Rating: PG-13 I think..Maybe a very strong PG..? ^_^;;
Pairing: 1+2 (very mild shounen ai) Angst and sap
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Gundam Wing in shape or form. I just did this for fun. This is my first shounen ai fic so go easy on me..^_^
Description: Duo is struck my something that happened on his seventh birthday, and he takes it out on Heero.
-Intro
His mind was scattered. It was the comfort and the serenity
that was different, but that was only a slight change of scenario for this
particular day. Outside it wasnÕt dim, the sky was lit a blaze of amazing
colors that brought the whole city to life. The city, that was another
thing that was different. The streets were filled with wandering
people, laughing and talking. They werenÕt screaming, running, each
footstep and whisper announcing fear. Fear was another thing that
had changed. He wasnÕt scared anymore. He wasnÕt trying to
kill anyone, and no one was trying to kill him. There were no orders,
no missions, and for once, no stress on his mind. So why was there
still so much pain?
ÒDuo Maxwell!Ó ÔHow annoying. How many of those blasted reporters have I told to get out of my face?Õ The irritated young man spun around to face the next intruder on his first twenty minutes of freedom. Heck, his gundam was gone, his bags were packed, his gun was.....still in his back pocket. With this sudden realization, Duo grabbed the gun out of his pocket, pointed it at the reporter and cocked it. Though he thought that was the stupid thing to do, the reporter backed off without a word, just a horrified look on his face.
ÒWhat is *wrong* with you?Ó A forceful voice interrupted DuoÕs thoughts as he was brought back to his senses by a powerful hand grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around. He hadnÕt heard what he said, but didnÕt bother to ask.
ÒDuo?Ó The voice softened, and the cold, icy expression began to loosen. ÔAre you worried, Heero?Õ Duo didnÕt realize he had said that out loud. The perfect soldier mumbled something and grabbed the gun out of DuoÕs hand.
ÒThe only thing IÕm worried about is you shooting one of those reporters and getting us all in trouble.Ó Heero stuck the gun in his own back pocket and met DuoÕs gaze again. What he found was emptiness in DuoÕs normally lively eyes. Even the gorgeous violet-blue color was not as bright as usual. Heero let the angriness inside of him subside, as a worried look crossed his features, ÒDuo, whatÕs the matter with you?Ó Heero repeated. Duo looked up, a small smirk visible, but his darkened eyes still hidden under his bangs. HeeroÕs eyes widened when he recognized the purely evil look on DuoÕs face. Before he had a chance to react, Duo took a swing at him, and nailed him right under the left eye. Heero was thrown back by the force, crying out as a wave of pain and dizziness swept over him. He looked up at Duo from the ground who seemed to be chucking.
ÒItÕs my birthday.Ó
----------------
ÒHow long has he been out?Ó A concerned Quatre asked, entering the living room with a tray of medicines and wash clothes soaked in ice water. Heero leaned back on the couch, gently running his two fingers over the enormous bruise under his eye, then flinching at the contact.
ÒTwo hours.Ó He grunted, ÒI figured IÕd take him to you sense you two seem to be close.Ó He almost snorted the last few words of the sentence, and Quatre looked at him oddly. Heero sighed. ÒIf he woke up and found me IÕd probably have two black eyes.Ó Quatre ignored this, however he suspected hints of jealously is HeeroÕs tone.
ÒIÕm sure he didnÕt mean to hit you, Heero.Ó Quatre said, giving him a reassuring smile. Heero looked away, his eyes accidentally wandering to Duo, who was lying unconscious on the couch beside him, head propped up on a pillow and knees nearly tucked up to his chin. He had moved to that position right after Heero lied him there. It was like he was trying to protect himself, which was in matter of reason. After all, Heero had hit him, hard. And before he could say that three times fast, Duo was out cold. ThereÕs something for the reporters.
