Zell's Wacky Inventions 9-Godzella!
Roses are red, bluebells are....errrrr....blue, I don't own FF, so nuts to you!
Hi people ^_^ ! Sorry it's been so long for me to write this, I'm getting REALLY LOW on ideas for new inventions, but all you fans demand MORE! Well, Zell's Wacky Inventions 10 might be the last one for a while, as I kinda want Zell and the gang to do somethning else for a change. Well, here goes nothing....
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Dedicated to Jess (AKA ChocoRacer) who gave me the idea for this fic
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(Zell is walking down the hallway, feeling very pleased coz Flayme's finally come up with an idea (with help from Jess)...when who should come walking the other way, but Seifer and his posse...)
Seifer:Hey chickenwuss...what're you so happy about? Is it Hot Dog day AGAIN at the cafeteria?
Zell:It's none of your buisness...
Seifer:None of my business is it then, shorty?
Zell:(very angry) What.....did.....you....call.....me?!?!
Rajin:He called ya "shorty" ya know...
Seifer:Or do I have to repeat myself, shrimp?
Zell:I AM NOT SHORT!!!!!!
Fuujin:CHICKEN LITTLE.
Rajin:Ha! Good one Fuu!
Zell:Chicken little?! CHICKEN LITTLE!?!?! I SHOW YOU WHAT THIS "CHICKEN LITTLE" CAN DO!!!!!!! (Runs at Seifer)
Seifer:HAHAHAHAHA!!! Look at him run!
(Zell looks up and sees that Seifer is holding him back with a hand on his forehead)
Zell:Grrrrrr.....
Seifer:What are ya gonna do, shrimp? Punch my kneecaps 'til I beg for mercy?!
Zell:(smiles) I'm gonna punch you alright...but somewherea little higher than ya knees..
Seifer:HA!
(Zell punches Seifer where the sun don't shine . Oooo....that's gotta hurt...)
Seifer:(In a really high voice) .........Ouch. (falls over)
Rajin:Should we, ya know?
Fuujin:AFFERMATIVE. RETREAT!
(Rajin and Fuujin run away, and Zell goes off to find the others, while Seifer is left lying on the floor still clutching his...errrr....rather tender area where Zell just hit him)
Seifer:(still in a high voice) Hello? Anybody? Guy just been punched in the crotch here! Help!?
(Zell walks into the cafeteria where all the others are hangin' out)
Zell:Hey guys.
Squall:Hey Zell! (pats him on the head) It's great to see my little mate once in a while! You've been in your room for quite a while...
Zell:(looking very pissed off) Yes...It's only coz Flayme's run out of ideas.. *Man, I HATE it when people call me LITTLE..* So...what you guys doin?
Selphie:Eating CANDY!!!! (is eating a bag of skittles)
Irvine:And Being bored.
Squall:Whatever.
Rinoa:You haven't said that in a long time..
Squall:Whatever.
Rinoa:.....
Squall:Whatever.
Rinoa:Ok, you can shut up now.
Squall:.....
Rinoa:Damn catchphrases...
Irvine:Things were a lot more interesting when we were kids...
Quistis:Get your pillows and coffee everyone this ramble could last a while.
Irvine:When I used to kiss Selphie...
Selphie:Hee hee ^_^
Irvine:And Quisty always bossed us around..
Quistis:Ahhhh...those were the days..
Squall:Quistis, you still boss us around..
Quistis:BE QUIET!
Squall:Yes Ma'am!
Irvine:And Seifer used to pick on little Zell...
Zell:(quietly) Shut up...
Irvine:Ha ha...Zell was always such a whiny little shrimpy crybaby..
Zell:Shut....up...
Irvine:Like the time Seifer pulled his underwear over his head and called him "Chicken Little"...
Zell:SHUT UP.
Irvine:....And the time he tied little Zell's shoelaces together...And the time he..
Zell:SHUT UP!!!!!!! SHUT THE HELL UP, IRVINE!!!!!!
Irvine:(Mad)Fine then....I was only trying to start a conversation, shorty...
Zell:I AM NOT SHORT!!!!!!
Irvine:Are too.
Zell:Are not.
Irvine:Are too.
Zell:Are not.
Irvine:Are too.
Zell:Are not are not are not.
Irvine:Are too are too are too.
Selphie:Irvy! Zelly! Stop arguing and look what I've made!
(Selphie brings out a cake that she's somehow been hiding all that time)
Selphie:Anyone for Strawberry Shortcake?
Zell:(Is looking REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed off!) .......
Irvine:Hit the dirt! He's gonna blow!
Zell:I AM NOT SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Storms out of the cafeteria and back to his room)
Selphie:I guess he doesn't like strawberries...
(Zell is in his room, still VERY mad, and is taking his anger out on his pillow by punching it)
Zell:(Punching his pillow) IT'S.....NOT.....FAIR!!!!! WHY AM I SO SHORT?!?!?
