The Elders
Issue 3-Ambushed
The plane landed in front of Kame House. They all got off with slight difficulty. "Getting off that thing is rough on the catheter." Complained Karin. "It's hard on my hemorrhoids." Said Master Roshi. King Kai and Yin looked irritated. "Let's stop whining and find this book." Yin commanded. Karin went ahead of the group into the house. They looked all over the house, not finding anything. They even checked the most obvious places, the bathroom and under the bed. Roshi asked his turtle where it might be. The turtle said to check the fridge where the beer was. The master raised his brow. "Why would I put it there?" Turtle replied, "You were drunk when you put it there." "Must have been high as well." Said Roshi. So, he checked the fridge and sure enough, it was right on top of the six pack that was in there.
They all gathered around the table. Yin transformed the magazine back to The Book of Kala and took a map out of the front of the book. "Hmm. Thought it told the locations in proverbs, but here's a map." He looked on the map to find where the next artifact was. "The next one is a golden sword. We'll find it in the North Mountains." Roshi's jaw dropped. "The North Mountains! It's way too cold there!" "You won't have to worry about that. None of you will live long enough to go there." They all turned around to find four bipedal, insect-like creatures standing in the doorway. Yin rolled his eyes. "You're not filming the remake of 'This Island Earth' are you?" "Who would remake that movie? So what if it's a classic, it's crappy!" commented the bug-man. "Planet of The Apes is a crappy movie too." Said another bug-man. That got Yin mad. "Don't make fun of my favorite movie!" He flew over to the bug-man that made the comment and chopped his head off then ripped out the leaders large intestine and showed it to him. He squeezed it and feces squirted out. The bug threw up and choked on his own vomit. Suddenly, they were surrounded by lots of the bug-men. "Uh, I think we should go now." A white light filled the house and then the four heroes were off to the North Mountains on their plane.
"Dammit! I was going to give him a Star Wars trivia test!" "We'll do that later, you dork."
Yang paced back and forth nervously. A lizard man approached him. "Sir, they have gone off to find the golden sword. "THEY WHAT?!" Yang jumped at the lizard and bit into his shoulder. The lizard man cried in pain. "You pansy. Send snow troopers to the mountains." The lizard man smirked. "You mean those dickheads that say all those annoying puns?" Yang growled. "They are efficient killing machines, not 'dickheads'." "I'll send them right away, sir." Empress Lau laughed. "They seem harder to control now that they've watched so much TV and so many movies, but at least they have personality." Yang went to his bedroom. "Why did I ever make that alliance with her? I don't need her. I was better off without that old hag. I'll kill her in her sleep and then I will murder those old farts." He lay down on his bed and laughed himself to sleep.
Yin had given all four of them snow gear once they landed at the mountains. Yin showed them where the sword would be. "It says there is a cave not far from here. We don't have to do any climbing to reach the cave. Let's go." They got off the plane and walked to the cave. King Kai had the feeling that they were being watched. He also had the feeling he had to crap. "Wait for me guys. I've gotta go." He went over to a private spot to do his business. Kai was about to squat down but saw what looked to be a tall, fierce yeti. He was so scared that he let one out in his pants. The lord of worlds ran as fast as he could. "AAAAA! Bigfoot's after me!" Some more yetis surrounded the others. One yeti said, "We're going to 'ice' you. Get it?" Only the other yetis laughed. Another picked up Karin; ready to throw him off the mountain. "You're gonna be 'over the hill." No one laughed. Suddenly, a Kamehameha hit the yeti. Master Roshi had fired it then dashed right in front of the yeti and saved Karin and kicked the yeti off the cliff. "Thanks, Roshi." Said Karin. Karin's walking stick let off a powerful energy wave that fried most of the yetis. Only one escaped. Karin said that he had never known his stick could do that.
Later, they went further down into the cave and found a chest. Yin blasted it open and inside was the sword. They emerged from the cave, but then there was an avalanche and their plane went crashing down. Karin cursed under his breath. "Shit!" muttered Yin. "So much for saving all existence." Said King Kai. At that moment, the sword glowed. It seemed to be letting off a distress beacon. The same dragon from the day before came down and rescued them. "Forget about me?" asked the dragon. "Thank the gods you saved us, dragon." The dragon smiled. "Anytime, Yin, anytime. Oh, and you're in luck, I know where the last artifact is. Mr. Popo has it." Yin thanked him again, but told him there was one more as well. The dragon said Dende had it.
