Lady:
Oi! *whistles and calls over the G-Boys* C'mere, I want to have a talk with you
all.
Boys:
*much muttering, mumbling and other groaning*
Lady:
Hush. There's two ways to do this. There's my way, and then there's the painful
way.
Heero:
Your way IS the painful way.
Other
Boys: *snicker, 'cept Quatre who tries to hide it, sweet darlin' that he is*
Lady:
*not amused* Well looks like you don't have a choice then, do you? Alright. Due
to the popularity of "Too Sexy For My Gundam"-
Wufei:
DO NOT SPEAK OF SUCH INJUSTICES!
Duo:
Aw, come ON! It was FUN!
Trowa:
What's your definition of 'fun'?
Quatre:
I dunno I guess it WAS kinda fun… EEP *shuts up as Heero, Trowa and Wufei GLARE
at him*
Lady:
Hey, no harassing the Kawaii King! As I was saying- Due to that fics
popularity, I decided that it just wasn't fair to make you all share the song
like that. I want you each to do solos.
Duo:
You're breaking up the band?!?!
Heero:
There never WAS a band, you baka, read the damn fic! The plot hasn't allowed it
yet!
Lady:
Screw the plot. We're gonna slowly but surely work our way through these in
between the plot. Why? Cuz a bunch of people aren't reading past chp 1 and I'd
really like to give them something more to see and cuz I lack inspiration…
*cough* Parody is an art. It can't be rushed.
Trowa:
*rolls eyes*
Lady:
*fixes on him* I believe we have a volunteer.
Other
Boys: *take one giant step back, leaving him alone in front*
Trowa:
*swallows hard*
Lady:
Damn straight. CUE THE KAROKE BAR!!!!
I'm
Too Sexy
…
Said Trowa
A
Songfic by Lady Lye, evil little imp that she is.
Disclaimer:
*muttering* What kind of a name is 'Right Said Fred' anyway? I may have been
born in the 80's but that doesn't mean I have to like them. So the song ain't
mine, k? I don't want any doped up has been one-hit-wonder rock stars coming
out of their druggy plaid haze armed with lawyers out to sue my ass off, ok?
It's a frigging JOKE. For ENTERTAINMENT, you know? Right, so get over it cuz-
I'm
too sexy to be sued! Too Sexy to be sued!
So
Sexy, and rude!
So
:p crappy lawyer men.
Oh
yeh and I also don't own the G-Boys.
They're
too sexy to be owned! Too sexy to be owned!
At
least by the like of me-ee!
I'm
an author, you know what I mean
And
I write these lil fics in my free time.
In
my free time, in my free time, yeah
And
It's so not worth it just to sue me!
That
it? Ok let's go then…
The
setting? The Karoke Bar. Our favorite Karoke Bar. The one we all know and love-
Wufei:
I don't!
*coughs*
THE ONE WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE. *glares* Duo has, of course, dragged them all out
here again-
Duo:
No, I didn't! YOU did! *pouts* And I don't get to sing today which totally
sucks!!
Quiet,
all of you! I'm trying to create atmosphere, here!
Heero:
IMP? You called yourself an IMP?
Quatre:
*giggling furiously* very- er- CREATIVE disclaimer, Lady…
*growling*
Oh to hell with it… You all know why they're here. Trowa's not- he has the
luxury of being backstage.
Wufei:
*muttering* lucky him…
Tis our favorite little karoke bar,
filled to the brim with eager fans. Outside are posters proclaiming the night's
entertainment. The stage has been empty for several minutes as the staff,
directed by a fairly bossy young brunette with flashing blue eyes, work hard to
prepare a show that will surely not disappoint.
At a table close to the bar are four
of the five gundam pilots, each both unhappy to be here and grateful that it is
not his turn to perform. Course, there are other problems…
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
a girl glomped him from behind.
"GAH!" Heero fought her off and
yanked his chair closer to Quatre, glaring in the direction of the fangirls.
"So damn many of them…"
"Look on the bright side," Duo said,
scrutinizing the drinks menu. "At least most of them are Trowa fans so it's not
that likely that they'll come after us too much."
A girl screamed directly in Duo's
ear. "OH MY GOD! IT'S ALL OF YOU! I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MUCH!!!!!" she latched onto Duo because he was closest. Heero smirked as his
friend started to turn blue from lack of air. "OH MY GAWD! Quatre, can I have
your autograph! And Wufei- Oh. My. God. You are soooooooooooooooooooooo good
looking!"
Quatre quickly scribbled his name on
a napkin and gave it to her. "Here you go, Miss," he said hurriedly, handing it
to her.
"OH MY GOD! THANK YOU
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! OMG they'll never believe me!" and she bounded off to
show it to her friends.
The boys let out a sigh of relief.
"Not likely, hm?" Wufei glowered at Duo, who shrugged helplessly.
"My ribs hurt," he croaked.
The bossy little brunette strolled
over, smiling at the crowd who waved happily at her but didn't bother her too
much. "How you guys doing?"
The glared at her. "We hate you, Lady,"
Heero snarled.
"Aw," she pouted and cocked her head
to the side like a curious child. "That's really not wise, you know. I'm the
author and thus have control over what happens here. It could just as easily
have been you."
"Um, Ms. Lye?" Quatre said
tentatively.
