a/n: another chapter! there's more Brittana at the end and even some sexy times for them at the end too. song is by All Time Low.
Chapter 44: Bottle A Beat
Over the holidays Santana and Brittany had experienced a lot of growth and healing, but despite the smiles put on at the New Years party, all was not well in Quinn and Rachel's life. For the sake of not overshadowing the party, they pretended everything was okay- and it had been until just the day before. They'd celebrated Hanukkah and Christmas mostly separately, but they'd joined together on Christmas Eve which just so happened to be one of the last nights of Hanukkah. They'd exchanged their necklaces then, in front of Rachel's dads and Quinn's mom. It was almost a week before they saw each other again, but they'd decided they'd like some time alone before the party and decided to go on a small winter date. That's when it all went wrong. They'd gone to see a show at the theater at Carmel. They'd been holding hands in the dark of the theater and when the lights came on for intermission, some homophobe saw them. In the lobby, he decided it would be a brilliant idea to throw freezing cold sticky Coke all over two high school girls. Rachel and Quinn both froze in fear- it was just like being slushied. The guys buddies high fived him pouring their own soda over the girls heads. But what had been the breaking point was them showing hot dogs in the girls mouths. Both of them were mortified as they ran outside, Rachel vomiting in a bush while Quinn sank to the sidewalk in a brutal flashback. Neither of them realized that the other needed comforting, nor were they entirely capable of giving it. So when Rachel broke Quinn out of the flashback screaming about vomit in her hair, Quinn lashed out. She wished her only problem was vomit in her hair. Instead that hot dog has sent her spiraling back to the day Puck had violated both her and Santana. The way she'd gagged, the way it felt in her mouth. Rachel accused her of making it up, there was no way a hot dog caused that. She had been forced to eat meat, and even worse, meat that she had no idea what animal it came from. Quinn was furious, and drove them home dropping Rachel off and heading back to her house. She was freezing as she took some of her favorite clothes and threw them in the garbage. The memory would ruin them. After she showered she climbed into bed in her pajamas and looked at her phone. Rachel's face stared back at her. She knew that they'd both messed up, and Rachel wasn't one to apologize first. But she couldn't bring herself to send the message. It was time for Rachel to realize her mistakes. On the other hand, the divas dads were doting over her, making sure her body temperature hadn't dropped, treating the soda stain and assuring her that the hotdog was not going to be held against her. They'd run a fancy bubble bath for her and put on Funny Girl. Rachel thought about texting Quinn, but she didn't think she had done anything wrong.
Back at school, all hell broke loose as Santana and Brittnay quickly realized something was wrong.
"What the hell is going on with you and Berry?" Santana asked Quinn who closed her locker and looked at Santana through dull eyes with huge bags under them. She hadn't slept much since that day. "Are you okay?" Santana asked, forgetting her other question for the time being.
"I think how I look answers that question. I have class." Quinn turned to walk away but Brittany caught her by the shoulder.
"Come on Quinn, we'll try and fix you up." Brittany said, gently directing the girl into the bathroom. They had plenty of time before class started. They did their best to disguise the bags under her eyes and she looked a little better already. Brittany told her to take her hoodie off, certain anything she wore under it had to be better. "What, you wore another shirt under it right?" Quinn nodded. "So, that's gotta look better than this ratty old thing."
"I'd rather leave it on. I'm cold." Quinn lied.
"What are you hiding Q?" Brittany asked, "You can tell us. You know that we're trustworthy." Quinn rolled a sleeve up revealing burns almost certainly from holding her wrist over a candle…8 candles.
"I'm not sure Rachel approves of this use of a menorah." Quinn said pushing her sleeve back down "I don't really care seeing as she doesn't care about me"
"What do you mean? She's madly in love with you." Santana says "Of course she cares."
"Read these and tell me that again." Quinn hands over her texts with Rachel. Everything since the play. Eventually, Quinn texted Rachel about the New Years Party along with an apology. But she also noted that Rachel needed to apologize for accusing her of faking the flashback induced panic attack. Rachel had said she wouldn't apologize for saying the truth. The rest of the texts were Quinn begging Rachel to try and understand that it was the truth. But nothing since her agreement to put on the act at the party.
