DISCLAIMER: Umm, they don't belong to me. Marvel and WB Kids own them. I think. Oh, and Star Trek belongs too- Paramount? And Coke belongs to whatever company owns Coke.

Evan ducked lower into his seat, as another round of popcorn was launched at him. The buttered kernels fell into his Super-sized Coke, and he scowled in annoyance. Quickly glancing around to make sure no-one was watching, he quickly twisted in his seat and tossed a handful back. He heard the Brotherhood snicker at his pathetic efforts, and resisted the urge to groan.

Could the day get any worse? he wondered. First, meeting the author, and being asked the question that had destroyed his mental state for all eternity. Then- everyone in the mansion going crazy, with most refusing to talk to him. And then coming to the cinema for a nice break from madness, only to discover that the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants was there. As if that wasn't enough though, just to torture him a bit more, Pietro and Lance managed to gross him out thoroughly by sharing a long, passionate kiss.

That was the last time that Evan didn't listen to Kitty's gossip a little harder. It would have been nice to have a little more warning that the two shared a relationship.

On the screen, Mike Myers was saying some witty line as Shrek, and most of the audience roared with laughter. Evan sat up straight to see the screen properly, trying to get an idea of what the joke was, when something cold and hard hit him in the back of the head.

"OW!" He yelled loudly, ducking again, and the Brotherhood roared with laughter. Around him, various people made shushing noises and glared at him. Evan glared back, and then shot a killer gaze at the Brotherhood. Popcorn was one thing- ice was another.

Hiding his arm under his jacket, he grew a bone spike, and snapped it off. Then, making sure all around him were suitably distracted, he once again spun around, preparing to fire. He raised his head up over the protective back of the seat-

And was attacked by a barrage of ice cubes and M&Ms.

Swearing rather fluently under his breath, Evan grabbed his board, stood up, and squeezed past the other people on his row to the aisle. He began to run as he saw the Brotherhood members standing up too. He had made it all the way to the lobby, when a white blur shot past him, before materializing into Pietro. The white haired mutant smiled smugly, and deliberately stood in Evan's way so he couldn't get past. "Hey there- Spyke."

Evan tried to squeeze past, but Pietro was too quick, and blocked him again. Behind him, the other Brotherhood members had finally caught up. He could hear Fred snorting with laughter. "Let. Me. Past." He said through gritted teeth.

They just laughed. Lance squeezed past Evan, and stood next to Pietro, wrapping an arm around the boy's waist. "Just why would we want to do that?" he sneered.

"Yeah!" Fred agreed. "Why would we want to do that?" he began to laugh, as if he had done something really smart.

"Shut the hell up!" Lance yelled.

Evan tried to push his way past, but found the couple were unwilling to move. "Just let me go home." Evan growled, sounding suspiciously like Wolverine. "I didn't come here for crap."

"Hey, yo, we just wanna ask you a question, thasall." Todd told him. "You answer it, we'll let ya go wherever it is ya want, X-Geek."

Sighing, Evan decided to accept his fate. "Fine. What's your question?"

Pietro smirked, an expression that seemed to be permanently etched on his face when he was around Evan. "We just want to know why you don't get holes in your stupid X-Freak costume when you shoot your spikes."

Evan's eyes bulged out. "No!" he yelled. "Not you too!" Terror giving him strength, he finally managed to shove his way past, running for the door. The Brotherhood roared with laughter at his horrified expression, as he tossed his board to the pavement, and skated off.

Beside them, in a cloud of blue smoke, a girl appeared. "Good job!" she encouraged them. "Couldn't have done a better job myself. Now, as I promised...50 bucks to each of you." She began distributing cash.

"Why did you need us to ask him that, yo?" Todd asked her curiously.

The girl grinned. "He was getting too distracted. I needed him to return to his crazy state of mind so I could write about it. I have to be off now, so cheerio!" In a puff of blue smoke, she disappeared again.