ÒHow could he not mean it? He swung at me. Or maybe youÕre right, Quatre, maybe he was just trying to catch a bug in front of my face.Ó Heero sneered. His eyes never left Duo as he spoke. His voice was angry but his expression, his expression was hurt. Duo had hit him, for no reason that Heero was aware of.
ÒYou...told me he said it was his..birthday?Ó Quatre asked, ignoring HeeroÕs act of sarcasm. Heero nodded wordlessly, never taking his eyes off the boy beside him. Somewhere in the confusion of QuatreÕs rambling, Heero had picked up a bag of ice from the tray Quatre had set of th coffee table. He leaned forward just enough to dab the ice bag on DuoÕs head where he had hit him. The bump was swollen and an ugly yellow-purple color, and Heero instantly began to feel bad about it. It was far worse than the bruise under his eye. Still, he didnÕt understand why Duo had hit him. Sure, Heero had been a little cold to the pilot, and had gripped his shoulder pretty hard when he turned him, but he didnÕt think that sort of behavior would call for a punch in the eye.
ÒMaybe heÕs sad because itÕs his birthday.Ó Quatre guessed, watching as Duo flinched in his state of unconsciousness as Heero pressed the ice bag more firmly to his head. Heero didnÕt reply to that, but the expression on his face told Quatre that he thought that was a ridiculous reason to hit someone.
ÒDo *you* go around pulling guns and hitting people on your birthday?Ó Heero snorted. He regretted saying it. After all, the five of them were involved in a war for an entire year. All of their birthdayÕs had passed and no one dared to mention it. There were more important things to worry about. Like pulling guns on people...and hitting them. ÒThe war is over. ThereÕs no reason for him to be mad now.Ó Heero said, then added, ÒAnd no reason for hitting me..Ó He heard Quatre slam his teacup onto the coffee and looked up. Quatre was staring at him angrily.
ÒWill you stop thinking of yourself for once, Heero?Ó He blared, ÒSure he hit you! But that was after he pulled a gun on somebody, and thatÕs not like Duo at all. Something was bothering him for sure, and I donÕt think the correct response to someone in need it knocking them out cold.Ó They were glaring at each other, but Quatre seemed to be more angry at Heero than Heero was at Duo at that point. Instead of simply defending himself with another comment, Heero looked at Duo, his expression softening. Duo didnÕt look like the man who had punched him on the street anymore. He looked like a sad, lonely child, knees tucked up to his chin for warmth and comfort. That was the first time he noticed Duo was shivering.
--------------
Heero was worried. It had been nearly eight hours, counting the two it took for him to get Duo to QuatreÕs place, and he still wasnÕt awake. ÔDid I really hit you that hard, baka?Õ Heero thought to himself as he got up from desk he had been sitting at, working on his laptop. He had set it up in DuoÕs room so he watch over him as he worked. He even set up a cot not too far from DuoÕs bed so he he wouldnÕt have to leave Duo when he went to sleep. He promised Duo silently that he wouldnÕt leave him until he woke up. However, it was almost as if Duo didnÕt want to get up. Every time it looked as if he was stirring awake, the moment Heero approached the bed to greet him he would back into that deep slumber. Heero prayed he hadnÕt gone into a coma.
Heero *had* been noticing changes in DuoÕs behavior since the start of the day. After self-detonating their gundams, the pilots had gotten on a shuttle together that would take them to a colony where they would be welcomed. During the trip, Duo wasnÕt himself. Heero found him sitting by windows often, peering out into the darkness of space at his reflection. It was a little later when he noticed DuoÕs hand clasping the silver cross then hung from his neck tightly in his hand. Duo never once tried to talk to Heero like he usually did. Heero was very close to asking him what was wrong, heck, he even tried practicing it in front of a mirror, but each time it felt and sounded wrong. He wanted to start a conversation, he really did, bit that look in DuoÕs eyes was holding him back.
