Sakura POV
Sakura was surprised that she had been able to sleep that night. The events of the evening had replayed over and over again in her head before she had eventually fallen into a dreamles sleep.
Our bond is different.
Sasuke had left not soon after saying those words. He had told he would pick her up the following evening for dinner at Naruto's, tapped her forehead with his fingertips, then departed. It had startled her the same way it had when he had done it two years prior. The subtle action, the small touch, it conveyed so much…she just couldn't figure out what.
She had walked back to her room in a daze, tea forgotten. Her thoughts ran in circles all evening, wondering what on earth had happened to her expectations of his return.
She didn't try and put any thought to him staying after he returned. She figured that Konoha would never be his true home. He might be content living a nomadic lifestyle and that was okay with Sakura if that's what Sasuke wanted, what he needed. She had accepted that Sasuke may or may not return her feelings, if not some of them. If she was honest with herself, she had considered her odds 50/50 on being in a relationship with him in any sense of the word. She knew he would come back, she just didn't know what way he wanted her in his life, if at all.
And that would be understandable if he never wanted a romantic relationship with her, with anyone.
Sasuke had endured…so much. It caused a physical pain in her chest every time she thought about what he went through as a child, especially. He had been so young and had witnessed horrors that would traumatize adults well into their years. To see death, to know it firsthand with the death of a loved one, and then to have said deaths caused by a loved one? It hurt Sakura to the point of misery if she dwelled on it too long.
She thought about it constantly for a while. Right after he left on his journey, she had begun thinking more about herself and the way she had acted towards him. Who was she to offer love without knowing what it took? She needed to try and understand his pain, not just know it existed. Sakura knew she could never truly understand it, but she lived in his pain in her own way for a long time. She barely ate or slept. She worked and she read.
Naruto helped as much as he could during that time. He usually didn't say much, but on her really bad days, he would mention something about Sasuke. The first time had been when she had been wrapped up on her couch. She hadn't eaten all day.
"You know," he had started quietly. "Sasuke may not realize it, but when we were younger, you were uncomfortably important to him."
Sakura's voice had been hollow when she responded. "I don't think he saw me as anything more than an annoyance.'
Naruto had just smiled. "That's not true. He made sure that I knew how precious you were to him, even before he did."
She hadn't understood and hadn't been in the mood to respond. But, little by little, Naruto let her on small moments she hadn't realized. Sasuke's eyes constantly on her after fighting with Kaguya, the fear Naruto had felt from him when she had willingly impaled herself on Madara's sword, the interest he had seen in his eyes when the new Team 7 had run in to him for the first time since his leaving.
It kept her grounded.
It was hard for Sakura, as a doctor, to not look at the psychology. She had read into childhood trauma, PTSD, and the longterm effects of it left untreated, of it festering. The more she read, the more she understood that it wasn't up to her to fix him. It turned out to be what helped her the most. She poured over novels and texts and began to understand that the most important thing was presence. She made goals in order to accomplish this: listen to him, make herself ready and available to him when he needed help, be compassionate and patient with his growth, and offer a safe place to exist in silence.
Sakura knew she had to focus more on the third one. Sasuke wouldn't talk unless he was ready and he would never be ready if she never shut her mouth. Her rambling had always been a defense mechanism and she was honestly proud of how patient she had been while he had talked to her.
When she had turned from making their tea, the look in his eye had been startling. She couldn't place it. He looked like he was struggling to breathe, like he was desperately trying to stay afloat. It unnerved her to see him so unsettled. She had repeated to herself to stay calm, to listen, to ask questions when he was done, over and over on the way to the couch.
She was unsure of why he had asked her to suddenly heal his eyes, much less act so nonchalant about her snooping through the things left from his old apartment. She imagined it was due to his disregard for the possessions he left in Konoha. Sakura couldn't help but move Sasuke's box of clothes and belongings to her apartment after Sasuke left. She had needed something tangible, something to hold onto to show he had existed. To show that he was real.
She opened it the one and only time and had repacked it neatly, storing it in her hall closet. And, Sakura might have also conveniently left out the old Uchiha manuscript, labled as a medical text. She had sworn to herself that it was just to store it properly, but when it fell open with a simple unlocking jutsu, she had been overcome with what she had seen.
