2: Incomplete
"So your parents…they're…"
"Yeah."
"That's so sad. Do you ever see them?"
"On Christmas and stuff."
"That's good. I bet they enjoy it."
"They don't recognize me."
"Oh…I'm sorry…"
"It's okay…at least they're still alive."
"I guess so…so do they…you know…wear straight-jackets and stuff?"
"No."
"Oh."
Long pause.
"Do they…live in a padded room or whatever?"
"Yeah."
"Do they look funny?"
"No."
"I bet they do."
"How would you know?"
Long pause.
"I bet they do, and they did before."
"Why would you say something like that?"
"Because I know how to hurt you."
"What?"
"That's your weak point. I can tell. I can tell stuff like that. If I ever wanted you to do something for me, then all I would have to do would be to talk about your parents."
Long pause.
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do. I'll prove it. Kiss me."
"No. I don't want to kiss you."
"I'll tell other kids."
"You'll tell other kids what?"
"About your parents."
"Why would you do that? I trusted you."
"You don't know what trust is. And I want you to kiss me."
"No, I won't."
"Draco!"
"No, don't!"
"Kiss me."
"No."
"Draco! Come here!"
"Yeah?"
"Did you know that Neville's parents are crazy?"
"Wow, really? That would explain what a little dork he is!"
"Bye Draco!"
"Why did you do that?"
"Because I want you to kiss me."
"I don't want to."
"I'll tell the next kid who comes by."
"No, don't. Please."
"Kiss me and I won't."
"No."
"Then I will."
"No."
"Kiss me."
Long pause.
"Fine."
Kissing.
"Mm…you're yummy."
Silence.
"Will you be my boyfriend?"
"No."
"I want you to be my boyfriend."
"Too bad."
"I'll tell someone about your parents."
"You won't."
"I will. Be my boyfriend."
"No."
"I really will tell."
Mumbling.
"What?"
"I said fine, I'll be your boyfriend."
"Of course you will. You'll do anything. You're my slave now. Ha ha, hear that? You're my slave!"
Neville blinked slowly. He had just woken up from another memory-dream. He had been six at the time, when his grandmother had had to leave him with a baby-sitter during the day. Other children were there and one girl had asked him about his parents. He had told her and she had been less than compassionate towards him.
After a moment of thought, Neville remembered who the girl from his dream was. It was Adeline. So that was where he knew her from…and that was the kiss he was supposed to remember. He guessed he had just blocked it from his thought and he had forgotten.
Suddenly, memories came flooding back to Neville. He had had to go to the baby-sitter almost everyday until he was seven. That was also where he had first met Draco Malfoy. Malfoy had always picked on him because he was small and was Adeline's friend. Malfoy liked Adeline, but didn't understand that Neville was not Adeline's friend by choice. Neville hated her. Slowly, Draco had become good friends with Adeline, and Neville ended up being dragged along. Everyone else saw them as the infamous trio. No one knew that on the inside, Neville was breaking. Hateful comments about his parents were evident in every conversation. Neville had kissed Adeline and she made sure everyone knew that she was his girlfriend. Neville hated her and Draco, and he longed for real friends, but no one would talk to him because they thought that he was like the rest of his 'gang'.
So Adeline really did know about his parents. She was the only one he had ever told…after that experience he kept the knowledge inside. Thankfully, Adeline had told precious few, amounting to Draco and a boy named Benjamin, who Neville still saw some. But still, Draco knew. Everyone always told him to fight back against Malfoy, but he couldn't, for fear that he would reveal his secret.
Neville wondered to himself if Benjamin remembered. He was in Ravenclaw and never acknowledged Neville's presence. This surprised Neville in that Benjamin was his one and only true friend during childhood. Benjamin had been his refuge from Adeline and Draco. Adeline could control Neville, but Benjamin would save him. Adeline had tried to sway Benjamin to her side, by telling him about Neville's parents. She had hoped that he would think Neville strange and not want to be friends with him but on the contrary, he had immediately stood by him and defended him. Benjamin was obsessive-compulsive. One would think that this was a problem easily solved in the magical world, but no cure had been found and Benjamin continued to wash his hands without being able to stop. It was terrible to watch in a place where almost anything else had a remedy, especially when it was something so stupid and pointless.