(Zell punches his pillow one last time which then bursts, sending feathers everwhere)
Zell:Chocobo shit...there goes my punchbag...
(Lies down on his bed)
Zell:If only I could be bigger...then people would respect me...sigh But who am I kiddin'...I'd need a lab or a machine or.....(smiles) a CHEMISTRY SET! That's it!!!!
(Zell jumps off his bed and throws open the closet door, a load of junk falls on him)
Zell:Double-Chocobo-Shit...(a hotdog covered in green fuzz lands on his head) So THAT'S where I put that Hot Dog last Christmas...It smells kinda funky...oh, what the hell (eats it)
(Zell digs through the junk until he finds his chemistry set from ZWI 1)
Zell:(blows the dust off it) Here it is! GWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I WILL BE TALL, JUST YOU WAIT!!!!
(Back in the cafeteria)
Squall:Don't you think you were a little too harsh on Zell? You know he hates being called shorty..
Irvine:Nah....just another one of his temper tantrums...he'll get over it.
Quistis:Why do I KNOW something weird is going to happen just about now...?
Irvine:I've always wondered why only chicks seem to know these things...
Quistis:Women's intuition.
Irvine:Oh.
(Back to Zell's room, Zell is mixing chemicals and laughing like a maniac...he sounds kinda like Hojo! o_O)
Zell:BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Once I finish this, I will unleash my wrath upon....errrr.....Galbadia!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!! In your face, Irvine! I'm gonna go squish your hometown!
(He carries on mixing chemicals until he lifs a test tube of glowing purple liquid above his head)
Zell:HAHA! It's finished! But what do I test it on? I don't have a lab rat... (shrugs) What the hell....I've got nothing to lose! (He drinks the liquid, coughs and falls to the floor O_O)
(2 hours later, the gang are STILL in the cafeteria..)
Squall:Don't you think he should have calmed down by now?
Rinoa:Maybe we should check on him..
Selphie:Or maybe we should EAT CAKE!!!
Irvine:Maybe I WAS a little to hard on him...I hope he hasn't done anything stupid..
Quistis:If it's Zell we're talking about, how can he NOT do something stupid..
(The others are outside Zell's room)
Irvine:(opens the door) That's weird...he usually has the door locked...
(They all go inside)
Rinoa:Oh my hyne!!!! Zell's DEAD!!!
Squall:(screams like a girl) AHHHHHH!!!! (faints)
Irvine:(pokes Zell with his gun) Yup, he's dead alright...(pokes him again) Definately dead. (pokes him again)
Quistis:Let us spare a moment of silence for our dearly departed friend...
All:.........
Quistis:(looks at her watch) OK, so that was exactly one moment...
Selphie:Who wants to go get coffee?
All (exept Squall, who's still passed out):ME!!!!
(they all run out of Zell's room to go get coffee, Rinoa dragging Squall with her. As soon as they leave, Zell wakes up)
Zell:Ugh....maybe I should've tested that thing on Seifer first...Man, I think I'm gonna puke. (Tries to get up, but falls down again) I feel sick...oh hyne, what's happening to me?!
(Meanwhile, in the newly-built Starbucks in Balamb)
Squall:(isn't passed out any more) I still can't belive they built a Starbucks here...
Rinoa:It's only because Flayme told them where the weird-vortexy-thingy-that-leads-into-our-dimension was for £10,000...
Selphie:Don't you mean $10,000?
Rinoa:She's english.
Selphie:Riiiiiiight....O_o
Irvine:Do you guys notice anything weird?
(There's a loud banging noise and the Starbucks begins to shake, a shadow passes over the characters as if something very VERY big just walked past)
Quistis:I don't think so...
Irvine:Meh, must just be me...
Selphie:When are we gonna eat cake?!?
(Suddenly, there's a newsflash on a TV conveniently placed next to them)
Guy on the TV:We interupt this program to bring you a newsflash, something...or someONE seems to be attacking Galbadia...
Irvine:(spits out his coffee) MY HOMETOWN!!!!
Guy on the TV:And now from me, Jack Johnson, to our live reporter, John Jackson. John, are you there?
(The screen flashes to a scene of a destroyed Galbadian street)
John:Yes, I'm here Jack and this is a scene of total devastation. I'm here with the headmaster of Galbadia Garden.
(The camera moves over to reveal a very calm looking headmaster)
John:And it seems that the city is being attacked by what seems to be..
GG Headmaster:..a giant monster.
(Suddenly, someone very familiar is seen running around in the background)
Squall:Is that....?
All:ZELL!
John:AGGGHHHHH!!! IT'S COMING THIS WAY!!!! (He and the headmaster run off)
(Zell stamps on the camera and the picture goes out)
All:O_O
Squall:Let me guess...
