Welcome back, everyone! I hope you're enjoying the ride so far. Here's the next installment!

Chapter Six

She had really kicked him out. Simon wasn't sure why it bothered him so much—they'd agreed on no real feelings. And they'd already broken the promise of nothing happening between them at all. Either way, he shouldn't be itching to talk to Daphne about what happened.

And yet he was. After she unceremoniously encouraged him to leave her apartment, she'd hid from him all week at work. He'd sent her a text, but she hadn't responded to that, either. It had been five days, and he was done waiting. Now, he was going to find her.

It proved to be rather easy. She was just sitting in her office this time. "You've been avoiding me."

"No." But her face flushed and gave away that she absolutely was.

"Good to hear. So we can plan on dinner tonight, then?" The panicked widening of those expressive eyes said no. "There's a team meeting for the faculty softball team. Mondrich thinks we'd make a great addition to the team."

He almost wished that he didn't feel the need to make up a reason to see her. He wished he could just tell her he wanted to spend time with her. But now that she'd freaked out after they had sex, he didn't think she'd be particularly amenable to that phrasing.

The intent remained nonetheless. All he wanted was to spend some time with her. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, one he'd never felt before. Women were fun, giving, and great temporary partners. But none of them seemed to understand him the way Daphne did.

"I'm not sure I'd really be helpful at softball," she laughed off the suggestion, but it was strained at best. It was clearly covering up that she just simply didn't want to see him.

"I knew it. You are avoiding me." He crossed his arms, eyebrows raised, daring her to deny it. Her mouth opened to refute, but after a moment of consideration, she closed it and slumped back into her chair.

"Alright, I'm avoiding you." She blew out a breath.

"Are you regretting it? Did you not want to?" That was a possibility he hadn't even considered—given that she had been a very enthusiastic participant in all of their activities—but it was entirely possible. They had just come off of an incredibly stressful situation when their sexual tension came to a head. It wasn't absurd to think, in hindsight, she might not have wanted it as much as she did at the time.

"No!" She sat up straight. "No, nothing like that. It's just…awkward now. I don't know how to act in this fake relationship now." Something guarded in her eyes made him think there was more to it than that.

"Well, the good news is that this only serves to make it more convincing." She glanced at him, confused. "Normal couples see each other naked and have sex all the time." He shot her one of his usual smiles, the ones he knew made people willing to give him whatever he wanted.

It seemed like it might be working now. "That's a fair point."

"You know, we don't ever have to do it again." He couldn't decide how far he was willing to go in telling her how he was feeling, but he could at least explain this. "I'm not going to push you for a sexual relationship you don't want. I will push you to keep seeing me period. You've weaseled your way into my life, Daphne Bridgerton, and now I don't want to continue without you in it."

She looked stunned. Like she truly hadn't expected that. It took her a moment to recover. "I… thank you, Simon. I don't want to go through life without you, either." She seemed to be gathering her courage. "I'm sure you can tell, both from our…relationship and from Anthony, that I don't have much experience with men." She paused again. Simon almost held his breath, certain that something momentous was about to come out of her mouth. "And so, I hope you understand that I don't think I can do sex without feelings. I'm sure many women can, I just don't believe I'm one of them. And it would be unfair to you to have sex again, knowing that I will develop feelings and that is not something you want."

He hadn't been prepared for something as momentous as that confession had been. And yet, it made his response much easier. "That is something I want." Was talking about your feelings always this scary? He felt his heart beginning to race, his palms sweating. He understood why he'd never done this before, it was incredibly uncomfortable.

"What—what does that mean?" There was a hopeful note to her voice, like she wouldn't let herself believe that was what he'd said.

"I wasn't expecting this. But you have come to be the person I'm most excited to see every day." With every word, it got easier to say. "All of our dates, though they were fake in name, felt incredibly real, and I think they did to you, as well. I would like to continue that, continue to see you, know you." Not yet love you, but he had a suspicion it would not take much to get him there. "But I know you might want children, and that is the one thing I cannot give you. So if that's a deal breaker for you, we can announce at dinner tonight that we are no longer seeing each other. It might also be a good excuse not to play softball." He sent her a small smile, hoping to break the tension. But he knew her decision would change the course of his life.