In the night, Yang snuck into Empress Lau's room and was about to stab her with a dagger. She could not hear him come in and she wouldn't realize that he was trying to kill her. But she was about to wake up, so he hid his dagger. The Empress turned around. "What are you doing in here?" Yang quickly came up with a response. "There is important business to be done. We have little time." The Empress stood up. "Let me guess, they're heading toward the guardian's palace." Yang gulped. "That is right." The Empress smiled. "First, let's get takeout from that Mexican restaurant. What is it called again?" "Crazy Julio's, your highness." She nodded. "Thank you my dear. First we take Crazy Julio's, then the world."
Later, there were fajitas, enchiladas, burritos, chicken con queso and many other Mexican food dishes all over the table. Lizard men, bug men, yetis and other assorted creatures ate ravenously. The Empress stood up and proposed a toast. "Ladies and gentlemen, let us drink to a new world order." Glasses of margaritas clinked together and soon everyone was drunk and stuffed. It was time for a siesta.
The heroes reached the palace and asked Mr. Popo about the third artifact: a golden gun. He gave them the gun and then took them to Dende. "They have come to acquire the final artifact so they can defeat Yang and Empress Lau." Yin's eyes grew wide. "Empress Lau is with him?!" Roshi asked why she was important. Mr. Popo explained. "She was the wife of Kala, a former guardian of earth. One day, she was possessed by an ancient evil called Ominous. She became mad and power hungry, so she stole Kala's book of scriptures and his most powerful weapon. She wreaked great havoc upon the earth and soon a great war ensued. Many lives had been lost on many sides, but Kala's forces achieved victory. Ominous would not leave the Empress's body so they had no choice but to banish her to Hell. Just so no one would cause such a disaster again, he hid the book in a safe place and turned it into that nudie magazine. He also separated his weapon into three different objects." Karin approached Dende. "That story was helpful, but there is little time. Give us the fourth artifact." Dende got off his throne. "I will give it to you, but I must weld the objects into the weapon." Yin presented him with the artifacts and Dende went into the next room to weld the weapon. King Kai sensed a large force. "He better get that done quickly, because their army is on the move.
TO BE CONTINUED
Issue 3-Ambushed
The plane landed in front of Kame House. They all got off with slight difficulty. "Getting off that thing is rough on the catheter." Complained Karin. "It's hard on my hemorrhoids." Said Master Roshi. King Kai and Yin looked irritated. "Let's stop whining and find this book." Yin commanded. Karin went ahead of the group into the house. They looked all over the house, not finding anything. They even checked the most obvious places, the bathroom and under the bed. Roshi asked his turtle where it might be. The turtle said to check the fridge where the beer was. The master raised his brow. "Why would I put it there?" Turtle replied, "You were drunk when you put it there." "Must have been high as well." Said Roshi. So, he checked the fridge and sure enough, it was right on top of the six pack that was in there.
They all gathered around the table. Yin transformed the magazine back to The Book of Kala and took a map out of the front of the book. "Hmm. Thought it told the locations in proverbs, but here's a map." He looked on the map to find where the next artifact was. "The next one is a golden sword. We'll find it in the North Mountains." Roshi's jaw dropped. "The North Mountains! It's way too cold there!" "You won't have to worry about that. None of you will live long enough to go there." They all turned around to find four bipedal, insect-like creatures standing in the doorway. Yin rolled his eyes. "You're not filming the remake of 'This Island Earth' are you?" "Who would remake that movie? So what if it's a classic, it's crappy!" commented the bug-man. "Planet of The Apes is a crappy movie too." Said another bug-man. That got Yin mad. "Don't make fun of my favorite movie!" He flew over to the bug-man that made the comment and chopped his head off then ripped out the leaders large intestine and showed it to him. He squeezed it and feces squirted out. The bug threw up and choked on his own vomit. Suddenly, they were surrounded by lots of the bug-men. "Uh, I think we should go now." A white light filled the house and then the four heroes were off to the North Mountains on their plane.
"Dammit! I was going to give him a Star Wars trivia test!" "We'll do that later, you dork."
