Chapter 2: The First Day

Author's notes: I give credit to cyberpheonix for quite a few of the jokes. Guest appearances by Saberwulf, Dracula, Dr. Frankenstein, and Pearl Forester.

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Kuno, Mousse, and Ryouga glanced worriedly from left to right, hoping they wouldn't be spotted. After surveying the area, they placed a long board over the moat of the castle and cross over to the far wall. Ryouga then stepped forward and placed his finger on the wall. "Bakusai Tenketsu!" The wall easily crumbled away, and they charged forward….smack dab into a solid steel wall. "Shit! They lined the walls with steel plates!!" moaned Ryouga as he straightened his nose out. "Now what do we do?"

"Stand aside." Mousse said, pulling a blow torch from his sleeve and placing his glasses down over his eyes. "Brilliant!" Kuno applauded, clapping the blind hidden weapons master on the back. After a few minutes, the wall back to turn a bright red. Ryouga then noticed little drops of water coming out as Mousse worked. "What's with the running water?" he asked Kuno.

Meanwhile, inside…

"Wasn't that a refreshing swim?" asked Akane as she and the other girls, plus Ranma climbed out of the Olympic sized swimming pool. "Yeah, can I get some hot water?" asked the pigtailed girl. "Hey how did you get here?" asked Kodachi. Ignoring her, they headed toward the Jacuzzi in the corner.

Ryouga and Kuno stood in though before they realized what running water meant behind a wall. "MOUSSE!!! DON'T!!!" Too late, a sizeable hole formed and a pressurized stream of hot water shot out, knocking all three boys off their feet.

*Splash*

"ROAR!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

Once again Kuno and company fond themselves swimming for their lives. The women on the inside were puzzled by the Jacuzzi's tide suddenly going out. "What happened to all the water?" asked Uyko, scratching her head in confusion. Then they heard the masculine screams of terror and the roaring of "Mr. Turtle." "If Shampoo had to guess…"

One hour later……

Once again, the boys attempted tunneling their way into the castle. Ryouga was still digging the tunnel, but this time Mousse was in charge of reading the map. "Okay, take a left here….and now we should be there!" Another hole and they burst out, to find themselves in the wrong place. "This isn't it!" Kuno snapped. "Well it's a castle isn't it?" asked Ryouga. "Yes, but don't you think that a romantic castle getaway wouldn't be so…rundown." Kuno gestured to the gloomy ruins. Ryouga still wasn't convinced. " Well, what wrong with it?"

"Ryouga, look around, it's dark and gloomy, there's tattered tapestries and drapes, rusty shields and weapons hanging on the walls, a creepy lit fireplace, and a big werewolf with metal arms in the corner….BIG WEREWOLF WITH METAL ARMS?!!" Mousse leapt into Kuno's arms Scooby Doo style and Kuno dropped him and turned to face their enemy, then saw how big he was and started to quake.

"There's no such things as werewolves." Ryouga chuckled. "Tell that to him!"Kuno and Mousse yelled, pointing at the creature in the corner. "You guys are so superstitious. That's probably just a hairy guy who hasn't shaved in a while." His companions look at each other and the same though ran through their heads: Just how dense is he? As this went on, the werewolf in question stepped forward into the light, giving them a better look at him. He had gray fur and was slightly hunched over, most of his arms were indeed, metal, and his tongue was hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

"Okay, maybe it isn't hairy man, maybe it's somebody in a very elaborate werewolf costume." Ryouga stepped forward and did something that would give Mousse and Kuno the right to egg him on about it for the next year or so, he began to tug on the monster's ears. The lychonthrope started to growled nastily, and Mousse and Kuno began to back away to the hole. "Stupid mask, why won't it come off?" The something clicked his normally dense brain. "This isn't a mask is it?"

"Nope." Mousse stated blankly. Time froze for a moment before all three screamed in terror as the werewolf leapt at them, fangs and claws bared.

Three hours later……

"Not a werewolf huh? Costume huh? Superstition HUH?!" Mousse asked sarcastically. "So I was wrong for once in my life." Ryouga grumbled as they began tunneling yet again. "You have to admit though, that Baron Saberwulf is rather nice gentlemen." Mousse said thoughtfully. "Yeah, once Ryouga explained that we didn't work for Ultratech or the San Diego Zoo." Kuno mumbled as they continued digging.

Once again they ended their tunnel and found themselves in another castle, except they were again, in the wrong castle. "Mousse, you idiot! You lead us into the wrong castle…AGAIN!!!" Kuno did a very nice impersonation of Soun Tendo's Demon Head Technique™. "Well, at least it isn't run down." Ryouga said. "Yes, but it's too…elaborate for a simple romance château, and I'm pretty sure the castle has electricity." Kuno leaned on his bokken as he glanced around at their environment. The room was richly decorated in fine linen, tapestries, expensive Persian rugs covered every square inch of the floor, and polished suits of armor stood in neat rows. The large dinning table was covered a fancy velvet table cloth, torches and candelabra's lit the room. A large crystal chandelier completed the whole place. "Well, maybe they're into the whole Goth thing." Ryouga asked, still unsure of himself. "Maybe my sister is, but not the others." Kuno said. "Well maybe we can ask that guy."