Now as Heero stared at the braided boy, head thrown back onto a pillow, one arm crossed over his chest, hand holding on the cross that rested there, he could only sigh and resent what he had done and how he acted earlier. ÔIf it really is the braided bakaÕs birthday, he probably didnÕt want me around.Õ Heero looked back at the door, debating if he should leave or not. He could ask Quatre to watch over him for awhile. He was just afraid that Duo might wake up and find Quatre there instead of him, after he promised he would stay until he woke up. But he had to do something. He had to do something for Duo. HeÕd only be gone for a little while.
Duo wanted to wake up. He desperately did. He wasnÕt sure what was holding him back. His body, or his emotions. He felt completely out of it. He felt swallowed, and he was being digested slowly and painfully. There was a tight pain in his stomach muscles and he felt himself burning with intense heat, but he couldnÕt break a sweat. He didnÕt know how his breathing sounding in the outside world, but to him in came in short, rapid breaths and he couldnÕt even scream. He was dreaming, but it was all flying past him in blurs he couldnÕt quite understand. He saw people, walking staring at him. Some he knew, some he didnÕt. Some dead, some alive. Then he saw a birthday cake, blazing with seven angry candles. ÔSeven candles?Õ Duo thought to himself. His seventh birthday rushed back to him. The Maxwell Church, Sister Helen, everything that happened on that day. On his birthday. Suddenly, the candles went out, not all at once but slowly, teasing him, making him wait and wonder when the next one was going to out. When it did, a shiver of shock traveled up his spine. Each one worse than the next. It seemed like an eternity before the last candle burned out. Then there was nothing..
-----------------
Quatre calmed as DuoÕs frightened shouts turned into short, trembling whispers. Maybe he wouldnÕt have to call the doctor after all. He seemed to be calming down. ÔMaybe it was just a nightmare.Ó Quatre thought. He brushed his hand over DuoÕs forehead, moving his sweaty bangs away from his eyes. He shifted his gaze to the hand holding the cross on his chest. The whole time he had been watching him, even through the nightmare, Duo had not once let go of the cross. In fact, during the nightmare he held on to it tighter. Quatre decided to re-bandage his forehead, since the old one was now soaked with sweat.
On the way home it started to drizzle. Heero was almost amused. Rain on the colonies *was* funny. They had to be as real as Earth, didnÕt they? ÔThey donÕt have oceans.Õ Heero thought, Ôheck, they donÕt even have clouds. Why rain?Õ The rain was pouring like mad by the time Heero got back to QuatreÕs house. At the doors he punched in the code Quatre had given him, and stepped in, unaware of his umbrella dripping on the carpeting. He didnÕt honestly care anyway. He had to get back to Duo. ÔPlease donÕt wake up until I get there.Õ Heero begged. He half-jogged to the elevator, hit a button and counted the seconds until he reached the right floor. Once inside he jogged all the way to DuoÕs room and slammed the door open without knocking. The only reaction in the room was Quatre turning his head to look at him. Both boys were in the exact position Heero had seen them in when he left. Nothing had changed.
ÒOh is it raining?Ó Quatre asked, eyeing HeeroÕs wet attire. Heero gave him a look that was purely ÔObviously.Õ and went to hang up his dripping coat. Before taking it off he snatched something out of one of the pockets, then hung the coat up to dry. Not bothering with his shoes or his hooded pullover, Heero sat down at the foot of DuoÕs bed, staring at him.
ÒAny changes?Ó
ÒNo.Ó Quatre decided not to tell him about the nightmare. It would probably only make things worse. Heero would get worried again and then be more miserable then he already was, and Quatre really didnÕt want to deal with that. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Quatre looked at Heero.
ÒWhere are you planning to go, Heero?Ó He asked, as nicely as he could so Heero wouldnÕt give him another sarcastic remark. Heero didnÕt reply at first. His eyes were fixed on Duo, with that expression that Quatre hadnÕt seen on him until today. It was an expression of loneliness. Quatre new Heero was lonely, but he never showed it, but as he looked at Duo, his eyes were desperately begging Duo to wake up.