Yang paced back and forth nervously. A lizard man approached him. "Sir, they have gone off to find the golden sword. "THEY WHAT?!" Yang jumped at the lizard and bit into his shoulder. The lizard man cried in pain. "You pansy. Send snow troopers to the mountains." The lizard man smirked. "You mean those dickheads that say all those annoying puns?" Yang growled. "They are efficient killing machines, not 'dickheads'." "I'll send them right away, sir." Empress Lau laughed. "They seem harder to control now that they've watched so much TV and so many movies, but at least they have personality." Yang went to his bedroom. "Why did I ever make that alliance with her? I don't need her. I was better off without that old hag. I'll kill her in her sleep and then I will murder those old farts." He lay down on his bed and laughed himself to sleep.
Yin had given all four of them snow gear once they landed at the mountains. Yin showed them where the sword would be. "It says there is a cave not far from here. We don't have to do any climbing to reach the cave. Let's go." They got off the plane and walked to the cave. King Kai had the feeling that they were being watched. He also had the feeling he had to crap. "Wait for me guys. I've gotta go." He went over to a private spot to do his business. Kai was about to squat down but saw what looked to be a tall, fierce yeti. He was so scared that he let one out in his pants. The lord of worlds ran as fast as he could. "AAAAA! Bigfoot's after me!" Some more yetis surrounded the others. One yeti said, "We're going to 'ice' you. Get it?" Only the other yetis laughed. Another picked up Karin; ready to throw him off the mountain. "You're gonna be 'over the hill." No one laughed. Suddenly, a Kamehameha hit the yeti. Master Roshi had fired it then dashed right in front of the yeti and saved Karin and kicked the yeti off the cliff. "Thanks, Roshi." Said Karin. Karin's walking stick let off a powerful energy wave that fried most of the yetis. Only one escaped. Karin said that he had never known his stick could do that.
Later, they went further down into the cave and found a chest. Yin blasted it open and inside was the sword. They emerged from the cave, but then there was an avalanche and their plane went crashing down. Karin cursed under his breath. "Shit!" muttered Yin. "So much for saving all existence." Said King Kai. At that moment, the sword glowed. It seemed to be letting off a distress beacon. The same dragon from the day before came down and rescued them. "Forget about me?" asked the dragon. "Thank the gods you saved us, dragon." The dragon smiled. "Anytime, Yin, anytime. Oh, and you're in luck, I know where the last artifact is. Mr. Popo has it." Yin thanked him again, but told him there was one more as well. The dragon said Dende had it.
In the night, Yang snuck into Empress Lau's room and was about to stab her with a dagger. She could not hear him come in and she wouldn't realize that he was trying to kill her. But she was about to wake up, so he hid his dagger. The Empress turned around. "What are you doing in here?" Yang quickly came up with a response. "There is important business to be done. We have little time." The Empress stood up. "Let me guess, they're heading toward the guardian's palace." Yang gulped. "That is right." The Empress smiled. "First, let's get takeout from that Mexican restaurant. What is it called again?" "Crazy Julio's, your highness." She nodded. "Thank you my dear. First we take Crazy Julio's, then the world."
Later, there were fajitas, enchiladas, burritos, chicken con queso and many other Mexican food dishes all over the table. Lizard men, bug men, yetis and other assorted creatures ate ravenously. The Empress stood up and proposed a toast. "Ladies and gentlemen, let us drink to a new world order." Glasses of margaritas clinked together and soon everyone was drunk and stuffed. It was time for a siesta.
The heroes reached the palace and asked Mr. Popo about the third artifact: a golden gun. He gave them the gun and then took them to Dende. "They have come to acquire the final artifact so they can defeat Yang and Empress Lau." Yin's eyes grew wide. "Empress Lau is with him?!" Roshi asked why she was important. Mr. Popo explained. "She was the wife of Kala, a former guardian of earth. One day, she was possessed by an ancient evil called Ominous. She became mad and power hungry, so she stole Kala's book of scriptures and his most powerful weapon. She wreaked great havoc upon the earth and soon a great war ensued. Many lives had been lost on many sides, but Kala's forces achieved victory. Ominous would not leave the Empress's body so they had no choice but to banish her to Hell. Just so no one would cause such a disaster again, he hid the book in a safe place and turned it into that nudie magazine. He also separated his weapon into three different objects." Karin approached Dende. "That story was helpful, but there is little time. Give us the fourth artifact." Dende got off his throne. "I will give it to you, but I must weld the objects into the weapon." Yin presented him with the artifacts and Dende went into the next room to weld the weapon. King Kai sensed a large force. "He better get that done quickly, because their army is on the move.
TO BE CONTINUED