"Why the hell did you keep this from us for a week?" Santana handed the phone to Brittany "We would have supported you."
"And who would have supported her? She's hurting too." Quinn said. Santana's phone alerted her to a message.
Kurt: Where are you? Rachel wants to warn you about something Quinn apparently has to say. She says it's untruthful.
Santana: With Q. Send Berry to the girls bathroom.
"Rachel's on her way." Santana says "Let's just put this to rest now so we can enjoy our day."
"No way, she's not gonna give up this fight and I can't. Not this time." Quinn says. Asher alerts Santana. She was an empath, and low and behold Quinn was affecting her. Santana took some breaths and felt better by the time Rachel arrived. Early alerts were so much better than the ones where Asher practically had to cushion her quick descent to the floor.
"You all gather here now?" Rachel asks, coming into the bathroom, looking far too okay. "What have you been telling them Q?"
"Only the truth." Quinn said "Unlike you, they trust I'd never lie about that."
"So you're taking her side" Rachel scoffs "I should've known. Honestly, it's like I'm only your friend because of her."
"Are you kidding me?" Santana stands face to face with Rachel "You know full well I was your friend before I was hers. You were my second friend after Brittany at this school followed closely by Kurt and the rest of the Glee club. In fact I befriended her after everyone else. "
"So what!" Rachel crosses her arms "You two clearly have a bond over what happened. We don't have that."
"You should be glad about that!" Santana growls "would you really want to go through that? And that's exactly why I know she'd never lie about that. Panic attacks from those moments are triggered scarily easily. You wouldn't know."
"It's not like I wasn't remembering every slushie she ever dumped on my head at that moment!" Rachel argued "I was flashing back too."
"It's not the same, Rach." Brittany says "I know cause I've had flashbacks of both slushies and worse things. And I can tell you slushie flashbacks never immobilize me. The others often do. Quinn has apologized. You cannot expect her to say she lied when she didn't. Why would she?"
"Holding back someone's hair isn't exactly anyone's favorite thing." Rachel shrugs "I'd lie to get out of it."
"Even if it was me?" Quinn speaks up.
"No. You're the only person I'd do it for, albeit I'd really hope I wouldn't have to and one of these two would hopefully be around. Maybe your mom." Rachel shrugs.
"I would've held your hair back in a heartbeat if I could've broken the trance." Quinn sighs "Clearly, I was right. You don't care about me at all." Quinn stands up and leaves.
"You've fucked up Berry." Santana scowls "When you manage to get your head out of your ass, I might consider speaking to you."
"Santana is right. And by not believing Quinn, you're invalidating her experiences too. I'll be your messenger pigeon, but say anything like that in front of Santana again, and I will make sure you never say or sing anything again." Brittany stalks out past the diva following Santana. Rachel leaves last and sees Kurt leaning against the opposite wall.
"Rach, I don't know what happened, but something tells me you need a friend. I'm not sure I can be that unless I know." Kurt says.
"You'll side with them too. Just leave me before they put a hit out on you too." Rachel says.
"What did you do Rach?" Kurt asks.
"I was selfish Kurt, and I let that influence my logic. I've accused Quinn and I'm so in the wrong this time."
By Wednesday, nothing had changed. Rachel walks the halls alone and Quinn walks with Santana and Brittnay, and luckily they'd found the 8 simultaneous burns weren't a part of a pattern. But things otherwise weren't looking up yet. However, they'd worked with Quinn to try a last stitch effort to get Rachel to understand. Quinn was hesitant, it seemed like it was Rachel who needed to perform for her, but they promised that this song was really asking for the other person to apologize. After hearing it, Quinn agreed, still reluctant but knowing she wanted Rachel back more than her dignity or pride. So she dragged herself to the front of the choir classroom and with some backup from Santana and Brittany, sent Rachel a final message.
Do you remember
Fast times in the summer rain?
The cold in December
Was it all a dream?