ÒIÕm not going anywhere until DuoÕs OK.Ó Quatre accepted that as an answer. If that was all Heero wanted to say then he sure as hell wasnÕt going to argue. He took a deep breath.
ÒHeero, you have to stop blaming yourself. Duo was having a bad day and you just happened to say the wrong things at the wrong times.Ó He sighed when Heero didnÕt reply this time.
Heero sat in complete, silence, letting QuatreÕs words sink into his mind but not really meaning anything. ÔIf I hadnÕt said anything...if I had hadnÕt been so cold, this wouldnÕt have happened. All Duo ever tries to do is be my friend, and I blow him off every time.Õ A huge wave of shame and guilt washed over Heero and he looked down so that his bangs were covering his misty eyes.
ÒI can watch him by myself.Ó Heero grunted, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the bed. He didnÕt wait for a response, and moments after his words were spoken he heard the door open and shut quietly. As the night went on there werenÕt any changes involving Duo at all. He hadnÕt even changed position. The only sign that told Heero he was even alive was the soft, steady breathing and the rise and fall of DuoÕs chest. Heero was miserable. He was still wet from the rain, hungry, tired, cold, and had to go the bathroom, but he wouldnÕt leave Duo, not for a second.
After a long while of silence in the dark room of unmoving bodies, Heero got up from his place at the end of DuoÕs bed. He wasnÕt sure if he had dozed off or not, but he felt horrible. Physically and emotionally. He muffled a cough as he realized he must have caught a cold from lying in his wet clothes so long. ÔServes me right.Õ Heero thought to himself as he pulled of his hooded overshirt. He tossed it behind him not caring where it ended up, then sat down and removed his shoes. Not bothering with his jeans or tank top, he walked to the side of DuoÕs bed and knelt there, arms folded under his chin as he leaned against the bed. He moved his hand to where Duo held his cross and placed his hand on top.
ÒIÕm so sorry, Duo.Ó
------------------
Heero was stirred awake in the middle of the night. He had fallen asleep on the floor beside DuoÕs bed in a very uncomfortable position. Groaning at the feeling of his muscles tensing as he sat up, Heero realized *what* had stirred him awake.
ÒDuo!Ó Heero yelled, ignoring the pain in his body as he scrambled onto the bed, kneeling beside the braided boy. Duo was crying, screaming, thrashing. His eyes were shut tight and Heero realized he was still asleep. ÔHeÕs having a nightmare.Õ Heero watched helplessly as Duo choked on his sobs, rolling around and squirming. Sweat was pouring down his forehead and neck making his skin glisten in the darkness. He was mumbling something, he sounded so afraid. Heero, holding back his own tears, leaned forward and grabbed DuoÕs thrashing arms, trying to calm him down and listen to what he was saying. Out of his frustration he could only catch small, pleading phrases, the words, ÔnoÕ, ÔpleaseÕ. Suddenly DuoÕs thrashing got to out of control for Heero to handle and he couldnÕt hold on to his arms without bruising them. He was pushed back back DuoÕs thrashing arms and legs but immediately got back up into a sitting position, still trying to calm Duo. Suddenly, DuoÕs eyes shot open.
ÒDonÕt leave me!!Ó He screamed as he bolted upward into a sitting position, awakening from his nightmare. Heero was right there to catch him and Duo was instantly in his arms, sobbing on his shoulder and shaking violently. Heero didnÕt know what to say to him. He wasnÕt even sure if Duo knew *who* was holding him, he just needed to be held, just needed comfort. Duo was scared, and Heero was eager to know what had scared him.
It took a couple minutes in HeeroÕs arms for Duo to stop crying, but the shaking didnÕt stop when the crying did. Heero felt Duo loosen his hold on him and gently pulled back, not wanting to startle him or make it seem like he wouldnÕt hold him any longer. He kept his gentle hold on DuoÕs arms as he pulled back just enough so he could see DuoÕs face. It was stained with tears and his beautiful violet eyes were swollen and red, and they widened in shock when he saw HeeroÕs face.