Quistis:...Another botched invention?
Squall:You took the words right out of my mouth.
Quistis:Cool! Will you go out with me now? ^_^ (hugs Squall)
Squall:Rinoa....help...
Rinoa:(Slaps Quistis) Get offa my man!
Quistis:YOUR man?
Rinoa:Yeah! And we all know you've been giving Seifer "the eye"!
Quistis:(sweatdrop) Was it THAT obvious?
Selphie:Yes.
Irvine:Ladies, non-ladies, please! We've got better things to do than argue....like SAVING MY HOMETOWN, MAYBE!?!?
Squall:(stands up and points his finger in the direction of the ragnarok) TO THE RAGNAROK!!!!!
(Everyone exept Squall sweatdrops and falls over anime style)
Rinoa:Squall, that was the cheesiest thing I've ever heard...
Squall:Whatever...let's just go..
(Meanhile, back in Galbadia, in a large and expensive hotel....guess who happens to be taking a vacation at the worst time possible? No, it's not me....)
ChocoRacer:(is lying down on a bed) Ahhhhhh it feels good to relax after writing so many fics....Man, it was a good idea to go to Galbadia..
(Suddenly, Zell stomps past and looks through her window)
ChocoRacer:(sits up suddenly) o.o Is that Zell?
Zell:Come to me, my pretty!!!
ChocoRacer:^_^ Kewl! I'm gonna be abducted by my fave character! Oh yeah!!!
Author's note:Heh heh heh...thought she was gonna scream, didn't ya? :)
(Zell smashes the wall in and reaches towards Jess...)
Zell:(grabs a hot dog on a table next to Jess) Thanks! (runs off)
ChocoRacer:DAMMMIT!!!!!
(Meanwhile, the other characters are in the Ragnarok, and have just entered Galbadia)
Irvine:(driving) O_O Holy shit...I didn't know it was THIS bad...
Squall:Well, Godzella's probably done quite a bit of damage by now since it took us six hours to get here... (glares at Selphie) and it would've taken us six MINUTES if SOMEONE hadn't insisted we picked up that hitchhiker AND wanted to go to the bathroom 8 times..
Rinoa:...and said "Are we there yet?!" every 2 seconds..
Selphie:...Don't forget the 10 times we stopped so we could get candy!!
Quistis:How could we ever forget THAT....
Irvine:(points outside) There he is!
(Zell is on top of a very high building, eating hot dogs and brushing planes away from his face)
Squall:(sweatdrop) Now where have I seen THAT before?
Rinoa:Squall, you should talk to him..
Irvine:I'll turn on the loudspeaker for you.
Squall:....This is what I DON'T like about being the hero.
(Outside)
Zell:Mmmmm.....Galbadian hot dogs are almost as good as the ones at garden...
(A plane fires a missile at him which explodes right in his face)
Zell:Awwww Jeez...now there's all ash up my nose...Uh-Oh...I think I'm gonna...A..A..ACHOO!!!
(Zell sneezes and about 5 planes crash to the ground, covered in...well....Zell's snot :P)
Zell:(sniffs and wipes his nose on his sleeve) 'Scuse me..
Squall:(through the loudspeaker) Zell!
Zell:Squall?
(The Ragnarok flies closer)
Squall:ZELL! What the HELL do you think you're doing!?
Zell:Revenge. What else? And you really thought I'd let Irvine get away with calling me "shorty" and reminding me of how Seifer used to torture me?!
Squall:Well, no...but It's not right to go and wreck someone's hometown!
Zell:But he called me SHORTY!
Squall:sigh Quistis, you try and talk some sense into him...you ARE the expert at these things anyway..
Quistis:Testing...Testing..1...2...3..Is this thing on?
Squall:(in the background) Yes it is.
Selphie:(in the background) CANDY CANDY CANDY!!!
Rinoa:(also in the background) Kill Quistis..kill Quistis...kill Quistis..
Irvine:(ALSO in the background) I know I've never really been a good supporter of Hyne...but if you're out there please save me, Spiderman!!
Quistis:WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP!!!!! Now Zell, think...what if it would've been one of us who somehow got that tall? We could've gone and destoyed Balamb..
Zell:BALAMB?
Quistis:Now will you PLEASE be a good boy and end this rampage of destruction and hot dogs?
Zell:Hmmm.......................................................................................nah.
Voice through a loudspeaker:Surrender yourself, Godzella!
Zell:What the hell?
(A bunch of choppers carrying a big net start flying towards Zell)
Voice through a loudspeaker:We've got him now, men!
Zell:NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Zell get trapped in the net and the choppers carry him off)
(Inside the Ragnarok)
All:ZELL!
Rinoa:Where are those meanies taking poor Zelly-poo?
