." Sam told me as we got onto the bus. I sat on a seat across the aisle from them and grinned at Sam.

"You really think you got the power to convince Jake to go shopping?" Jen and I laughed as we both looked at Sam. She shrugged with a determined look on her face.

"We'll see." She said with a shrug and we talked about taking a ride this weekend or maybe even tomorrow.

When Sam and I walked into River Bend, I was surprised to see the cowboys were home.

"Hey Dallas!" I called and waved as we walked towards the ranch house. The foreman was at the ten acre pasture petting Amigo.

He turned with a smile and waved back at us. Wyatt and Grace were talking in the kitchen, Wyatt leaning back with a mug in his hand.

"Hello girls, your snack's on the table." Grace smiled at the both of us. "How was school?"

"Good." We said in unison. I grabbed the cookies off the plate and followed Sam upstairs and we went to our rooms to change out of our school clothes.

Coming back into the kitchen, I went over to Grace. "Grace, do you think there's any chance you or Brynna could take me into town before Sunday?"

Before Grace got the chance to answer, the phone rang. Sam grabbed it. "Hello?"

Her eyes flew over to me and she smiled. "Yeah, she's right here Ryan. Hold on a sec."

Laughing, Sam held the phone out to me. "Your boyfriend wants to speak to you."

Rolling my eyes and ignoring the chuckles in the kitchen, I took the phone.

"Ryan, hey." I turned away from the staring eyes as I spoke. "What's up?"

"Well I'm going to go into Darton and I was wondering if you wanted to go. I know you said you needed to get a few things and I thought I'd offer. I thought we'd get some shopping done and then we could grab some food court dinner. All the unhealthy kind." Ryan's British voice sounded like he was smiling.

"That would be great and I would love to. I have to ask though – hang on for a moment." I put my hand over the mouthpiece and Grace looked at me expectantly. "Ryan is going into Darton and he offered to take me with him. Is that okay?"

Grace looked back at Wyatt and he shrugged. She turned back and nodded. "It's alright with us dear as long as you get your homework done first and you're back at a reasonable time."

"Thank you!" I said grinning and went back to the phone. "Ryan? I just have to get my homework done first and then I can go."

"Great, so let's say in an hour?" Ryan suggested and it sounded like he was smiling too.

"Sounds good. See you then." We hung up and I went up the stairs to my bedroom to get my homework done.

Once that was done, I went out to the barn to visit with Midnight. He nuzzled me and took the treat I offered him. "I'm sorry we can't ride today, but now that it's winter break, we'll have plenty of time to go riding. We'll take some rides with Silly and Ace. I know you like hanging with them too."

"What about me and Nike?" A voice from behind me teased and I turned to see Pepper, bundled up but smiling.

I smiled back. "Well of course we love riding with you and Nike too, though we rarely get to."

Pepper came up to the stall and Midnight didn't back away, just moved over slightly to distance himself and Pepper. "How about this weekend we take a ride together? A pre-Christmas ride?"

"I'd like that." I told him and I meant it. Pepper was a good guy and a good friend.

"Good, let's say Sunday afternoon. A Christmas eve ride. If Midnight here isn't too tired from his lesson on Friday." Pepper smiled Midnight's way and I laughed.

"This guy is never too tired." I reached out and rubbed Midnight's silky nose. We both turned as we heard a car pulling in and I saw it was the champagne colored Jeep that Ryan drove. I gestured towards the Jeep. "Gotta go. Ryan's taking me to the mall so I can finish up Christmas shopping."

"I'm so glad you're taking the time to pick out my gift." Pepper joked as we walked out of the barn.

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly and laughed. "Yes, of course, I'm making this trip solely to get a gift for you."

"Well we're nearly best friends and who picks you up every Friday from Katie's? This guy." Pepper pointed at himself.

"Which I so appreciate." I said as I stopped beside Ryan's Jeep. I noticed Grace looking out the window and waved. She gave me a wave back and left the window. "So I'll see you later?"

Pepper nodded with a half-smile. "Yeah, have fun shopping."

I got into the Jeep and Ryan smiled over at me. "You look happy."

"I guess I am." I shrugged, buckling my seatbelt. Ryan turned around and headed out of River Bend. Once he was across the bridge, he grabbed my hand.

On the way to Darton we talked about our horses, the show, potential shows, and my day at school.

"When are you and Katie going to start working on Midnight's aversion to people?" Ryan asked as we drove into the Crane Crossing Mall parking lot.

"We've already started brainstorming but we'll probably start next week while I'm still on break. I've been reading up on what to do and thinking about potential herbal remedies to use."

"Herbal remedies?" Ryan asked as he parked the Jeep. I nodded, thinking of how to explain.

"A lot of people use natural remedies like lavender and other things to help horses with trauma, neglect, and abuse. There are many remedies out there that can help with anxiety and help calm Midnight."

Ryan looked thoughtful. "Hmmm, I guess I've never thought about that."

"There's actually a store in the mall that I want to stop in. They have some oils and stuff I want to get."

"Sure, we'll make sure to stop in."

We went into the mall and it was pretty packed. People, like me, getting their Christmas shopping done.

As we walked along, Ryan took my hand in his and I smiled over at him. Some days, I couldn't believe that I had this bit of normalcy. I had thought I'd never get away from Remy and all of it. I'd thought I'd never have a boyfriend or see my family again.

But here I was, with my boyfriend, at the mall, Christmas shopping. I didn't have my Heartland family but I had family.