The man in question was watching them from the end of the table, sipping a champagne glass full of a red liquid. He was the tall sort, dressed in a fine black evening suit with a red and black opera cape. His face was youthful, but his hair was long and white. "Welcome, gentlemen. I am Count Dracula." The other's just stared at him and Ryouga eagerly took his out stretched hand. "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me where the hell we are?" Ryouga asked in Romanian. "You are in Transylvania."

"Did he just say Transylvania?" asked Mousse. Kuno nodded. "Ryouga can I speak to you for a moment?" Mousse gave their host a nervous grinned and dragged Ryouga toward their hole. "Ryouga, Kuno. I do believe our friend over there is a vampire." Ryouga burst out laughing. "You guys! Now I'm sure vampires don't exist." Kuno glared at him. "That's what you said about werewolves." Ryouga return the glare. "When are you going to let that go? Look, you ninny. He's just a eccentric count who's into Goth and needs a sun tan."

Ryouga then put on determined look and walked over one of the large windows block by thick draperies. "You know, Count you real ought to get some sun in here." Dracula let out a yelp and ran at the lost boy. "No you fool!!!" Too late, Ryouga threw open the curtains and welcoming sunlight streamed in. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Dracula in mid leap bust into flames and crumbled to ash.

"No such thing as vampires, ne?" Mousse and Kuno wore smug looks. Ryouga looked doubtful. "It could be a trick, maybe there an elevator in the area."

"The floor is solid."

"Maybe he dug a hole, like I just did."

"Don't you think there would be a hole there?"

Before Ryouga could argue, a mob of torch and pitchfork wielding peasants broke in, using another peasant as a battering ram. They all froze in their tracks and gawked at the scene before them. Three foreigners stood in the middle of the home of their dreaded enemy, one of the large widows was wide open, and a blackened pile of ashes sat near the sun beam cheerily lighting the hall. The peasants thought for a moment then cried out, "That you for deliverance from the count!" They cheered and the boys blink in surprise.

Ryouga was approached by the mob leader(the one they used as a battering ram,) and said something to him. Ryouga gave flattered smile and translated for his comrades. "They're inviting us to a feast at the mayor's house!" Kuno shook his head and gave a heroic grin. "A samurai never excepts any reward except for that of a good deed and…..guys?" Kuno sweat dropped as watch his companions get carted out on the mobs shoulders. "We're not samurai's!" they called with glee. Kuno then ran after them. "Hey wait you guys, I'm hungry too!"

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"Damn you two!" Kuno shouted as the were once again traveling through the ground. "Just because we couldn't turn down a banquet." Ryouga smirked as continued his work. They soon made another opening and found themselves in a laboratory where a stereotypical Mad scientist was working on a large hulk wrapped with a sheet.

"I think I've seen this guy in movie somewhere before…" The mad doctor turned and spotted them. "I think we had better bid a strategic retreat." suggested Kuno. "Hey you stop right there." The boys shrieked and ran back down the tunnel. The MD scratched his head. "Huh, I thought everyone liked cookies and milk." He pulled back the sheet to revile and pile of chocolate chip cookies and a pitcher of milk.

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"Well I hope this the right place." The boys stuck their head out their new tunnel and saw them selves in another mad scientist type castle. Over the fire place was plaque with a hand crushing the planet Earth. "Hey, what the hell are you doing here." They found themselves face to face with a heavy set woman with dishwater blond hair, and pale man with a hood and cape, and an ape.

Ryouga held out his map to the woman. "Could you tell me where we are?" "Your in Castle Forester." replied the pale guy. As Ryouga and the pale one went over the map, Kuno went and leaned on a strange control panel with the faces of a blond man in a blue jumpsuit, a spidery gold robot and a short red hover bot that resembled a gumball machine. His elbow accidentally hit a button that said "Satellite Release Button. "Hey what'd you do!!?" screeched the blond woman. "Hey guys we're going home!!" the man on the view screen said joyfully. "Thanks for the help, ninja boy!" "That's Samurai!"

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"That woman didn't have to hit me so hard!" whined the Blue Thunder as he and the others ventured through the tunnel once again. "Okay, 5th time's the charm." Mousse said optimistically. The broke the surface and fond themselves……right back where they stared in the first place. Kuno clonked Ryouga and Mousse's heads together. "OW!"

"You Idiots!! What's with you?! Let me see that damned map!" Snatching it from Mousse, the kendoist looked it over and fond something that made him simply seethe with anger. "THIS MAP WAS MADE BY HIBIKI!!!" "That explains *so* much."

2 hours later……

Kuno, with a determined look on his face was swing a grapping hook. After a few swings he threw it with all his might and grinned with triumph as it snagged tightly on something. Pulling it taunt, he began to climb, followed by Mousse and Ryouga. 'Soon, I will be victorious, and then I will smite Saotome of the face of Earth and enjoy the company of Dearest Akane, and perhaps the pigtailed girl.'

' My Dear Shampoo, soon we will be together!'

'I think my leg is cramping up…'

Kuno soon neared the battlements and fond himself staring at Akane's face. "Hello Akane Tendo I have…….what are you doing with those hedge trimmers?" Akane smiled and opened them right near the rope. "I…I see. Gentlemen, slowly back down….NOW!!" They began to hastily climb back down on the rope, but Akane gave the shear a gentle squeeze, and he boys fond themselves visiting Mr. Turtle again.

"You Know what?"

"What Kuno?"

"This would be refreshing if not for the murderous beast on our asses." "Shut up and keep swimming!"

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End of Chapter 2