Irvine:According to the radar they're taking him towards the Galbadia zoo....let's leave that hometown-wrecking bastard in there!!!
Selphie:But Irvy!!! We can't just leave him there!! He's our friend!!
Irvine:Do friends go around wrecking other friend's cities? I think not!!!
Quistis:IRVINE KINNEAS!!! You WILL drive this spaceship to the Zoo NOW and rescue Zell...OR YOU'LL GET CAFETERIA DUTY FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!
Irvine:YES MA'AM!!!!
Squall:o.o Remind me never to piss her off..
(The Ragnarok zooms off at top speed to the Galbadia zoo)
(Some time later, (and it would've taken less time if Selphie hadn't stopped for candy, sez Squall) the Ragrarok lands in the middle of the zoo, right in front of a HUGE cage containing...you guessed it, Zell.)
Irvine:Well....if it isn't Mr.City-wrecker...you can't do any more damage in there, can you? Maybe we should just leave you here in case you sneeze on more planes...
Zell:You saw that?
RinoaUnfortunately, yes... :P
Zell:Aw, come on guys...you've gotta help me!
Selphie:And why should we after what you did to poor Irvy's city? Poor Irvy.. (sad violin music plays)
Squall:Where does that music always come from, anyway?
Quistis:(pulls back a nearby curtain revealing Moi ô¿ô playing his violin) I think you've just found your answer...
Moi ô¿ô:(stops playing) Heh heh...sorry ^_^ (runs off)
Zell:(sniffs) Come on guys...you said life is boring without my inventions....
Irvine:(whispers) Yeah it's not boring...it's more like one disaster after another...
Selphie:Irvy!!! (slaps Irvine)
Irvine:Owwwwww....
Zell:Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze don't leave me.... (starts crying)
Squall:CHEEZE IT!!!!
(Everyone runs off leaving Irvine behind)
Irvine:Shit. (Gets drenched by Zell's gigantic tears)
Zell:(sniffs) Sorry.
Irvine:(squeezes the water out of his cowboy hat) Why does the bad stuff always happen to me and Zell anyway? What's everyone got against us two?
All (exept Zell and Irvine):Everything.
Irvine:Oh o_O
Zell:Will someone please GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!
Rinoa:Couldn't you just kick the door down?
Zell:...........I never thought of that -_- (sweatdrop)
(Zell kicks the door down)
Squall:Now to head back to Balamb...
(Zell steps out of the cage...and straight onto the ragnarok)
Zell:Oopsies. (lifs his foot to reveal the red metal pancake that USED to be the ragnarok) That can't be good for the paintwork..
Quistis:Now how are we going to get back?
Zell:(thinks) Who wants to ride on my head?
Selphie:MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Everyone else (exept Zell):O_o (sweatdrop)
Squall:This is the weirdest thing ever..
Irvine:What, and geetting turned into babies and riding Angelo when you're 1 inch high is NORMAL?!?!
Squall:I take that back.
(Back at Balamb Garden...)
Squall:Finally, it's over..
Rinoa:Yes, it's over...apart from the fact Zell's still 50ft tall..
Irvine:I just hope he's not stuck like that...
Zell:Well, according to my calculations and other math-type-thingies, I should return to normal in about...a minute.
(Seifer comes walking along the hallway)
Seifer:Hey, pubrety-boy...friends of pubrety-boy...any of you seen Chickenwuss?
Squall:(points outside) He's out there.
Zell:(waves at Seifer) Hiya, shrimp!
Seifer:......(speechless) O_O
Zell:It's Seifer-stomping time! (lifts up his foot and is about to stomp on Seifer)
Quistis:Zell's minute should be almost up now...
Irvine:So he's either going to gradually shrink back to normal height..
Rinoa:..or all at once and suddenly fall on someone?
Zell:AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! (falls on Seifer)
Irvine:Yup.
(Seifer wakes up)
Seifer:AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! Oh phew....it was just a dream...Man, that was weird...I dreamt that Zell was 50ft high, and he wrecked Galbadia, and they put him in a zoo, and then he fell on me, but I'm OK now ^_^
Zell:Well, I can see you've recovered well..
Seifer:CHICKENWUSS?!
(Seifer looks up and sees a HUGE Zell looking down at him)
Seifer:AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! IT NEVER STOPS!!!! (faints)
Zell:(pats the shrink ray that is standing next to him) Shame I didn't get to squish him...but this was just as much fun! (hugs the shrink ray which bleeps) What will I ever do without you?
(The machine bleeps again and the ray hits Zell who shrinks)
Zell:Errrrr....Squall....Rinoa....Quistis....Irvine...Selphie....Guys?? HELP!!!!!!!!
(Flayme appears)
Flayme:And so, a one Seifer Almasy and Zell Dincht have just left...or are maybe just entering...The Zone Where Normal Things Don't Happen...Very Often.