Neville missed Benjamin. He had not yet since had a true friend such as Benjamin had been. When Adeline had torn him, shredded him so that he was like shattered glass, Benjamin would piece him back together. When Neville had been berated about the mental condition of his mother and father, Benjamin would keep him human. No one but Benjamin knew how he was aching inside, how he felt see-through because of his inability to control his expressions, how he hated Adeline and how he was dead inside. No one knew, and no one understood, except Benjamin. Neville was dead. Some days he felt like he had nothing to live for, nothing in his future that he wanted to continue on for, but on other days he felt like all that could be ahead were bright skies and sunny fields. Neville was a manic-depressant at the age of six. Neville was strange, and no one understood except Benjamin.
Neville had changed. When he was seven he no longer went to the baby-sitter. He forgot about Adeline and Draco but never about Benjamin. Neville was no longer depressed. He had grown out of all mental illness, had left that behind with his teddy bears and forgotten dreams of the past. But Neville was still dead inside. He needed a friend, he needed help that he could go to only one person for. One person alone could mend the hurt that lived inside him. Neville needed Benjamin.
Silently, and stealthily Neville crept out of bed and into the common room. Crookshanks was curled up in a chair by the fire, apparently asleep, his loud purrs echoing around the empty room. Quickly Neville went out of the common room and slinked down into the Great Hall. The four large house tables loomed hauntingly at him through the darkness which was broken by the moonlight that came through the thin windows and fell in pools on the floor. The unlit candelabras at each table looking like golden spider webs and all the plates and silverware gleamed with every step Neville took. There he stopped, unable to continue without knowing where the Ravenclaw room was.
Fool, Neville told himself. How did you think you were going to get there? Neville turned back around to head up to his own common room when a call from one of the large tables made him stop.
"Neville?" it called hoarsely. Neville slowly turned on his heel to find a boy of about 15 with light brown hair and ashen eyes looking at him from the Ravenclaw table. At the moment, his face was furrowed with what looked like worry. His arms were folded in front of him on the table and he was hunched forward as if he had had his head in his arms and just looked up.
"Benjamin?" Neville asked uncertainly.
The boy stood slowly up and walked forward, his glasses glinting as he stepped through each strip of moonlight. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" His frown wrinkled further.
"I was…I was coming to find you."
"And I, you," Benjamin replied, looking at the ground.
Neville appeared surprised. "What…why?"
Benjamin looked up from the ground and into Neville's eyes. "Because I saw Adeline. She's here and I think she's scheming something, and knowing Adeline, it's something sinister." Benjamin sighed deeply, looking thoroughly relieved to have said that. Neville noticed how incredibly tired he looked and how the aura he gave off was of pure despondency. "I didn't remember who she was until just a few minutes ago…I woke up from the dream I was having about her and I had to warn you."
"Yeah, me too. I had a dream…about when I first told her about my parents…I've had the dream before, but I just re-met Adeline yesterday and realized that it was her that I was dreaming about."
Benjamin smiled, his anxiety-ridden face undergoing a profound transformation. The lines eased their way out of his forehead and eyes and he was to be seen as incredibly handsome. No one would have guessed of the turmoil that was constantly underway in his mind. "Neville, I'm sorry I've ignored you all these years. I haven't forgotten you…I've just been afraid to revisit the past."
"I haven't forgotten you, Benjamin," Neville said simply.
"So are we friends again?" Benjamin asked tentatively.
"Of course." Neville grinned, and Benjamin returned it.
At that moment they both started and ducked below a table as Filch walked in. Mrs. Norris stalked around the staff table before returning to Filch and departing with him, leaving Neville and Benjamin slightly shaken. They looked at each other and agreed silently. If they stayed out much longer they were likely to get in trouble as it was the middle of the night, so they decided to go back to bed and meet the next day.
"Tomorrow is Sunday. Meet me in the gardens at noon. We have to talk," Neville had instructed.
Benjamin smiled again. "Okay. Tomorrow," he said and ran down a hallway Neville had never been down before. Neville sighed, looking wistfully after him before returning to his own room and falling into a dreamless sleep.
