Note: Story rating has been changed from 'T' to 'M'.

ROSE

My mother finally disowned me. I mean, she didn't say those exact words, but I think it was pretty clear when she walked out of here that she had no intentions of ever speaking to me again. I don't know why it hurt so much, either. I'd disappointed her enough over the years. It was a miracle that this didn't happen years ago. Plus, it's not like she was a very active parent. She dropped me off at the Academy at four years old, and I was lucky to get cards at Christmas. We never had what you'd call a traditional mother-daughter relationship.

But I actually thought things were getting better. After Spokane, I thought…

I guess it didn't matter now.

Alberta rubbed little circles on my back, offering the same quiet reassurance that Dimitri did without directly speaking out against my mother. Alberta and my mother may not have been friends in the traditional sense (or maybe they were, and I just never knew), but they were always friendly with one another. Something told me that this would put a strain on their relationship, and I felt a little guilty about that. I didn't want Alberta to suffer because my mother hated me.

After a moment, Alberta stepped away, and I heard the click of some keys on her keyboard, followed by the sounds of papers printing and being gathered together. When I finally felt confident enough to wipe away my tears and stand on my own without Dimitri holding me together, Alberta approached with an imposing stack of papers.

"Fill these out as soon as you can. The Alchemists will need some information before they can issue you an ID and everything else you might need. I'll call them now and make sure they can rush things. As long as I can get these back tonight, I think we can get everything in order by the time you leave. I may even be able to get a few things to you tomorrow evening." She handed me the forms, and I recoiled under the weight of them.

Dimitri took the file from me without asking and slipped it under his arm. "We'll have them back to you soon."

Alberta nodded, then smiled at Dimitri and me standing side by side, one of his arms around my shoulders and one of mine slung around his waist. I didn't recognize the look at first, but I realized that she was staring at us with appreciation. Approval. Dimitri mentioned that she knew there was something between us but never elaborated much. Knowing that we had her support meant more to me than I realized, especially after what had just happened with my mother.

"I know I was worried about you two before, but I'm happy you found one another." Dimitri pulled me tighter against him at Alberta's blessing. "I would have preferred things wait until Rose was fully graduated, but it seems fate knew better than me."

"Thanks," I said, hiccuping on the last of my tears. Dimitri was right; I needed to focus on the people who loved me. It would be easy for Alberta to condemn us both for how we felt towards one another, but she didn't. She accepted us, as unusual and unorthodox as we were.

Dimitri echoed my gratitude before asking something I had completely forgotten about earlier. "I know it's a lot to request with how busy you are with everything else, but do you think you can set up some time for Lissa and the others to visit with Rose?"

I had felt Lissa fighting for my attention at the back of my mind since this morning, but hearing her name just now made that insistence so much louder. I knew she was just as eager to get answers from me as I was to speak to her.

Alberta nodded, not even hesitating to agree. "I think I can make that happen. I'll need to supervise, just to satisfy the board, but perhaps tomorrow night we could all get together for a little bit." Then, with a bit of a conspiratorial edge to her voice, she whispered, "If the others happen to find you on their own before then, well, just don't flaunt it. Okay?"

"I promise. No flaunting will be had." I laughed, realizing that I had somehow pulled Alberta into my circle of questionable influence. I finished it with an exaggerated wink for good measure, which only made her laugh along with me as she pulled me out of Dimitri's arms and into a big hug.

I was going to miss her so much. She was more of a mother than the one who gave birth to me.

Dimitri eventually cleared his throat. "I hate to put an end to all this, but it looks like Rose has a few hours of paperwork ahead of her and we should probably get going."

"Hours?!" When neither he nor Alberta corrected my objection, I groaned. "Fine. Let's go."

I grabbed Dimitri's hand, pulling him towards the door as I gave Alberta a little wave over my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Dimitri asked once we were about halfway across campus. We had been silent the entire time, our hands occasionally brushing as we walked but otherwise keeping our feelings for the other out of view from any prying eyes. He looked hesitant to ask, but I knew he needed a little reassurance that I wasn't about to fall to pieces again. He'd seen me crumble so many times but was always there to put me back together again.

"No." He didn't need platitudes from me. If it was Lissa or anyone else, I probably would have put on my best smile and insisted that I was okay. Dimitri wouldn't judge, though. I could tell him the truth. In fact, if I even thought about lying, he'd probably press the issue until I finally got frustrated enough and spilled the truth anyway.