Diagrams and instructions, summaries and diagnoses, diseases, and treatments. It was a treasure for the kunoichi who had spent too many nights trying to find anything about caring for Sasuke's eyes. Her healing jutsu could find maladies and ease inflammation easily, but to care for such delicate, other world power? She never wanted to do more harm than good.
It was a short scroll, but the information provided was thorough. She had felt confident in her understanding of the theory, but when applying it to simply headaches in the hospital with incredible results. It had been a lifesaver for some and for Sasuke, it looked like it had been sweet relief.
Frown lines that had been present since his return faded and the bags under his eyes lessened. He had relaxed under her hands and started a conversation Sakura hadn't believed would ever happen. When he opened his eyes again, she could see the words coming.
Our bond is different.
Hours later, her home clean and tidy and wearing the seventh outfit she had tried on, Sakura nervously paced her bedroom. She was nervous to see Sasuke again. He hadn't told her what time he was going to arrive, so she had been ready two hours before dinner, just in case. Plus, after everything that had transpired between them the previous night, she was unsure of how she should act around him. She needed time to think.
She wasn't so naive to assume his words meant that that they were suddenly together. She knew that Sasuke had spent time on his travels looking at himself, thinking about his actions and what he wanted. She also knew that he needed to experience life for himself and decide what he wanted from those people, those bonds, too.
She hated to admit it, but it put a tremendous pressure on her. She felt as if she made one sudden move or pushed Sasuke too far, he'd run and she'd never see him again. She would never tell him, but him leaving suddenly and without word was probably her biggest fear. He could go wherever he wanted for however long he wanted, as long as he told her he would see her when he got back. It was all that mattered.
A knock on her door drew her from her deep thoughts. Her gaze flew to the clock hanging on her wall. Sasuke was an hour early. Sakura smoothed her shaking hands down her red dress and tried to slowly, calmly, walk to the door.
Sasuke stood there, cloaked in black and dressed in varying shades of black and grey. For a moment, Sakura was struck stupid with how beautiful he really was. Especially when he looked pleased to see her. He eyes had softened and his shoulders relaxed as soon as their eyes met. "Sakura. Are you ready?"
Her name jolted her to the present. "S-sorry, yes! Just let me grab my things." Sakura tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked down at her the floor while grabbing her purse.
"We're in no rush." Sasuke's head tilted ever so slightly. "I know I'm early, but I thought we could take a longer route to Naruto's."
Sakura's eyes widened. Sasuke wanted to take a longer route…and spend more time…with her…? "I..yes! Yes, that sounds wonderful." Sakura fumbled with her keys and desperately tried to hide her blush. "It's beautiful out today, so we should enjoy it!"
"Ah." Sakura missed the way the Uchiha shook his head in affection at her attempts to hide how flustered she was.
Sasuke led the way down to the main street. Sakura eventually settled into their mutual silence, the busy streets of Konoha providing all the noise they needed. She had grown so used to filling the silences with ramblings, talking about anything and everything under the sun. She was thankful that Sasuke's presence forced her to relax, let her thoughts come and go without vocalizing them. She realized that she could hear, see, and understand more of the wor;d she saw when she let her eyes work more than her mouth.
Eventually, Sasuke cut to the south and took them towards the small park that Kakashi had built in honor of those who sacrificed their lives in the fourth shinobi war. It had a small pond in the middle with trees from every land planted across the grounds. Flowers grew and were tended to by several of Ino's family members and it had flourished and grown into a beautiful place to honor those who had lost.
Sakura sighed. "I love it here. It's beautiful, but…it makes me sad."
Sasuke made a noise of agreement. Sakura trailed just behind him as they made their way through the park. Over small bridges and past streams filled with fish, they eventually found themselves circling a pond. Lilypads dotted the surface and a family of ducks swam across the middle. The sun was a warm glow that cast a mirrored image on the water of the tree line. Sunset was approaching.
After they had started to make the first turn around the pond, he spoke up again. "My favorite thing to do outside of training is taking walks."
Sakura's steps faltered, but only for a moment. She was internally screaming in joy at Sasuke offering up something personal about himself, but she maintained her cool. She had to if she wanted to get more out of him. "Oh? I…quite like taking walks myself. They help me…clear my mind."
