Seifer's up to his shenanigans. This is one of those "I wrote this at three in the morning" fics, just to warn you. Actually, it was more like 2:40, but ya know. Most of these are inside jokes I have with Dave.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't own the Sprite I'm drinking, I don't own the eMachines computer I'm typing on, I don't own Final Fantasy, I don't own the Fender next to me, and I sure as hell don't own the Mirando Black Warrior pencil next to me.
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Seifer: Quistis, I need to tell you something.
Quistis: What?
Seifer: You can't tell anyone!
Quistis: What, already?!
Seifer: I have a secret.
Quistis: I've pretty much figured that out.
Seifer: No, you don't understand! I've been wanting to tell someone. Some one I could trust.
Quistis: Just tell me already!
Seifer: It's something I've had built up inside me.
Quistis: Oh, no...
Seifer: And I needed the relief of letting it out, and I wanted to tell you.
Quistis: Seifer, are you gay? Tell me dammit!
Seifer: I really need to tell you...
Seifer pauses dramatically while Quistis waits impatiently...
Seifer: I just took the BIGGEST shit!
Quistis: Oh for Hyne's sake, Seifer! I really didn't need to know that!
Seifer: I feel ten pounds lighter!
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Rinoa: Oh, hello Seifer.
Seifer: Hi Rinoa. I need your advice with something.
Rinoa: Sure! Anything, what's up?
Seifer: See, I've been having this problem with Quistis...
Rinoa: Go on...
Seifer: She's not happy. There's something I'm doing wrong.
Rinoa: What do you think it is?
Seifer: Well, I've got a pretty good idea.
Rinoa: Which would be...
Seifer: She wants me to change, but I don't know if I should.
Rinoa: Well, what does she want you to change?
Seifer: Well, here's what I need your advice on.
Rinoa: Ok, shoot.
Seifer: Should I get a sex change to fulfill Quistis's needs?
Rinoa: Jeez - just - Hyne- Seifer! Ugh! Don't tell me these things!
Seifer: She always was kinda kinky...
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Seifer: Hey Selphie! Wait up!
Selphie: What is it?
Seifer: I need to talk to you about something.
Selphie: Sure, anything to make the world a better place.
Seifer: Well, you see, I have a problem.
Selphie: What kind of problem?
Seifer: I think I need help.
Selphie: Oh gosh Seifer! What have you gotten yourself into?
Seifer: I know. I can't believe I've been doing it.
Selphie: Oh you need help!
Seifer: It's just so wonderful when you take them...
Selphie: Seifer! NOOOO!
Seifer: And then you finish off a batch, and you just really need some more...
Selphie: What is it? What are you addicted to?!
Seifer: I just always need more...I need it now!
Selphie: Is it pot? Crack? Heroin?
Seifer: Selphie, I'm addicted to Wintergreen Lifesavers.
Selphie: ::gasp:: You scared me! Why didn't you just tell me in the first place?
Seifer: Did you know they make sparks when you chew them in the dark? It's like a wonderful trip...
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Squall: What do you want Seifer?
Seifer: I just need to talk to you about something. Man to man.
Squall: What?
Seifer: Well, something happened to me for the first time yesterday.
Squall: What did?
Seifer: I was so scared when it first happened. It was so shocking to see it!
Squall: Um...
Seifer: I've never been so intrigued by anything in my life!
Squall: What the hell are you talking about?
Seifer: I mean, I know it's supposed to happen eventually, but it's just such a shock when it actually happens!
Squall: Is this about what I think it's about? If so, you're a little behind the rest of us males...
Seifer: You mean you got yours already?
Squall: Yeah, like four years ago.
Seifer: Wow! I still feel the need to tell you though, just because I'm so excited!
Squall: ...whatever.
Seifer: I got my period!
Squall: Whoa! What? I thought - but...what the hell is wrong with you?
Seifer: Can I borrow a pad?
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Seifer: Irvine?
Irvine: Yeah?
Seifer: I've been having a problem.
Irvine: Well I'll see what I can do.
Seifer: Something happened. It's never happened before.
Irvine: Yeah?
Seifer: I've heard it happens to a lot of guys.
Irvine: Um...
Seifer: I live to please Quistis, but this time I couldn't!
Irvine: Man, I think -
Seifer: I was just so embarrassed! She was so angry...
Irvine: Seifer, are you impo-
Seifer: I left the toilet seat up!
Irvine: You call that a problem? At least you can keep something up...
Seifer: She nearly fell in!
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Zell: What do you want, Seifer?
Seifer: I just need to talk to you about something.
Zell: What?
Seifer: Well, I've been doing something and I think you can help me.
Zell: What have you been doing?
Seifer: I've been doing something to myself.
Zell: Uh oh.
Seifer: I've heard it's dangerous, but it's just so relieving in my stressful life.
Zell: Whoa.
Seifer: I started doing it about a month ago, and I just can't stop!
Zell: Oh my God, Seifer!
Seifer: I've got them everywhere...
Zell: You need to stop!
Seifer: On my arms, on my chest, on my legs...
Zell: Seifer! No!
Seifer: I...I've been drawing on myself...
Zell: Hyne! Seifer! What is wrong with you?
Seifer: Look, I drew you in my armpit.
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Well, that's it...have fun REVIEWING! HINT! HINT!