"Would you like a picture with Santa?" Ryan teased as we passed the section where a Santa sat in a big chair, surrounded by fake presents. I laughed and shook my head. "Too old, huh?"

"Just a little." I grinned over at him and we went into the first store.

Four stores later, I was exhausted. "I think that about covers it." I said as we sat down with our tray of food in the mall food court. "I didn't realize how exhausting shopping was."

Ryan chuckled. "Holiday shopping can certainly take it out of you. Eat and recharge."

We ate in silence, watching other shoppers walk by. There was the occasional wail of a child from where Santa and his North Pole display was. A normal day for a normal girl. I thought again.

….

General POV

Lou watched her grandfather as the family sat in the cheery looking living room. Though the air was filled with that excitement that came right before Christmas and the living room was full of Christmas décor – including a big Douglas Fir Christmas tree filled with lights and ornaments – he looked sad. She knew it was that he was missing Jillian.

She should be here. It was the unspoken thought they all had. Even though the room was full of people, there was an empty spot that none of them dared to speak of. She had been trying to keep it together and cheerful for both her grandfather and her sister, Amy. Amy tried to wear a brave face too; but at fifteen, that wasn't something she should have to do.

The days since Jillian had left – or died as the world thought – had been quiet and tampered with sadness, leaving the Bartlett-Fleming family to feel as if there was a void. And there was. Jillian.

The police didn't have any more leads on the man who took Jillian. And what if they never did? What if we never got to see her again? It'd be just as if she never came home.

I couldn't let that happen. Grandpa needed to see her again, needed to be happy again.

I stepped out to place a call.

…..

Jessie POV

"Jessie!" I glanced up from picking out Midnight's hooves to see Sam trot into the barn. "We're going into Darton to the mall – Brynna wants to get Cody's picture with Santa. Do you want to come with us?"

I smiled. "Yes!" I glanced down at my horse covered clothes. "If I can change first."

"Sure." Sam grinned at me as she took in my clothes too. "You look like you've been rolling all over him."

"I feel like it." I gave him a pat and put his blanket back on. I let him into his stall and he went out to the corral to find Illusion. Sam followed me up to the house and I ran upstairs to change. I threw on a clean pair of jeans and a hunter green sweater.

Looking at the mirror I had hanging up, I put my hair into a short ponytail. I couldn't wait for it to grow longer and as I could tell the red was starting to fade, I thought about dying it a different color. How would I look as a blonde? Maybe black hair. Or something crazy like blue hair.

I giggled at the thought and went back downstairs. Brynna, Wyatt, Sam, and Cody were waiting at the door for me and I rushed to put my shoes on.

"What was so funny?" Sam asked over Cody's babbling as we drove out of the ranch yard.

"I was just thinking that maybe when the red fades, I'd dye my hair something else. And I was thinking what if I dyed it blue?"

"Oh no." Wyatt groaned from the front seat and we all laughed. "No blue hair."

"One of my friends, Callie, she is always dying her hair a different color. If you want to, you should ask her. She does hair part-time now that she's in college."

"I don't know about blue though." Brynna said amusedly looking over at Wyatt. "Maybe you could do highlights in your hair instead."

"That could be fun!" I said excitedly and looked at Sam, striking a pose. "What do you think of me as a blonde?"

Sam looked at me thoughtfully. "It probably wouldn't look too bad – if you went golden or brown-ish blonde and not white blonde like Jen. And you could do the blue in your hair if you wanted. Or pink. Pink would probably look cute with blonde."

Wyatt sighed in the front seat and it sounded like one of defeat. Sam and I giggled quietly at his despair.

The mall was pretty busy for it being the evening. But since Christmas was closer than ever, I guess people were last minute shopping and visiting Santa.

Sam and I took turns keeping Cody entertained in the line as we waited for Santa.

"Hey Brat." We both looked up at Jake's voice and he was standing there with his mother, holding bags that I assumed held gifts. "Jessie." He nodded at me.

"Hey Jake." I gave him a friendly smile. "Mrs. Ely, good to see you."

"You too, Jillian." She turned to Brynna. "Getting Cody a picture with Santa?"

"Yes, we're going to see if we can get one of him not crying this year." Brynna said, half laughing.

I only partially listened to them as I kept Cody occupied as Sam, Jake, and Wyatt talked. Suddenly, it was our turn. Cody watched Santa warily and his bottom lip trembled.

"Hey Cody, it's Santa!" I told the little boy cheerily, picking him up. "Don't you want to get a picture with Santa?"

"Mam go." Cody said, reaching a pudgy hand towards Sam. Sam's eyes tracked from Cody to Santa and back. She didn't look thrilled with the idea.

"Of course Sam will go. I'll go with you too!" On impulse, I handed Cody to Sam and laughing, grabbed Jake's sleeve. "Even Jake's coming!"

"What!" Jake protested loudly but followed as I dragged him along towards Santa.

"We're going to get a picture with Santa." I said, trying not to laugh as Jake glared at me. "Oh come on, Jake. Do it for Cody." I gestured to the little boy who was watching us closely and Jake sighed.

"I'm going to regret this." Jake muttered but stepped to the side of Santa. The Santa let out a chuckle as he took Cody on his lap and Sam took the other side of Santa. Jake smirked and nodded at Santa's open leg. "Guess that's your seat."

Giggling, I sat gingerly on Santa's leg and he put his arm around me as well, as he talked to Cody about Christmas. He asked Cody what he wanted for Christmas and the little boy said something in his little kid dialect. I didn't know how Santa understood the kids at all.