Tell me you're alright
Tell me that I didn't mean a thing
Lie to my face now
Say anything
And I'll always remember to never forget you
I'll always remember to never forget
Say you'll come find me
When I'm dancing in the streets
I don't need money, don't need sleep
Just need your pretty face, now
Say you'll come find me
When I'm dancing in the streets
We don't need money, don't need sleep
Just need a bottle and a beat
Just a bottle and a beat
Throughout the song, Quin makes it clear toRachel that she doesn't think she's right, with a bit of a sarcastic undertone.
Pull me close now
Like a candle in the rain
I will surrender
To you again
It's hard to get through it, but she does. When Rachel comes up to her and whispers I'm sorry, she knows it was worth it. The diva leads her out of the choir room where she can deliver a proper apology.
"I am SO sorry Quinnie. I realized I was wrong that day in the bathroom, but I shouldn't have ever doubted that you were being truthful in that. And as much as it grosses me out, I will hold your hair back. I will do it even if someone else is available. Because I love you more than Barbra Streissand, and you know that's a lot. I'll help you through the flashbacks and never doubt the attacks they bring on again. I won't ever understand that pain, but I'll try to help you through it. And as for these" Rachel rolls up Quinn's sleeve revealing the burns "I never want you to hurt yourself because of me. If I cause this much pain that this is something you feel you have to do, then please ask for help. Tell someone, don't hurt yourself." Rachel presses a kiss to each burn gently "I hate that I inspired this."
"I thought maybe if I was willing to permanently mark my body with something that reminded me of you, you'd understand." Quinn sighs "I knew it wasn't what you would want, but I needed to show you."
"I'm so sorry." Rachel shakes her head "But you're right. We don't need much. A bottle and a beat is enough to keep our love strong."
"I'm glad you liked the song. I know it may have seemed like I was apologizing again, and I was, but I was also trying to get you to realize we both were at fault. I hope it translates."
"It did babe. But maybe stop letting Brittnay and Santana pick your songs." Rachel jokes.
"I'll consider it, but they've been pretty good at fixing our relationships with their song choice so far." Quinn admits.
"That's embarrassingly true." Rachel chuckles "I honestly wish they didn't have to help us so often. I feel like their relationship is so perfect and ours is always crumbling."
"Their relationship has its share of issues too. They're just different and that's okay." Quinn smiles softly "there's just this innate connection between them. And I'd never wish for you to go through what I have, and what they have, but that can really help with the issues of understanding we come across. They don't have that problem."
"I'm trying to learn to understand as best I can." Rachel looks down "I guess in that I've tried to find experiences I have to try and equate and they just don't."
"And I'm happy about that. I don't ever want you to be hurt and violated like I was. Like they were." Quinn takes Rachel's hands in hers "You're doing so well. I promise."
"Hey" Santana peaks her head out and sees the other two girls "I just wanted to make sure everything went well."
"It did." Quinn smiles "it really did."
"Good. I just worry sometimes. But uh, here's the thing" Santana chews on her lip nervously "Britt thinks that she and I need to stop fixing things for you two. She thinks if you can't resolve it yourselves, then maybe it's the best."
"Why isn't she out here telling us herself?" Quinn asks and Santana can tell the blonde is holding herself back from lashing out.
"Cause she knew you wouldn't take it well." Santana says meekly, Asher by her side whining in worry. He paws at her leg insistently. Santana settes herself against a wall and her world warps.
"Get Britt" is the last thing she hears as her mind fills with panic. She feels dizzy and lays down, and Asher finds his way on top of her to perform DPT. Someone is behind her supporting her head in their lap. She wasn't entirely sure, but slowly as she calmed down, she realized it was Brittany. Eventually, once Asher moved off her, Santana cuddled into Brittany's arms.
"I'm so sorry. I should've told them myself, putting you in that situation was wrong." the dancer said, stroking Santana's hair. The Latina hadn't even thought about that and yet, here Brittany was apologizing.
"S'okay. I didn't think it was gonna upset me." Santana says "I would've told you if I thought so."