"I have never considered not having children. I grew up with seven siblings, and I always presumed I would have a brood like that of my own someday." Simon ached to know her next words. And braced himself for the sting. "But now, thinking about it, I don't think I would be unhappy without them."

Relief nearly took out his knees. Guilt tugged at his heart, but he pushed it down, not willing to confront it now. "So you're saying yes? To trying a real relationship with me?"

She stood, rounding her desk, her hips swaying in that confident, sexy way that he loved. She came to a stop in front of him, tipping her head back to meet his chocolate eyes with her own grey ones. "I'm saying yes, Simon."

He could do nothing more than drag her to him and take her mouth.

Daphne felt like she couldn't breathe, she was so full of sensation. This man, who had sworn off relationships and emotions, would break his number one rule for her. She had never been so important to someone. It was a heady sensation. And then his lips met hers, his velvet tongue slipped into her mouth, and thought ceased.

All she could do now was feel.

The kiss was hungry, like they'd both been waiting to show the other how much they wanted this. It had been spectacular the first time. How much better could it be when they both held back?

Her hands snaked up his shoulders, breathing him in as their kisses continued. Strong, dueling kisses, where they each wanted to outdo the other. They each wanted to prove to the other how much they cared. He nibbled on her lip, she sucked on his tongue. He groaned and clenched those strong hands on her hips, she let her nails bite into his shoulders.

Simon moved one hand around to her bottom, lifting her against him. She felt his erection hard against her jeans, and all she could muster was a moan. The memory of him inside her dampened her panties. She pushed away from him, his brow furrowed when she twisted quickly out of his arms.

Daphne rushed for her office door, closing it as quietly as she could and flipping the lock in a rush. When she turned back, his confusion as gone, replaced with a wolfish grin. It made her want to lick him all over. "Good thinking, Daphne. We don't want students walking to class to get an eyeful." His eyes darkened as they traced down her body. "Besides, you are now for my eyes only."

She shivered. She didn't think she was into possessive men, but that rough admission really did it for her. "That better apply to you, too."

He sat down in the oversized chair behind her desk. "It does."

He snagged her hand, drawing her back to him. She thanked her early morning self for deciding to wear a dress in preparation for the heat of the day. This just happened to be a different kind of heat than she was expecting.

She hadn't ever straddled a man before, and certainly not in her office when she really should be working. She could feel a flush working up her neck as she lifted the fabric up her legs until she could place one on either side of his lap. It truly was an oversized chair – her legs fit easily between his hips and the arms of the chair. Stability might be a different issue. But that was his responsibility now, she supposed.

She had barely settled into the chair before Simon's fingers started working the little buttons down the front of her dress. He wrenched up, his lips meeting hers once for a firm kiss before letting them loose on her chest. A tanned hand plumped her breast, clever fingers gripped her hip. The soft cotton of her dress fell from her shoulders, pooling around her hips.

She let her head fall back and absorb the feeling. Simon made her feel so beautiful and wanted. Her experience was admittedly limited, but she hadn't ever felt that from either of her partners before. It was almost intoxicating. And it made her want to show him how much she appreciated it.

Daphne had never been one to take the lead, or even really speak up about what she wanted. She'd never really wanted to seem needy or make a misstep. But she wanted to be more active with Simon. He didn't seem to care that she wasn't the perfect Bridgerton sister her family saw her as. He let her speak up about what she wanted, and he listened when she brought up her feelings, even when her problems were so much less difficult than his own.

So she made a move she'd never made before. Slipping her fingers around the back of his neck, she gently tugged him back up. She fit her mouth to his, tongue darting in to take a taste. It was quick and a bit shy, but he groaned his approval, so she repeated the move, this time slower and with a touch more confidence.

He seemed to be pleased with her newfound boldness, if the hard ridge underneath her was anything to go by. She tested the waters again, this time rolling her hips against him, feeling his erection catch her clit. She jerked, and his fingers dug into her hips. They remained like that for a few minutes, kissing, grinding. Just like everyone else at school. She almost giggled at the thought.

But as much as she enjoyed this—and she did, she could stay in this position all day—she couldn't forget how full he'd felt inside her the last time. She wanted that again. He must have sensed her growing impatience, because she felt his knuckles brush along her through the sheer lace panties as he tried to unzip himself. She jerked free to catch her breath. Between the rocking she'd been doing and the pressure of his fingers against her now, she really was ready to go. She could feel the lace sticking to her skin as wetness continued to gather between her thighs.