"Jacob, smile!" His mother called as we sat there for the picture. Jake huffed but must have listened. The camera flashed and the photographer gave a smiling thumbs up. She must have got a good one.

Cody scrambled down from Santa and ran towards Brynna as a young woman dressed as an elf handed us candy canes. "Merry Christmas!"

We all thanked her and took our canes, following Cody back towards the adults.

"Oh, now I have to get a copy of this!" Mrs. Ely said as Brynna showed her the picture the woman handed her. In it, we all were smiling – even Cody and Jake.

"We'll make sure to get you one." Brynna told her with a smile.

"Can I get one too, Brynna?" I asked and she looked at me. Her smile softened and she nodded.

"Of course, Jessie."

I listened as Sam teased Jake about being in the photo and he said how he was going to dunk her in the horse trough again – wait again? – if she didn't stop.

"Samantha, give the boy a break." Wyatt snorted as they walked out of the mall with us. They were headed home too. "He'll hear enough of it once his brothers see it."

Jake groaned at the thought and I laughed. Jake definitely would never hear the end of it. As we walked towards our cars, Jake turned to me. "Hey, did you see the new store in the mall with the oils and stuff? I know you were interested in that method."

"I did!" I answered excitedly. "Ryan and I went in there the other night. I got some oils actually. The lady in the store helped me. I thought they could help with Midnight when Katie and I start working with him and desensitizing him to people."

Jake nodded. "It could. Any ideas what you're going to do with Midnight?"

I shook my head. "Katie said we'd brainstorm some ideas, but honestly, I think it's just going to be a lot of exposing him to people and working somehow to get him comfortable."

"Well if I can think of anything, I'll be sure to let you know."

"Thanks Jake." I smiled at him and we waved goodbye to him and his mother as we got into the Buick.

The next few days passed in a blur of wrapping presents, baking cookies, riding, and snow.

Christmas Eve dawned a beautiful clear Winter day and in a surprising turn of events, Jake and Jen had come over to join our Christmas eve ride. I had wanted to invite Ryan, but I didn't out of respect for Pepper.

"Gosh, Silly really is beautiful." I admired the beautiful Palomino as I finishing saddling Midnight. "That glossy golden coat."

"Thank you." Jen accepted the compliment with a smile and gave Silly a pat on her shoulder. "My parents specifically bred their horses to get this flame colored body and the white mane and tail. Silly is one of the best looking ones we have – in my opinion – it's just too bad she can't ever be a mom. Or maybe good with her neurotic ways."

Sam laughed as she brought out a tacked up Ace. "I say she fits perfectly with her owner."

"Is that why Ace is bratty?" Jen quipped back and Sam gasped, pretending to be hurt.

"Jennifer Kenworthy!" Sam put her hands on her hips. "Are you saying I'm a brat?"

"She's only stating the obvious." Jake muttered as he mounted Witch. I knew Jake was always calling Sam 'brat' but honestly at this point, it was a term of endearment.

I held back my giggle as Sam turned to glare at Jake. Ace nuzzled Sam's back and she mounted up. Pepper came riding up on Nike, ready to go.

"All set?" He asked me and I nodded. I snapped the clasp on my helmet and found my stirrup, pulling myself up. Midnight had a wonderful lesson the other day at Sterling Stables and Katie and I had brainstormed afterwards.

We decided that I'd start him on herbal remedies and oils now, that way he might settle down a little by the time we started working with him. Our plan involved using Sam – since he was so comfortable with her – and then advancing with Katie. It also involved home baked horse treats and bribery. To show Midnight that not everyone was out to hurt him.

Sam was thrilled to be a part of the plan and couldn't wait to start. Grace had offered to help us bake the treats for Midnight's training. I would take it as I had never made them.

Sam rode in between Jen and Jake, while Pepper and I brought up the rear. I watched as Midnight allowed Nike closer and smiled. "He's really getting used to you, I guess." I commented as we rode across River Bend's bridge.

"Seems so." Pepper said, smiling himself. "I figure some of it has to be from watching you and sensing your reaction to people. You're relaxed with him and not afraid, so he doesn't feel the need to be afraid or worried."

"Guess we shouldn't be around Mr. Slocum then, huh?" I said a bit sourly and Pepper gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Still not fond of the dad, huh?"

I shook my head. "I feel bad to say so, but I do not know how Ryan came from someone like Linc."

"Well he's spent the last how many years with his mom, right?"

I nodded. "I'm still not entirely sure why he gave all that up to come here to live with his dad. He doesn't seem fond of him either."

"Maybe living with a Baron or whatever his step-dad is was too stuffy."

"Ryan's kind of stuffy himself though." I laughed a little as I thought about it. "His casual is probably semi-formal for most of us."

"You're not wrong." Pepper chuckled and shivered. "Man, do I miss Summer."

"Do you really though? Sam says the heat is awful and you spend the day in the saddle." I asked, looking over at him.

Pepper nodded. "I hate the cold. Despise it. I can take the summer heat and the storms and all that. I can't take ice and snow and freezing temperatures."

I couldn't help but shiver myself. "I know what you mean. Back home we got snow and stuff. Spring is my favorite though. Everything comes back to life and it's green and it's not too hot yet."

"Spring is nice." Pepper agreed with a nod. "Though muddy."

I laughed. "That's true."

"You guys! C'mon!" We both looked up at Sam's shout and saw we had fallen behind. The others were way ahead and I gave Midnight a nudge to get him cantering towards them.

"We're coming!" I shouted back as we cantered towards them.

…..