"Still, it was my responsibility." Brittany says "If I don't have the guts to say it then it won't be said."
"I get it." Santana says "Really, though. It's okay. I'm okay." The Latina says and she can sense that the blonde calms down q bit.
"How did you solve that so quickly?" Quinn asks "Rachel and I would've been at each other's throats!"
"We admit our mistakes and we analyze what may have caused something. We communicate what we are feeling without shouting and arguing or invalidating the other person." Brittany explains "It's important that you can learn to do that in a relationship."
"I guess we have a lot of work to do…" Rachel looks at Quinn "I'm willing to work at this."
"Me too. And I don't want you to solve our problem Britt and San, but if we're looking for advice, could we maybe come to you?" Quinn asks.
"I don't know. The best choice is to just trust your gut and try to be open with communication." Brittany sighs "If you really need advice, ask a professional. Every relationship is different."
"B?" Santana says, and Brittany looks at her curiously "I think, if they need us, I don't want to shut them out."
"San, that's not my goal. I just don't think we can or should be relationship therapists for them." Brittany worries.
"They're our friends. I don't want them to ever feel like they can't talk to us. We don't have to offer advice. We can always offer comfort, right?" Santana looks between the other 3, fully sitting up.
"That sounds nice, but it's really up to Britt." Quinn looks at the other blonde "I don't want to cause strife between you two on our account."
"We can try." Britt agrees "But it's gotta be comfort only. We can't advise you anymore."
"That's fair." Rachel nods "I think…I think Quinn and I should go now. We have alot to talk about."
"Wait" Santana says and stands up "Rachel, if you ever discount what we've all gone through again…"
"Not right now Sanny" Brittany says, and the Latina turns to her girlfriend "It's not the right time." Santana shakes her head and turns back to Rachel.
"Ever again you and I" she says not listening to Brittany still trying to stop her "will not be on speaking terms. Ever."
"I-I understand." Rachel says nervously "I'm sorry I ever did- I'm just gonna- bye." she turns and quickly walks away.
"What the hell Santana?" Quinn and Brittany say. Quinn doesn't continue and turns to run after Rachel. Brittany however drags Santana into the nearest bathroom "Why the hell did you keep going? I told you to stop." Brittany crosses her arms.
"I'm my own person. I needed to say it. I'm sorry." Santana turns to face the opposite wall "But she needs to understand how her words have consequences."
"Don't you think she already understood that well enough for the day?" Brittany asks. "I think our message was clear enough on Monday."
"That was coming from me solely. I have put up with her failure to understand and it's repercussions long enough. She needs to know that if it happens again, in or out of my presence, there's no apology that will fix it." Santana turns towards Brittany, clearly angry.
"Wait, wait." Brittany takes a deep breath "We shouldn't be arguing. Can we just pause for a minute?"
"I" Santana takes a breath "I guess so yeah." Asher looks between his Mama and Mami. He sees them both taking deep breaths and carefully observes Santana.
"Ash?" Brittany asks and the dog turns towards her quickly "It's okay buddy. I've got her." Brittany moves forward and hugs Santana. The Latina hugs back, relief flooding her body.
"I hate that I upset you." Santana says pulling away from the hug. "But I do stand by what I said. I do agree the timing wasn't best though."
"I agree with that whole heartedly babe. I think it was important to say, I just think maybe another time would've been better" Brittany says "but I know that, sometimes in a moment, we feel like if we don't say something, we never will. And I should've respected that."
"We're okay then?" Santana asks.
"Yeah. We're so okay. Let's head home okay?" Brittany says and Santana nods happily.
Thursday and Friday pass without incident and Brittany has been given permission to spend the weekend at the Lopez house. After so many nights of nightmares, both girls were nightmare free and so ready to finally share a bed again. They'd also been discussing being intimate again, and they definitely hadn't taken it off the table. Knowing this, Santana had gone a little overboard and bought a ton of candles and other important necessities Thursday, with Kelsey's help for those that she could get being under 18. It was surprisingly not as awkward as she'd expected, though she did have to promise to take Uno and Asher to the dog park Saturday. Still, it was well worth the surprises she had for Brittany if things went that direction. They were hanging out and doing some weekend homework when Brittany brought it up.
