zero.sys :doujinshi, goodies, and extras:
The Stereotypical Gundam Wing Yaoi Fic

Heero sat at his laptop, staring intently into the screen and obsessing over making his mission report absolutely flawless as he waited anxiously for new orders from Dr. J. as if he had nothing better to do with his life.

Duo, who sat on the bed directly next to Heero's desk, stared longingly at the cold, beautiful boy who he loved. He was the meanest, most homicidal, most suicidal, most emotionless person Duo had ever met, and Duo loved him for it. (Psychologist's note: This indicates that Duo is rather disturbed, and seeks angsty hurtful relationships, which is probably connected somehow to his many horrible losses of family and friends when he was a small child. Or the fic writer is a crackhead who has no idea what to look for in a guy.)

Duo would have told Heero how he felt, but he automatically figured that Heero would be a complete homophobe, despite the fact that he should know Heero a lot better than that if he knew him well enough to love him. But then again, this is a stereotypical yaoi fic, and in a stereotypical yaoi fic, love is always blind. It sometimes even runs into trees, knocking down wild chibis mating in the branches.

But anyway, Heero was completely oblivious to Duo's stare, nevermind the fact that he was a trained terrorist and assassin, and should automatically notice these sort of things from two hundred feet away, much less five. But he didn't notice, and just continued to type incessantly.

Meanwhile, Quatre played a sad song on his violin, thinking about how Trowa had rejected him the day before when he had nervously confessed his love, blushing like a virgin the whole time.

Trowa had stared at him shocked, which had surprised Quatre to no end because Trowa was usually so emotionless. His face had turned cold suddenly, and he walked away, telling Quatre in no uncertain terms that he felt nothing for him.

Quatre dropped the violin at the memory, sobbing like the little crybaby all these silly fic writers make him out to be. Sure he's killed thousands of people, has created a monster (Wing Zero), has shot Trowa, has self-destructed his Gundam, and has fought dozens of OZ soldiers at a time, but that doesn't mean he's not still totally innocent and pure!

And so, poor Quatre cried for his lost love.

"Um, Heero?" Duo asked nervously. "Whatcha doin?"

"Hn," replied Heero.

"You want to go for a walk?" asked Duo.

"Hn," replied Heero.

"Um, I guess I'll take that as a no." Duo said, solemnly.

"Hn," replied Heero.

"Er, Heero? There's something I need to tell you." Duo said, nervously.

"Hn," replied Heero.

Duo screwed up all of his courage, preparing for the moment of truth.

"Quatre?"

Quatre looked up from his perch at the window, and desperately tried to wipe the tears from his eyes before anyone saw, even though he had already looked up and therefore it was a completely useless gesture.

"T-trowa? What are you doing here?" (It's his house too, dummy. *cough*)

Trowa looked at his little love, guilt straining his features at the undeniable pain he saw in Quatre's sweet, innocent eyes.

"I came to say I'm sorry," he said, taking Quatre gently into his arms. "I didn't really mean what I said, I'm just really disturbed by anything related to sex since my traumatic experiences as a child, when I was forced to oil engine parts for large mercenaries. (*cough*) But I got over it really quickly, and even though I'm still disturbed by any act of love, I've decided that I love you too, and want to have wild, rough monkey sex with you all night long."

Quatre's eyes shimmered with tears. "Oh, Trowa! I'm so sorry you had to go through such an awful thing! I accept your apology, I understand why you utterly rejected me. Let me make you feel all better, okay? I promise I'll be gentle."

Trowa nodded, rather enthusiastically, and they made their way, rather quickly, to the upstairs bedroom to make up. (*cough*)

Back in Heero and Duo's room, Duo took a deep breath and began.

"Um, well, see, it's like this. We've known each other for a really long time now, and we're really good friends now, right? I mean, sure I shot you, well, twice, but I didn't really mean it, I thought you were the bad guy, honest! And anyway, I decided that now that we're friends, I really like you a lot more than a friend, and I think you're really cute and all, and I know there's that Relena girl who's like, a total stalker, and she follows you everywhere and begs you to kill her, and I know that probably turns you on more than me, cause I talk too much and I'm really annoying, not like her, who's couldn't possibly be the bane of your existence, but still I was sorta kinda hoping you might like, you know, like me that way, cause I like you that way, and well, do you?"

"Hn," replied Heero.

Duo's eyes lit up. "You do?!"

"Hn," replied Heero.

Duo was overjoyed. "Oh, Heero! I love you too!"

"Hn, baka." replied Heero.

With that, Duo jumped Heero's bones well into the night and all was well with the world.

Well, almost.

As the respective couples screwed each other into oblivion, Wufei was standing outside for no apparent reason, pouting because he was feeling left out.

He had been struggling with his feelings for one Trieze Kushrenada for quite a while, and even though Wufei considered him to be the biggest son of a bitch ever, a dishonorable cur, and his number one enemy, he found their duels together strangely…stimulating.

With a blush rising to his cheeks, and the noise of his friend's…activities turning him on, Wufei made a spontaneous decision (which is completely out of character for him, but he did it anyway), and decided to go sneak into Trieze's bedroom by the conveniently open window, without being sighted by any guards, and jump his excellency well into the night.

Of course Trieze wouldn't mind; he'd call Wufei his "little dragon," and would let him go afterwards even though they were enemies, and they could both worry about the consequences later. Which of course, is also completely out of character for both of them, but this is *love* we're talking about here, people. It's blind, don't ya know?

So Wufei hopped on his bike and rode towards the nearest OZ base, where Trieze just coincidentally happened to be at the time.

And somehow, they all managed to live happily ever after, Relena-free.

Owari