Lady's face softened. He was SO
kawaii! "Yes, Quat-kun?"
"How much longer do we have to wait
here?"
"Not long. They've finished setting
up so we should start any minute now. See you guys after the show!" she winked
and left, skirting around fangirls, and a few boys, seated at tables throughout
the bar. She chose the backmost table where one other girl sat. "Ready,
Jennie-chan?"
"HAI!" she beamed.
"Then let's go…"
Backstage Trowa pulled his clown
mask down over his face.
"Hey, you! Her Ladyship's getting
impatient!"
The silent soldier stood and walked
out into the dim spotlight…
I'm
too sexy for my gundam, too sexy for my gundam,
The lights came on full and the
fangirls screamed. Trowa in his clown costume! Erm, seems some of them have a
clown fetish… ^__^*
I'm
too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt,
He ripped the ridiculous thing off,
sending the fangirls into hysterics. It was going to be one of THOSE shows, was
it?! Lady nearly choked on her soda and then started laughing. Of COURSE they
hated it… SURE…
The four boys in the back slouched
down as far as they could.
"You started this, Yuy," Wufei
muttered angrily.
Heero glared back at him. "I
UNBUTTONED my shirt, I didn't fling it into the crowd," he griped as Trowa did
just that.
I'm
too sexy for Preventers, too sexy for Preventers,
In the back Lady perked up. "Ooh,
speaking of Preventers-" she snapped her fingers and the ladies of GW popped
into chairs around the table (*SIGH* even Whoreothy- I mean, Dorothy…).
Catherine saw what was going on immediately.
"OH MY GOD!"
And
I'm too sexy for the enemy, too sexy for the enemy,
No
way! I'm out of bullets!
"Baka," Wufei muttered angrily.
"You're ALWAYS running out of bullets…"
I'm
a pilot, you know what I mean
And
I do my little turn on the catwalk!
Yeah,
on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I
do my little turn on the catwalk
Trowa took the chance to reach out
to the ecstatic crowd. Several nearly died when they- SHOCK! TOUCHED HIM!
I'm
too sexy for my bangs, too sexy for my bangs
Too
sexy to hang
And
I'm too sexy for my mask, too sexy for my mask,
'Too
Sexy?' you ask
He said, getting playful as he took it
off in one smooth motion, handing it to one lucky girl in the crowd who
screamed and nearly fainted.
And I do my
little turn on the catwalk!
I shake my
little tush on the catwalk!
The
poofy clown pants came off. Underneath were a pair of very nice looking black
slacks.
He accepted a cotton dresshirt from
a stagehand and slipped it on.
I'm a pilot,
you know what I mean
And I do my
little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the
catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my
little tush on the catwalk!
I'm too sexy
for the circus, too sexy for the circus,
Poor Cathy,
poor sister Cathy
"WHAT!?!?!" Catherine, who had been
enjoying things immensely, stood angrily. "Too sexy for ME!?" she reached for a
knife.
The other pilots, girls and Lady
backed away immediately.
"Cathy?" Lady pleaded. "It's a very
crowded room, dear, and I know that you're very good at this but I don't think
you're quite thinking straight-"
~THUNK.~
I'm too sexy
for HeavyArms, too sexy for Heavyarms,
No way it's
self destructing!
~THUNK.~
Trowa didn't even seem to notice the
knives being expertly hurled in his ~THUNK~direction. He just kept moving,
giving the others ~THUNK~ heartattacks as they came ever closer.
~THUNK.~
He ~THUNK~ disappeared in a cloud of
smoke and the crowd burst into applause.
"Where is he!? Where'd that little
doukeshi baka brother of mine go?!?!" Catherine hissed, looking around wildly,
a knife at the ready.
"Um, Catherine?" Relena put a gentle
hand on her arm. "Cathy, it's over, ok? No more song…"
"No- more?"
"No more. Why don't you put the
knife down now, huh? You're scaring the fangirls…"
"HOW COME HE'S NOT TOO SEXY FOR THE
FANGIRLS, HUH!?!?"
"Eep," Lady beat a hasty retreat and
headed for the boy's table. "Survive?"
They glared at her. "Don't you DARE
think we're doing that," Heero snarled.
"But I've already booked the club
for the next coupl'a weeks! We CAN'T back out on a reservation!"
They groaned and slid down even
further in their seats.
"What's with you, D-man, I thought
you liked this?"
"I do NOT want rabid fangirls
throwing knives at me, ok?"
"That wasn't a rabid fangirl, that
was Cathy you baka," Wufei grouched.
Trowa staggered out of the dressing
room and started heading for their table. The crowd spotted him first. He was a
goner. Crazed Trowa fans swarmed over tables and chairs to glomp, kiss and
otherwise show their affection to the poor, harried pilot.
The four boys paled, listening to
the tortured cries of their comrade whom they had no help of helping.
Lady winced. "Remind me next time to
do something about crowd control, yes? Anyways, thank you all you guys who read
and review! It's been fun! Fear not- more Too Sexy is on the way!" she winked
and gave the V-sign.
"Who the hell are you talking to?"
Duo said. They were all looking at her like she was crazy. Ooh, wait- she IS
crazy.
"Eh heh… the readers… STOP LOOKING
AT ME THAT WAY! R&R!"