Diner Discussion II: The Diner Strikes Back
St. Kermit put a ladder against the cross on the Diner roof and climbed up slowly.
"Hello Silver Tiger!" He called. "How's things?"
Silver Tiger waved as best she could. "Get me down!"
Kermit cut the appropriate ropes and pulled out all the nails. "There you go," he said cheerily.
Silver Tiger climbed down off the cross. "Thanks," she said with evident gratitude. "I can't believe those AndrAIa/Matrix fans are so passionate about their stupid favourite characters. Did they have to get biblical on my ass?"
"Kids are so cruel!" Kermit agreed. "They scare me too. Once I said that I thought AndrAIa was boring--"
Silver Tiger gasped.
Kermit nodded. "I did! I said it outloud!"
"Gosh," Silver Tiger's eyes were round. "You're very brave."
"Shucks," Kermit blushed. "Well, I said I didn't find her very interesting … And out of NOWHERE … All these little girls surrounded me and just started shrieking. I don't know where they came from! They were dark blobs from out of the shadows, like the demons from 'Ghost'! Only with sparkly butterfly barrettes in their hair."
"Yeah, that's their way," Silver Tiger said. "You ought to be more careful."
"I will try next time, I don't want to end up like you, that's for sure." St. Kermit opened the door to Dot's Diner.
"Yeah …" Silver Tiger rubbed the open wounds in her palms. Was her intelligent and pointed criticism worth all the pain? Could she avoid an untimely martyrdom for the sake of ReBoot fanfiction? Were her reviews doomed to constant erasure by the stonecutter conspiracy behind the Junior A&M Appreciation League?
Inside the Diner things were as normal as it gets in a ReBoot fic.
"Hey guys!" AndrAIa waved from her booth. Beside her, Matrix grunted a greeting.
"Why didn't you two do anything when those little kids dragged me outta here and nailed me to the T in Dot's Diner?" Silver Tiger asked. Her feelings were hurt. "You could have at least called for the manticore to rescue me! Or used your powers of levitation … Or conjured up a fireball … Or …"
"Oh, don't be hurt you silly billy," AndrAIa giggled. "I was busy!"
"Nightmares me inside head," Matrix growled. He pointed to his skull by way of explanation.
"Lover hasn't been sleeping very well, on account of all the cliché--I mean, horrible things that have happened to him in recent fics," AndrAIa explained. "I have to rock him and rock him and sing soothing poems so that he knows how much he is loved and how important he is to everyone, especially those author girls. I also sing some songs about my specialness, because I'm the one who gets to sleep with him ..."
There was a long pause as Silver Tiger and St. Kermit digested this silently.
"… It's a very big honour," AndrAIa said shakily. "All the authors want to BE me! Do they want to be YOU?"
Silver Tiger and St. Kermit had to admit that generally, most did not.
Matrix pounded the formica table. "Want grilled CHEESE sammich!"
"You already ate it lover," AndrAIa reminded her studly renegade. "Lover, you already ate it!" The game sprite burst into tears. "My hellish existence / My never-ending quest / Oh muse of love / Black sightless darkness!"
"No poems!" Matrix grumbled; he had his limits.
St. Kermit avoided looking at Silver Tiger's face. Silver Tiger avoided looking at St. Kermit.
"Just take deep breaths," Silver Tiger reminded herself. "Deep breaths."