ÒH-Heero?Ó He stammered. ÔUh oh..he *didnÕt* know it was me.Õ Heero thought. Duo crawled backwards, his eyes still wide, murmuring words apologetically and viciously wiping the tears from his eyes. HeeroÕs expression turned confused. ÔWhy is he so ashamed?Õ He looked back at Duo was looking off somewhere to side, refusing to meet HeeroÕs gaze.
ÒWhatÕs wrong?Ó Heero asked, ready for some answers this time. He had waited at DuoÕs bedside for almost an entire day for Duo to wake up, and when he did, Duo didnÕt even want his comfort. ÔItÕs your own fault, Yuy, for being so cold to him.Õ
ÒIt-ItÕs nothing, Heero. I just didnÕt expect *you* of all people to be here.Ó
ÒI knocked you out.Ó
ÒYeah, I know.Ó ÔKÕso.Õ Heero thought. He remembered. Just another act of coldness he would have to beg Duo to forgive him for. Duo saw HeeroÕs concern.
ÒBut- ItÕs OK, Heero. I deserved it. I was being a jerk.Ó He finally locked eyes with Heero, and in those eyes in saw guilt and pain. Searching HeeroÕs eyes for permission, Duo slowly moved closer to him and brushed his hand over the bruise under HeeroÕs eye. Heero flinched at the touch and looked away. He hadnÕt even *remembered* that Duo had punched him. In his view, Duo had every right to. Duo slowly brought his hand away from HeeroÕs face and placed both in his lap, staring at them.
ÒIs it really your birthday, Duo?Ó Heero asked quietly. Duo sighed and nodded, his gaze shifting to the window, then the desk,then the ceiling, and back to his lap. Anywhere but Heero.
ÒItÕs the birthday I had that wasnÕt in the middle of a war. During the war I didnÕt have time to think about stuff like that. You know- birthdays, holidays, those kind of events.Ó Duo told him, his nervous hands getting tangled in one another. ÒThe last birthday I had before I went to train for war was my seventh.Ó He flinched at those words, and he felt Heero take his hand. Slowly, he brought his head up to meet HeeroÕs deep eyes. His expression was comforting, he was glaring in that threatening way he usually did.
ÒTell me.Ó Heero whispered softly. Part of it sounded like a question to Duo, suggested to him that he could tell him if he wanted to, when he was ready to, and just that made Duo feel less nervous. He took and deep breath and held on to HeeroÕs hand tightly as he continued..
ÒI was living at the Maxwell Church at the time, with a nun named Sister Helen. She took full responsibility for me ever since I started living there. She..became kind of like a mom to me. Once we were talking about birthdayÕs..well, we started *out* talking about the birth of christ...uh..Christmas, but me being myself, lead the conversation into everyday birthdayÕs, which got me wondering when my birthday was..Ó Duo paused. He looked back at Heero who was listening intently. His expression saddened.
ÒD-do you know when your birthday is, Heero?Ó He asked, squeezing his hand just a tad tighter. Heero stared at him for a moment, expression the same, and shook his head. Duo sighed and nodded, then looked back at the window.
ÒWhen I told Sister Helen I didnÕt know when my birthday was, she told me that-Ó Duo was fighting back sobs, and Heero could tell. He could tell this was a hard thing to talk about. Childhoods are always hard things to talk about, especially when youÕre a gundam pilot and youÕve been fighting nearly your entire life. Those years when you werenÕt, were years that seemed to fade away and be forgotten over time, but those tragic moments always seemed to stay with you, no matter now much you want to forget them.
ÒDuo? Are you alright?Ó Heero asked, wanting to mover closer to just let him know he was there, but he also didnÕt want Duo to be uncomfortable. So he settled for taking his other hand in his. Duo sniffled and nodded, giving Heero a slight smile before looking back at that same window. It was the only thing he could bare to look at while telling his story.