He smirked, working faster as he pulled a condom out of his pocket and quickly rolled it on. "Pull your panties to the side."

She felt a blush creeping into her cheeks, but did as she was asked. And as unfamiliar as she was with taking an active role and semi-public sex and hell, even sex with her panties still on, this felt exciting. And she felt sexy, like Simon was really interested in being with her, even though she didn't really know what she was doing. So she did as he asked, hooking her fingers in the side of her panties, pulling them to the side.

He must have known she was thinking hard about it, because before she had a chance to worry about how to have sex in a rolling office chair, his hands returned to her hips and brought her down onto him. She couldn't remember a time she'd been so wet that the first thrust was a long, smooth glide, but sliding down his length was the best feeling she'd ever experienced.

And those strong hands guided her as she lifted off. It was an odd motion to get used it, with her knees so close to his hips, and she was certain her thighs would be sore in the morning. But the sensation was so worth it. Not just the feeling of being so full she didn't know where he ended and she began, but the feeling of finally letting herself go like this. His satisfied moans and the way he looked up at her, his eyes dark and hot on her face, urged her on. She knew he was enjoying this just as much as she was, so she could let go and just be in the moment.

Daphne didn't know how much time passed with them in her office chair. Her thrusts had gotten smoother, his mouth had settled in to taste her nipples, and their breathing had grown heavier. Her thighs ached and her arms, pressed over his shoulders on the back of the chair to hold her upright, burned. She could feel the tension growing beneath her belly button. She decided to try a new angle, rolling against him instead of rising up. It nudged her clit against the hard plane of his abdomen and she huffed out a breath.

His mouth left her nipple, taking in the sight of her head tipped back, eyes closed. She could feel his gaze all over her, and it nudged her closer to the peak. Her hips rolled faster, and she heard his breath stutter along with hers. They were racing to the edge together. She dropped one of her hands to his shoulder, her fingernails biting into his skin. He must have known she was right on the verge, because his mouth returned to her skin, his teeth stinging her nipple in the best way. It vaulted her into her orgasm, her body collapsing into him as she jerked through it.

She felt his hips thrusting up into her, his own groan of satisfaction echoing in her quiet office as she squeezed him dry. When they were both done, she breathed a happy sigh into his shoulder. "Yeah, this is going to work." He answered with a breathy laugh of his own. They remained together on the chair for another minute or two, the sweat drying on their skin.

Eventually, they had to get up. He needed to clean up, and she needed to run to the bathroom. She pulled her panties back into place, buttoned her dress back up. They stood in electric silence for a few moments, before she walked over and unlocked and opened the door.

"Are you sure you don't want to crack a window first?" His eyebrow ticked up in that sardonic way of his. She had to admit, he had a point. Her office did smell relatively strongly of sex.

No sooner had she cracked a window and turned to face him again that two heads peered around the doorframe and into her office. "Oh, hello."

"Hi." A middle-aged man with mousy brown hair and a friendly smile entered, gently pushing a petite young woman in front of him. "I'm David Abernathy. I teach physics here. This is my daughter, Lucy." He gently nudges the girl forward, causing her to stumble a bit. Daphne bit her lip to hide some of her amusement. "Lucy will be starting here in the fall in the liberal arts department. I thought I would come show her around and introduce her to some professors if anyone had some free time."

Daphne shot the girl a warm smile. She was sure Lucy was pretty mortified by the situation, and Daphne knew the pressure of being shown around like a trussed up pig by her family. The least she could do was try to make Lucy feel a little less mad at her dad. At least he was trying. "Hi, Lucy. I'm Daphne, and I teach art history. This is Simon—" Simon's cough interrupted her introduction. "—Professor Basset. He teaches classics. Do you know what you're studying yet?"

Lucy offered a shy shrug. "Just liberal arts first while I find out what I like."

"Good plan. I had no clue what I wanted to study when I got to university. My older brother almost had to have an intervention because I didn't declare a major." She tipped her head with a grin. "Of course, he's completely mental, so it was only my second semester at school. But the point is, take your time figuring out what you want."

She could feel Simon's eyes on her for a moment before he turned to Lucy. "If you want to see the other side of the building, I can show you around. I need to be getting back to my office."