Sasuke nodded, but said nothing in reply. They walked until they came across a small clearing with a bench, trees, and flowers arranged in a beautiful canopy. Sasuke gestured towards the area and Sakura obliged, hiding her flushing cheeks.
They sat down on the bench and let the sounds of nature envelop them for a few moments. Birds chirped and the wind blew lazily through the leaves. A small waterfall bubbled and trickled over the rocks behind them and a school of orange fish swam by. It was peaceful, Sakura described, to sit with Sasuke and exist in a world that had survived, grown, and flourished.
"Would you…like to listen to me? For a moment?"
Sakura look up, her mouth a forming a small 'o'. It was sudden and a request that she had never heard from Sasuke. It was her greatest hope and an action that filled her with intense trepidation. "Y-yes, yes of course."
Sasuke nodded. He turned to face forward and took a deep breath before he began. "I am not the best communicator, but I…I want to try and tell you about my conclusions from my travels. It might take some time, but I have thought quite a bit over the last few years and I think explaining some things to you will help our…bond."
Sakura could only nod mutely. She was sure she was having an out of body experience because no way was her life this good. "I…yes, Sasuke, I think it woud help too. I'll listen to whatever you have to say." Sakura couldn't help but shift herself more in his direction when she replied. "I won't change my mind about my feelings for you because of anything you might say. So don't worry about that either, Sasuke-kun."
Sasuke's eyes were still forward, but they closed upon hearing her words. He nodded, collecting himself before beginning again. "There are so many things I want to tell you, but I don't know how. I think I'd like to start with explaining to you how I felt during my genin days and what it meant to leave Team 7."
"My decision to leave was the result of a chain of events that rekindled my hatred for my brother, Itachi. I had been humiliated by Itachi's declaration that I was disappointingly weak and, when I saw that Naruto's power was considerably greater than mine, I was driven to the edge of a cliff I had been teetering on. He could potentially beat me in a fight and that went against everything I had believed to be true about myself. About him."
"I was so emotionally unaware of anything outside of revenge, pain, anger, and hatred, I didn't recognize anything about you or the rest of Team 7 for a long time. It was then that I truly began to reflect on the impact you, Naruto, and Kakashi had on me. When we all first met and started training together, all I felt was apathy. But then, we began to interact more and I could acknowledge each of your strengths and weaknesses." He glanced up at her briefly. "The latter made me think of you all as people I needed to protect."
Sakura was broken and desperately trying to hold her pieces together. The words were tumbling out of Sasuke, measured, but steady, as if they had been waiting for a long time to escape.
"I was…happy with Team 7. Well, I guess 'happy' isn't the correct word. I was distracted from my pain with the three of you, I forgot about my desire and need for revenge for lengths at a time. You all had the power to make me forget about the pain. That in and of itself mae me feel so unbearably guilty. I was alive, was given a purpose, a mission, to take out my treacherous older brother. I couldn't afford to be happy, not when Itachi still lived. Despite seeing how far each of you went to make me happy in Konoha, I still abandoned the Hidden Leaf and endured for my original and true purpose; revenge."
Sasuke took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and gazed at the sun, setting slowly over the hills of Konoha. He turned to face Sakura, his visible eye filled with an emotion Sakura couldn't place. "I want to talk to you about the night I left Konoha."
Sakura's heart dropped. She didn't know if she wanted to talk about this. It was one of her most painful moments, one of the worst memories she had relived too many nights in her dreams. But she steeled herself and nodded, letting him know he could continue.
Sasuke didn't take his eyes off of her that time. "I left the village to gain the power to kill Itachi, but I knew a part of my journey was also to gain enough power to protect you all. Like i couldn't protect my own family. That's why I couldn't let you come with me, help me take my revenge. When you asked to go with me, I….I almost said yes. In that moment…" He trailed off, letting the thought settle in the empty space. "To have a partner with me, to not have to continue in loneliness…it would be too dangerous for me to have you with me while I was working to protect you. I had to do it alone."
His expression cracked, slowly, his eyebrows drawing in and his lips twisting in a grimace. "I wanted to say yes. But I had to break my bonds with you, with Naruto, with the village. All of those bonds caused me to lose focus and I couldn't afford that."