ÒAnyway, Sister Helen told me that I could pick any day I wanted to be my birthday, since I was unfortunate not to remember. She was so kind, Heero. She thought of a solution to everything. Right up to how I got my last name. The day I chose to be my birthday wasnÕt a good day, though. That was the day the Maxwell Church...was blown to bits. Everything I ever remembered of my first real home was gone. The only thing I found in the ruins was Sister Helen who died almost immediately after I found her, and this cross.Ó Duo let go of one of HeeroÕs hand to bring it up to the cross that hung from his neck, running his fingers over itÕs smooth surface.
Heero wiped his escaping tears from his cheeks with his now free hand. ÒWhy *did* you choose that day to be your birthday, Duo?Ó The chestnut haired boy looked at Heero through tear filled eyes.
ÒIt was the only day someone ever told me they loved me.Ó He whispered. He looked down, still clasping the cross in his hand, and let his tears fall, dripping onto his black jeans and the blankets gathered up around him. Heero moved as close to him as he could and pulled the sobbing boy into his arms. Duo didnÕt object. It felt good to know that someone cared, and to know that he could finally trust someone with the details of his past. Once DuoÕs composure was regained again, he looked up at Heero, still in his arms.
ÒIÕm sorry I hit you, Heero.Ó Heero hugged him tighter and shook his head.
ÒItÕs alright, Duo. I completely understand. IÕm the one who should be sorry for hitting you.Ó Duo just smiled and snuggled up closer to him, burying his face in HeeroÕs damp shirt, murmuring words of forgiveness. The words that Heero had wanted to hear for longer than it seemed. He felt DuoÕs muscles relax, he was tired. He didnÕt want him to fall asleep on him, not now anyway.
ÒDuo..Ó Heero said quietly, shaking DuoÕs shoulder a bit to make sure he wasnÕt asleep. Duo eyes snapped open and he let go of Heero, blushing slightly as he leaned against the bed post.
ÒSorry...Ó Duo whispered. Heero shook his head.
ÒItÕs not that. I wanted to give you this.Ó Duo stared wide-eyed and curiously as Heero dug in his pant pocket for something. He had spotted it in a shop when he went into town to get something for Duo when he woke up. After all, if it really was his birthday, a punch in the head wasnÕt going to cover it, and he also wanted Duo to forgive him..but he had already done that. Finally Heero pulled out a a rolled up ball of golden tissue paper, and handed it to Duo. He clicked his tongue, looking at the small ball of paper. He looked back at Heero with one raised eyebrow.
ÒWow, thanks Hee-Ó
ÒOpen it, baka.Ó Heero snapped, a small smirk across his face. Duo chuckled lightly, knowing there was something inside but just wanted to tease him a bit. He gently unwrapped the tissue paper, just in case it was something breakable, and finally got to the core of tissue ball. There lied a small golden cross, identical to the one he was wearing with the exception of the mineral. There was a tiny hole at the top so he could slip it on a necklace chain.
ÒHeero..Ó He whispered, picking up the small article with a gentle hand, ÒThis is...wow, Heero...thank you.Ó He reached over his shoulder to undo the clasp to his necklace, which then coiled into his hand. Heero watched as Duo spread the necklace out and slipped the gold cross onto the chain, where it slid down and stopped right next to the silver one. Blushing, he looked back at Heero, who was blushing as well.
ÒWill you..um-?Ó
ÒSure.Ó Heero said, taking the necklace from Duo as he turned around, holding his braid over his shoulder and out of HeeroÕs way as he put the necklace back on to Duo and clasped it in the back. Once he was done Duo turned back around to face him.
ÒNow I have two crosses, from two birthdays....from two people I love.Ó Heero smiled and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on DuoÕs lips. He was nervous, Duo could tell, but he didnÕt mind. It was too perfect for him to mind.
ÒHappy birthday, Duo.Ó
~Owari