"I don't know why the X-Geeks seem to hate author's so much." Pietro commented. "They've always been all right to us."

~~~~~

Evan was nearly tearing up the sidewalk, he was going so fast, when he crashed into the old man wearing the burgundy polo shirt and purple sweat pants.

"Sorry..." he mumbled, before realizing who it was. "Magneto?"

The elderly mutant scowled. "One of Xavier's brats." he grumbled. Suddenly, his blue eyes widened and he hid the bags in his hands behind his back. "Go away!" the man hissed.

Evan leaned around, trying to get a glimpse of what was in the bags. Magneto tried to keep them out of view, but Evan managed to get a glimpse of the big, flashy logos emblazoned onto them. 'Nuclear Weapon's Are Us' and 'Evil Overlord's World'.

"Say, are you planning some sort of evil attack?" he asked Magneto suspiciously.

Magneto sighed, rolled his eyes, and grabbed Evan's arm. "What do I have to do to keep you quiet?" he growled angrily. "Money? A newer version of that confounded contraption you're holding?"

Evan grinned. "Weeeeeeell..." he drew out. "How about...disbanding the Brotherhood?"

Magneto smiled mock-pleasantly. "How about I slit you open from navel to nose?"

"Uhh.." Evan gulped. Ok, this wasn't going to good. "I know! Could you help me with a problem I have at the moment?"

The man looked down at him skeptically. "What do I have to do?" he asked curiously.

"Just answer this question." Evan assured. "When I shoot my spikes out of my X-Men uniform, why aren't there huge gaping holes in it?"

Magneto frowned, crinkled forehead wrinkling even more. "Hmm. An intriguing question. Do tell me, how did an idiot like yourself come up with something so mentally stimulating? And please, don't make me laugh by telling me that there is actually activity inside that cavernous skull of yours."

Evan scowled, and glared at Magneto. "If you keep insulting me, I'll just go straight to the Professor and tell him you're planning something. Be nice."

An extremely pissed look on his face, Magneto inclined his head slightly. "Fine, I'll do it your way. I honestly have no idea why there aren't holes in your clothing, and frankly, I don't care. To me, you are just something that is preventing me from taking over the world, and you must be squashed like the bug you are- no matter what you are wearing. Now I have fulfilled my end of the deal, so go away!"

"Yeah, whatever." Evan mumbled, making sure to brush against him heavily as he rode by. He hadn't really thought that Magneto of all people would be able to help him, but it had been worth a try. In his mind, Evan began mentally ticking off the people he had asked. There was only his Aunty O and the Professor left to ask now. Both were incredibly bright people. One of them must be able to help him with his problem.

~~~~~

"Hey, Aunty O!" Evan hollered, pounding on the door to her attic room. He wasn't about to go barging in to people's bedrooms anymore, not after the horrific incident with Scott. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."

"The door is unlocked, Evan." came the calm reply from the other side. Evan pushed the door open, and walked in. Ororo was floating high in the room, near the open skylight. As she gestured, a cloud of rain formed above some of the green, leafy plants that adorned her abode, giving them much needed moisture. As Evan walked in, she floated gracefully down, and alighted on the ground in front of him. "What did you want to talk about, child?"

Evan sighed. "Why aren't there holes in my uniform when I shoot my spikes out?" he asked her. "Please tell me, it's been bugging me all day!"

She frowned. "Why do you wish to know?"

Her nephew paused, to think about his motive. He was about to tell her that it was all for a 'fic' and he couldn't escape until he found an answer, but Ororo continued before he had a chance to begin his explanation. "Tell me, is it a girl?"

"Huh?" Evan asked, confused.

His aunt smiled gently. "It is to impress a girl? I understand that the uniforms you wear are perhaps not the most fashionable of outfits, and that the ripped look may be in again."

Evan shook his head. "No! It's not that!"

She just gave him a knowing look. "Of course Evan. I believe you." she said, in a tone that indicated that she didn't believe him at all.

"Comon, Aunty O, it's not that at all." Evan pleaded. "I have to know cause I'm trapped in a story until I find an answer!"

Ororo smiled again. "Is it a romance story?"

"NO!" Evan yelled. "At least, I don't think it is. What's your obsession with romance anyway?"

His aunt looked sad for a moment, and Evan felt guilty. "I'm deprived." she told him gloomily. "I see all these stories about Kurt and Kitty, and Pietro and Lance, but do I ever get a little lovin'? No! I'm so lonely." She sighed, a melancholy sigh. "I was hoping that it is not a genetic trait."

Evan gave her an odd look. "Ooooook." he said in his best speaking-to-mad-person voice, and began slowly backing away. "I don't need love, just some help with my question. Do you think the Professor could help me?"

"Why wouldn't he be able to?" she said, voice full of sarcasm. "The great Professor, able to help everyone except me with their problems. Would it be so hard to use Cerebro to help me find a nice, mutant man? Would it kill him? It's not like that stupid machine..."

Evan didn't hear the rest of the sentence. He was too busy running down the stairs in terror. Everyone was going crazy! "I have to find an answer fast, before the world gets turned upside down!" he muttered, as he reached the Professor's study. "Professor! Help me!" he cried out, pounding on the heavy oaken door.