* * *
When Neville woke up he felt horrible. Some of his old depression was coming back, perhaps with the memories of Adeline and Benjamin, and Neville hated himself. He hated himself because of how depressed he was. He saw no reason for him to be sad; he wasn't some tragic little hero. His parents were still alive. He wasn't a Muggle and he had friends, so he could discern no excuse for his dejection. But did he have friends? He had Harry, Ron and Hermione but they seemed fine without him, so it was a pretty much one-sided having. Ginny was always there for him, but sometimes it was tough telling her anything since she was a girl one year younger than him. He needed a friend, a boy that he could tell everything and not expect female cynicism from.
But still, Neville felt that there was no logic behind his melancholy. He would not pity himself, and in fact always ended up hating himself more. He couldn't help it. A part of him that he desperately needed was missing, and without it, he was sad.
Alone, Neville walked to the Great Hall that morning, trying hard to conceal his excitement about the rendezvous with Benjamin later that day. He sat down to breakfast with Ginny and Hermione and was soon joined by Ron and Harry. Harry apologized once again for his behavior the previous day before trying to explain what he had felt when Adeline had taken control. Neville listened only slightly, nibbling at his toast and glancing around the Great Hall for a sign of Benjamin, but he wasn't there, nor did he appear at all during breakfast.
It was eleven o'clock by the time they headed back up to Gryffindor Tower. Ordinarily at this time Neville was wondering what he was going to do with himself throughout the rest of the day, but today he was impatiently awaiting twelve o'clock. He sat by the fire with them like usual, smiled at Ron's jokes like usual, nodded when Harry mentioned him like usual, responded to Ginny's questions like usual but unlike usual he failed to allow Hermione to engage him in the conversation. He just couldn't handle the apprehension any longer.
Neville stood up, explained that he was going to take a walk so that he could think, and quickly exited. Nearly running, he went down the stairs and outdoors to the gardens, where he stopped, gasping for breath. He looked around for Benjamin and soon found him, but was less than happy.
Benjamin was sitting on the same bench that Harry and Adeline had been on the previous day and wore an expression exactly as Harry had. Adeline sat in front of him, chanting and waving her hand like she had done to Harry. Neville watched as she stopped, tilted forward and kissed him delicately. Benjamin didn't kiss her back; he didn't even respond, but when Adeline pulled back she looked utterly thrilled.
"Get off of him!" Neville shouted, stepping forward. Adeline's head snapped to look at him, her eyes narrowed angrily.
"Go away," she said irritably.
"No! I said leave him alone!" Neville yelled back.
"You don't know what you're dealing with. He enjoys this, don't you Benji?" Benjamin nodded dully.
"So you're going for Benjamin now, huh," Neville said detestably. "What made you give up on Harry? Or me?"
Adeline regarded him, hate written across her face. "You stopped me. I bet you're high and mighty now. You stopped me once, yeah, but you can't stop me again. I just administered it. The seal-binding kiss. You witnessed it, also. Too bad you're too stupid to stop me."
Neville's hands clenched into fists. "Don't call me stupid. You know me better than that."
Adeline gave a small wicked smile. "So now you remember me. I certainly remember you. You gave up, Neville. You gave up. You stopped fighting. You let it take you, you let depression take you. You're too weak, I know, I can tell. I told you that you were my slave. Don't you remember? I made you remember. I gave you and this bastard that dream. Good ole Benji here fought it. You didn't. You're tainted now. You're my slave. You'll do anything I want you to, I just have to manipulate you. Thank you for making it easy. Thank you for making it so simple for me to control you. You're so see-through Neville. I know you. I know every inch of you and there's nothing you can do. You never fought back. You're weak, you're a coward, and now you'll pay. Now you'll suffer like I want you to. Now you'll get what you deserve for never trying to resist me. But now you see, don't you? Now you see that there's no point any more? That you're too late? You can't stop me now. You might have been able to when I was five but not anymore. I'm too powerful. I understand you and there's no use defying me. All your recent efforts are futile. You see now, don't you? I got you in the end. I got you the way you and I both knew I would. You're so small and insignificant. You're so stupid and timid and short and transparent that I got you. Understand? I got you."
Adeline smiled again as she let her words sink in before she continued. "You were weak. You were stupid. Benjamin saw through me. He put two and two together. He knew me, knew my power but unwisely chose not to do anything. He was a spectator. He was smarter than I expected. But you, you, Neville, played your own self right into my hands. You never fought back. You were so blinded by worry that I would tell someone else about your parents that you never did anything. You never realized that you told the last person you should have told. You gave me a handle, a way to exploit you to your full extent. Unfortunately when I did, I also sealed you to me. I could no longer control you like I wanted to.