The ride had been fun and now it was evening time. Cody was all settled in his bed, ready for Santa to come. Sam and I were watching a movie, close together on the couch, while Brynna and Wyatt cuddled in the recliner and Grace sat on the other end of the couch.

As the movie was finishing up, my cell phone started ringing and I frowned. When I looked at the screen, it said Andy.

"Excuse me." I went into the kitchen and answered the call – a FaceTime from Andy. "Andy?"

His face appeared on the screen and he was smiling, wearing a Santa hat. "Hey there Stranger! Hope you're having a great Christmas Eve. I've got a surprise here for you."

Before I could react, he handed the phone to someone and I gasped as I recognized the person. "Grandpa!" I nearly shouted before slapping my hand over my mouth, hoping I didn't wake Cody.

Brynna burst through the door at my shout and I pointed towards the phone with tear filled eyes. "It's my Grandpa."

Brynna gasped too before looking at the screen. She smiled when she saw his face. "Hello Jack, good to see you."

Grandpa looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Hello Brynna. Oh Jillian. Oh, I've missed you so much!"

Tears streamed down my face and I wiped them away, not wanting to miss a moment. "I miss you too, Grandpa! So much. How are you calling me? Is it safe?"

"Andy said it would be okay. We're doing it on his phone, at his house, to make sure it's safe."

"Merry Christmas Jillian!" I heard Andy call form the background and I smiled.

"Merry Christmas Andy, and thank you!" I called back to him and swiped at my watery eyes again.

"Well, show me your room sweetheart. Tell me how you've been." Grandpa said gruffly, trying to hide his tears. Laughing, I took the phone upstairs and showed him my room – quietly as to not wake Cody – and told him about my show, my lessons with Katie, riding the range with Sam and the others. About Ryan. "A boyfriend, huh?"

I sniffled and tried to laugh. "Yeah, a boyfriend. He's really nice, Grandpa, and he loves jumping and horses as much as I do." I told him about Ryan getting me the Ring of Fire DVDs, talking about my mother's methods with him, our date. "I hate that I can't tell him everything, but he is so nice and sweet."

"He sounds like a nice boy." Grandpa admitted with a sigh and shook his head. "I imagine Wyatt and Brynna wouldn't let you date him if he wasn't. How's Midnight doing?"

"I'll show you!" I said and I put on a sweatshirt over my pajamas and went downstairs to put on my boots. Grace and Brynna were in the kitchen, looking up at my arrival. "I'm going out to see Midnight!"

"Don't stay out too long, you'll catch a cold in that." Grace told me and she glanced at the screen, greeting Grandpa. Outside the air was freezing and the snow crunched beneath my boots.

"You probably won't be able to see much, but here's the ranch." I flipped the camera so Grandpa could see around. Between the bunkhouse porch light, the ranch house light, and the lights from the barn, you could see a little bit.

"It looks nice." Grandpa said with a nod. I went into the barn and luckily, Midnight was in his stall. I flipped on the barn lights and Midnight snorted at the interruption to his sleep.

"He shares this stall and a decent sized corral with Illusion when they're both not working." I said, showing Grandpa the stall with both of them in it. Midnight was in his blanket and lipped at my sweatshirt as I stood by him. I gave him a kiss on his velvety nose.

"It looks cozy and good for both of them. I see he's still being affectionate."

I nodded. "He's such a good horse, Grandpa. Katie, my instructor, and I are going to work with him on his aversion to strangers. That way, it's not so bad at shows. I've been reading up on remedies to try and ways to help him."

"Your mother would love how you're working to heal him." Grandpa said softly, looking wistful.

I swallowed hard. "I think about Mom all the time, especially when I'm working with Midnight. I wish I had been able to learn more from her, work with her and horses."

"Me too, honey. And she would have loved every minute with you. She loved you so much. You three girls were her entire world." Grandpa sounded choked up. "What a legacy Marion started. She started Heartland and her girls are carrying on her legacy of healing horses."

"I think I'm just the jumper in the family." I gave a little laugh, rubbing Midnight's nose.

"Oh no, you've got the healing bug in you too. You've been doing it ever since you got back with Midnight. You've helped him to heal and in return, he's helping to heal you, I hope."

"He's the one thing that makes me feel better." I confessed honestly. Grandpa smiled.

"Horses have a way of doing that."

I looked up at the sound of footsteps. Pepper walked in, bundled up. I grinned. "Pepper! Come meet my Grandpa!"

"Who is Pepper?" Grandpa asked, confused.

"He's one of the cowboys here at River Bend!" I said excitedly and motioned for Pepper to come over here.

He did, taking long steps to meet me. Midnight snorted and backed out of my grasp, heading towards the corner of the stall. I didn't let it get me down. We were going to work on it.

Pepper sidled up next to me, coming side to side with me, glancing at the phone. "Pepper, this is my Grandpa Jack Bartlett. Grandpa, this is Pepper, one of the cowboys here. He's become a really close friend since I got here."

Pepper seemed pleased at my words and he smiled at Grandpa. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Bartlett. You have a great granddaughter here. She's a great girl."

Grandpa smiled brightly. "Thank you, Pepper. She is a great girl. I'm glad to hear that Jillian is making so many friends out there. Is Pepper your real name?" He asked, seeming mystified.

Pepper and I both laughed. "No, it's a nickname. If you could see his hair, you'd understand." I answered, gesturing towards his head. "But Pepper can't stand the cold and so he bundles up."

"Hey, it's nearly in the single digits!" Pepper protested and threw his arm around my shoulder. "Just because some of us come outside in nothing but pajamas and sweatshirts, apparently warm blooded…"

I flushed. "I had to show Grandpa the ranch!"