He didn't say anything and instead just watched me cautiously as we made our way back across campus and towards our room at Guest Housing. I guess it was my room technically, but Dimitri didn't seem in any hurry to find other accommodations. Fine by me.

"I just…" I groaned, pausing a moment to steady myself as I admitted what I didn't want to acknowledge. "I let her down. For years, people expected me to follow in the steps of the famed Janine Hathaway. Whenever I introduced myself, people would always want to know if I was related to her. Some people respected me more because I was her daughter. Sometimes I hated it because I felt like I was living in her shadow, but other times it made me proud. I know it's stupid, but I wanted to live up to that expectation and make her proud too." I swallowed back the tears that were threatening to fall again. I hated crying, but for some stupid reason, I was prone to tears whenever I got emotional. Sad? Tears. Mad? Tears. Happy? Tears. I wiped at my eyes, losing the battle with my emotions. Fucking tears.

Dimitri seemed lost in thought, occasionally glancing at me with a furrowed brow as if he was trying to find a way to tell me that I hadn't let my mother down. Even the zen master couldn't find a way to deny the truth, though. I had let my mother down. Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one.

"I let you down, too. And Lissa. And Alberta. I let everyone down."

"Roza, no." He stopped, pulling me around a small cluster of trees and brush that decorated the courtyard. His hands held me firm as he tried to soften the truth we both knew. "You did not let me down."

I started trembling a little, eventually unable to look at him because I was dangerously close to breaking down again. I hated that his little white lie to make me feel better hurt more than it helped. I know he meant well, but how could this not let him down?

"Everything you did for me…."

"I wouldn't change a thing," he insisted, gently guiding my face back towards him and forcing me to meet his eyes. "Even if I knew that this day would come, I wouldn't change a thing. I would still have agreed to mentor you. I would still have spent each day with you. I'd run every early morning mile and take every bruise during our sparring matches because it was worth it. Every moment was worth it. You were worth it. You still are. I am so fucking proud of you, Rose."

"Language," I admonished through watery eyes, laughing a little as I did so. I could count on one hand how many times Dimitri had cursed in front of me. In English, at least. Russian was a whole other matter.

He smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. He did that often, even before either of us were ready to consider that our friendship might be something more. Each time, he gave me this soft little smile that made me weak in the knees. I'd miss that smile.

"I love you, Rose. And I will always be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished. Nothing will ever change that, okay?"

I nodded, unable to speak. I still wasn't sure I completely believed Dimitri when he said I hadn't let him down, but at least I knew that he loved me anyway.

"Come on," he said, kissing my forehead and taking my hand before we left our little hideaway. "We have a few more things to do before bed."

For the rest of the walk, his hand never left mine.

Even when we saw Lissa, Christian, and Eddie waiting for us in the lobby of guest housing.

I broke away from Dimitri as quickly as Lissa broke away from Christian, both of us meeting the other in the middle and wrapping ourselves in a tight hug.

"Where have you been?!" She looked me over, checking my body for signs of some sort of injury. Ever since she'd realized that she could heal people, Liss had been somewhat obsessed about taking care of my injuries, even if it was just a paper cut. I was usually able to convince her that I was okay and that she shouldn't waste her energy trying to fix me, but she'd always still offer. However, after giving me a clean bill of health, she smacked my shoulder and gave me an angry glare that had almost as much intimidation as a kitten. "I've been so worried!"

"I'm sorry, Liss. Things have been happening so fast, and…." I looked back at Dimitri for a moment since he was the only other one who knew the rules I was supposed to be following. "I'm not actually supposed to be around you or any other students. According to the school, I'm too dangerous."

"So the rumors are true then?" Christian piped up, and I peeked at him over Lissa's shoulder. "They expelled you?"

"Yeah. It was only a matter of time, though, right?" I tried to laugh, but I didn't quite manage it.

"True," he said with a smirk, though it was clear that his heart wasn't in our usual banter, either. "It's a miracle it didn't happen years ago."

"Christian!" Lissa never quite understood that sarcasm and mockery were the only way we knew how to communicate with one another. I think she was hoping one day we'd be able to have an honest conversation that wasn't filled with jabs at the other. If that day ever came, people should probably watch for other signs of the apocalypse too.

"It's fine, Liss. I know he's joking." I pulled out of her grasp and gave him a gentle shove on his shoulder. That was our version of a hug.