Sasuke finally looked away and Sakura blinked, realizing she hadn't the whole time he had held her gaze. He looked down at his hand. "I only fell further into the darkness after that. There was no one there to keep me afloat and I lost the person I was when I was on Team 7."
He looked up at Sakura, a new sense of resolve gleaming in his eye. He stood up and after a moment, offered her his hand. "The Sasuke I was on Team 7 doesn't exist anymore. But, neither does the rogue ninja. I understand that I am a mixture, a combination of my past and a continuous movement towards my goals."
He finally stooped down to take Sakura's frozen hand. She couldn't help but gasp. Sasuke's cheeks flushed, but he pushed on. "I am sorry that I didn't say more than a simple thank you that night, that I pushed you away, that I hurt you. I didn't know it all then, but I know it now. I can't change it, but I can understand it."
Sakura was shocked. It was more than she had heard from him in one sitting and all of it was overwhelming her. He had wanted her to go with her…? That thought alone had nearly sent her spiraling, but his admission of happiness with Team 7? The maturity in his response set her mind working in recognizing her stages of grief and progress charts, but what touched her the most was the insulation of one of his comments.
He wouldn't have been as lonely if she had gone with him.
Sakura's limp hand finally grasped his back. She stood and found she was right underneath him, their clothes brushing. Sasuke gulped and looked unsettled, but Sakura just smiled softly. "Thank you for sharing with me, Sasuke-kun. I understand more of how you felt back then and, even if it sounds silly, I'm still glad I met you that night. I'm glad I got to see you off and I hope that when you leave again…our parting will be a bit happier."
"How so?" Sasuke muttered the words, his eyes on their hands.
Sakura's smile widened. "You'll keep promising that you'll eventually come back."
They had walked to Naruto's in relative silence, this time more comfortable and dare Sakura say, intimate than before. A major wound on their bond had been repaired. Sakura would never have to look back at the memory of their first parting in as much pain again. Her whole perspective of the interaction changed and with it, her heart grew even fonder of the Uchiha.
Naruto had been surprisingly civil at dinner. Hinata had him in the kitchen the entire day, helping her cook and clean. He looked tired, starving, and a bit terrified of his beautiful wife, but excited to see the two of them arriving together. He had also only joked about Sasuke and Sakura once, although it hadn't been the worst thing he had ever said.
"So, did the bastard ever get inside your apartment? He's been dying to see it!" Naruto had exclaimed this over desert. Between Sakura's water blown across the table and the wide-eyed death glare Sasuke was giving Naruto, the blonde idiot quickly backtracked with his hands held up in defeat.
They left shortly after dinner, but not before Naruto pulled Sasuke aside to his office to show him something. Hinata walked her to the door instead, all smiles and soft eyes. Sakura gave her a hug and decided to wait outside for Sasuke, unsure if he was going to walk her home. She didn't know where he was staying, so she didn't know which way he would turn if he was to head home.
Sasuke solved the problem shortly after closing Naruto's front door. "Can I walk to your apartment with you?"
His words were jumbled and a bit quick, but Sakura had squeakily agreed, turning clumsily on her heel to lead head back to her place. It wasn't more than a five minute walk, but they exchanged a few words. Sakura commented on how good Hinata's food was, Sasuke retorted that Naruto's behavior nearly ruined his appetite. Sakura laughed and then, they had arrived.
He walked her up to the door where they both paused, avoiding the other's eyes. Sakura tucked her hair behind her ears several times before glancing up at him. "Well, I have an early shift tomorrow, so I should really get to sleep."
Sasuke nodded. He glanced down at the ground before asking, his words just above a whisper, "Do you want to have dinner tomorrow?"
Sakura felt like the floor had disappeared out from underneath her. It took her an awkwardly long amount of time to respond, but she finally recovered enough to string a few words together. "Yes! Would…you like to come here? I was planning on cooking!"
Sasuke nodded, nearly inperceptibly, and Sakura beamed. "Great, well I…I guess I'll see you here tomrrow.": She turned to unlock her door, but quickly faced him once more. "Um, does 7pm work for you?"
Sasuke nodded.
"G-great, okay, well goodnight!" And with that, Sakura fled into her apartment and shut the door.