THE END!!!!!
Roses are red, bluebells are....errrrr....blue, I don't own FF, so nuts to you!
Hi people ^_^ ! Sorry it's been so long for me to write this, I'm getting REALLY LOW on ideas for new inventions, but all you fans demand MORE! Well, Zell's Wacky Inventions 10 might be the last one for a while, as I kinda want Zell and the gang to do somethning else for a change. Well, here goes nothing....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dedicated to Jess (AKA ChocoRacer) who gave me the idea for this fic
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Zell is walking down the hallway, feeling very pleased coz Flayme's finally come up with an idea (with help from Jess)...when who should come walking the other way, but Seifer and his posse...)
Seifer:Hey chickenwuss...what're you so happy about? Is it Hot Dog day AGAIN at the cafeteria?
Zell:It's none of your buisness...
Seifer:None of my business is it then, shorty?
Zell:(very angry) What.....did.....you....call.....me?!?!
Rajin:He called ya "shorty" ya know...
Seifer:Or do I have to repeat myself, shrimp?
Zell:I AM NOT SHORT!!!!!!
Fuujin:CHICKEN LITTLE.
Rajin:Ha! Good one Fuu!
Zell:Chicken little?! CHICKEN LITTLE!?!?! I SHOW YOU WHAT THIS "CHICKEN LITTLE" CAN DO!!!!!!! (Runs at Seifer)
Seifer:HAHAHAHAHA!!! Look at him run!
(Zell looks up and sees that Seifer is holding him back with a hand on his forehead)
Zell:Grrrrrr.....
Seifer:What are ya gonna do, shrimp? Punch my kneecaps 'til I beg for mercy?!
Zell:(smiles) I'm gonna punch you alright...but somewherea little higher than ya knees..
Seifer:HA!
(Zell punches Seifer where the sun don't shine . Oooo....that's gotta hurt...)
Seifer:(In a really high voice) .........Ouch. (falls over)
Rajin:Should we, ya know?
Fuujin:AFFERMATIVE. RETREAT!
(Rajin and Fuujin run away, and Zell goes off to find the others, while Seifer is left lying on the floor still clutching his...errrr....rather tender area where Zell just hit him)
Seifer:(still in a high voice) Hello? Anybody? Guy just been punched in the crotch here! Help!?
(Zell walks into the cafeteria where all the others are hangin' out)
Zell:Hey guys.
Squall:Hey Zell! (pats him on the head) It's great to see my little mate once in a while! You've been in your room for quite a while...
Zell:(looking very pissed off) Yes...It's only coz Flayme's run out of ideas.. *Man, I HATE it when people call me LITTLE..* So...what you guys doin?
Selphie:Eating CANDY!!!! (is eating a bag of skittles)
Irvine:And Being bored.
Squall:Whatever.
Rinoa:You haven't said that in a long time..
Squall:Whatever.
Rinoa:.....
Squall:Whatever.
Rinoa:Ok, you can shut up now.
Squall:.....
Rinoa:Damn catchphrases...
Irvine:Things were a lot more interesting when we were kids...
Quistis:Get your pillows and coffee everyone this ramble could last a while.
Irvine:When I used to kiss Selphie...
Selphie:Hee hee ^_^
Irvine:And Quisty always bossed us around..
Quistis:Ahhhh...those were the days..
Squall:Quistis, you still boss us around..
Quistis:BE QUIET!
Squall:Yes Ma'am!
Irvine:And Seifer used to pick on little Zell...
Zell:(quietly) Shut up...
Irvine:Ha ha...Zell was always such a whiny little shrimpy crybaby..
Zell:Shut....up...
Irvine:Like the time Seifer pulled his underwear over his head and called him "Chicken Little"...
Zell:SHUT UP.
Irvine:....And the time he tied little Zell's shoelaces together...And the time he..
Zell:SHUT UP!!!!!!! SHUT THE HELL UP, IRVINE!!!!!!
Irvine:(Mad)Fine then....I was only trying to start a conversation, shorty...
Zell:I AM NOT SHORT!!!!!!
Irvine:Are too.
Zell:Are not.
Irvine:Are too.
Zell:Are not.
Irvine:Are too.
Zell:Are not are not are not.
Irvine:Are too are too are too.
Selphie:Irvy! Zelly! Stop arguing and look what I've made!
(Selphie brings out a cake that she's somehow been hiding all that time)
Selphie:Anyone for Strawberry Shortcake?
Zell:(Is looking REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed off!) .......
Irvine:Hit the dirt! He's gonna blow!
Zell:I AM NOT SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Storms out of the cafeteria and back to his room)
Selphie:I guess he doesn't like strawberries...
(Zell is in his room, still VERY mad, and is taking his anger out on his pillow by punching it)
Zell:(Punching his pillow) IT'S.....NOT.....FAIR!!!!! WHY AM I SO SHORT?!?!?