Eddie stood a few feet back from all of us, watching our surroundings like he was supposed to during field experience. I doubted that there's be a mock attack on us right now, but he wasn't taking any chances. I think the revelation that I wasn't supposed to be near his assigned charge set him on edge. Not that he believed I was actually a danger to Lissa or Christian, but because he could get in trouble for allowing this clandestine meeting.

Even though he was so serious and focused, I couldn't help approaching him. I reached out to touch the dark bruise under his eye. "I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's okay. I should have blocked faster." The three of us — me, Mason, and Eddie — would often tease each other with that phrase during sparring, especially after landing a decent hit. I think it started the first time I accidentally gave Mason a concussion back when we were only twelve.

I fell into his arms almost as quickly as I had fallen into Lissa's. I knew it didn't always seem like it from the outside, but Eddie and I were close in a way that the others would never quite understand. Both of us were technically wards of the Academy. Neither of us had ever known our fathers. We didn't have any siblings. And mothers? I guess I should feel lucky to have one, even if things were broken between us. All Eddie had was a picture of her from before she had died. He had been only three. Mason's family had occasionally taken Eddie during school breaks, just like Lissa's family had taken me in. Still, there were many times when it was just the two of us spending lonely holidays or long weekends with just each other for company. I considered him a brother in every way but blood. And the fact that I was now forced to leave him behind the same way his parents and Mason had? It killed me. Who would be there for him when I was gone?

"I'm so sorry," I said, apologizing for so much more than just attacking him the other day.

"I'm sorry, too."

We held on for a second longer, and I whispered low so only he could hear me. "Thank you for not letting me kill Jesse and the others."

He didn't reply, but we both knew that he was the only reason my crazed assault hadn't turned into murder. If he hadn't pulled me away before Dimitri arrived…I didn't want to think about what would have happened. I don't think he wanted to, either. He squeezed me one last time before Lissa demanded my attention again.

"It's all my fault, isn't it?" she asked, hesitant for me to answer. "It was Spirit."

I shook my head, desperate to reassure her. Even if she was right, I didn't want her to blame herself. "It wasn't your fault. Spirit might have played a role, but I was the one who lost control yesterday."

"But you were just trying to protect me!"

That didn't matter to the people who wanted me gone, but I didn't want to tell her that. I could assure her of one thing, though. "And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I will always protect you."

Except…I wouldn't. I couldn't.

"I'm sorry I can't be your guardian like I promised." It hurt to say those words out loud. "You'll still have Dimitri, though. And he'll make sure that whoever takes my place will be just as good as I am. Better even. He'll keep you safe. Right, Dimitri?"

We all looked towards him, and while I meant to assure Lissa that she'd always be safe, I found myself asking for my own peace of mind, too.

"Of course, Princess." He addressed his charge, but never broke my stare as he promised to take care of her.

Lissa still seemed upset about the whole idea, so I tapped her on her forehead. "And remember, you'll always have me up here, too. If you ever need me, just ask. I'll fly back here and break into Court if I have to."

She laughed, tears in her eyes until she realized what I had said. "Fly back? Where are you going?"

"Russia." I tried to say it like it was no big deal, as if I was just moving across the street or to the next town over at the very most. "Dimitri has family over there, and I'll be staying with them for a while."

Everyone seemed shocked at the news, but only one seemed to recognize that there might be more to the arrangement than met the eye. Eddie looked between Dimitri and me as he realized something the others hadn't. I knew he'd have questions for me later if he managed to get me alone. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a few choice words to throw at Dimitri, too. Eddie had always been protective of me, but even more so now that Mason wasn't there to also keep me out of trouble.

"That's so far away!" Lissa cried. "Why not live at Court? Or maybe near Leigh? We could go to school together, just like we had planned."

I didn't want to tell her that I couldn't step foot into Court the same way I wouldn't be allowed to step foot back here once I walked through the gates. She'd figure it out eventually, but we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

"I just need to get away for a little bit," I told her, bending the truth a tad to make it easier for her to swallow. "Maybe in a year or two or something."

"You'll visit, though. Right?"

I smiled but didn't promise anything.

Before she could notice, Dimitri stepped in. "You three need to get back to your dorms. Curfew is in a few minutes. Castile?"

Eddie's eyes snapped to Dimitri's.

"Are you okay to walk them back on your own, or would you like me to radio an escort."

I knew Dimitri didn't mean it as an insult, but there was still a brief moment of 'are you kidding me?' before Eddie schooled his features. "I'll be fine, Guardian Belikov. Thanks." He turned his attention to the others and began ushering them back towards the Moroi dorms.

