Kuja and the Rotten, Cruddy, No Good, Stupid Day"
Disclaimer: Incase you haven't ever heard of it, there is a book with the similar title as this fic only it's not Kuja but a boy named Alexander. The book is called "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". Well I don't own the book, Judith Viorst does. And we all know who owns FF9, Squaresoft. The story is from Kuja's point of view.
THERE WILL BE KUJA BASHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you.
I woke this morning and there where knots in my hair and I simply couldn't do a thing with it. When I got out of bed I tripped on that dress-like thing I wear and I got make-up on it when I was putting on lipstick. I could tell this was going to be a rotten, cruddy, no good, stupid day.
At breakfast I found out that the Black Mages and Atomos destroyed Lindblum. I wanted to destroy that town. I think I'll move to Terra.
On the Hilda Garde all those idiot puppet Black Mages took the window seats. I yelled at them but all they said was "KILL". I could tell this was going to be a rotten, cruddy, no good, stupid day.
When I was laughing evilly I left out a "ha". Who needs three "ha"s anyways?
When I went to visit the auction guy he said I wasn't his friend anymore. Then he said I was never his friend. Then I realized I had no friends. I said I hope that the next large amount of money he made fell behind the couch and landed in Terra.
When I went to the doctor for a checkup I realized I had already destroyed him last week. I'm going to Terra.
That idiot Thorn stepped on my foot and I started to cry. Zorn said, "Acting silly, you are." I went to destroy him but then Queen Brahne came and said not to kill him.
When I went to the mall to get a new metal bikini thing they said they were all out. All they had were the other kinds and I said no one would fear me in that. The salesclerk said no one fears me now.
When my brother Zidane came to visit me at work he was really rude. He beat up all my monsters and ruined my evil plans. Then he rescued all his friends. It was a rotten, cruddy, no good, very bad day.
There was no dinner because no one can cook and when I went to watch TV I realized it hadn't been invented yet. I hate it when that happens.
My make-up wouldn't come off and I made my skin all raw when scrubbing it.
When I went to bed there was no pillow and my Nova Dragon wanted to sleep on the bed of one of those dumb black mages. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Garland says some days are like that.
Even on Terra.