"You left, as did Benjamin. I had no outlet for my powers. All the other children were too stupid and naïve. You and Benjamin were not. People may call you a child but you know that they know nothing. Stupid is an arbitrary insult. You are not stupid, Neville, and I will admit to that. You're not naïve. You and Benjamin had experienced things at the age of six that few people do in their lifetime. You and he are both directly linked with insanity. That made you useful. You were both intelligent. I needed someone smart but they also needed to be strong. You proved unworthy when you were six years old. You tore, and were left useless. As I said, you let depression take you. You were too weak. You didn't fight me like I thought you would. Your cowardice saved you.
"I was alone for many years, passed from house to house. I learned many things of the Dark Arts from the families I stayed with. Macnair, Goyle, they all helped me to be what I am now. But none helped as much as the Malfoy family did. I new Draco from the baby-sitter, of course, and he fell in love with me. I suppose I did love him too, but I was in Ravenclaw and expected to be devoid of any interest in the Dark Arts, so I was not allowed to be seen with him. I stayed at his house last summer and we…well, we almost crossed the line. I told him afterward that we should slow down, I mean I was only 13 at the time! He got mad at me and hasn't spoken to me since. I fear that he hates me…I miss him…"
Neville looked at her, confused. Adeline had just spilt her life story to him, along with the latest details of her love life. Her wild grin had faded and she was gazing nostalgically at the ground in front of her when she shook her head quickly. "Wh-what am I telling you this for? You wouldn't understand. No one would ever love you. No one ever has. You're too easy to figure out. No one cares about you! Everyone hates you!" she shouted, her face suddenly twisted with fury.
Neville tried as hard as he could to mask his emotions but he couldn't do it. They showed as clearly as if he had told her out loud. "No they don't. And you can't control me," he finally spat. "If you could I would be sitting on that bench like a zombie. But I'm not. I'm standing here arguing with you."
Adeline's scowl became more villainous yet. "No, you're not sitting here like a zombie. You are contaminated, as I said. I can't use you for what I first wanted to, but no matter. I can use Benji just as well."
"How am I contaminated?" Neville asked fiercely, though moving back a step. Her evil glare was frightening.
"You're depressed. Your mind is stoppered to me by the one thing that I cannot get past. Depression blocks me out. It's a weakness, and I need someone strong. I can't use just anyone. You are, yet again, unsatisfactory."
"Ha!" Neville laughed dryly. "So I'm not your slave! And you can't control me!"
"No, I can't, not anymore," she snarled, with such bitterness that Neville took another step backwards. "That's why you're going to suffer. Who knows? Once I'm done with you, you may even be living with your parents again!"
"Wait," Neville said, honestly confused. "So you know about my parents, but yesterday you said that my deepest desire was to be taller."
"Of course, you fool. It was so that you would think I was a fake, so that you wouldn't worry about me. That way I could get to Benji without having to worry about you."
"Stop calling him Benji," Neville said defensively.
"I'll call him what I want. Whatever I do he enjoys it anyways. See? I'll take him out of his trance." She snapped her fingers and he fell forward onto her. With a small grunt she pushed him up and he sat straight. His eyes came into focus and he looked around.
"Where am I?" he said, thickly. He spied Adeline and smiled. "Adeline!" he exclaimed, and scooted closer. Neville looked horrified.
"Benjamin, what are you doing? You just warned me about her last night!"
Benjamin looked blankly at Neville. "I did? Well, she can't be all bad, can she?" he said in the same obtuse manner.
"What? This person has never done anything good for you!"
"Yes she has." Benjamin smacked his lips stupidly. "She just fixed me."
"What do you mean 'fixed'?" Neville asked poisonously.
"Well, I was broken before, wasn't I?"
"What?" Neville looked confused and then once realization took hold he looked like he was at a sad loss. "No no, you weren't broken. You were fine, you were wonderful, you were…" Neville trailed off, his face broken into an expression of desperation.
"See?" Adeline said venomously. "He's under my control."
"How could you do this? Benjamin, don't listen to her!" Neville shouted.
Benjamin stood up. "I'll listen to her if I want to!" he snapped back, coherence apparently just dawning on him. "I'm going to go wash my hands now!"