As soon as we were alone, I threw a fist into Dimitri's stomach. "You didn't have to do that to Eddie! He's been doing a great job guarding Lissa."

"I know," he admitted, rubbing the spot that I hit him for a moment. "He was getting suspicious, though."

"You noticed that too, didn't you?" We turned towards our room. "He's gonna make a pretty good guardian." Maybe even good enough to take care of Lissa.

Once we got back to the room, we got down to business. Dimitri and I split the work, with him filling in things like my name, age, and other identifying info that might be needed, like height or eye color. Anything he didn't know was put to the side for me to finish. I tried to keep up with him as I read all the fine print (apparently, he felt that was necessary for every single document) and signed anything that needed my initials or signature. Between the two of us, we were able to get through everything in just under two hours.

"I can't feel my hand," I complained as I finished my last signature.

He gathered everything and put them back in an orderly stack, tucking it into the same folder from before. Then he reached for my hand and brought my wrist to his lips. He gave it a little kiss, then smiled.

"Feel better?"

I grinned at him as he stood, slipping on his duster so he could run the paperwork to Alberta like she asked. "Yep, but now my lips feel pretty sore."

"Funny, mine do too a little." He helped me up, capturing me in a hug before kissing me long and deep. I moaned a little, and he pulled me closer. I didn't miss the slight pressure against my belly as I rocked into him.

He groaned, then forced us apart, looking somewhat regretful as he did so. "I have to get these to Alberta. Stay here and get some rest. I shouldn't be gone long, but you should probably try to sleep. I'll join you as soon as I get back."

"Promise?" I started ruffling through the duffle bag that held both of our clothes, bypassing the pajamas he had packed me and stealing one of his shirts instead.

"Promise."

I pulled my shirt off over my head, leaving me in nothing but a bra and jeans, before giving him a little wink. His eyes darkened as he whispered something under his breath and looked me up and down. He seemed very close to forgetting the paperwork and throwing me on the bed. Muttering a curse (Russian, of course), he gave me another kiss. "You drive me crazy in all the best ways, Roza. Now, go to bed. I'll be right back."

I was still awake when Dimitri came back. I wasn't sure how long he was gone, surely no more than an hour, but I was too restless to sleep. I finally became fed up about ten minutes ago when my mind kept sliding between guilt and sorrow, with both mine and Lissa's sadness bouncing around in my thoughts.

He tried to sneak in, careful not to make noise or turn on any lights. As soon as he saw me on the bed with my legs tucked up tight against my chest and my head resting on my knees, he paused.

"Rose? You're supposed to be asleep by now."

I sighed and gave him what was probably a majorly pathetic pout. "I know. I'm sorry. I just couldn't..."

He nodded, understanding even though I didn't know how to explain my racing thoughts. He quickly stripped out of his shirt and jeans, then slipped on a pair of checkered sleep pants. It didn't matter how upset and tired I was; I still took a moment to check out his ass.

I quickly looked away before he turned, hoping that I hadn't been caught. I wasn't so lucky.

"See something you like?"

I couldn't help but giggle as he threw back the exact words I'd taunted him with more than once.

"Maybe," I replied, neither confirming nor denying his accusation. "I know I see someone I love, though."

That smile I craved, the same one he always had when he fixed my hair, ghosted across his lips. He quickly climbed into bed with me, sitting back against the headboard so that we were side by side. Just having him close made me feel better.

And that thought immediately made me sad again, knowing that this couldn't last.

"Hey," he said, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me closer to him. "What's that face all about?"

"I'm just going to miss you, is all." I rested my head against his shoulder, wishing I could make this moment last forever.

"I know." He kissed the top of my head, brushing his cheek against the long strands. I sometimes braided my hair at bedtime, but I couldn't find a tie this evening. I'd probably steal one of his tomorrow. "I'll miss you too."

A short silence fell between us, and I wondered if we just didn't know what to say or if there wasn't really anything to say. Were there any words that could make this better? Probably not.

"Will you hold me?" I asked, despite having his arm around my shoulders.

"Of course, Roza. Whatever you need."

I shifted, throwing one leg over and straddling him as I sat on his lap. I could feel so much of him like this. I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my face into his neck, doing everything I could to be completely enveloped by his body. I could feel his chest rise and fall under mine, and if I listened closely, I could almost hear the beat of his heart. I didn't want to cry anymore. I knew he wouldn't judge me if I did, but I just felt so emotionally spent already. I didn't know if I could manage any more breakdowns tonight. I just wanted Dimitri to hold me and make the pain disappear for a little while.