(Zell punches his pillow one last time which then bursts, sending feathers everwhere)
Zell:Chocobo shit...there goes my punchbag...
(Lies down on his bed)
Zell:If only I could be bigger...then people would respect me...sigh But who am I kiddin'...I'd need a lab or a machine or.....(smiles) a CHEMISTRY SET! That's it!!!!
(Zell jumps off his bed and throws open the closet door, a load of junk falls on him)
Zell:Double-Chocobo-Shit...(a hotdog covered in green fuzz lands on his head) So THAT'S where I put that Hot Dog last Christmas...It smells kinda funky...oh, what the hell (eats it)
(Zell digs through the junk until he finds his chemistry set from ZWI 1)
Zell:(blows the dust off it) Here it is! GWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I WILL BE TALL, JUST YOU WAIT!!!!
(Back in the cafeteria)
Squall:Don't you think you were a little too harsh on Zell? You know he hates being called shorty..
Irvine:Nah....just another one of his temper tantrums...he'll get over it.
Quistis:Why do I KNOW something weird is going to happen just about now...?
Irvine:I've always wondered why only chicks seem to know these things...
Quistis:Women's intuition.
Irvine:Oh.
(Back to Zell's room, Zell is mixing chemicals and laughing like a maniac...he sounds kinda like Hojo! o_O)
Zell:BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Once I finish this, I will unleash my wrath upon....errrr.....Galbadia!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!! In your face, Irvine! I'm gonna go squish your hometown!
(He carries on mixing chemicals until he lifs a test tube of glowing purple liquid above his head)
Zell:HAHA! It's finished! But what do I test it on? I don't have a lab rat... (shrugs) What the hell....I've got nothing to lose! (He drinks the liquid, coughs and falls to the floor O_O)
(2 hours later, the gang are STILL in the cafeteria..)
Squall:Don't you think he should have calmed down by now?
Rinoa:Maybe we should check on him..
Selphie:Or maybe we should EAT CAKE!!!
Irvine:Maybe I WAS a little to hard on him...I hope he hasn't done anything stupid..
Quistis:If it's Zell we're talking about, how can he NOT do something stupid..
(The others are outside Zell's room)
Irvine:(opens the door) That's weird...he usually has the door locked...
(They all go inside)
Rinoa:Oh my hyne!!!! Zell's DEAD!!!
Squall:(screams like a girl) AHHHHHH!!!! (faints)
Irvine:(pokes Zell with his gun) Yup, he's dead alright...(pokes him again) Definately dead. (pokes him again)
Quistis:Let us spare a moment of silence for our dearly departed friend...
All:.........
Quistis:(looks at her watch) OK, so that was exactly one moment...
Selphie:Who wants to go get coffee?
All (exept Squall, who's still passed out):ME!!!!
(they all run out of Zell's room to go get coffee, Rinoa dragging Squall with her. As soon as they leave, Zell wakes up)
Zell:Ugh....maybe I should've tested that thing on Seifer first...Man, I think I'm gonna puke. (Tries to get up, but falls down again) I feel sick...oh hyne, what's happening to me?!
(Meanwhile, in the newly-built Starbucks in Balamb)
Squall:(isn't passed out any more) I still can't belive they built a Starbucks here...
Rinoa:It's only because Flayme told them where the weird-vortexy-thingy-that-leads-into-our-dimension was for £10,000...
Selphie:Don't you mean $10,000?
Rinoa:She's english.
Selphie:Riiiiiiight....O_o
Irvine:Do you guys notice anything weird?
(There's a loud banging noise and the Starbucks begins to shake, a shadow passes over the characters as if something very VERY big just walked past)
Quistis:I don't think so...
Irvine:Meh, must just be me...
Selphie:When are we gonna eat cake?!?
(Suddenly, there's a newsflash on a TV conveniently placed next to them)
Guy on the TV:We interupt this program to bring you a newsflash, something...or someONE seems to be attacking Galbadia...
Irvine:(spits out his coffee) MY HOMETOWN!!!!
Guy on the TV:And now from me, Jack Johnson, to our live reporter, John Jackson. John, are you there?
(The screen flashes to a scene of a destroyed Galbadian street)
John:Yes, I'm here Jack and this is a scene of total devastation. I'm here with the headmaster of Galbadia Garden.
(The camera moves over to reveal a very calm looking headmaster)
John:And it seems that the city is being attacked by what seems to be..
GG Headmaster:..a giant monster.
(Suddenly, someone very familiar is seen running around in the background)
Squall:Is that....?
All:ZELL!
John:AGGGHHHHH!!! IT'S COMING THIS WAY!!!! (He and the headmaster run off)
(Zell stamps on the camera and the picture goes out)
All:O_O
Squall:Let me guess...