Adeline looked worried, while Neville looked triumphant. "See? She hasn't cured you! You're still obsessive-compulsive!"
"No I'm not," Benjamin said, making Adeline smile. "My hands are just dirty. I want to wash them. Good bye!" he said defiantly, and then stomped off.
"I don't understand…" Neville wondered sadly out loud. "He was coming to find me last night…"
"Come on Neville, you aren't this asinine. I sent him to find you. I gave you and him that dream so that you both came wandering out at night. I waited in the Ravenclaw common room until he came down from his dormitory. I took temporary control then and made him warn you about me. It was that simple."
"So did you 'fix' him, huh? Did you cure his obsessive-compulsiveness?" Neville asked savagely.
Adeline laughed. "Of course not! You think I can do something about that when many great wizards have tried and failed? No…he just thinks he's cured."
All this time Adeline had been sitting on the bench while Neville had been standing and suddenly he stepped forward and shoved her. With a screech she toppled onto the grass. "How dare you?" he said, so angry he was short of breath. "How dare you pervert the only thing that a person holds as their own? How dare you change his mind like that? How dare you do that to someone so innocent?"
Adeline pulled herself up, her hair a mess and her face livid. "Go away. Go anywhere!" she said, flinging her arm in gesture. "Go anywhere as long as you are not near me." Her mouth curved into a malignant smile. "Just stay away from the bathrooms. You don't want to run into Benjamin while he's washing his hands." She gave a malicious laugh as Neville walked away.
* * *
Once Neville got in the castle he avoided most people and headed straight for the nearest bathroom. As Adeline said, Benjamin was there and of course, he was washing his hands. They were pink and raw from his scrubbing and his face contorted with concentration.
"What are you doing?" Neville asked for lack anything better to say.
Benjamin continued to scrub without looking up. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he snapped before his cover fell and his usual look of torment resurfaced. "I can't get them clean! They're still dirty!"
Neville stepped forward and, just as a large piece of skin tore off and fell into the sink, pushed Benjamin's hands away from the sink. "Your hands are clean. I promise." They both watched silently as the chunk of skin was pushed against the drain and finally spiraled out of sight. Benjamin's face twisted with pain as blood gushed down the sink, conjoining with the water and tingeing it pale pink.
Benjamin shook his head, getting hysterical. "Yes! No! I mean, I know they are, but I don't believe myself! But…wait! They…they are…no they're not! They're…I don't know!"
Neville took a deep breath. "It's okay, Benjamin, it's okay. I do know. Okay, now look. Breathe in, and then out. It'll be okay. Look at me. Tell yourself again that your hands are clean. There is nothing on your hands, and if you don't stop soon there won't even be skin. Tell yourself. You can stop. You can stop anytime you want. You can stop right now if you want, and I know you do."
Benjamin gazed pleadingly at Neville before looking down at his still scrubbing hands for a long time. Finally, he pulled them out from under the faucet and turned the water off. For a moment, his face was triumphant until suddenly, he gasped and sank to the floor as if fainting, ending up on his back, his gray eyes wide with a look of mingled fury and confusion.
Neville looked euphorically down at him, ignoring the fact that he had just regressed to the ground and that he was looking at him with hatred. "You did it. You did it, Benjamin. You conquered your compulsions. You reined over your disease. You've won. That's all it took." Neville stuck a hand down to help him up but Benjamin slapped it away with his bloodied hand and immediately cried out in pain. Neville looked confusedly down at him.
"Get away from me," Benjamin growled. "Adeline's right, everyone does hate you. I hate you too. I was never obsessive-compulsive, my hands are just never clean. You're wrong. Get away from me." Benjamin stood up and walked to the sink, wincing as he turned the spigot with his bloody hand. Within a few moments, his hands had regained what little pinkness they had lost during his momentary freedom. Neville watched, bewildered. This was not the Benjamin that had just gleefully ridden himself of his life-long ailment. Something had changed, something had made him faint and relapse. Neville knew only one person who could do that without being there, and angrily he cursed Adeline.
Sadly, Neville left the bathroom, gazing back at Benjamin before leaving. Alone he trudged up to Gryffindor tower, still missing something. For one glorious moment he had thought that he would have his missing part back, that Benjamin was the puzzle piece that he needed, but he had again been denied that one component. He was still only part of a person. Neville was incomplete.