He stroked my hair and rubbed my back, occasionally drawing little circles around with his fingers that tickled enough to make me arch into him. I don't think he minded much, especially since he kept doing it. I felt little kisses from him here and there too. One on the crown of my head. The next by my temple.

Eventually, I returned the favor, kissing him just under his ear.

He stilled for a second. Instead of another kiss, I nipped at him before soothing the spot with a gentle lick.

He groaned, immediately letting his hands work their way down my back and under my covered ass so he could pull me even closer. I don't think either of us meant to start something tonight, but when he found my lips, I knew it was inevitable.

Things happened slowly. A languishing kiss that started against my lips before trailing across my cheek, down my neck, and over my throat. I gasped as his hands slipped from my hips to my thighs. Despite both of us only being half-dressed, he had managed to keep his wandering fingers from my skin. The little shocks that scattered across my legs made me rock against him. When the sound of his deep hum vibrated through my body, I did it again. And again.

It wasn't long before my shirt vanished. Dimitri's kisses were no longer confined to my face and neck, and he took advantage of my newly exposed skin. His lips danced across my shoulders. My collarbone. He even leaned me back until he could kiss the swell of my breasts and suck my nipples between his teeth. First one, and then the other.

It wasn't long before kisses weren't enough for us.

"I need you, Dimitri," I begged, breaking first. "Please."

He didn't hesitate, lifting me just enough to shove down his pants and boxers before pulling aside the gusset of my panties and letting me sink down onto him with a sigh.

"Roza," He whispered, holding my hips as he began moving me up and down, slow and steady.

I answered, sliding against him like a gentle tide. "Dimitri."

Our time at the cabin had been hurried. A pair of lovers finally giving in to what they needed after nearly losing their chance at true happiness. It hadn't been rough, but it had been desperate.

This was a new kind of love. A quiet one. An all-encompassing one. Not a sad one, but one aware that its time was limited, at least for now.

We held each other close, unwilling to let go lest we be torn apart forever. Dimitri kissed my neck, feasting on every whimper as I arched closer to wherever his lips found purchase. Everything built gradually, wave upon wave. I don't think either of us knew how close we were to the precipice until I felt that first flutter within me.

His quiet groan told me I wasn't the only one who noticed it.

A short while later, that little flutter went from the flap of butterfly wings to a trembling earthquake inside me. I didn't cry out, not wanting to ruin the almost reverent act between us. Instead, I uttered a near-silent moan, relishing the feeling of Dimitri coming apart within me before falling into his embrace.

We stayed like that for quite a while. Nothing but the rise and fall of breath came between us as we memorized the moment, hiding it in a safe corner of our minds until one dark and lonely night when we'd need to relive it. It wasn't until I started to drift to sleep that he shifted me off his lap and laid me down beside him. Even then, he couldn't let go. He wrapped his body around mine and held me close all night.

I slept better than I had in weeks.

Author's Note

Whew. These two needed a moment, didn't they? Obviously, this was just a short and sweet little lemon (maybe lemonade or one of those adorable mandrins? idk). Things will heat up more as we go on, however, so please be mindful of that. I just want to let you know now because I don't mark my smut. As noted above, the rating on the story has been changed from 'T' to 'M' to reflect the new content.

BIG NOTE: This week, me and several other amazingly talented authors will be participating in an event deemed "FicFest" to celebrate the new TV series and welcome many new fans to our community. Most stories will be book-based, but I believe there will be a few shoe-based ones included too. The collection will be hosted on AO3 (I'll put a link to it in my bio) and stories will start being posted tomorrow, 10/10. I'm not sure if all stories will be posted at once or if stories will gradually be posted over the next several days, so be sure to check it more than once. I have one story included, entitled "Bottom's Up," and it will be exclusive to the collection for a week or so before I cross-post it to my own personal pages. FYI, this story is different than any I have ever written before. I've been lucky enough to pre-read some of the submitted stories by a few of the other authors, and they are all amazing.

Question of the Week: What is one thing you haven't done yet but have always wanted to try? I'd really like to learn how to use aerial silks. They completely fascinate me, and I hope that I can find a place that teaches classes in the next couple of months.

Please remember to comment, favorite, and share. Thank you so much to those who have been sharing my stories recently on other fan pages. You guys are amazing.