*Come in, Evan.* came the telepathic reply.

Evan pushed it open, and walked inside. Charles Xavier was sitting in his customized wheel chair in front of the fire. In his hand was a plastic phaser from Star Trek, and he fired it at the blonde haired boy as he walked in. "Pshew! Pshew! Take that, Romulan scum!"

"Uhh..." Evan stared at him oddly. "I don't know if you'll be able to help me at the moment..."

"Yes I can!" the Professor yelled suddenly. "I already know what you're going to ask, and the answer to your question, for I am a Bedezoid!"

"Stay outta my head." Evan said crossly. "And what the hell is a Bedezoid?"

"We are a telepathic race." The Professor said solemnly, folding his hands in his lap. "And you better show me a bit more respect if you want me to tell you why you don't get holes in your costume."

Evan gaped. He had a choice here. He could run as fast as he could into the sunset, or he could stay with the loony and finally get out of the fanfic. He opted for the latter. "Alright. Could you just tell me?"

Xavier nodded. "The reason you don't get holes- take that you Romulans!" he suddenly yelled, throwing himself out of his wheelchair, and rolling across the ground, firing the plastic phaser as he went. Evan rubbed his temples in annoyance.

"PROFESSOR!" he yelled. "STOP IT!"

Xavier stopped rolling. "Sorry." he said sheepishly. "I get a bit bored, what with being cooped up in a wheelchair all the time. Could you, uh, help me back in?"

Sighing, Evan walked over, and helped the bald, Star Trek wannabe into his wheelchair. "Now." he said when he was done. "Could you please tell me the answer to my question? WITHOUT the Romu-whatsits?"

"Alright." Xavier grumbled. "You're no fun though. The reason you don't get holes in your costume is because your uniform is a plot device."

Evan's eyes widened. "A what?"

"A plot device." Xavier explained. "A fortuitous event or object of an author's creation enabling a plot to achieve the desired outcome. You, my dear boy, wear one every time you go in to battle, or train. There are plot devices all around us, you need only know where to look, and have a cynical mind."

"Wow." Evan murmured. "It all makes sense now!"

Xavier smiled. "Of course it does. Plot devices also make good excuses."

Evan grinned happily. "I can lead a normal life now! Thankyou Professor!" Sighing happily, Evan walked off to watch Dragon Ball Z.

~~~~~

LOCATION: SOME PLACE WHERE AUTHORS AND CHARACTERS CAN MEET...UMM, LET'S SAY IT'S A VERSION OF THE SUB-REALITY CAFE, OK?

The author of "W E M A O W A T H I M C?" sipped her coke, and leaned back in her comfy chair. A notebook lay on the table in front of her, with lines of text scrawled hastily in blue biro. The person sitting beside her scooped it up, and read through the last few paragraphs quickly.

"So, what do you think?" the author asked him.

Remy grinned. "I t'ink you were too nice to him, petite, but it works ok. Remy 'as his revenge!"

The author patted him on the arm comfortingly. "I thought you'd like it. I myself can't believe that WB Kids left you out of Evolution, and created some whole new person at the same time. You came to the right person to get revenge."

He laughed. "Well, if you don't mind, petite, I 'ave to go now, and meet Rogue, seein' as you did hook us up in de second chapter. I don' know what de Evolution Rogue is like, but Remy know dat comic Rogue would be most pissed if he was late for a date."

"Ok then." The author said. "Have fun. And be good!" she warned, leveling a finger at him, and flipping to a new page of her notebook.

"Yeah yeah, Remy'll behave 'imself. Oh wait!"

The author looked up. "Yeah?"

Remy grinned sheepishly. "Ah, I t'ink I'm a bit old for de femme, non? Would you, ahh...make me a bit younger?"

Sighing mock-exasperatedly, the author scribbled a few lines in her notebook. In a puff of blue smoke, Remy turned into a seventeen year old guy. "Merci, petite." he called, before disappearing.

Sucking on the end of her biro thoughtfully, the author considered for a moment. Suddenly, inspiration struck. "Ah hah!" she mumbled, and started to scrawl down her new story of doom.

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HAHA! And you thought I'd leave the Evolution section alone when this was done. Well, you were WRONG! I already have a new Evo fic in the works, though it will take me a while before I get around to posting it. I'd like to say a very big THANKYOU to all who reviewed, and if you could do the same just one last time, I would be thrilled. Merci!