Quistis:...Another botched invention?
Squall:You took the words right out of my mouth.
Quistis:Cool! Will you go out with me now? ^_^ (hugs Squall)
Squall:Rinoa....help...
Rinoa:(Slaps Quistis) Get offa my man!
Quistis:YOUR man?
Rinoa:Yeah! And we all know you've been giving Seifer "the eye"!
Quistis:(sweatdrop) Was it THAT obvious?
Selphie:Yes.
Irvine:Ladies, non-ladies, please! We've got better things to do than argue....like SAVING MY HOMETOWN, MAYBE!?!?
Squall:(stands up and points his finger in the direction of the ragnarok) TO THE RAGNAROK!!!!!
(Everyone exept Squall sweatdrops and falls over anime style)
Rinoa:Squall, that was the cheesiest thing I've ever heard...
Squall:Whatever...let's just go..
(Meanhile, back in Galbadia, in a large and expensive hotel....guess who happens to be taking a vacation at the worst time possible? No, it's not me....)
ChocoRacer:(is lying down on a bed) Ahhhhhh it feels good to relax after writing so many fics....Man, it was a good idea to go to Galbadia..
(Suddenly, Zell stomps past and looks through her window)
ChocoRacer:(sits up suddenly) o.o Is that Zell?
Zell:Come to me, my pretty!!!
ChocoRacer:^_^ Kewl! I'm gonna be abducted by my fave character! Oh yeah!!!
Author's note:Heh heh heh...thought she was gonna scream, didn't ya? :)
(Zell smashes the wall in and reaches towards Jess...)
Zell:(grabs a hot dog on a table next to Jess) Thanks! (runs off)
ChocoRacer:DAMMMIT!!!!!
(Meanwhile, the other characters are in the Ragnarok, and have just entered Galbadia)
Irvine:(driving) O_O Holy shit...I didn't know it was THIS bad...
Squall:Well, Godzella's probably done quite a bit of damage by now since it took us six hours to get here... (glares at Selphie) and it would've taken us six MINUTES if SOMEONE hadn't insisted we picked up that hitchhiker AND wanted to go to the bathroom 8 times..
Rinoa:...and said "Are we there yet?!" every 2 seconds..
Selphie:...Don't forget the 10 times we stopped so we could get candy!!
Quistis:How could we ever forget THAT....
Irvine:(points outside) There he is!
(Zell is on top of a very high building, eating hot dogs and brushing planes away from his face)
Squall:(sweatdrop) Now where have I seen THAT before?
Rinoa:Squall, you should talk to him..
Irvine:I'll turn on the loudspeaker for you.
Squall:....This is what I DON'T like about being the hero.
(Outside)
Zell:Mmmmm.....Galbadian hot dogs are almost as good as the ones at garden...
(A plane fires a missile at him which explodes right in his face)
Zell:Awwww Jeez...now there's all ash up my nose...Uh-Oh...I think I'm gonna...A..A..ACHOO!!!
(Zell sneezes and about 5 planes crash to the ground, covered in...well....Zell's snot :P)
Zell:(sniffs and wipes his nose on his sleeve) 'Scuse me..
Squall:(through the loudspeaker) Zell!
Zell:Squall?
(The Ragnarok flies closer)
Squall:ZELL! What the HELL do you think you're doing!?
Zell:Revenge. What else? And you really thought I'd let Irvine get away with calling me "shorty" and reminding me of how Seifer used to torture me?!
Squall:Well, no...but It's not right to go and wreck someone's hometown!
Zell:But he called me SHORTY!
Squall:sigh Quistis, you try and talk some sense into him...you ARE the expert at these things anyway..
Quistis:Testing...Testing..1...2...3..Is this thing on?
Squall:(in the background) Yes it is.
Selphie:(in the background) CANDY CANDY CANDY!!!
Rinoa:(also in the background) Kill Quistis..kill Quistis...kill Quistis..
Irvine:(ALSO in the background) I know I've never really been a good supporter of Hyne...but if you're out there please save me, Spiderman!!
Quistis:WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP!!!!! Now Zell, think...what if it would've been one of us who somehow got that tall? We could've gone and destoyed Balamb..
Zell:BALAMB?
Quistis:Now will you PLEASE be a good boy and end this rampage of destruction and hot dogs?
Zell:Hmmm.......................................................................................nah.
Voice through a loudspeaker:Surrender yourself, Godzella!
Zell:What the hell?
(A bunch of choppers carrying a big net start flying towards Zell)
Voice through a loudspeaker:We've got him now, men!
Zell:NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Zell get trapped in the net and the choppers carry him off)
(Inside the Ragnarok)
All:ZELL!
Rinoa:Where are those meanies taking poor Zelly-poo?
Irvine:According to the radar they're taking him towards the Galbadia zoo....let's leave that hometown-wrecking bastard in there!!!