"So San" Brittany said and the Latina turned in her desk chair to face the dancer who was sitting on her bed "I know we've been talking about being intimate again and-"
"No pressure, don't worry. We can wait as long as you need." Santana immediately replied.
"Let me finish babe." Brittany chuckled "I think I feel ready. I think I'd at least like to try tonight."
"You seem nervous." Santana said "We're young, this obviously isn't something I ever expect. I'd understand if you didn't want to."
"Honey, I do. It's just been a long time, and I don't want either of us to be triggered by anything. There's a lot at play, more than the usual high schooler has to deal with." Brittany admits "I think I'd be more worried if I wasn't a little nervous. You seem on edge too, and it's actually oddly comforting."
"Well, if I'm being honest, I'd really like to be intimate again." Santana looks down embarrassed "when we were, it helped me connect sex with something good. I still have those bad memories but it helps to overshadow them."
"You don't need to be embarrassed. I totally understand, I feel the same way." Brittany assures "We can just let it be natural."
"That sounds nice but I think I should leg you know I may have done a bit of prep shopping in case we did feel ready." Santana smirks.
"Oh, did you? Well do share." Brittany chuckles.
"So I got some candles," Santana says, getting up from her chair and getting a bag from her closet and setting it on the bed "I looked up sexy scents and grabbed one of each and thought we could choose which we liked best." Brittany giggles as they sniff candles and pick two that smell nice together- coconut and vanilla.
"I have a feeling this was the least surprising one." Brittany days as Santana puts the other candles away. Santana smiles and nod grabbing a black bag and setting it between them on the bed nervously.
"So, I made Kelsey come with. By the way, we have to take the dogs to the dog park tomorrow." Santana mentions offhand.
"I don't know how I feel about the dog park." Brittany shifts uncomfortably. How could Santana forget! Brittany is scared of some dogs.
"Oh shit, Britt I'm sorry. Kels said I had to and I completely didn't consider there might be some dogs that make you uncomfortable. The dogs there are usually really well trained but…" Santana looks down ashamed
"Baby, it's okay" Brittany promises "I'm getting better and that's one fear I want to conquer. Because I really like all animals."
"Are you sure?" Santana asks.
"Yeah. I'm sure Ash and Uno will protect us." Brittany nods.
"Cool, so back to my bag" Santana grins as she pulls out first some dental dams "Just for safety" she explains "And then this" she pulls out a strap-on along with lube "What do you think?"
"Well I'm proud of your preparedness, but are we sure we feel okay with this?" Brittany picks up the strap tentatively.
"Honestly, I'm really not sure but I know we've mentioned it seems like something to try. If we feel up to it only." Santana is clearly flustered.
"Hey" Brittany says "It's really interesting and definitely something to consider okay? Knowing what we have, I think we can just let things progress really naturally. Maybe put on a sexy movie, okay?"
"Babe, what exactly do you mean by a sexy movie?" Santana asks.
"Oh! Not porn, gosh no. Just something that maybe has a sex scene that turns you on." Brittany smiles.
"Good. I have a few choices." Santana grins. They agree on But I'm A Cheerleader not because it really turns either them on with its mild sex scenes, but because it's hilarious and they both have the hots for one of the two main characters. Unsurprisingly, Santana has a thing for the blonde cheerleader, Megan, and Brittany has a thing for bad girl brunette Graham. The movie will be successful in calming nerves at the very least they agree, which makes it a great choice.