Daphne couldn't blame the girl for the blush and timid smile that graced her face. Simon Basset did tend to bring women to their knees. "Okay, thanks." David shot him an appreciative smile as well.

Simon dropped a kiss on her cheek as he passed her and headed out the door of her office with the Abernathys. She couldn't decide if she thought it was a good or bad thing that Simon had seemed interested in helping a nice girl out, given his aversion to having kids.

The last two weeks had been like watching a flower bloom. Every time Simon saw Daphne, she was more and more confident in their relationship. More and more sure of herself. And when they were sitting on his couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon—not watching American gridiron football, because that he just could not bring himself to do, no matter what Mondrich wanted—she hit him with the full transformation. "I think we should tell my family we're together."

"Are…you sure? That's a big step." Simon had to admit that the thought of telling Anthony he was dating his sister was intimidating. Either Anthony would punch him for sleeping with his sister or ask the hard questions, like whether or not Simon loved her.

"I'm sure. I know it's a lot, my whole family is a lot, but I think it's a good idea. It's been over a month, and I keep making excuses not to Skype them. They're definitely suspicious." Her feet nudged under his thigh. She had a point. And yet, the thought of telling her family they were dating made him break out in hives.

"Do you want to do it now?" Maybe the lack of time to think about it would be a good thing.

She looked surprised by it. "I didn't think you'd be that easy to convince." But she seemed pleased. "Okay, let's do it."

She had brought her laptop with her so she could finish some work. He almost wished he'd remembered that before he offered to tell them right now. He'd thought the panic wouldn't be so overwhelming if he'd had no time to think about it, but that did not seem to be the case. He tried to take a deep breath and calm his nerves as she opened the laptop and pulled up her Skype.

"Hi, family." Daphne sent them a poised smile as her family answered on the other end of the call. A chorus of "hellos" answered from the other side. Sunday dinner at the Bridgerton house had always been a big affair. Simon assumed there were even some bonus guests there.

"How is the semester going, darling?" Simon could picture Violet's face, her wide, kind brown eyes and welcoming smile.

"It's going quite well, actually. I'm finally starting to find the best way to connect with the students." There was that burgeoning confidence again. As stressed as he was, Simon couldn't deny the content feeling in his chest at her words.

"That's lovely, Daph." He found himself irked by Violet's response. When Daphne had said she had never known anything outside of finding a husband and being a good wife, he'd known what she meant in an academic sense. But hearing the way Violet congratulated Daphne on this thing she was really excited about and had accomplished, as if it were just a platitude, he understood what she meant in reality.

"You haven't called us much lately! What's been going on?" It must have been Eloise or Hyacinth, because he didn't recognize the voice.

"Well, that's actually what I'm calling about today." Somehow, Daphne kept her face mostly impassive. How, he had no idea. He was practically shaking in his sweatpants. "I have met someone, and we're together."

"Oohs" and whistles made their way through the presumably quite extensive crowd in the Bridgerton house. Along with a very loud, very sharp "What?" from Anthony. Then there was a bit of shuffling and Colin's sneaky "Proceed, Daph."

"Do you all want to meet him?" Now, she smiled a bit. Simon thought she might be reveling in the heart attack Anthony was about to have. It did make him feel a little bit better. They were in this together. And before Simon knew what was happening, the computer was turning in his direction, and he was faced with the expectant faces of all of the Bridgertons, Lady D, and one redheaded girl he'd never met.

Squeals of joy came from the Bridgerton sisters. Lady D and Violet looked on with knowing approval. Benedict, Colin, and Gregory looked absolutely gleeful. And Anthony did indeed look murderous. Simon put on his most charming smile, hoping that would win everyone over.

"Absolutely not." Anthony glared through the screen. He looked even downright thunderous.

Colin clapped a hand over Anthony's mouth. "I, for one, love this."

"Simon, good to see you again." Francesca smiled at him through the computer. She'd always been a great kid.

"You too, Francesca. I hear congratulations are in order." He was starting to relax. If only Anthony was going to blow a gasket about this, he could handle that.

"Thank you, but this conversation is not about me. Don't try to weasel out of this."

Simon raised his hands. "No intention of weaseling out of anything."

Hyacinth crept closer to the camera, her brows drawn together to create an adorable little frown. "You gonna treat my sister right?"