"You're in nothing but pajamas and a sweatshirt?" Grandpa asked, sounding concerned. "Jillian, it's nearly the end of December! In the high desert!"

"I'm fine Grandpa!" I insisted, shooting Pepper a glare, but he just grinned and gave my shoulders a squeeze. "I'm fine."

Moving his arm, I sat down on the bale of hay in front of the stall, Pepper joining me. "How's Amy and Lou? Ben and Ty? Scott too! Did you get a tree?"

Grandpa smiled at my questions and answered them with long, detailed answers. "….and the tree is huge. Lou really outdid herself this year finding a tree. We've got it decorated, a mix of decorations we've accumulated over the years. It's truly a mix and match tree. We've got a decoration for you. Soraya got it for us, it's a portrait of you and Midnight. It's hanging up on there, for all of us to look at."

My throat tightened and Pepper, noticing my distress, put his arm around me again, rubbing my shoulder. "I miss all of you."

"And we miss you." Grandpa said thickly. "Andy says they're doing everything they can to find Remy. Nothing has been panning out though."

The phone swiveled and Andy came into the frame. "We've got some new leads we'll be following up on. Don't give up hope, Jillian. We'll find him."

I swallowed and nodded. I had to believe they would at some point. Pepper stayed for another few minutes before leaving to give me some time alone with Grandpa.

We talked about Heartland, about the holiday. We talked about my upcoming shows and the progress Midnight and I were making on the jumping course.

He told me about a new horse Amy was helping and described the efforts she and Ty were making to help the horse.

We talked about Katie and I's ideas to help Midnight, Grandpa offering advice.

I told him about the trip to the mall with Cody and the Forsters to get our picture with Santa. Grandpa smiled tearily as I told him about getting in the picture with Cody. I told him about Jake and his way with horses, telling him it was amazing what Jake could do with a horse.

"Mom and him would get along so well. They both have the magic. Jake's really shy though and quiet. He's more comfortable with horses than people."

Grandpa chuckled. "Sounds like your mother and Amy both. They can reach horses so well, it's the people they find to be hard."

"Lou is the people person. She can handle just about anybody, I think." I replied, smiling as I thought about my older sister.

"That's our Lou." Grandpa agreed and he sighed. "It's getting late, honey, and though I want to talk to you all night, I don't want to keep Andy from his night or you from getting sleep."

Tears burned my eyes and my throat felt like it was closing up. "I don't want you to go."

Grandpa took a shaky breath. "I know, honey, and I don't want to. This has made my night, getting to see you, talking to you. Life has been so empty without you."

The tears flowed at his words. "I miss home. I miss you. I miss everyone."

"I know you do." Grandpa cleared his throat. "Don't cry so much on Christmas Eve, Jillian. It's a happy holiday."

"This is the best present I'll get." I managed to choke out the words through my tears.

"Me too, honey. Me too. I love you."

His face blurred. "I love you too, Grandpa. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Jillian."

The call ended and I wiped at the tears on my face. Midnight nuzzled my shoulder and I laid my cheek against his. "You're always here, aren't you boy?"

He nickered as if to say always! and I smiled. "I love you, sweet boy." I gave him and Illusion treats before heading into the house. It was freezing and I guess I hadn't noticed the cold very much while I was talking to Grandpa.

I slowed down as I noticed Pepper standing on the porch to the ranch house and moved to stand beside him. "Hey, what're you doing out here?"

He looked up at my approach. "I just wanted to make sure you got in okay. How are you?"

"Freezing. Come inside for a minute." I opened the kitchen door and warmth flooded me. I could hear the TV on in the other room, probably another Christmas movie or the news. Pepper followed me in and stood there, absorbing the warmth too.

"It was nice meeting your Grandpa, even if it was over the phone." Pepper said in the silence and I smiled.

"He's the best." I replied simply and Pepper nodded.

"Are you okay?" Pepper asked softly, looking worried as he watched my face.

I shrugged. "As okay as I could be. It was both great and painful to see him."

Pepper nodded again, silent.

"I miss him and the rest of my family." I admitted quietly, pushing back my emotions, watching as Pepper nodded again. I quirked at eyebrow at him and he gave me a half-smile with a shrug.

"I know there's really nothing I can say to comfort you, but I can listen."

Moving forward, I hugged Pepper and felt his arms come around me, his cheek pressing against the top of my head. "I'll always be here to listen whenever you need someone." He whispered and I hugged him tighter.

The swinging door between the living room and kitchen swung open and we broke apart just as Wyatt walked in. His eyebrows rose in surprise at the sight of Pepper but just smiled and gave Pepper a nod.

"Escorting this one back into the house before she turns into a icicle?" Wyatt winked at me as he carried an empty bowl of popcorn towards the sink.

"Someone's got to." Pepper said jokingly and I rolled my eyes.

"You better get back to the bunkhouse and get to sleep or Santa won't visit." Wyatt teased Pepper and I laughed.

"Pepper's only getting coal this year anyways." I joked and Pepper huffed.

"What have I done to be put on the naughty list?"

"Where would you like us to start?" Sam quipped as she walked into the kitchen ahead of Brynna.

Brynna laughed and gave Pepper's shoulder a pat in passing. "Sam's right there with you, don't worry."

"Hey!" Sam protested as she gave Blaze a head rub. "I've been good this year!"

Brynna and Wyatt made a disagreeing sound at the same time then both laughed at the other.

"Well I'm going to head out to the bunkhouse. Merry Christmas everyone." Pepper gave a wave before heading out the door.