Selphie:But Irvy!!! We can't just leave him there!! He's our friend!!
Irvine:Do friends go around wrecking other friend's cities? I think not!!!
Quistis:IRVINE KINNEAS!!! You WILL drive this spaceship to the Zoo NOW and rescue Zell...OR YOU'LL GET CAFETERIA DUTY FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!
Irvine:YES MA'AM!!!!
Squall:o.o Remind me never to piss her off..
(The Ragnarok zooms off at top speed to the Galbadia zoo)
(Some time later, (and it would've taken less time if Selphie hadn't stopped for candy, sez Squall) the Ragrarok lands in the middle of the zoo, right in front of a HUGE cage containing...you guessed it, Zell.)
Irvine:Well....if it isn't Mr.City-wrecker...you can't do any more damage in there, can you? Maybe we should just leave you here in case you sneeze on more planes...
Zell:You saw that?
RinoaUnfortunately, yes... :P
Zell:Aw, come on guys...you've gotta help me!
Selphie:And why should we after what you did to poor Irvy's city? Poor Irvy.. (sad violin music plays)
Squall:Where does that music always come from, anyway?
Quistis:(pulls back a nearby curtain revealing Moi ô¿ô playing his violin) I think you've just found your answer...
Moi ô¿ô:(stops playing) Heh heh...sorry ^_^ (runs off)
Zell:(sniffs) Come on guys...you said life is boring without my inventions....
Irvine:(whispers) Yeah it's not boring...it's more like one disaster after another...
Selphie:Irvy!!! (slaps Irvine)
Irvine:Owwwwww....
Zell:Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze don't leave me.... (starts crying)
Squall:CHEEZE IT!!!!
(Everyone runs off leaving Irvine behind)
Irvine:Shit. (Gets drenched by Zell's gigantic tears)
Zell:(sniffs) Sorry.
Irvine:(squeezes the water out of his cowboy hat) Why does the bad stuff always happen to me and Zell anyway? What's everyone got against us two?
All (exept Zell and Irvine):Everything.
Irvine:Oh o_O
Zell:Will someone please GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!
Rinoa:Couldn't you just kick the door down?
Zell:...........I never thought of that -_- (sweatdrop)
(Zell kicks the door down)
Squall:Now to head back to Balamb...
(Zell steps out of the cage...and straight onto the ragnarok)
Zell:Oopsies. (lifs his foot to reveal the red metal pancake that USED to be the ragnarok) That can't be good for the paintwork..
Quistis:Now how are we going to get back?
Zell:(thinks) Who wants to ride on my head?
Selphie:MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Everyone else (exept Zell):O_o (sweatdrop)
Squall:This is the weirdest thing ever..
Irvine:What, and geetting turned into babies and riding Angelo when you're 1 inch high is NORMAL?!?!
Squall:I take that back.
(Back at Balamb Garden...)
Squall:Finally, it's over..
Rinoa:Yes, it's over...apart from the fact Zell's still 50ft tall..
Irvine:I just hope he's not stuck like that...
Zell:Well, according to my calculations and other math-type-thingies, I should return to normal in about...a minute.
(Seifer comes walking along the hallway)
Seifer:Hey, pubrety-boy...friends of pubrety-boy...any of you seen Chickenwuss?
Squall:(points outside) He's out there.
Zell:(waves at Seifer) Hiya, shrimp!
Seifer:......(speechless) O_O
Zell:It's Seifer-stomping time! (lifts up his foot and is about to stomp on Seifer)
Quistis:Zell's minute should be almost up now...
Irvine:So he's either going to gradually shrink back to normal height..
Rinoa:..or all at once and suddenly fall on someone?
Zell:AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! (falls on Seifer)
Irvine:Yup.
(Seifer wakes up)
Seifer:AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! Oh phew....it was just a dream...Man, that was weird...I dreamt that Zell was 50ft high, and he wrecked Galbadia, and they put him in a zoo, and then he fell on me, but I'm OK now ^_^
Zell:Well, I can see you've recovered well..
Seifer:CHICKENWUSS?!
(Seifer looks up and sees a HUGE Zell looking down at him)
Seifer:AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! IT NEVER STOPS!!!! (faints)
Zell:(pats the shrink ray that is standing next to him) Shame I didn't get to squish him...but this was just as much fun! (hugs the shrink ray which bleeps) What will I ever do without you?
(The machine bleeps again and the ray hits Zell who shrinks)
Zell:Errrrr....Squall....Rinoa....Quistis....Irvine...Selphie....Guys?? HELP!!!!!!!!
(Flayme appears)
Flayme:And so, a one Seifer Almasy and Zell Dincht have just left...or are maybe just entering...The Zone Where Normal Things Don't Happen...Very Often.
THE END!!!!!