Simon tried to keep a straight face at the question. He looked over at Daphne, and was surprised to see her almost holding her breath. She didn't seem to know the answer either. Had he really done such a bad job at convincing her that she was all he thought about?

"I'm going to do my best. I've never dated anyone like her before. She's special."

Anthony managed to worm his way free of Colin's hand. "I forbid this!"

Hyacinth's frown broke out into a grin. "Oh, yeah. I like you, Simon. Anything that makes Anthony this mad is something I can get behind." And Simon suddenly understood what Anthony meant all of those years about Hyacinth being the world's biggest pain in the ass.

"You're not trying to trap her into a heteronormative patriarchal relationship that saps her of all individuality?" This was from Eloise, that was clear from the question. She looked different than Simon had been expecting. He knew she had a strong personality, but on the outside, she looked just as delicate as the rest of the Bridgerton sisters. He supposed now that he knew Daphne better, that unexpected inner strength ran in the family.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting marriage, Eloise." That was from the redhead he didn't recognize.

"Pen, marriage is an antiquated tradition that equates women with livestock—" So the redhead was Penelope. He'd heard Anthony and Colin mention Eloise's longtime best friend before.

"Oh, can it, El. Some of us actually like having a person there for us no matter what." Francesca tended to be calm and even-tempered, much like Daphne herself. But she would put her foot down when she needed to.

"Are you sure you want to involve yourself with this family, Si?" Benedict piped up from the back. "I'd advise you to run while you can." Simon knew that might be a good idea, but he couldn't bring himself to want to do it. He might be panicked about their future, but for the first time in his life, he didn't want to let the fear chase him off.

Lady D stamped her cane on the ground. "Some people are worth putting yourself through hard things for."

This, everyone seemed to respect. Even Anthony didn't continue to protest. At least, not on camera. Simon was very certain he'd hear about it later. He wasn't sure if he should continue to stare with the Bridgertons in silence, but Daphne saved him from the decision. She moved from her end of the couch over to rest her shoulder against his.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you all knew what was going on with me." She shot them a smile and leaned her head against Simon's shoulder. "We're going to go now. I will field questions for you later, but reserve the right to not answer some of them." Colin elbowed Anthony at that one, who continued to glare menacingly at Simon through the screen. "Talk to you later, family."

"Goodbye, Bridgertons!" Simon let himself get in one real zinger before Daphne disconnected the call.

"I think that went rather well. It was nice to have everyone there to reign in Anthony's temper." She grinned up at him. Even though they might have some issues, Daphne clearly loved her family. And they clearly loved her, even if they don't totally know what to do with her. Unlike Eloise and Hyacinth, she wasn't a strong personality. She didn't have the surety in what she wanted that Francesca did. And because of that, they didn't know what to make of Daphne.

But that was the key, he thought. They didn't need to make anything of her. They just needed to let her be. And then they'd see the Daphne he saw. The one who was gentle and sweet, but also wouldn't let him get away with things he used to do. She was the best teacher he'd ever seen. She was passionate and so smart. And this confidence she was gaining… well, she'd always been sexy as hell. But the confidence just multiplied all of it.

Simon leaned down to kiss her. Complicated feelings about commitment aside, she was slowly becoming the best thing in his life. Her lips, soft and welcoming, opened underneath his. Her tongue danced with his, slipping into his mouth, drawing him into hers. He dug a hand through her hair, she swung a leg over his hips.

Her hands braced on the couch behind him and his drew her lower back into him. Her breasts nestled against his chest. They were truly spectacular breasts. But even more, he loved her hips. The way they swayed when she walked, the way they rocked over him now. She was really learning what he liked and what made him harder for her than granite. Not that it took a lot of effort on her part really. She didn't have to do more that look at him before he was ready to go.

She was doing more than looking now. He could feel the heat of her through the cotton and fleece of their pants. He wanted it on him, on his hands, on his cock, on his mouth, anything. He edged a hand down the back of her stretchy pants. As his fingers slipped down her back and between her thighs, she wrenched upright. Her thin shirt was quickly pulled over her head and her cotton candy nipples made their appearance in front of him.