"Merry Christmas!" We all called out as he left.

"Time for bed for you two as well or Santa won't come." Brynna said with a grin.

Sam and I met each other's eyes before rolling them in sync but heading for the stairs nonetheless. Grace gave both of us hugs, smelling of her lavender bath powder.

Though I figured I wouldn't be able to sleep, once my head hit the pillow, I was out.

….

Christmas Day

"Christmas! It's Christmas Jessie!" I woke up to Cody's little body crawling onto my bed and his excited voice as he bounced on top of me.

I opened my eyes and laughed. "It's Christmas?!"

"Santa got us gifs!" He yelled excitedly and I moved him off me, sitting up. Brynna sat in the doorway, sipping from a cup of coffee.

"He's already been down to see the gifts waiting under the tree and Sam got the same treatment as you. He might explode if he waits much longer."

I reached out to tickle the little boy and loved the sound of his happy giggle. "Well I guess I'll have to get up then, huh?"

I got up and picked up Cody, who was still also in his PJs. "Let's go see the presents!"

"Breakfast first!" Gram insisted as we came down the stairs. I inhaled the heavenly smell of waffles, bacon, and eggs.

"We'll eat quick." I whispered into Cody's ear as I put him in his booster seat.

"Then gifs!" Cody said firmly and I laughed.

"Then gifts, yes." Wyatt and Sam were already at the table, and we weren't the only ones in our PJs.

Breakfast went quickly so Cody didn't explode with impatience and excitement. I watched happily as he tore into his gifts and showed us all what he got, so excitedly, each time.

I let Cody help me open my gifts and was happy to see the new pair of breeches, the gift card to the tack shop, a Monty Roberts book, some DVDs, and finally, a leather bound journal from Brynna.

"I thought you could record your methods and things you find that help when working with horses. Like you said your mother did in her journals." Brynna said softly, watching my expression.

I swallowed back the emotions that came rushing in and hugged Brynna tightly. "I love it. Thank you."

"There's one more for you." Grace said, coming back in the room with a box. She sat it down in front of me and I opened it to find a box full of journals, just like the one Brynna had given me. I looked up at Grace, confused, and she gestured for me to open the card.

There was a note inside the card, written on the left side.

Jillian,

I always found it so helpful to read Mom's journals whenever I was working with the horses. It helped me through so many problems with horses and made me feel closer to her. I want you to be able to have that as well. Though I couldn't send you the original journals, Lou and I took the time to recreate Mom's journals in our own, just for you. I thought you'd enjoy it. There's also a bonus one from me, Ty, Lou, Scott, Grandpa, and Ben. It's full of advice and things we've learned through our own experiences with horses. We all miss you and we love you. Someday, when we're together again, we'll do our own journal together, full of our ideas and experiences. It might take awhile, but I know that day will come.

Merry Christmas from all of us,

Amy

I gasped and grabbed one of the journals. Inside was neat handwriting that read "Marion's Journal #1". I quickly glanced over the page and could see names of oils, remedies, ideas.

I looked up to see everyone watching me. "They're my mom's journals. Transcribed by Lou and Amy. It includes everything my mom wrote down about working with horses and her methods."

"Wow! That's so cool!" Sam raised her eyebrows as she reached towards the box and I nodded, giving her permission to grab one. She opened one and flipped through the pages slowly. "She has all these remedies for horse ailments. This one is about seasonal allergies in horses. A horse named Pegasus apparently suffered sometimes in the summer."

"That was our dad's jumper." I told her quietly. "After his accident, Mom healed him and kept him at Heartland."

Grace placed an arm around my shoulders. "Jack called me about it weeks ago. Amy and Lou really wanted you to be able to have this piece of your mother. If Amy didn't use them so much, she would have sent the originals Jack said."

"Of course. I know she relies on them a lot." I said, nodding. "This is just as good. Lou and Amy must have spent a lot of time on these, copying her notes into the new journals."

I reached in for the one marked The Heartland Method and saw this was the one with the advice and experiences from everyone. "They even put together their own journal, with their experiences and methods for me."

"Oh, I love that." Brynna said as she and Wyatt flipped through one of the other journals. "Look! In this one, she talks about you and Amy working with her and the horses." Brynna handed it over and pointed out a paragraph.

In it, my mother talked about a horse that was spooky and easily startled. As she worked with the horse to get them adjusted, she found us to be helpful in getting the horse used to surprises. Of course, two young children running around could also be a hamper on working. But she didn't see it that way, she wanted to bring us into the training too.

"I can remember little things, some memories from back then, before I was gone. I know we used to be out in the barn a lot with her. Grandpa too. She was starting her business, raising us two, with Lou at school in London. And healing from heartbreak. She was so strong."

"As are you." Grace said quietly, giving me a squeeze.

"Just like all the women in this family." Wyatt spoke up with a nod. "I'm surrounded by strong women."

"And don't you forget it." Brynna teased, kissing her husband on the cheek.

After helping clean up the debris from the presents, I got dressed and went out to the barn to see Illusion and Midnight. I knew that the cowboys had offered to take care of the horses – even Midnight – so he had been fed, but I wanted to see him.

I took one of my mom's journals with me and sat down in the bedding in the stall. Midnight nuzzled me and I gave him a quick kiss on his nose. He sniffed at the journal I held and I smiled.

"This holds all of my mom's thoughts and her experiences with horses. I can't wait to read it." I told him and he snorted, unimpressed. "It's going to help you too, Midnight. With your fears and your trust issues."