After dinner with Ali, Diego and Kelsey, they excuse themselves upstairs, never more thankful for the fact that Ali and Diego's bedrooms are on the bottom floor. Asher is a little upset when he's excluded from cuddles and has to sleep in his doggy bed, but he doesn't fuss too much. Santana and Brittany snuggle up under the covers and turn on the movie. It's not long into the movie before Santana has trouble keeping her hands to herself, and Brittany realizes she doesn't mind. She ends up sitting in front of the Latina, between the other girls legs with her back towards her girlfriend. Santana had been strategic with her positioning, and focused more on kissing Brittanys neck than the movie. She gently tugs at the hem of Brittany's shirt and the blonde pulls it over her head. She notices that Santana throws hers to the side as well, and smiles as her girlfriend kisses her bare shoulders and unclasps her bra. Santana trails kisses over mildly shoulders as she slides the straps down pale arms. She slides her hands over abs, and brings them up to perky breasts. She pinches two pink nipples gently and hears a small gasp from Brittany. She smiles to herself, kissing Brittany at the junction of her neck and shoulders. She keeps up her actions, squeezing, tugging and pinching the dancer's boobs. After a few minutes Brittany turns to face Santana and the Latina raises an eyebrow.
"I wanted to see you too. And I wanted you to properly see me." Brittany shyly reaches behind Santana and unclasps the girl's bra. Santana doesn't let Brittany stare at her arms as she pulls the straps down, instead she quickly tossed it aside. Brittany doesn't argue or point this out and instead focuses on the gorgeous set of tits in front of her. She leans in and lays a kiss on each before sucking on a nipple and deftly playing with the other, looking up at Santana the entire time. The Latinas hips buck slightly, but she is pinned by the blonde. Brittany pulls away and kisses Santnas lips gently, moving so she's straddling the Latina better.
"Patience, okay? Nice and slow." Brittany says and Santana nods quickly. Brittany kisses Santana on the lips again, harder, pushing her down onto the bed into an intense make out session. Both girls' hands find the other nipples and gasp and moans interrupt kissing. Eventually they pull away for air and they meet each other gaze. Santana trails a hand along Brittany waistband.
"May I?" Santana asks. Brittany nods, followed by a vocal yes. Consent is sexy. Before long, both girls are completely naked and grinding against each other's legs desperately. Santana decides to take control and flips them so she's on top and looks to Brittany for permission. She trails kisses down the girl's body. It isn't long before Brittany is climaxing with a high-pitched whine. The blonde happily returns the favor and after that they cuddle for a minute before Santana asks the big question. The strap is ready, they'd done all the set up beforehand. It was washed and ready for use if they so wished. For an extra layer of protection, they were using a condom on it so they wouldn't need to wash it if they switched. Santana is most interested in wearing it. They're careful and go slow, but Brittany quickly realizes this is her new favorite thing. Santana, on the other hand, realizes she needs to work out more. Santana gets off on getting Brittany off and declines a return of the favor. She wasn't quite ready yet, she realized, for something similar to what had happened to her. After cuddling, they both realize they're sweaty and sticky and take a bubble bath together. It's much more innocent than what had just happened.
"How do you feel?" Santana asks as she slides in behind Brittany.
"Satisfied" the blonde smiles "and so very in love with you. That was wonderful."
"I'm glad. It was really good for me too, I love that feeling of just being us two, nothing else." Santana kisses a shoulder innocently. Brittany turns and gently kisses Santana on the lips and see a small worry line on her forehead.
"You're thinking again" Brittany says, laying back against Santana again "What's going on?"
"Just glad I realized what I was and wasn't comfortable with. My biggest worry is that when we're intimate there will be a flashback." Satana admits "Our open and constant consent feedback means alot to me."
"Me too" Brittany says, gently trailing finger along Santana's arm. She doesn't consciously realize that she's tracing a scar.
"I'm sorry" Santana says, and Brittany has no idea why "I know I got to be all sexy and trail your bra straps down your arms, but I'm just not there."
"I didn't even think about it baby" Brittany promises "I didn't even mean to trace a scar just now."
"It's okay" Santana says, noticing Brittany stop "It's kind of comforting. I always kiss yours when I go down on you."
"Me too." Brittany kisses Santana's wrist "They're part of you. And I love every part of you."
"One day I know my kisses will make them nearly invisible." Santana says and she lays her head on Brittany's shoulder. They soak in the tub quietly and contently. For the first time in a long time they feel like the world is spinning normally again.