But she wasn't letting him touch. She batted his hand away when he reached to pluck one of her nipples. Instead, she ran her hands down and tugged his shirt up and over his head. And if she wanted to take the lead this time, he was more than willing to see where this went. Daphne focusing all of her pent up sexual energy on him was a heady experience.

As was the slow trail of her mouth over his neck, where she paused to suck at the tendon there she'd learned caused his hips to buck up. Down his chest to nibble her way to his own nipples, dragging her nails through the dusting of curls on his chest. She followed the trail of hair down his abdomen, to where his sweatpants hung on his hips. She had shifted on the couch, her back arched as her knees moved back away from him. He'd never been one who loved the sight of a woman on her knees in front of him, but this was making him reconsider is stance on that.

He was more than happy to lift his hips so she could tug the fabric down him hips and toss it off behind her. His cock could cut steel at this point, and it sprung up hard. She brought her face down level with it. Normally, their sex involved very little in the way of foreplay—quite honestly, neither of them really needed it. But if she wanted to explore, he'd do his best to let her take a look. She'd felt him before, but nothing that had approached the level of scrutiny she was giving him now.

It was almost torturous. Her delicate fingers brushed along his aching length before gripping it. It wasn't quite as tight as she could go, so he brought his hand down to shape hers, show her what he liked. She was a quick learner, and within a few strokes, he let her hand go. She was now well on her way to making him come all on her own.

She flicked her eyes up to him, biting her lip in the way she did when she was trying to solve a problem. He loved being the first man she'd been able to explore like this. He was going to do his best to let her try anything she wanted, but it was getting harder and harder to hold off by the second.

And then she ratcheted up the heat, taking a tentative, testing lick at the head. Simon tried to keep his hips down, but the soft, wet feeling on the tip of his dick was hard not to follow. If she kept this up, he was going to go off like a rocket. But keep it up she did. With each lick, she got more and more self-assured. Like she had just needed to try this once to know exactly what she wanted to do.

Her lips surrounded him, sinking down. At first, not too far. It was heaven. She had no idea what she was doing, but being her test subject was so much better than the blowjobs he'd gotten from women who were far more experienced than she was. Her tentative licks and light suction was slowly becoming a slick glide over his cock, her lips tightening at the tip. He'd felt a hint of teeth, but as she got into practice, that disappeared as well.

He'd said he wanted to let her explore to her heart's content, but he was reaching the brink. He tugged at her hair lightly, trying to urge her back up to his mouth. But she refused, waving his arm off.

"Daph, if you don't stop right now, I'm going to come." Of course, telling her to do something didn't work. When she put her mind to something, Daphne was the most determined person he'd ever met. She glanced up at him, that determination in her eyes as she sucked him down again. That was the single sexiest sight he'd ever seen.

And with another few bobs of her head, the suction grew to be too much. He clenched his hand in her hair, feeling his orgasm shooting through him. He dropped his head back, a groan bubbling up from deep in his chest.

A few seconds later when he was finally done, and he could breathe again, he tipped his head back up. Daphne smiled at him from across the couch, her face flushed, but the happiness was clear on her face. "Was it good?"

"Yeah," he said, choking on a surprised laugh. "You couldn't tell?"

"I thought I might have, but I didn't know for sure."

"You did good." He shot her a tired, but charming smile. "If you give me another minute or two, I'll make sure to get to you."

She smiled. "No need."

"Daph, when I said everyone leaves satisfied, I meant it."

"I know you did. I am satisfied. You went way out of your comfort zone with my family, I wanted to do something for you." He could see the truth in her eyes when she looked over at him.

"Don't lie, you've been wanting to do that for a while." He shot her a grin and the flush crept over her breasts as well.

"Okay, maybe." She rushed to explain. "But you make me feel comfortable. Like I can try something I've never done before. I know it's lame that I'm twenty-three and I'd never given a blowjob before."

Even just hearing her say "blowjob" made him ready to go again. "It's not lame. And I'm glad you trust me. You want to try anything new sexually with me, you just let me know."

"I will do that. For now, you just relax. I'm going to go take a shower." She hopped off of the couch, shimmying out of her pants. He nearly groaned again at the sway of her naked hips and ass as she walked off to the shower. "And if I change my mind about being satisfied, I can always take care of it myself in there."

His head jerked off the couch. "You can't be serious." She ignored him, headed for the bathroom. He paused, waiting to see if she'd respond. "Can I watch?"