I started reading and Illusion came to visit too, sniffing me and looking for treats.

This journal was started shortly after she had started Heartland, healing her own heartbreak with healing Pegasus. She had done her research, talked to others in the field, and stumbled upon the methods she would use. The herbal remedies, the oils, the gentle horsemanship.

I was so engrossed in the book that I didn't hear anyone come into the barn. "Good reading?"

I jumped at Ryan's voice and looked up. Moon snorted and walked out to the pasture, leaving us.

"Very good. Books about healing horses." I came out of the stall and smiled at Ryan. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you as well." He looked like a model the way he was dressed in his wool coat, his winter hat and gloves, his dark jeans. I noticed the box he held in hands.

"Is that for me?" I asked with a smile and he chuckled with a nod.

"Yes, I wanted to stop by, bring you your gift. I called first – Grace said you all were done with your festivities so that I could come over."

"Let's go in the house. I've got your gift too." Putting the journal in my other hand, I offered my free hand to Ryan. Pleased, he took my hand with a smile.

In the house, he was greeted by everyone and I asked if we could go up to my room. Brynna and Wyatt met each other's eyes but finally Brynna nodded. "Sure, just keep the door open."

Both our cheeks flushed but Ryan followed me up the stairs to my bedroom. "I like your room." He commented as his eyes took in the bed, the pictures, the window.

"Thanks. I've been trying to make it my own since I got here but I haven't done much." I gestured towards the bed and Ryan took a seat. I went to my dresser where his wrapped gift was.

We swapped boxes and I opened mine to find a beautiful turquoise sweater from the mall that I had admired weeks ago when I was with Ryan. He had taken note apparently. It was soft and would keep me warm, while looking nice. A smaller box was next to the sweater and I opened it to find a pair of earrings. They were beautiful too.

Crescent moons with little stars dangling that looked to be diamonds.

"Ryan, I love my gifts!" I looked up happily to see him watching me with a smile.

"I hoped you would. I knew you would like the sweater, but I wanted to get you something else too. I saw the earrings and thought that was something you'd like."

"I do! Thank you!" I reached over and hugged him, his arms coming around me. Sliding back, I gestured towards the box. "I hope you'll like your gift." I hadn't had a lot of money to spend but I had tried. "There's two things in there."

The first was a big framed picture of him and Hotspot together, both of them looking straight at each other. Ryan had been smiling, having just dismounted from her, his hand reaching up to rub behind her ears, and Hotspot had her ears pricked forward, standing proudly. Sam had caught the picture one afternoon and I had begged her to help me gift it to Ryan.

The second was a box of things I knew he liked. His favorite tea, his favorite cookies, a snack from England that I had been able to track down, a new pottery mug from a shop in town, and a small bottle of his cologne that he wore.

"I love this picture." He said softly, his finger trailing over the frame's wood. "Samantha is rather talented with her camera, that is easy to see."

"She is. I figured you would love to have it, it's such a wonderful picture of you two." I bit my lip, worried about if he liked his gifts. What did you get a guy who could buy himself pretty much everything?

"And the snacks, the tea, the mug!" He chuckled as he turned it in his hands. "I love it all. Thank you, Jessie. You know all the things I like."

"I wasn't sure what to get you, honestly. It gave me some anxiety." I admitted and he looked up, surprised.

"This is perfect. And thoughtful. I hope you didn't worry too much." He reached over to touch my cheek and I gave a shrug.

"Only a little." Thank goodness Sam wasn't here to tattle on me.

"It's been awhile since someone has done something this personal for me, put in an effort for me." Ryan confessed and he looked a little sheepish.

"Well get used to it. Because you're my boyfriend and this is a girlfriend kind of thing to do. And I'm happy to do it."

Ryan leaned over and his lips pressed against mine. They were soft and warm and his hand slid from my cheek to the back of my head. He pressed gently before pulling back.

"Thank you." He whispered and I smiled.

Someone cleared their throat at my door and we turned to see Wyatt, who was rubbing the back of his neck. "The cowboys are downstairs. They have presents for you and Sam. If you two don't mind coming down."

"Of course." I said, getting up quickly as my face flushed. Ryan chuckled lowly but followed me after I grabbed my bag.

In the living room, Cody was showing Dallas his new toys and Pepper was talking with Brynna about something while Ross watched it all quietly.

"Here's Jessie and Ryan." Wyatt announced as we walked into the room. Greetings were exchanged and I sat down on the floor by the fireplace. Ryan quirked an eyebrow but sat beside me without a word. Cody brought over a box and shoved it at me.

"For you!" Grinning, I took the box from the little boy and saw it was from the cowboys. I handed him a box and a card and pointed towards Dallas and Pepper. He ran over to them excitedly, handing them their gifts. I laughed.

"The card is actually for Dallas and the box is for Pepper." I told them and they swapped their stuff. I reached over to Ross, to hand him a bag. The cowboy was so quiet but I had noticed he liked to write in a leather journal much like my own. So I had gotten him a brand new one with some 'fancy' writing pens with a small gift card to the bookshop in the mall.

"Thank you." Ross said quietly with a small smile as he looked in the bag. "I was just about to buy a new one."

"I'm glad you like it." I gave him a smile back and turned to see Dallas opening his card. At a true loss, I had gotten Dallas a gift card to Clara's. I knew he liked to stop in for coffee and pie when he was in town.

Pepper was opening his to see his gift and his face was perfect. I bit my lip to keep from laughing at his expression.

"What'd you get?" Dallas asked, peering over and Pepper looked up to meet my eyes as he held it up. It was a book that read Whittling for Dummies.

Pepper had been trying to learn how to whittle but wasn't having much success. I had saw the book at the store when I was getting Ross's stuff and couldn't help myself.

I was unable to hold my laughter in as the others broke into laughter at his expression and the book.

Finally, I spoke. "That's just a joke. Your real gift is here." I held out another box to him and he took it after a moment. His eyes sparked with liveliness and payback was hiding in there too. Oh boy. I better be on my toes over the next few weeks.

His real gift was a silk handkerchief similar to the one Sam had done for Wyatt's birthday awhile ago. I had made this one ruby red with my attempt at a cowboy hat in white. I had also gotten him a new hunter green Carhartt beanie that he could wear either with his cowboy hat or without it. I knew he was pretty into his hats and green was his favorite color.

"You made this?" He asked, coming over to sit in front of me as the others talked.

"I did. Grace taught me but I kind of messed up the hat." I said, touching the silk square.

"No, it looks great." Pepper gave me a smile. "I love it. Thanks, Jessie."

I looked over to Ryan as he cleared his throat. "You still haven't opened yours from them."

"Oh! Right." I ripped off the wrapping paper and inside was a plain brown box, almost like a wide shoe box. Wondering what could be inside, I took off the top and laughed at the contents.

Inside was my very own cowboy hat. It was a felt black hat and I took it carefully out of the box. "A cowboy hat?"

"A Stetson." Pepper corrected with a wink. "We'll make a cowgirl out of you yet."

"Get you out of that fancy jumping stuff." Dallas teased from his seat on the couch.

I shook my head. "I'm not sure I'll give that up. But I'm definitely down for the cowgirl part."

Rolling his eyes, Pepper took the hat from my hands and placed it on my head. It fit perfectly. I put my hand on top of it and turned to Sam. "How do I look? Think I can fit in with you and Jen now?"

Sam laughed but nodded. "You'll definitely fit in better now. And we have one in every color. Brown, black, and tan."

"What do you think they'd do if I wore this to my jump course?" I joked, turning to Ryan. His smile was amused.

"They'd gasp and kick you off the course. Tell you the rodeo is the other way."

A giggle escaped my lips and I looked at the three cowboys. "Thank you! I love it!"

A little while later, as everyone talked over pie and coffee – or hot chocolate for us kids – Pepper asked me to follow him. Telling Ryan I'd be right back, I did.

Pepper helped me into my coat and we stepped out onto the front porch. He turned to face me as we stood in the snowy cold. "I got you something that's just from me."

Surprise zipped through me. "Oh, you didn't have to do that." He had already pitched in with the hat and I knew they weren't cheap.

"I know, but we're friends and I saw this and thought of you." Pepper pulled out a small box and handed it to me. I opened it and smiled at the blue butterfly necklace.

"Pepper! I love it." I looked up to smile at the young cowboy and his answering smile was big.

"I hoped you would. And…well…I'm not into the whole symbolism thing but butterflies represent renewal and change. You know they go into the cocoon as a caterpillar and come out changed into a butterfly. They change into something beautiful and new. I thought…well I thought that was like you. With everything you've been through, your new life and new self. So I thought you'd like it." Pepper blurted out and I hugged him, unable to stop myself.

"Thank you." I whispered before pulling back. Taking the necklace out of the box, I asked him to help me put it on. He looked pleased and helped me right away.

Once it was on, I played with the little butterfly and glanced up at him. "It's really beautiful. I love it."

"I'm glad."

We both looked as the kitchen door opened and Ryan stepped out with his box of gifts in hand. "Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt. I should be getting back home."

"Oh, of course. It's Christmas and I'm sure your family is missing you." I said, a little bit sad that he was leaving.

Pepper gave us a nod before heading back into the house, giving us privacy. Ryan watched him go before turning to me. His eyes fell to the necklace and he raised his eyebrows.

"The cowboy gave you a necklace?"

My fingers reached down to clasp the butterfly. "Yes, we're friends so thought I'd like it."

Something flashed over Ryan's face but he just nodded. "Yes, you two are rather close."

Something in his words bothered me. "We are friends. That's all though."

"Of course." Ryan said but it wasn't reassuring. He nodded towards the road. "I should be going."

"Thank you, again, for my gifts. I love them." I said hurriedly, reaching out to grab him. "Merry Christmas, Ryan."

He turned back and smiled. "Merry Christmas, Jessie."

I watched him go, wondering why I felt so uneasy at his departure.

…..

AN: Hey readers! Here's a long chapter for you since I've been MIA. I hope you're still reading and hope you enjoy this chapter. If you haven't seen the update yet on my other stories, Terri Farley is gracing us with new/updated Phantom Stallion books in 2023 ? Very exciting and I can't wait to see the changes, the new maps! If you haven't, head over to her website or her social media pages to check it out.

On the Heartland side, if you've been watching, season 16 just started in Canada! I can't wait to see it here in the US and there has been a lot of interesting changes on the show. I recently started re-reading the Heartland books to help with this story and boy, it's so different!

To my reviewers:

Jmils11: Thanks for your review! It's definitely hard to see Jessie grieving the loss of her mom especially with everything going on. Her and Sam will be growing even more closer as time goes on ? I too feel bad about Pepper and her not realizing he wanted to date her. I also prefer Pepper to Ryan (LOL) but I think Jessie and Ryan have some in common too. We'll see what happens there. Hope you enjoy this update!

Let me know what you think about this chapter! Exciting things to come soon ?

Always,

QuinnandSeth'sgirl15